Whoa! Dark and edgy indeed. At one moment you think it is an ode to death, then the next, you wonder if it is a story. You have a way with sentences that are gripping. You would do great as a suspense writer. This one sentence gripped me "You are subjected to a fate of whatever they wish it to be..." This is such a great construction of the sentence. You can almost feel the chains of someone else choosing your fate surrounding you. Keep up the intense writing.
Wow, this sounds like a great story, ready to be launched into science fiction film! It is short, which is good because it is gripping.
"I've decided to abandon our research." This is a great line. Perhaps you could add in what type of race was discovered, how was the living ship able to create? Is this part of a bigger story.
"Brenda Skeens pleaded" - You could shorten this to Brenda pleaded, omitting her last name for more impact.
Great short.
Honest Thoughts - This poem was dark, eerie, with a foreboding undertone that reminds me of EAP (Poe).
I think a few small edits would really make this poem flow and give it some depth.
First line 'reckage' should be wreckage.
Skies Impugned - impugned meaning to dispute the truth - Perhaps Skies impugned against the light... it would suggest the skies are dark disputing the truth of the light...which I think is what you mean here.
The words chosen here are a bit jarring but nevertheless a really good poem to invoke a 'man yelling at the clouds' visual.
I believe your poem adequately expresses how we feel inadequate to express feelings of loss. When it comes to the senseless crimes, your cadence and stanza reflect how the thoughts come for most of us when we are trying to make sense out of something senseless. The staccato of your lines remind of of the rain that inevitably comes when we mourn. Well done.
Wow! this is good. Well, being a black woman, a black woman who was born in the South, and ended up marrying a white man from Minnesota, well it is more than good. It hit home, and hit deep. First of all, thank you for writing this, even after all this time, it is still a difficult subject to handle and handle well. You handled it as well as anyone could with just 1,000 words to work with. Just that little bit makes me want to know more, need to know more, what was said between friends and family and how did they feel about each other before the drama. This is a really good short, it doesn't leave me questioning, but it does leave me wanting more of the story.
Your puns are witty, and I understand some people may groan at them, but 'geologist' and 'granite around here', I mean come on! Its too easy to laugh at that and too hard not to laugh at that. The pace of the story was perfect for those of us reading this for the first time, and I didn't feel like I had to be privy to your other two books in order to like this one. I was not privy to your other books but this entry makes me want to go and check them out. It reminds me of Kipling with a dash of Shel Silverstein. Great work!
Well done writer. You seem to be a comic book fan, or maybe a superhero fan? Keep it up, I am interested to see what exactly happens in your future of never growing up. This is a new Peter Pan if I have ever heard one. Every speaks English mainly because the only part of the world is Texas? Everything is paved in gold and no plants give out oxygen. As awesome as this sounds, it also sounds like it is dangerous, with a tad bit of lonely? I suppose I will have to read on just to be sure that I have the gist of the story right. I do like how you state things like 'if you live to year...." it gives a timeline of when these things occurred, just like in any good comic book it pulls the reader in. You give some detail without explaining and this could be fixed. Example, you start a sentence with there are Oxygen Blower 2000 every where.... If you were to reverse the sentence, "No plants are around to give out oxygen, so there are" and then explain what Oxygen Blower 2000 are, ,it would be even better.
This is a thought provoking poem. I have this same view when passing the many homeless on our streets. Somehow you encapsulated the horror, the beauty and the sadness of it all. Very well done.
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