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53 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: GC | (4.0)
Wortwos, I was like 'what', then 'figures, it's from Spngebob!' Hmm...tell you have a kid! And, yes, sailors have more curses than average people.

Verb: " Fuck me runing" (running)

True true about the diversity. I have an MP3 of some professor sounding guy explaining how versatile a word it is, and how many ways it gets used. I've thought about it, and it really is the most dynamic word in the language!
2
2
Review of I Was A Tiger  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star*You are being reviewed by an Army Angel*Star*

Average rating of 4.5!? With my arms raised, I disagree. I personally don't like zoos, I find them to be a disgrace against nature. Ever seen the movie 12 Monkeys? There's a great scene towards the end of that film. With that said...

I'll add this to my 'Most Profound' favorites folder, and with good reason. Every word of this poem is perfect. It was moving and sad, what a perspective you chose to write from! I want to point out some lines that were distinctly powerful, but that would be most of them. "I was bred to rule a jungle, be master of my domain." I had to at least point that one out. The rhyme and rhythm are smooth, and it speaks many points on the cruelty of confining wild beasts.

Someday, I will visit your port to see what other gems I may discover. *Delight*

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3
3
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Star*You are being reviewed by an Army Angel*Star*

How well you captured the will and imagination of a child!! I think this would make a great bedtime story, as a matter of fact.

This is the true spirit of Halloween, to spur the imagination and be scary. The caramel-apple is a wonderful element (now I really want one!!), plus Melissa sees it as the 'prize' for her bravery in trying to sneak past Spike. Caramel-apples were my favorite, as well, next to popcorn balls. I preferred those to candy, and would have gone to the same length as she did.

I was a bit shocked that Mom escorted her to the porch, I thought for sure Melissa was going to do it herself! She certainly worked herself up brave enough for it, she even had a plan of action. Next year, then?

Halloween should be about bravery, not fearing the dark or what scares us. It's kind of the meaning of the holiday for me, so I like this story a lot. I'll log it in my favorites, and hopefully my children will hear or read it *Smile*

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4
4
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Star*You are being reviewed by an Army Angel*Star*

Matilda has an awesome sense of humor. I guess those bikini tops are so small you don't notice it's fallen off? Sorry, didn't mean to rub it in *Laugh* Anyway, very funny, and you wrote this for a dare? So, you wouldn't normally have told this tale to the general public? I'm not sure if this is a positive thing for you, but your description and writing are done so well, I was right there, watching the whole thing, like it was on video. Very funny contest topic, I can imagine other entries that would bring the proverbial question: 'You thought your experience was bad...?'. I bet yours the kind of thing a girl doesn't easily forget!

I thought this was funny 'in the mating ritual we call dating.' Very nice way to put it!!

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5
5
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Star*You are being reviewed by an Army Angel*Star*

Hello arcadian *Smile* I will be reviewing your work "A Matter of Ownership

*Delight*Impression Good story, with two nice twists concerning Joanna. Very entertaining.

*Delight*Plot/Themes The fallen screen-gem using everyone she can to continue getting high is well defined in just a few events. You did well portraying how a few small events can fling open someone's dirty closet.

*Bigsmile*Setting/Description One of favorite elements of your story is the careful attention you paid to tiny details. The types of clothes, the tags, the cat, the coffee. All these little things that gave the depth of the situation. Well done.

*Bigsmile*Characters My other favorite element. Glynna is an amazing character. She's thoughtful, clean, and to the point. She knows the right thing and does it, plus she has faith in her loved ones, even when they've decided to use her. I reflected a hint of forgiveness in the end, as if she hopes her friend Joanna will turn her life for the better and visit. "This does not belong to me", a good philosophy. Harsh, yes, but good to live by in a lot of ways.

*Check2*Grammar
>> No one had asked her to cancel plans-so she was wrong she reminded
herself, for feeling put out.
*Idea* (No one had asked her to cancel plans. She reminded herself that she was wrong for feeling 'put out'.)

>> And anyway, she kept liquor in the house. And anyway it was almost dinnertime. This can be one sentence, not repeating 'and anyway' (And anyway, she kept liquor in the house, plus it was almost dinnertime)

*Check3* Cool story, great characters. It was fun to read. Have you written anything else? If so, you should post more!

}>This review is meant only as a suggestion for improvement, not to offend. I can be a harsh reviewer, but that is only because I hope to give you a good idea of what to bring to the reader. I hope my comments have been helpful! Keep on writing!!<{

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6
6
Review of "Our Right Hand"  
Rated: E | (5.0)
When the future and the past are brought together in the present time by awareness, time really does lose its boundaries. This is lovely, and I kind of regret not visiting more often. It's amazing what I can find myself reading. I have always been in awe and hold great respect for the culture of your peoples. It's good to know there are many who still hold the faith and teachings of your ancestors. It's what makes the whole culture of Native Americans far more productive and meaningful than the general American way of life, which was born out of the society built by European colonists. Those people who drove many tribes from their lands. This poem is very well written, and carries its own power, like a song to drive the spirit. It was a good idea to break it down to one-word lines as it ends, they carry strength that way, as if many voices were speaking, not one. I learned something of how to live and die just reading this. *Note1* Well done!! *Note1*

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7
7
Review of Desecrated Castle  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star*You are being reviewed by an Army Angel*Star*

Hello Shanomo the First *Smile* I will be reviewing your work "Desecrated Castle

*Delight*Impression I'm a big fan of writing that uses powerful words with dark imagery and metaphor. You did a good job of giving both the visual and emotional impressions.

*Bigsmile*Format The style you describe is done nicely. It flows well and smooth, but the line Mortar darkens in cold departures old stead, almost doesn't make sense. I get the image of desertion coinciding with the physical decay; is departures supposed to be a possessive departures' ?

*Delight*Content I loved it. This my kind of writing. What the darker emotions can do to a man.

*Check3*Grammar No errors! Even the punctuation fits well.

*Check3*Spelling No errors!

Suggestions I know you want constructive criticism, but it's difficult for me to find room for improvement. *Thumbsup*

*Check3* It's a pleasure to visit your port, I will return again. I hope you are getting good exposure, if not I will help with that.

}>This review is meant only as a suggestion for improvement, not to offend. I can be a harsh reviewer, but that is only because I hope to give you a good idea of what to bring to the reader. I hope my comments have been helpful! Keep on writing!!<{

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8
8
Review of Stacie Screamed  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Star*You are being reviewed by an Army Angel*Star*

Hello MCK *Smile* I will be reviewing your work "Stacie Screamed

*Smile*Impression It's a very odd story. I'm guessing the group is something of a sexual nature, or open relationships. Are there really groups like that? That would be something else. It seems to me that the answer to her scream was a good one.

*Delight*Plot/Themes I catch a sense of isolation as well as stress in the beginning of the story, then it ends with relief and a sense of belonging. Is it a happy ending? Is there more to it?

*Rolleyes*Setting/Description Not much for descriptiveness. The world around the characters is hazy. There's enough description to know what's going on, but not to get a sense that the story is describing something very real. That element makes your story more captivating and logical. Nice bit about the smell of the sea, more stuff like that would be great.

*Rolleyes*Characters Characters are not to well developed. Stacie has some background development, but I'm left to wonder what present circumstances and feelings (besides her cry for help) brought her to deciding to go with Cathy. The other characters have very little personality, only purpose.

*Check2*Grammar
>> "Where are you going today?(") Asked Cathy.

>> Cathy said something that flawed Stacie as they (I don't think this is the right word to express Stacie right there. I'm not sure what the feeling is, so I don't have any suggestions, sorry)

*Check2*Spelling
>> usual people there and each of the (them) seemed to be

>> longer with those sudo-parents (pseudo-parents) who were her great

*Check3* This is kind of weird, but it isn't bad. I think if it gets rewritten and made a bit longer (or a lot longer) it would make a big improvement.*Smile*

}>This review is meant only as a suggestion for improvement, not to offend. I can be a harsh reviewer, but that is only because I hope to give you a good idea of what to bring to the reader. I hope my comments have been helpful! Keep on writing!!<{

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9
9
Rated: E | (4.0)
It's a good story, I like it. Simple and pure, those very things deep within that drive us to live life, and be connected. It's not confusing, and it's not boring. It seems all at once to be very fantastic and very raw. Maybe that's how he sees the world? I can't really offer any ideas for change, it seems to go nicely. It's visually appeasing, as well. I like the bit "Never learned how to act around a woman". That goes for some of us, as well. There wasn't anything about the preacher or holy man, or the cryptic things said at the end of the prologue. Are they in sequence? Most of this story is cryptic. Keep up the work, post future installments. When you do, let me know, I will give them a run-down. I didn't find any grammatical errors, btw, which doesn't mean there aren't any. I'm not the grammar expert*Smile*

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10
10
Rated: | (4.0)
*Star*You are being reviewed by an Army Angel*Star*

Hallo Joep *Smile* I will be reviewing your work "Key think areas to pursue your purpose

*Smile*Impression This is good self help material. "Unless you have a system according to which you must think and processes that guide your thinking, your effectiveness in thinking will be seriously curtailed," That is very true. You started with effective points, and did end up giving a brief description of them. At least I know I go about 'thinking' in a proper manner! *Smile*

*Rolleyes*Content Although what you have here gives the reader the idea, I think you should go more in depth with each type of thinking and how they work together. Possibly by giving more examples (there was a couple, they were helpful "Very often the tendency is to externalize our problems and try to find why someone else is to blame for things that have gone wrong in our lives, i.e. playing the old blame game. In these cases you only think that you are thinking. In other words, the illusion of thinking is created. I will refer to this type of thinking as secondary thinking." This gives me a good idea of what you're trying to convey)

*Check2*Grammar
>>"Highlighting the six key think areas involved in systems think to pursue" *Idea* (think systems)

>>" linked to persistence(,) determination and enthusiasm,"

*Check3*Spelling I found no errors. Nice Work!!

It was informative, but a bit difficult to read (like a law textbook). All in all a good work, it would help many people with their lives, I'm sure!*Smile*

}>This review is meant only as a suggestion for improvement, not to offend. I
hope my comments have been helpful! Keep on writing!!
<{

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11
11
Review of "You Hurt Me"  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star*You are being reviewed by an Army Angel*Star*

Hallo Pres_Lane *Smile* I will be reviewing your work ""You Hurt Me"

*Bigsmile*Impression Love is trust, it requires trust. Love is also insanity. This beautiful poem said this and much more to me. There are so many levels here. I think I see a personal conflict, like trust issues, blended in with it. Very powerful. Not an average love poem.

*Bigsmile*Format This is what blows me away. There are so many layers of format here, I'll highlight what knocked me from my seat (I don't read many works this unique): The first four stanzas set so the end topic is the next verse's opening topic, and so the middle short lines reference the former topics. The last stanza draws the topics together again, in the same progression, with different wording. Then the last line. Wow. *Delight* There's more I found impressive, but I'll leave it at that.

*Check3*Grammar Perfect!!

*Check3*Spelling Perfect!!

I'm not sure if you were hoping for suggestions, I can't think of any. I say don't change it. You're a fantastic writer. If you're new, welcome to WDC! It's good to have you here.


}>This review is meant only as a suggestion for improvement, not to offend. I hope my comments have been helpful! Keep on writing!!<{

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12
12
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hehe, this is just way too cool. I didn't even know some of the slang you poured out in this poem, I totally learned something. I'm a new cat, now. Groovy. Once again, you listed off some great musicians. Me and my buds were jamming C, S, & Nash from original vinyl last weekend (along with Zeppelin!).

BTW, you can't say my poetry is better, I could never write something that says this much about a peoples in so short a poem.

We seriously need those times to return. The world is becoming a dark place.

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13
13
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You may have only been writing for so many years, but your writing is sensational, and this is just an Opinion!! I will agree with your concept of Reviews, and I believe that is essentially how to give and to take them. I am the same, if more than one comment includes the same suggestion, there's a good chance that it needs to be edited. I am a 'brutal' reviewer, and will point out anything I can see for improvement. There is no room on WDC for rudeness, insults, or cruelty. Those people get reported and lose their accounts.

I'm not sure how long you have been on WDC, but I can asure you that there are MANY individuals out there who will give you instructive and constructive reviews. Check out "The WDC Angel Army, we are dedicated to promoting a more positive and interactive community with WDC. You will find very helpful people in this group, and it's a wonderful group to join (if you want to make a difference for others). I will take a look through your portfolio in the future, and give a couple of reviews.*Smile*

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14
14
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star*You are being reviewed by an Army Angel*Star*

Hallo nothing.i.remember *Smile* I will be reviewing your work "Seventeen Year Locust

Plot/Themes I love how you layered two situations of 'seemingly endless time' on top of each other, considering that the story guideline called for essentially one concept. I didn't know that insect before, and it certainly is an interesting creature! You also did a great job at creating the scene, giving this simple concept a life of its own.

Setting/Description I felt the calm serenity of the surroundings, and could picture the Locust nicely. Well done with the scenery.

Characters I'm impressed at how much you developed the character, it really helped to emphasize him enjoying lazy summer days. He has some morbid intuitions, but wishes no ill to others. Nice touch that he lets the Locust free at the end.

*Check2*Grammar
>>Or would remember anything, incest or human, that existed for only 5 weeks in one summer. This sentence confused me. I am not certain exactly who or what is 'remembering'. There should be more to this sentence, or it should be somehow joined with one of the other sentences of that paragraph.

*Check3*Spelling
Thank you for paying attention to spelling!! No errors!!

*Check3* I found this to have several applicable meanings to life in general, and went a lot further than the instructions called for. Was this for a contest? This was very well done. I see you are a Newbie, and I hope you will take full advantage of all WDC has to offer. You certainly are off to a good start!

}>This review is meant only as a suggestion for improvement, not to offend. I
hope my comments have been helpful! Keep on writing!!
<{

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15
15
Rated: E | (4.0)
This will be more of a response than a review, but this is an issue we must all address.

I absolutely agree with your essay, although, I have not seen any articles on that particular theory of the moon's origin. Many astronomers agree that it is far too large to have formed from the Earth, and must have formed elsewhere, and was subsequently captured by the Earth's atmosphere. I'm not sure you are correct about planets needing a moon to stabilize; Mercury circles the Sun without spinning (the same side always faces the sun) and has no moon, and each other planet in our system has moons, so there aren't any planets to prove the theory. The moon is losing orbit, but the decay will take many million years. Really. Not to much of a concern for local history. Global Warming may well be a reality, but I assure you, this Earth has gone through much more drastic changes that simple ice cap melting and greenhouse effect. Man has lived through a few of these tumultuous ages. For instance, one or more ice ages. Possibly entire world flooding and intense heat at one time (there is solid evidence that the world has been covered by oceans many times). Tectonic activity (volcanoes, earthquakes) the likes of which we don't have these days. We will survive again if the polar ice caps melt, and oxygen levels drop. What will definitely happen is sickness, like leukemia and cancer, multiplying at a frightening rate, as well as man fighting man to survive when the world floods over. Our pollution is ultimately more deadly to birds and animals than anything else. Plants will adapt, they always have.

Plants have survived longer than any other life form on Earth, other than single-cell creatures. When all other things die out, plants will live from their remains. It's our immediate future we need to worry about. Fumes, fossil fuel gases, and pollution of all sorts are destroying a safe atmosphere for humans.

I will have to agree with the opposing side on one point: Never before has the human race been so self-conscious about conserving its environment as we have been over the last century. All through history, man has burned forests, killed animals, and dumped garbage and waste without thought. Now, hunting whales is a punishable crime worldwide, forest preserves cover hundreds of miles of many nations, and recycling is almost a way of life for many people. If we work a little harder, we will achieve a better future than the doomsday that people think about in the title of 'Global Warming'.

I definitely agree with the end statement. If there is global warming, I believe it to be a natural occurance. A normal stage in the Earth's development. Only, I also believe that because of our burned fossil fuel emmisions, we are accelerating almost 10,000 years worth of global climactic change into a mere 100 years. That may turn out a bit catastrophic.

If you truly believe this, you better prepare your children for it. The ball is already rolling, all we can do is keep it from rolling faster.

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16
16
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It's not often I get to read something this good. There are so many sides of life in this small story that many people don't want to see in one way or another, it's amazing. Plus it's not often I read a true-to-form tear-jerker, that takes powerful writing.

Gripping. Perfect. Very unique concept.

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17
17
Review of Pressed Flower  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I noticed this has an average of 4.0, I feel it deserves at least 4.5.

*Check4*More than one meaning can be derived from this. The flower could represent a person's emotional state. That is what makes it a good piece.

*Check2*You could possibly use a different word in line 5 other than "surrounded". Maybe "enveloped", "enclosed", "crushed beneath", "shrouded", or something that more portrays the sense of being trapped without escape. Other than that, no suggestions!

Very well written.

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