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Overall impression
A twisted story of mistaken identity and some terrible people.
What I liked most
I liked the twists and turns, and not knowing for certain what might happen until the end.
My general suggestions and technical concerns
The grammar and spelling were good. I felt like the characterizations were fairly broad and overdone. A bit more nuance, especially with the cops, would be welcome.
Rating and Rationale
A fun story, though it could use some work to make the characters feel more real and the twisted plot more authentic-feeling, so I gave it 4 stars, but would encourage you to keep working on it.
Overall impression
A somewhat overambitious story that was well written but used its length unwisely.
What I liked most
I enjoyed the visual style of writing and was intrigued by what might be going on.
My general suggestions and technical concerns
In a 2000 word story, far too much time was spent going through doors and in and out of places. It felt like too much world building without enough purpose. The note indicates that those who've read "Nine Princes in Amber" might find this familiar, and I haven't, but I shouldn't have to in order to know what is going on.
Rating and Rationale
I have this 3.5 stars because although it was well written, it felt like too much detail with too little story. I'd suggest making this a much longer piece with more story to fit all the doors.
Overall impression
An interesting vision of a new life on Mars, but the story seems cheated of details and development
What I liked most
I like some of the technical details you go into about the spun carbon nanotube fibers and all. I have no idea which of them are legitimate and which are spun from your imagination, but they give a sense of authenticity to the idea that a remote stranger might be testing your expertise before reaching out.
My general suggestions and technical concerns
This is a case where more would be better. There's not enough character development or plot to hold the story together. It is more like a brief idea for a story without the time put into to make it work. I think it could work, but just needs more.
Rating and Rationale
While the idea was good, the execution seemed limited, and with only about a quarter of the words allowed, I would have liked to see a more expansive vision.
Overall impression
A somewhat grim, yet fascinating, story. Reminded me a bit of The Road by Cormac McCarthy, which is a compliment.
What I liked most
The imagery was very good, and I liked the interplay of internal and external dialogue. That can sometimes be distracting, but was handled well here.
My general suggestions and technical concerns
In a story this length, an ending like this can feel a bit like a "gotcha" which doesn't quite match the tone of the story. On the other hand, I read it a second time and felt less like that.
Rating and Rationale
I gave this 4.5 stars as it is very strong and vivid.
What I liked most
I like the similar interplay of hostility and warmth in each which hints at the eventual resolution.
My general suggestions and technical concerns
I didn't see any technical issues.
Rating and Rationale
Well done. I have this 4.5 stars because I enjoyed it very much and it felt complete and satisfying. Great job for a short story of this length.
I found this through the Read & Review. Well, that's a fairly brutal story, but very well done for a short piece. I like the symmetry you add in the repeated sections, and how much you manage to communicate in prose that is so stark and spare, it is almost poetry.
I have no suggestions for changes, just wanted to let you know it was well done. Write on!
I found this on Read & Review. What a fun little story. You do a great job of engaging us with details about the cute clerk and the change, and then the mental gymnastics as he tries to figure out what is happening.
I liked the ending as well. A lucky day indeed. Write on!
Overall impression
A fun perspective on the theme with a sci-fi story about a race of creatures trapped on Earth, but ready to get away.
What I liked most
I liked the creativity you showed in developing this story, and all the details you added to make it feel real.
My general suggestions and technical concerns
There are a number of small technical errors which could be cleaned up with a careful read and edit. An example:
That causecaused the other Slogins there to stop talking to each other and face Velm.
Aside from these easily correctable issues, it is a little hard to follow the justification for hurting the humans if leaving is possible. It sort of makes sense, but not completely. I think you could tighten that up some.
Rating and Rationale
I gave this 3.5 stars because it is creative and fun, but needs a little more polishing to make it as good as it could be. I really enjoyed reading it. Write on!
Overall impression
A very entertaining high fantasy with two people (well, not exactly) finding their destiny together where they might least expect it.
What I liked most
It can be a challenge to weave a significant amount of world building into a story of this length without losing the plot or the characters, but you have done it well.
My general suggestions and technical concerns
Overall, this is quite clean, but there are places where re-reading each sentence aloud might help you polish the few rough spots. For example:
They could either make you what you've always wanted, or to make you live your worst fears.
Rating and Rationale
I must admit, I'm not a huge fan of this kind of fantasy, and yet you write it so well it overcame my reluctance. I'm giving this 4.5 stars as it is close to perfect, but could do with a careful polish to make it fully shine. Well done, and write on!
Overall impression
A whimsical story about a family scattering a beloved family member's ashes, and how both children and adults deal with it.
What I liked most
The title is excellent, and the theme it represents is woven throughout the story in a creative way. I very much liked how we get to know the characters by their dialogue back and forth.
My general suggestions and technical concerns
While it was fun getting to know the family through its interactions, there may have been a few too many for the length of the story. At some point, it was hard to follow the number of different names and relationships. You might consider framing a couple of the named characters solely in terms of their relationship, or perhaps of reminding us of the relationship when we had encountered others.
Rating and Rationale
This is very well written and enjoyable. I gave it 4.5 stars because I liked it very much, but there is some room for tightening the number of characters or reinforcing their relationships. But overall, an excellent story. Write on!
Overall impression
Very clever story with some twists, which I love to see in a short story
What I liked most
You drew very vivid pictures with your words, but managed to economize so that they did not overwhelm the plot. I liked the ending, even if it was a bit campy.
My general suggestions and technical concerns
I didn't see any particular technical issues, except that the switch in point of view felt a little jarring. I'm not sure you wouldn't have been better off sticking with Mandy, though I understand why you didn't.
Rating and Rationale
Overall, a fun, well written story that worked well within the parameters. I give it 4.5 stars. Write on!
Overall impression
A fun adventure with the plushie toys.
What I liked most
I thought it was a fun, creative way to use the prompt to take the toys on an adventure. The interaction between the plushies helped us get to know their personalities (such as "I was in Amelie's classroom for a whole week of first grade, you know")
My general suggestions and technical concerns
While the setup and story worked reasonably well, the story fell a little flat when it actually came to the bridge. You may have run into the issue of how short the story had to be, but everything just resolved itself quite quickly without a lot of initiative on the part of the plushies. I think you could strengthen that part by having them solve the puzzle posed by the bridge rather than avoiding it.
Rating and Rationale
This was a fun, light story which has potential. I gave it four stars, as I think it is good, but could be improved and made to shine. Write on!
Overall impression
A somewhat tricky story where the mundane turns mystical.
What I liked most
I liked the way you shifted the ground under our feet by starting with what seemed like one kind of story (about divvying up an inheritance), but gradually revealed itself as another kind altogether.
My general suggestions and technical concerns
While I enjoyed the shift in the story, it left some unresolved questions about what the sisters knew when, and why the one sister seemed so much less aware then the others given that they appear to be raised together. There may be a good reason, possibly hinted at by the question of faaith at the beginning, but it left the first part looking more like we'd been tricked rather than our not being in on the mystery. I think you could strengthen that by drawing clearer lines (after the switch) to what everybody knew, and also a stronger sense of why Faye would act as she does at the end.
Rating and Rationale
I gave this 3.5 stars as it is a good story that could use some more polish, not so much for technical issues as for clarifying intent. Write on!
Overall impression
A dark gripping story of a man unsure of his future who figures out what really matters... but is it in time?
What I liked most
You did a really good job with setting the scene, and with the pursuit. I loved the tension as he tries to get back, and the open question of whether he will or not. The scene with the child near the end is great.
My general suggestions and technical concerns
I think the beginning could be stronger if there were some sense about why the employer who had never had a problem with him in nine years suddenly did. It seems like the story would be better with either less of that or more of it. You could start by saying he'd lost his job and was worried, or you could say why but it is a little odd doing half of it.
Rating and Rationale
I gave this four stars as it is well written and gripping, but starts less strongly than it finishes. Write on!
Ken, I found your poem through Read & Review, and when I do that, I try not to look at the author until I have read and evaluated the story or poem. About halfway through this, I had to peek as the quality and style are far above most of the Read & Review entries I see. I should have known it would be you!
This is a lovely poem, and very well written. I hesitated for a moment over the length of the stanzas changing, but I think it works great the way it is. Write on!
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.
Overall impression
A story about the flying high and crashing lows of being a rock musician.
What I liked most
I enjoyed the way you described Jimmy and his rise and fall (and more). The ending was bittersweet and a little cynical, but fit this piece well.
My general suggestions
I don't have a lot of suggestions. I'm not quite sure of the context for this pieces, given its title, but it stands alone well.
Technical issues
I didn't notice any, except very small issues such as lacking a hyphen in silicon-infused. Certainly nothing that detracted.
Conclusion
This was a good, descriptive piece. I enjoyed it. Write on!
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.
Overall impression
I enjoyed this example of personification.
What I liked most
I really liked the way you showed the castle recognizing her, and how she felt it back. It was also fun to think of a old, stone ruin of a castle trying to cradle and comfort her.
My general suggestions
I'm not sure what the word count requirements of the original contest were, but this felt like it could be expanded some, perhaps by adding a more specific incident with tourists or movie producer, or by adding a more specific scene with the lady.
Technical issues
There are only very small formatting issues, and they don't really detract from the story.
Conclusion
I was glad to come across this in the Read & Review. Write on!
Thanks for sharing your story. I think you have potential with this story, potential to show how a kind heart and listening ear can help set someone on a better path. I think your concept is good, but you need to step back and work through how to make the story easier for somebody else to read. There are numerous technical issues, and places where your emotion seems to have overtaken your writing. That is okay, but don't be afraid to come back and edit and make the piece stronger.
As an example, your story about the landscape and the red purse sounds like a powerful one, but stop and read the actual words you've written:
But one that sticks to my mind is this: I was gifted a red purse by a friend of my dad for drawing a beautiful landscape. I hung it on the wall besides the land scape. "
She pulled out the picture and threw it in the fire and wanted me to hand over my red purse.Dad promised me another one which I never got.
There are several small errors which make this hard to read, and you don't really say who burned the picture, though we know it is the sister. Here it is with some technical fixes:
But one that sticks toin my mind is this: I was giftedgiven a red purse by a friend of my dad for drawing a beautiful landscape. I hung it on the wall besides the land scape. landscape." SheMy sister pulled out the picture off the wall and threw it in the fire and wanted me to hand over my red purse.Dad promised me another one which I never got.
I am giving this two and a half stars because I like the core of the story but struggled with the errors and with the formatting and punctuation. If you decide to clean it up some, I'd be happy to re-read and re-rate it, and perhaps give you more advice when it is closer to being what it could be. Don't be discouraged, as we are all improving so long as we keep trying. Write on!
This is very thoughtful, evocative of the many mixed and semi-contradictory feelings about serving in the military. How can something be so important at times, so trite at others, and so ambiguous as to which it is as it goes on? The twist narrows this down and amplifies it. Sometimes you don't have the option of understanding, just the option of doing your duty as best you can and hoping it was worth it.
I'm always fond of a good Villanelle, and you did well with this. The meter is fairly consistent, and it sounds good read aloud. The topic is, of course, an important one, and I liked how you shifted back and forth between the more lyrical poetic side (e.g., ravaging trees and Mother Earth crying) and the scientific parts (e.g., oxygen link and carbon dioxide sink).
I found this using the Read & Review feature. I don't know which contest thiss is for, but the writing is excellent and the pacing kept me on my toes. I like the back-and-forth between Bill and Jack Harley is well done. I certainly am left wanting to know what happened next.
One minor thing you might improve are Jack's first response where he responds to "Mr. Harley?" with "Monin' Jack." which could be interpreted as "Morning, Jack" like a greeting to Jack or as an ambiguous sort of nickname. He could say "Call me Jack" or even "They call me Monin' Jack" or something that makes it more clear.
I was also left a little unclear how Bill could have received an offer but be unknown in those parts. That felt off somehow.
I found this through Read & Review. What a charming little poem! I like the idea of the kisses blowing through the air, perhaps brushing gently, perhaps missing entirely. Then you go on to the idea of a land of lost kisses, which I think is great. It's sad to see that this poem has gotten so little love, so I am sending some your way.
I found this through Read & Review. Writing a letter to yourself is challenging, as it is easy to be one's one toughest critic. You, on the other hand, do a lovely job of facing your life, admitting to its hardships yet embracing its possibilities. With 60 only a few years away for me, I can relate to that realization that more of life is behind than in front, and yet there is still plenty in front. (My mother-in-law is 95, which is both inspiring and daunting.)
Well written with a lovely, positive finish. Write on!
I found this through Read & Review. Well, that is dark. Sort of like the idea that no good deed goes unpunished. Well written, though, and you use good sensory details.
There are a few tweaks I might suggest, but it's all up to you, of course. For example, given the categories, I read sticking to the ground below as indicating that the character was either flying or up high somewhere. You might remove the word 'below' or try something like sticking to the ground beneath my feet.
Another might be Her eyes were an evil color. If a color is distinguishable enough to be called evil, you could add what color it is. Fiery red or sickly yellow or something. I don't have any idea what color would be automatically evil in the character's mind.
Other than these kinds of things which you would likely get if you polished more anyway, it's a well done story. Write on!
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