|Thanks for sharing your story. I think you have potential with this story, potential to show how a kind heart and listening ear can help set someone on a better path. I think your concept is good, but you need to step back and work through how to make the story easier for somebody else to read. There are numerous technical issues, and places where your emotion seems to have overtaken your writing. That is okay, but don't be afraid to come back and edit and make the piece stronger.
As an example, your story about the landscape and the red purse sounds like a powerful one, but stop and read the actual words you've written:
But one that sticks to my mind is this: I was gifted a red purse by a friend of my dad for drawing a beautiful landscape. I hung it on the wall besides the land scape. "
She pulled out the picture and threw it in the fire and wanted me to hand over my red purse.Dad promised me another one which I never got.
There are several small errors which make this hard to read, and you don't really say who burned the picture, though we know it is the sister. Here it is with some technical fixes:
But one that sticks toin my mind is this: I was giftedgiven a red purse by a friend of my dad for drawing a beautiful landscape. I hung it on the wall besides the land scape. landscape."
SheMy sister pulled out the picture off the wall and threw it in the fire and wanted me to hand over my red purse.Dad promised me another one which I never got.
I am giving this two and a half stars because I like the core of the story but struggled with the errors and with the formatting and punctuation. If you decide to clean it up some, I'd be happy to re-read and re-rate it, and perhaps give you more advice when it is closer to being what it could be. Don't be discouraged, as we are all improving so long as we keep trying. Write on!