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176
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance as part of a Just Because I Want To Specialty package gifted to you by SHERRI GIBSON .
Review 4 of 5.


Overall impression
A wonderful, haunting poem.

What I liked most
The language and flow in this poem are marvelous. Sometimes it is better to be absolutely sure what a poem means to describe, and sometimes it is better to let the mood take over, and the latter is true with this poem.

My general suggestions
I don't have any suggestions. This stands well on its own.

Technical issues
Very clean. Good job!

Conclusion
I enjoyed this very much. This is the last of my five reviews (despite their being sent out of order), and it has been a great pleasure fulfilling this package for SHERRI GIBSON . Write on!

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Review of Who's there?  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance as part of a Just Because I Want To Specialty package gifted to you by anon.
Review 1 of n.


Overall impression
An amusing story/poem about what goes bump (and creak and groan) in the night.

What I liked most
I liked the imagery, and some of the clever ideas about what the noise might be. I have to say, my favorite lines were:

Just before life from faint heart elopes,
Victim of the baleful Lurking Snark.


My general suggestions
Given that you are not sticking to a strict meter or syllable count, it feels like some of the lines could use an article or pronoun or two to feel more natural. For example, "Is it the wind flirting with the drapes?" sounds natural, while "if scaly snake or winged beast with beak." does not sound very natural. Of course, having said that, let me put in a recommendation for an even syllable count, or better yet an even meter, as children respond so well to the rhythms.

Technical issues
There are a few little oddities with punctuation, such as "Who’s there?’ repeating querulous query" with the odd apostrophe after the question mark but not at the beginning - if you must use quotes, use double quotes and add one at the beginning as well.

Conclusion
This was a fun and wholesome children's poem, and worked quite well.

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178
178
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance as part of a Just Because I Want To Specialty package gifted to you by SHERRI GIBSON .
Review 5 of 5.


Overall impression
A wonderful story of a boy and a girl with conviction teaching their elders something about cooperation.

What I liked most
This was a great story, with all the characters vibrant and alive, and the seemingly simple situation a wonderful metaphor for much larger conflicts.

My general suggestions
None to give really. A heartwarming and well-told story.

Technical issues
In the paragraph starting with "His school-bag" and the one after, you use "His" and "Him" a bit too frequently, so that I couldn't quite tell whether Karia or Ravi was the person referred to. I'd look those over and make it a bit more clear, as it slows the reader down trying to parse the meaning.

Conclusion
A truly delightful story. Thanks for sharing.


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179
179
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO FORUM T...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance as part of a Just Because I Want To Specialty package gifted to you by SHERRI GIBSON .
Review 1 of 5.


Overall impression
A very intriguing looking-backward looking-forward story that suggest we don't have all the answers we think we do.

What I liked most
I liked the slow, almost reverent description of the preparations the "Old One" made at the fire. Your ability to describe the setting and make it real is great!

My general suggestions
I like the gist of the ending, but am not sure the saying on the wall quite works. While I understand what you are trying to imply, I think you might have to search a bit harder to find a similar message that is more likely to actually appear in large letters on a wall.

Technical issues
I didn't see any issues. Good writing!

Conclusion
The was provocative and interesting - I enjoyed reading it and imagine I will be back to look at it again, as I do with stories that make me think.

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180
Review of Fiendish Delight  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
🌓 HuntersMoon , I am a guest judge for Round 14 of the Invalid Item . I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.



Round 14 Prompt: Supernatural


Overall impression
Couplets about a creepy, though sensual, horror that stalks the night.


What I liked most
Your imagery and wordplay is wonderful, and lends just the right atmosphere to the slowly building crescendo of horror.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
While the couplets rhyme well, and you have creative, interesting rhymes, the varying lengths of the lines is somewhat distracting. Most couplets are even in length, even if they vary between separate couplets, because this makes for a more melodic read.

There are also a few glitches where it feels like you missed or added a word. For example, "to believe that is was passion" doesn't make sense. Perhaps the "is" was meant to be "this"?

Rating and Rationale
The poem was written well, and had a strong theme. It was also a little rough in spots, and had an uneven feel due to the varying line lengths which made it harder to read, so I gave it 4 stars, which is above average. Good luck in the contest!
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Review of Well-Hid Panties  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
An intriguing poem that dances around the edge of comprehensibility without ever quite entering the ring.

What I liked most
I like the language and playful tone, and I think I might even like the rest if I could get my head around it.

My general suggestions
Try to read this (and I know it is difficult), as if you are an outsider who knows nothing about what you are assuming. Every stanza left me scratching my head, but with the sense that I was just missing something by looking at it wrong. For example, I come to a line such as "For my faith, I’d be less moved" and I don't know what you mean at all. It could be you mean "but for my faith", as in "if it were not for my faith", but then you'd expect "I'd be more moved". As it is, I am left scratching my head, and it is already quite sore.

In short, I don't get it at all. I may be dense, but I can't figure out whether he is seeing the girl and she is ignoring him, or seeing her and afraid to approach her, or seeing her and constrained by morality to not approach her, or is perhaps approaching her. I just don't get what is going on at all, even if that makes me dense.

Conclusion
I keep feeling that I would really enjoy this poem, and am frustrated at my inability to do so. I hope you clarify it somehow so I can enjoy it as I would like.


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182
182
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (3.0)
LadyOtilia , I am a guest judge for Round 14 of the Invalid Item . I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.



Round 14 Prompt: Supernatural


Overall impression
I enjoyed the beginning of this story, and thought it had some very promising elements, but they were not carried through to the end.

What I liked most
I like the characters you have. You do a good job of adding little tidbits that bring life to your characters, such as Brad calling the younger students "goslings".

My general suggestions and technical concerns
The formatting of the story makes it quite difficult to read. While dialogue does necessitate a new paragraph, the rest of the sentences are run together in a way that makes reading difficult.

Your story starts well, and has an interesting concept that could be carried off well, I think, but it feels as if you ended the story abruptly. Brad gets the flute, and then you become friends again with the teacher, but there doesn't seem to be a connection between the two events. I would strongly suggest that you write a plot summary or outline for yourself, then fill out the story to make sure all of the plot is covered. The story seems well worth finishing, and I think you will be very pleased with the results if you put a bit more time into completing it.

There are no serious issues with spelling or punctuation or grammar.

Rating and Rationale
The story is a good concept that needs to be completed, so I gave it a rating of 3 stars, but would be happy to re-evaluate it if you make changes and let me know.
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Review of A Future Bright  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 20 of the Pond Poetry - ON HIATUS!  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 20 Prompt: Image of sunflowers

Round 20 Form: Decuain
The Decuain is a short poem made up of 10 lines, which can be written on any subject. There are 10 syllables per line and the poem is written in iambic pentameter.

There are 3 set choices of rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa, ababbcbcbb, or ababbcbccc

For a longer Decuain poem, add more stanzas for a double, triple, quadruple, etc. All stanzas must have the same rhyme scheme as the first.


Overall impression
A philosophical poem about sunflowers and humanity.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
Line count: 10 lines *Check5*
Syllable count: 10 syllables per line *Check5*
Rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa *Check5*
Meter: iambic pentameter *Check5* with a couple of glitches

You followed the form fairly well in most ways, and almost nailed the iambic pentameter except for a couple of spots.

What I liked most
I like the rich word choices and imagery, as well as the sense of story which your double decuain exhibits.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
Work on your iambic pentameter a bit more, as consistent meter is very important to the sound of a poem.

Rating and Rationale
You followed the form and prompt well, although you didn't quite master the meter throughout as required. Your language was excellent. Because of all these factors, I gave you 4.0 stars, which is above average. Good luck with the contest!
184
184
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 20 of the Pond Poetry - ON HIATUS!  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 20 Prompt: Image of sunflowers

Round 20 Form: Decuain
The Decuain is a short poem made up of 10 lines, which can be written on any subject. There are 10 syllables per line and the poem is written in iambic pentameter.

There are 3 set choices of rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa, ababbcbcbb, or ababbcbccc

For a longer Decuain poem, add more stanzas for a double, triple, quadruple, etc. All stanzas must have the same rhyme scheme as the first.


Overall impression
A poem of hope and exuberance as embodied by sunflowers.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
Line count: 10 lines *Check5*
Syllable count: 10 syllables per line *Check5*
Rhyme scheme: ababbcbcbb *Check5*
Meter: iambic pentameter *Check5*

You followed the form very well, making it flow easily and smoothly despite the various restrictions. Congratulations!

What I liked most
I liked how you split the lines to make it almost like a sonnet, and the way you capture the spirit of reaching for the sky.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
I don't have many comments, as this works fairly well as is. The closest you come to sounding forced is "the sun cries its decree", which is a bit of a stretch. You might want to see if you could find something slightly smoother there.

Rating and Rationale
You followed the form well, followed the prompt cleverly, and did it all sounding poetic and unforced. Your iambic pentameter was well done. Because of all these, I gave you 4.5 stars. Good luck with the contest!
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Review of Sunflower  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 20 of the Pond Poetry - ON HIATUS!  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 20 Prompt: Image of sunflowers

Round 20 Form: Decuain
The Decuain is a short poem made up of 10 lines, which can be written on any subject. There are 10 syllables per line and the poem is written in iambic pentameter.

There are 3 set choices of rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa, ababbcbcbb, or ababbcbccc

For a longer Decuain poem, add more stanzas for a double, triple, quadruple, etc. All stanzas must have the same rhyme scheme as the first.


Overall impression
A happy and inspiring poem about the glory of sunflowers.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
Line count: 10 lines *Check5*
Syllable count: 10 syllables per line *Check5*
Rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa *Check5*
Meter: iambic pentameter *Check5*

You followed the form very well, although some of the rhymes feel a little forced. For example, "when seeds would fall like lace" doesn't really make sense.

What I liked most
I liked the spirit and tone of the poem, and how well you used the form. My favorite lines, which seem to embody the essence of the whole poem are:

No flower named in honor of the sun
could help but hold us all in its embrace


My general suggestions and technical concerns
This is well done, but work to be sure everything is smooth, and that you are not using any words "just to rhyme", because it always shows through.

Rating and Rationale
You followed the form well, followed the prompt cleverly, and did it all sounding poetic, and mostly unforced. Your iambic pentameter was well done. Because of all these, I gave you 4.0 stars. Good luck with the contest!
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186
Review of Sunflower Love.  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 20 of the Pond Poetry - ON HIATUS!  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 20 Prompt: Image of sunflowers

Round 20 Form: Decuain
The Decuain is a short poem made up of 10 lines, which can be written on any subject. There are 10 syllables per line and the poem is written in iambic pentameter.

There are 3 set choices of rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa, ababbcbcbb, or ababbcbccc

For a longer Decuain poem, add more stanzas for a double, triple, quadruple, etc. All stanzas must have the same rhyme scheme as the first.


Overall impression
A poem of pomp and circumstance, garden style.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
Line count: 10 lines *Check5*
Syllable count: 10 syllables per line *Thumbsdown*, lines 3,7,10 have 11
Rhyme scheme: ababbcbccc *Check5*
Meter: iambic pentameter *Thumbsdown* several glitches

You followed the form fairly well in most ways, but clearly had some trouble with the iambic pentameter, and were a bit sloppy with the syllable counts.

What I liked most
I liked the regal wording and royal descriptions.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
Be careful not to sacrifice the meaning for the form. When you have phrases like "links duo life-wheel", you are going to lose the reader.

Rating and Rationale
You followed the form and prompt fairly well, although you didn't manage to get the meter, iambic pentameter, as required. Because of all these factors, I gave you 3.0 stars, which is average for WDC. Good luck with the contest!
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187
Review of Summers Crown  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (2.5)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 20 of the Pond Poetry - ON HIATUS!  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 20 Prompt: Image of sunflowers

Round 20 Form: Decuain
The Decuain is a short poem made up of 10 lines, which can be written on any subject. There are 10 syllables per line and the poem is written in iambic pentameter.

There are 3 set choices of rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa, ababbcbcbb, or ababbcbccc

For a longer Decuain poem, add more stanzas for a double, triple, quadruple, etc. All stanzas must have the same rhyme scheme as the first.


Overall impression
I like your use of color and the senses to make the scene come alive.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
Line count: 10 lines *Thumbsdown* You have 8
Syllable count: 10 syllables per line *Thumbsdown*
Rhyme scheme: ababbcaa *Thumbsdown* Wrong
Meter: iambic pentameter *Thumbsdown* many glitches

You seem to have had a good deal of trouble with the form, which is not to say the poem itself is bad, but I have to mark it based on the rules of the contest.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
Read the rules carefully, and be sure you follow the form as well as you can. Also, the word "hughes" should be "hues".

Rating and Rationale
You didn't really follow the form, so as a judge who must rate based on the rules, I gave you 2.5 stars.
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188
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 20 of the Pond Poetry - ON HIATUS!  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 20 Prompt: Image of sunflowers

Round 20 Form: Decuain
The Decuain is a short poem made up of 10 lines, which can be written on any subject. There are 10 syllables per line and the poem is written in iambic pentameter.

There are 3 set choices of rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa, ababbcbcbb, or ababbcbccc

For a longer Decuain poem, add more stanzas for a double, triple, quadruple, etc. All stanzas must have the same rhyme scheme as the first.


Overall impression
A poem from the perspective of the sunflower.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
Line count: 10 lines *Check5*
Syllable count: 10 syllables per line *Check5*
Rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa *Check5*
Meter: iambic pentameter *Thumbsdown* many glitches

You followed the form fairly well in most ways, but clearly had some trouble with the iambic pentameter.

What I liked most
I like the lines:

He gives me everything that I require,
He asks of me only one sacrifice:
I let my seeds germinate and inspire


My general suggestions and technical concerns
Work on your iambic pentameter, but also be sure to read and re-read the poem to make sure it sounds smooth. It is a little choppy as it stands.

Rating and Rationale
You followed the form and prompt fairly well, although you didn't manage to get the meter, iambic pentameter, as required. Because of all these factors, I gave you 3.5 stars, which is above average. Good luck with the contest!
189
189
Review of Unfaithful  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
An acrostic poem about infidelity.

What I liked most
I like the rhythm you maintain in the poem, not always easy in an acrostic, and the moody tone of the writing.

My general suggestions
None to give, really. Quite well done, and I have written enough acrostics to know that it is harder than it seems.

Conclusion
I'm glad I stumbled across this as part of my Simply Positive Challenge. Thanks for sharing!


Horses Simply Positive Challengers Review Sig
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190
Review of "She is Wrath!"  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
A poem about Mother Earth, and the pain and wrath she feels.

What I liked most
I like the gradual way you build up to the switch from beauty to pain to wrath.

My general suggestions
There are a few places that feel awkward, such as "She is a crying, display of the pain of the Creator" where the word "display" feels odd, and the comma before it seems wrong. Read the poem aloud a few times and you may find ways to smooth it out.

Technical issues
Not anything serious.

Conclusion
A strong poem that could be polished a bit more, but gives a strong message.


Horses Simply Positive Challengers Review Sig
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191
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
A wonderful and evocative poem about the homeless at Christmas.

What I liked most
You do a terrific job of personalizing the experience of this homeless man to indicate the plight of all the homeless. I am not as much a fan of free verse as I am of form poetry, but this is truly beautiful.

My general suggestions
I don't have any suggestions, except to keep on writing (which you clearly have).

Technical issues
None that I saw. Good work!

Conclusion
This was a pleasure to discover. One of the wonderful things about the Simply Positive Challenges is stumbling on the treasures buried out on WDC. Thank you.

Horses Simply Positive Challengers Review Sig
192
192
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
A cute story about a nasty trick played on a sister.

What I liked most
I like the description of the spider, and how it almost kicked its ways back out the box. You could practically picture the monster (I'm not a fan of spiders myself)

My general suggestions
The beginning and ending are not as strong as the middle. Your first line starts things off slowly "I happen to be the eldest of five girls, not that that is relevant but I just thought I'd mention it." If you have to apologize for the sentence not being relevant, just cut it.

Similarly, the ending of the story feels a little awkward. While it is sometimes effective to suggest that there are further stories to tell, in this context it sounds more like you are not positive this story is interesting enough to stand on its own. It is, but you have to let it.

Technical issues
An entertaining story, but I have to say it: How could you? Your own sister? (Just kidding)

Conclusion


Horses Simply Positive Challengers Review Sig
193
193
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
Well written country song lyrics.

What I liked most
I like the refrain and the idea that even when love has burned out, the memory of love is worth another dance.

Technical issues
My only issue with the song is that the refrain appears to be in the past tense, while the other verses are in present tense. It seems like it would feel more right if they matched.

Conclusion
A good song. I look forward to reading more of your lyrics.

Horses Simply Positive Challengers Review Sig
194
194
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
A short, very short, poem about reading.

What I liked most
The title and intro description are great, pulling the reader in. Unfortunately, it feels way too short.

My general suggestions
Make it longer. The entire concept is supposed to be about reading and writing, sit down and write some more. I like the phrasing, but it isn't like a haiku or something where the brevity is the point.

Conclusion
Welcome to WDC. I hope to see more of your writing (much more!).

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195
Review of Forget Me Not  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
An intriguing story about a girl who is hard to remember, even when she wants to be.

What I liked most
I like the way you edge into the girl's situation, showing how she would react first before telling us what is going on.

My general suggestions
The story goes quite well, but feels like it could use a bit more content when she starts talking about herself. Here is someone who nobody ever remembers, and she has an audience. It is hard to believe she doesn't start talking more.

Conclusion
This is still a bit rough, but it has a lot of promise, and is definitely worth polishing even more. Nice job!


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Review of Full Bloom  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 19 of the Pond Poetry - ON HIATUS!  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 19 Prompt: July

Round 19 Form: Monchielle
The Monchielle is a poem that consists of four five-line stanzas where the first line repeats in each verse. Each line within the stanzas consists of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme.

The rhyme pattern is thus Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml.


Overall impression
A poem filled with images of nature in July.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
The form was followed fairly well, with one slip-up in syllable counts (second stanza, last line has seven syllables), but some relatively forced rhymes.

The connection to July is implicit, but could be a bit more explicit. This could be about any month from at least May to August.

What I liked most
I like the colorful descriptions, especially the first four lines of the last stanza:

Nature is in full bloom.
Like a painter dappling
in various bold shades,
on the canvas of land,


My general suggestions and technical concerns
There are various places where it feels stilted, as if you have forced words in to make the syllable count, but disregarding the meaning. For example, "Comeliness it unfurls" and "love and affection its drops", which both sound quite awkward and forced. Try to read your poem out loud and see if it feels natural, or difficult to read.

Rating and Rationale
You followed the form and prompt pretty well, but had some trouble with rhymes and phrasing. I gave you three and a half stars, which is above average. Good luck with the contest.
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Review of July  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 19 of the Pond Poetry - ON HIATUS!  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 19 Prompt: July

Round 19 Form: Monchielle
The Monchielle is a poem that consists of four five-line stanzas where the first line repeats in each verse. Each line within the stanzas consists of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme.

The rhyme pattern is thus Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml.


Overall impression
A delightful poem about a girl, a surprise and love springing forth in July.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
The form was followed perfectly, although some would argue that it is not kosher to rhyme "day" and "someday". The prompt was used well, and I like that the poem told a story at its essential level.

What I liked most
I like the easy-going flow of the poem, written so that you barely notice that there is a fairly strict form, but instead using that form to carry the stanzas forward. Each stanza holds a discrete place and purpose, but they all work together.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
I'd look at the last stanza and see about the "day" and "someday" rhyme.

Rating and Rationale
The form was done well, the prompt was used well, and you transcended the prompt to make a story. I gave this four and a half stars, and applaud you for an excellent entry. Good luck in the contest!
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198
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 19 of the Pond Poetry - ON HIATUS!  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 19 Prompt: July

Round 19 Form: Monchielle
The Monchielle is a poem that consists of four five-line stanzas where the first line repeats in each verse. Each line within the stanzas consists of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme.

The rhyme pattern is thus Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml.


Overall impression
A fun and playful poem about July and summer from a child's point of view.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
You followed the form perfectly, and managed to take a fresh view on the July-as-summer theme.

What I liked most
I liked the playful tone, and the way you were able to make the stanzas flow past without feeling the effort of following the form. I especially like the second stanza, and especially the second line of it:

There's no school in July.
Long days, short pants, no shoes,
Squirt guns and swimming pools,
Bike rides and fireflies
Will be our among our tools.


My general suggestions and technical concerns
Your rhymes are fairly simple, and while they work in context, they don't capture the attention the way they might if you took some unexplored avenues, with rhymes that were more unexpected.

Rating and Rationale
The form was followed perfectly, and your use of the prompt was good. If you had written this just as an adult looking back, it might not have been as effective, but taking the child's point of view makes this work especially well. I gave you four and a half stars. Good luck in the contest!
199
199
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 19 of the Pond Poetry - ON HIATUS!  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 19 Prompt: July

Round 19 Form: Monchielle
The Monchielle is a poem that consists of four five-line stanzas where the first line repeats in each verse. Each line within the stanzas consists of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme.

The rhyme pattern is thus Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml.


Overall impression
A well written and inspiring poem about the colors that matter, and how they are more than just red, white and blue.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
You followed the form perfectly, with a subtle, but effective, use of the prompt.

What I liked most
I liked how you use enjambment on the first line as an effective way of exploring different ideas with the same words. I also likes how your words flow through the stanzas, with each playing its role. In general, you seemed to be working with the form, not against it.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
While your word choices were very strong, the rhymes themselves could have stretched a bit further. I hesitate to say even that, as they sound good in context, but when you think of the actual pairs, they seem a little obvious.

Rating and Rationale
You followed the form and the prompt well, and wrote a meaningful poem about a topic which has been covered before, but not always as well. I gave you four and a half stars. Good luck with the contest!
200
200
Review of Winter's March  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 19 of the Pond Poetry - ON HIATUS!  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 19 Prompt: July

Round 19 Form: Monchielle
The Monchielle is a poem that consists of four five-line stanzas where the first line repeats in each verse. Each line within the stanzas consists of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme.

The rhyme pattern is thus Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml.


Overall impression
Fascinating imagery of July "down under". Those of us in the Northern Hemisphere may find it jarring to read about a wintry July, but it is well done.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
The form and prompt are followed well. Good job!

What I liked most
I like the imagery, and the way you thread a bit of mythology into the lines. My favorite stanza, due to its excellent flow, is:

July marches onward;
the southern hemisphere
turns its back on sunlight;
seasons lost underneath
ever increasing night.


My general suggestions and technical concerns
The third stanza feels like it should be really strong, with reference to the month's namesake and the enemies of old, but it doesn't quite work. I'm having trouble putting my finger on why it sounds off, but perhaps it is just that if you are going to mention Julius Caesar, the armies you mention in that stanza should be tied in somehow.

Rating and Rationale
Your poem was well written and followed the form carefully, and flowed well. I have awarded this four stars. Best of luck in the contest!
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