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Review of Well-Hid Panties  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
An intriguing poem that dances around the edge of comprehensibility without ever quite entering the ring.

What I liked most
I like the language and playful tone, and I think I might even like the rest if I could get my head around it.

My general suggestions
Try to read this (and I know it is difficult), as if you are an outsider who knows nothing about what you are assuming. Every stanza left me scratching my head, but with the sense that I was just missing something by looking at it wrong. For example, I come to a line such as "For my faith, I’d be less moved" and I don't know what you mean at all. It could be you mean "but for my faith", as in "if it were not for my faith", but then you'd expect "I'd be more moved". As it is, I am left scratching my head, and it is already quite sore.

In short, I don't get it at all. I may be dense, but I can't figure out whether he is seeing the girl and she is ignoring him, or seeing her and afraid to approach her, or seeing her and constrained by morality to not approach her, or is perhaps approaching her. I just don't get what is going on at all, even if that makes me dense.

Conclusion
I keep feeling that I would really enjoy this poem, and am frustrated at my inability to do so. I hope you clarify it somehow so I can enjoy it as I would like.


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177
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (3.0)
LadyOtilia , I am a guest judge for Round 14 of the Summer Days Writing Contest -- CLOSED . I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.



Round 14 Prompt: Supernatural


Overall impression
I enjoyed the beginning of this story, and thought it had some very promising elements, but they were not carried through to the end.

What I liked most
I like the characters you have. You do a good job of adding little tidbits that bring life to your characters, such as Brad calling the younger students "goslings".

My general suggestions and technical concerns
The formatting of the story makes it quite difficult to read. While dialogue does necessitate a new paragraph, the rest of the sentences are run together in a way that makes reading difficult.

Your story starts well, and has an interesting concept that could be carried off well, I think, but it feels as if you ended the story abruptly. Brad gets the flute, and then you become friends again with the teacher, but there doesn't seem to be a connection between the two events. I would strongly suggest that you write a plot summary or outline for yourself, then fill out the story to make sure all of the plot is covered. The story seems well worth finishing, and I think you will be very pleased with the results if you put a bit more time into completing it.

There are no serious issues with spelling or punctuation or grammar.

Rating and Rationale
The story is a good concept that needs to be completed, so I gave it a rating of 3 stars, but would be happy to re-evaluate it if you make changes and let me know.
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178
Review of A Future Bright  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 20 of the Invalid Item  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 20 Prompt: Image of sunflowers

Round 20 Form: Decuain
The Decuain is a short poem made up of 10 lines, which can be written on any subject. There are 10 syllables per line and the poem is written in iambic pentameter.

There are 3 set choices of rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa, ababbcbcbb, or ababbcbccc

For a longer Decuain poem, add more stanzas for a double, triple, quadruple, etc. All stanzas must have the same rhyme scheme as the first.

Overall impression
A philosophical poem about sunflowers and humanity.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
Line count: 10 lines *Check5*
Syllable count: 10 syllables per line *Check5*
Rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa *Check5*
Meter: iambic pentameter *Check5* with a couple of glitches

You followed the form fairly well in most ways, and almost nailed the iambic pentameter except for a couple of spots.

What I liked most
I like the rich word choices and imagery, as well as the sense of story which your double decuain exhibits.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
Work on your iambic pentameter a bit more, as consistent meter is very important to the sound of a poem.

Rating and Rationale
You followed the form and prompt well, although you didn't quite master the meter throughout as required. Your language was excellent. Because of all these factors, I gave you 4.0 stars, which is above average. Good luck with the contest!
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Review of Sunflower  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 20 of the Invalid Item  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 20 Prompt: Image of sunflowers

Round 20 Form: Decuain
The Decuain is a short poem made up of 10 lines, which can be written on any subject. There are 10 syllables per line and the poem is written in iambic pentameter.

There are 3 set choices of rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa, ababbcbcbb, or ababbcbccc

For a longer Decuain poem, add more stanzas for a double, triple, quadruple, etc. All stanzas must have the same rhyme scheme as the first.

Overall impression
A happy and inspiring poem about the glory of sunflowers.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
Line count: 10 lines *Check5*
Syllable count: 10 syllables per line *Check5*
Rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa *Check5*
Meter: iambic pentameter *Check5*

You followed the form very well, although some of the rhymes feel a little forced. For example, "when seeds would fall like lace" doesn't really make sense.

What I liked most
I liked the spirit and tone of the poem, and how well you used the form. My favorite lines, which seem to embody the essence of the whole poem are:

No flower named in honor of the sun
could help but hold us all in its embrace

My general suggestions and technical concerns
This is well done, but work to be sure everything is smooth, and that you are not using any words "just to rhyme", because it always shows through.

Rating and Rationale
You followed the form well, followed the prompt cleverly, and did it all sounding poetic, and mostly unforced. Your iambic pentameter was well done. Because of all these, I gave you 4.0 stars. Good luck with the contest!
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Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 20 of the Invalid Item  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 20 Prompt: Image of sunflowers

Round 20 Form: Decuain
The Decuain is a short poem made up of 10 lines, which can be written on any subject. There are 10 syllables per line and the poem is written in iambic pentameter.

There are 3 set choices of rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa, ababbcbcbb, or ababbcbccc

For a longer Decuain poem, add more stanzas for a double, triple, quadruple, etc. All stanzas must have the same rhyme scheme as the first.

Overall impression
A poem from the perspective of the sunflower.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
Line count: 10 lines *Check5*
Syllable count: 10 syllables per line *Check5*
Rhyme scheme: ababbcbcaa *Check5*
Meter: iambic pentameter *Thumbsdown* many glitches

You followed the form fairly well in most ways, but clearly had some trouble with the iambic pentameter.

What I liked most
I like the lines:

He gives me everything that I require,
He asks of me only one sacrifice:
I let my seeds germinate and inspire

My general suggestions and technical concerns
Work on your iambic pentameter, but also be sure to read and re-read the poem to make sure it sounds smooth. It is a little choppy as it stands.

Rating and Rationale
You followed the form and prompt fairly well, although you didn't manage to get the meter, iambic pentameter, as required. Because of all these factors, I gave you 3.5 stars, which is above average. Good luck with the contest!
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Review of Unfaithful  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
An acrostic poem about infidelity.

What I liked most
I like the rhythm you maintain in the poem, not always easy in an acrostic, and the moody tone of the writing.

My general suggestions
None to give, really. Quite well done, and I have written enough acrostics to know that it is harder than it seems.

Conclusion
I'm glad I stumbled across this as part of my Simply Positive Challenge. Thanks for sharing!


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Review of "She is Wrath!"  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
A poem about Mother Earth, and the pain and wrath she feels.

What I liked most
I like the gradual way you build up to the switch from beauty to pain to wrath.

My general suggestions
There are a few places that feel awkward, such as "She is a crying, display of the pain of the Creator" where the word "display" feels odd, and the comma before it seems wrong. Read the poem aloud a few times and you may find ways to smooth it out.

Technical issues
Not anything serious.

Conclusion
A strong poem that could be polished a bit more, but gives a strong message.


Horses Simply Positive Challengers Review Sig
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Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
A wonderful and evocative poem about the homeless at Christmas.

What I liked most
You do a terrific job of personalizing the experience of this homeless man to indicate the plight of all the homeless. I am not as much a fan of free verse as I am of form poetry, but this is truly beautiful.

My general suggestions
I don't have any suggestions, except to keep on writing (which you clearly have).

Technical issues
None that I saw. Good work!

Conclusion
This was a pleasure to discover. One of the wonderful things about the Simply Positive Challenges is stumbling on the treasures buried out on WDC. Thank you.

Horses Simply Positive Challengers Review Sig
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184
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
A cute story about a nasty trick played on a sister.

What I liked most
I like the description of the spider, and how it almost kicked its ways back out the box. You could practically picture the monster (I'm not a fan of spiders myself)

My general suggestions
The beginning and ending are not as strong as the middle. Your first line starts things off slowly "I happen to be the eldest of five girls, not that that is relevant but I just thought I'd mention it." If you have to apologize for the sentence not being relevant, just cut it.

Similarly, the ending of the story feels a little awkward. While it is sometimes effective to suggest that there are further stories to tell, in this context it sounds more like you are not positive this story is interesting enough to stand on its own. It is, but you have to let it.

Technical issues
An entertaining story, but I have to say it: How could you? Your own sister? (Just kidding)

Conclusion


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Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
Well written country song lyrics.

What I liked most
I like the refrain and the idea that even when love has burned out, the memory of love is worth another dance.

Technical issues
My only issue with the song is that the refrain appears to be in the past tense, while the other verses are in present tense. It seems like it would feel more right if they matched.

Conclusion
A good song. I look forward to reading more of your lyrics.

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Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
A short, very short, poem about reading.

What I liked most
The title and intro description are great, pulling the reader in. Unfortunately, it feels way too short.

My general suggestions
Make it longer. The entire concept is supposed to be about reading and writing, sit down and write some more. I like the phrasing, but it isn't like a haiku or something where the brevity is the point.

Conclusion
Welcome to WDC. I hope to see more of your writing (much more!).

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Review of Forget Me Not  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
An intriguing story about a girl who is hard to remember, even when she wants to be.

What I liked most
I like the way you edge into the girl's situation, showing how she would react first before telling us what is going on.

My general suggestions
The story goes quite well, but feels like it could use a bit more content when she starts talking about herself. Here is someone who nobody ever remembers, and she has an audience. It is hard to believe she doesn't start talking more.

Conclusion
This is still a bit rough, but it has a lot of promise, and is definitely worth polishing even more. Nice job!


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Review of July  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 19 of the Invalid Item  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 19 Prompt: July

Round 19 Form: Monchielle
The Monchielle is a poem that consists of four five-line stanzas where the first line repeats in each verse. Each line within the stanzas consists of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme.

The rhyme pattern is thus Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml.

Overall impression
A delightful poem about a girl, a surprise and love springing forth in July.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
The form was followed perfectly, although some would argue that it is not kosher to rhyme "day" and "someday". The prompt was used well, and I like that the poem told a story at its essential level.

What I liked most
I like the easy-going flow of the poem, written so that you barely notice that there is a fairly strict form, but instead using that form to carry the stanzas forward. Each stanza holds a discrete place and purpose, but they all work together.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
I'd look at the last stanza and see about the "day" and "someday" rhyme.

Rating and Rationale
The form was done well, the prompt was used well, and you transcended the prompt to make a story. I gave this four and a half stars, and applaud you for an excellent entry. Good luck in the contest!
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Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 19 of the Invalid Item  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 19 Prompt: July

Round 19 Form: Monchielle
The Monchielle is a poem that consists of four five-line stanzas where the first line repeats in each verse. Each line within the stanzas consists of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme.

The rhyme pattern is thus Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml.

Overall impression
A fun and playful poem about July and summer from a child's point of view.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
You followed the form perfectly, and managed to take a fresh view on the July-as-summer theme.

What I liked most
I liked the playful tone, and the way you were able to make the stanzas flow past without feeling the effort of following the form. I especially like the second stanza, and especially the second line of it:

There's no school in July.
Long days, short pants, no shoes,
Squirt guns and swimming pools,
Bike rides and fireflies
Will be our among our tools.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
Your rhymes are fairly simple, and while they work in context, they don't capture the attention the way they might if you took some unexplored avenues, with rhymes that were more unexpected.

Rating and Rationale
The form was followed perfectly, and your use of the prompt was good. If you had written this just as an adult looking back, it might not have been as effective, but taking the child's point of view makes this work especially well. I gave you four and a half stars. Good luck in the contest!
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Review of Winter's March  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 19 of the Invalid Item  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 19 Prompt: July

Round 19 Form: Monchielle
The Monchielle is a poem that consists of four five-line stanzas where the first line repeats in each verse. Each line within the stanzas consists of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme.

The rhyme pattern is thus Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml.

Overall impression
Fascinating imagery of July "down under". Those of us in the Northern Hemisphere may find it jarring to read about a wintry July, but it is well done.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
The form and prompt are followed well. Good job!

What I liked most
I like the imagery, and the way you thread a bit of mythology into the lines. My favorite stanza, due to its excellent flow, is:

July marches onward;
the southern hemisphere
turns its back on sunlight;
seasons lost underneath
ever increasing night.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
The third stanza feels like it should be really strong, with reference to the month's namesake and the enemies of old, but it doesn't quite work. I'm having trouble putting my finger on why it sounds off, but perhaps it is just that if you are going to mention Julius Caesar, the armies you mention in that stanza should be tied in somehow.

Rating and Rationale
Your poem was well written and followed the form carefully, and flowed well. I have awarded this four stars. Best of luck in the contest!
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Review of Underestimated  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 19 of the Invalid Item  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 19 Prompt: July

Round 19 Form: Monchielle
The Monchielle is a poem that consists of four five-line stanzas where the first line repeats in each verse. Each line within the stanzas consists of six syllables, and lines three and five rhyme.

The rhyme pattern is thus Abcdc Aefgf Ahiji Aklml.

Overall impression
A fun and inventive take on the prompt and the contest.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
You followed the form well, and choose and interesting and unique story. Your use of the prompt was a bit peripheral, but certainly acceptable.

What I liked most
I liked the way you told a story, rather than just describing a place or holiday. The scenario is described well, and you have a moral, which is fun to see. In a twist, your first line makes more and more sense as you progress. Well done!

My general suggestions and technical concerns
By the third stanza, you are starting to squeeze things a bit to meet the form, and they sound more stilted. For example, the following sounds forced:

And mounting on the fly
Said that, "I'll be careful
So you won't have to sigh."

It is also somewhat frowned on to repeat the rhyme (from the third and fifth lines) in multiple stanzas. If you choose to extend the form, you can say that they all rhyme, thus making an intentional pattern but if only some rhyme, it is considered sloppy.

Rating and Rationale
Your poem was well written and followed the form carefully, without sounding very choppy. I have awarded this four stars, and would encourage you to keep writing and stretching your skills. This shows a lot of promise. Best of luck in the contest!
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Review of Endeavor  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
(suser:huntersmoon}, I am judging your poem as part of Round 18 of the Invalid Item  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 18 Prompt: Quotation "Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer." ~Ted Williams

Round 18 Form: Tri-Fall
A Tri-Fall consists of three stanzas. Each stanza must have 6 lines. The rhyme pattern for each stanza is a/b/c/a/b/c, and the syllable count for each is 6/3/8/6/3/8. This form was created by Jan Turner. There usually isn't a whole lot of punctuation in a Tri-Fall, but can be included if it helps the poem as a whole.

Overall impression
I like this poem quite a bit. It stretches beyond the prompt to glean a bigger picture from the theme, which is good.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
The tri-fall has no meter requirement, but it does have a strict syllable count requirement and rhyme scheme. You have followed the syllable counts fairly well with one exception. By my count:

6/3/8/6/3/8
6/3/8/8/3/8 (two extra syllables on the fourth line)
6/3/8/6/3/8

Your rhymes are good, with only the pair "comfort/sport" a bit iffy. Your use of the prompt is clever and carried out well.


What I liked most
I like the last stanza, where you pull together the poem and make clear the connection to the Ted Williams quote.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
With a precise form like this, count and re-count, as it can be frustrating to realize later that you miscounted syllables and this missed the form by a bit.

Rating and Rationale
I gave thus four stars for its excellent theme and fairly close following of the form. I also felt the rhymes were good, and the word choices went beyond simply finding a rhyme to expressing higher ideas. Good job!
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Review of Baseball  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am judging your poem as part of Round 18 of the Invalid Item  contest. I appreciate your sharing your work, and hope that this review can be of some use.


Round 18 Prompt: Quotation "Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer." ~Ted Williams

Round 18 Form: Tri-Fall
A Tri-Fall consists of three stanzas. Each stanza must have 6 lines. The rhyme pattern for each stanza is a/b/c/a/b/c, and the syllable count for each is 6/3/8/6/3/8. This form was created by Jan Turner. There usually isn't a whole lot of punctuation in a Tri-Fall, but can be included if it helps the poem as a whole.

Overall impression
A fun poem that seems to cry out to be just a bit more feisty and not so simple.

Technical adherence to form and prompt
The tri-fall has no meter requirements, but it does have a strict syllable count requirement and a rhyme scheme. Congratulations! You met the syllable count perfectly, which was a real challenge for some contestants. Your rhymes were also correct, although partly through being very simple rhymes, and by rhyming "ball/all" in the first stanza and "all/ball" in the second.

With the prompt, you did a bit less well. You certainly followed the prompt, but almost too carefully, not really bringing anything else in. Prompts should inspire you in some way, and while there are moments of inspiration, you could get a bit more wild and risky with the ideas.

What I liked most
The game is loved by all.
We sit in
hot, sweltering bleachers to see
a grown man hit a ball

I like the mild sarcasm implied by these two ideas together. I think you could do even more with this.

My general suggestions and technical concerns
It is a challenge to meet syllable requirements and rhyming requirements and still add color and life to a poem, but it can be done. See if you can come up with more lively rhymes with a bit more variety, perhaps continuing the slightly sarcastic tone I mentioned above.

Also, it seemed at the end of the poem as if you simply repeated the prompt, rather than being inspired by it. See if you can draw some bigger message or theme, or possibly demonstrate the idea rather than just restating it.

Rating and Rationale
I gave this three and a half stars because it has some very good ideas wrapped into it that promise even better things. While parts of the poem are somewhat forced (e.g., "buy big cars,
big houses, their wild oats are sown" is clever in concept, but feels very awkward as worded), the form was followed well and there is an entertaining tone you could probably expand on.
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Review of Waves  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
One of the oddest things about Writing.com is that the "newbies" are sometimes more talented than many of the veterans. It is always a surprise to run into a really wonderful bit of writing or a strong voice in a new member.

This is a very good poem. It has a couple of rough edges, and could be improved, but it has loads of promise and is worth the effort.

What I liked most
Obviously, you have experience with poetry, whether through reading or writing, and have both made your nods to the mythological and used lots of simile and metaphor. I particularly like some of the more quirky of these, such as my favorite lines:

The turquoise blue cordial
Kissed by the summer
Crashes on quiet
Like the beat of a drummer

where it feels like you show not only the comparison between the waves and the drummer, but the ever changing mix between the calm and the wild which is inherent in the ocean.

My general suggestions
There may be almost too many different metaphors, each stanza packed with multiple images. I can't quite decide whether this is an intentional attempt to mirror the wild and changing see, or just an overactive attempt to pack in every thought and not save any for the next poem.

On a more serious note, there are a few places where a little more polishing might make things work better, especially given that you could move toward a steady five beats per line rather than a mix of five or six with no set pattern. For example, you have:

Take me to a land
Of surging green swells,
Whitewater tinkling
Like the ringing of bells

The last line would be stronger if you removed the first word, to give you either:

Whitewater tinkling
The ringing of bells

In general, take a look at the first words of each line, and see how many are weak or joining words: The, That, Of, Like, Are. See if there are places where you can make the beginning of the line more catchy. For instance, let's look at one stanza:

They break like fine china
With white booming spray,
The ripples are sand dunes,
They’re dawn’s breaking day

I don't want to rewrite for you, but could you start with "Fragile fine china" as the first line, and somehow move the breaking to the beginning of the next line? I guess it would break the meter a bit, but take a look at that sort of transformation.


Technical issues
I didn't see any real problems. Good job!

Conclusion
This is a very good poem, with great imagery, that could use a bit of empowerment in its lines. I look forward to reading more of your work.


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Review of Backseat Driver  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.


Overall impression
I had some difficulty with this poem, because I very much like parts, but the fundamental idea seems to have gotten lost (or perhaps just flew over my head). An ambitious attempt, since writing acrostic monorhyme is not easy, but with the title and theme missed somehow.

What I liked most
My favorite parts were that you attempted this at all, as it is an interesting and challenging format, and that you documented the format at the bottom, which always pleases me.

My general suggestions
As it says fairly well on Wikipedia, "A backseat driver is a vehicle passenger who is not controlling the vehicle and seems to be uncomfortable with the skills of the driver and/or wants to tutor the driver while the driver is at the wheel."

But your young fellow never talks during the entire poem, and at the end says something which may be accustatory, but has nothing to do with the mom's driving. The whole concept of backseat driving seems missed, which seems such a shame because the poem is interesting and fun. This is also a very hard thing to adjust in an acrostic.

Finally, this sort of poem works better if there is a consistent, or even fairly consistemt meter or syllable count, but these lines are all over the place.

My Rating and Rationale
I gave this a 3.5, because the writing was fun and clever, but the meaning of the poem didn't match the acrostic, and the lines were long and choppy. It is good, but could be much better.

Thanks for entering the Invalid Item . Please do not edit your poem until we are finished with the judging. Best of luck!


Official Gaggle of Guys Review
196
196
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
An excellent and well written article about the careless regard for copyright on the Internet, and especially in mail forwards.

What I liked most
The title grabbed me from the side listing (although I am not even sure whether it was sponsored or a reviewer link).

The section of the article where you discuss the "crying eagle" image was particularly well done. This iconic image is so widely known, most readers could probably remember having seen it themselves, and yet few have probably ever followed through to discover where it originated and the person whose copyright is being violated.

My general suggestions
I am not sure whether the originator of the "eagle crying" image is shy and refused to have his/her name printed, but it seems unlikely as a professional graphic artist. I think the point of the article would be even better served if you had a name or two to put to your "anonymous".

Technical issues
I saw none. Good job!

Conclusion
I was very glad to see this link and read your article. I have never been a fan of mail forwards, and as a software developer, I am very concerned about the general sense of entitlement the public shows about intellectual property and creative works. This article does an excellent job of laying out the points in an engaging way. Thanks!


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197
197
Review of He Is Pleased  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
A pleasing little poem combining the essence of "'Twas the Night Before Christmas" with the spirituality which underlies the season.

What I liked most
I like the gentle tone, and especially:

While snow
Gently falls,
Inside.... people gather
And sing "Deck The Halls".

My general suggestions
I think this could easily be expanded a bit to encompass other parts of the season.

Technical issues
None that I saw. Good job!

Conclusion
It was a pleasure see your poem. Thanks for sharing!


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198
198
Review of ~ Secrecy  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance as part of a Just Because I Want To Premium package gifted to you by ~WhoMe???~ .
Review 5 of 5.


Overall impression
A palindrome poem which cycles back on itself.

What I liked most
You did a good job with a difficult form. I liked the "Silent lies" and "Lies silent" pair the best.

My general suggestions
The "Fro and to" is a bit awkward. Perhaps "back and forth" and "forth and back" would be better, but I'm not sure. That is the one pair that is not quite as even.

Technical issues
I see no problems.

Conclusion
A fun and interesting attempt at a Palindrome poem, a form with which I was not familiar, but whose name pretty much describes the form.


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199
199
Review of me and him  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
A powerful poem about a daughter missing a father who left.

What I liked most
I like how you make the point that you have a father, he is just not there:

t's not like i don't have a father
because everyone does
it's just that mine is not with me
we don't live in the same house
we're not sharing the same dinner table
he doesn't send me to school everyday
he don't give me presents during my birthdays
he's just...
..not here

My general suggestions
It is hard to know exactly how to review such a poem. It is powerful and from the heart, so telling you to do this or that might violate the sense of the poem.

Conclusion
Keep on writing! You have a strong voice, and it was a pleasure to read your thoughts.


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200
200
Review of ~~The Cold Tide  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance as part of a Just Because I Want To Premium package gifted to you by ~WhoMe???~ .
Review 3 of 5.


Overall impression
A visually enticing poem in a difficult form, constructed fairly well.

What I liked most
I like the creepy tone and sense-stimulating language.

My general suggestions
Aside from the technical issues, not much.

Technical issues
seeing and reaping and reaching -> Do not really rhyme, and in this sort of form, perfect or close to perfect rhymes sound better.

Remorse can not hide. -> Should be "cannot"

Conclusion
This was fun to read. I've never tried that form, but it looks interesting.


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