This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.
One of the oddest things about Writing.com is that the "newbies" are sometimes more talented than many of the veterans. It is always a surprise to run into a really wonderful bit of writing or a strong voice in a new member.
This is a very good poem. It has a couple of rough edges, and could be improved, but it has loads of promise and is worth the effort.
What I liked most
Obviously, you have experience with poetry, whether through reading or writing, and have both made your nods to the mythological and used lots of simile and metaphor. I particularly like some of the more quirky of these, such as my favorite lines:
The turquoise blue cordial
Kissed by the summer
Crashes on quiet
Like the beat of a drummer
where it feels like you show not only the comparison between the waves and the drummer, but the ever changing mix between the calm and the wild which is inherent in the ocean.
My general suggestions
There may be almost too many different metaphors, each stanza packed with multiple images. I can't quite decide whether this is an intentional attempt to mirror the wild and changing see, or just an overactive attempt to pack in every thought and not save any for the next poem.
On a more serious note, there are a few places where a little more polishing might make things work better, especially given that you could move toward a steady five beats per line rather than a mix of five or six with no set pattern. For example, you have:
Take me to a land
Of surging green swells,
Like the ringing of bells
The last line would be stronger if you removed the first word, to give you either:
The ringing of bells
In general, take a look at the first words of each line, and see how many are weak or joining words: The, That, Of, Like, Are. See if there are places where you can make the beginning of the line more catchy. For instance, let's look at one stanza:
They break like fine china
With white booming spray,
The ripples are sand dunes,
They’re dawn’s breaking day
I don't want to rewrite for you, but could you start with "Fragile fine china" as the first line, and somehow move the breaking to the beginning of the next line? I guess it would break the meter a bit, but take a look at that sort of transformation.
I didn't see any real problems. Good job!
This is a very good poem, with great imagery, that could use a bit of empowerment in its lines. I look forward to reading more of your work.
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