|Hey there Journey to find my voice ! I saw your story had won the writers cramp contest from 3/24, so figured I'd check it out!
My overall impression of this story is that the mother is... abusive? evil? You leave that to the imagination of the reader, which I definitely enjoyed.
I like the way you built up the tension, it's a regular day, but something about it is foreboding, wrong, threatening. Like the sixth sense intuition even knows that this is a bad situation.
Some things I noticed for potential improvement below. These are just my own non-professional opinion, so take what you will, and leave the rest!
Your opening, "I had woken up to a bright sunny day," could be a bit more interesting. I'm a big believer in having an eye-catching first line, and a regular, bright sunny day, isn't particularly catchy. Maybe focus on the "miserable feeling" in the first sentence juxtaposed with the regular morning descriptions to make a more catchy beginning.
Some sentences didn't read well to me:
- Because I knew that I would be getting in trouble for the coffee ring that is now on the kitchen counter. - This is a sentence fragment
- You capitalize "Father" throughout the story, was that intentional?
- And, for me to be able to escape my mother's prison, I mean house. - Starting a sentence with "and" is usually not a good idea. Instead of a comma, try using an emdash "—"
Hope this helps, keep on writing! Great story!