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Review Requests: OFF
10 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by mix n match
Rated: E | (3.5)
Lovely picture language. Makes me want this experience especially as like everyone else I want to escape and taste freedom to do these things. Things I'd consider changing :
line 1 I'd put 'over me' insteda of 'one' . Makes it more personal/ less formal
I'm not sure the line dragonflies or mayflies. Not sure the uncertainty inferred necessary. Just put one or the other or use 'and'
'wherein' again not sure best word to use . Just miss it out.
Last but one line 'even if....' Again I think it's too much of an explanation, almost an after thought. Nevertheless beautifully written on the whole!!
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Review of 21 Years  
Review by mix n match
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I read this with a certain amount of horror esp. if based on yours or someone else's life. It seems to be echoed in many other testimonies I've heard of people trapped in abusive relationships ( which this most definitely is !!) and of course the accompanying self recriminations ( the trick of the devil to deflect from the truth and keep one enslaved) This person , whoever it is, needs support and to get out of this relationship pronto ! Any way a good attempt to write and release one's feelings.
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Review of Depression  
Review by mix n match
Rated: E | (3.5)
Well written. Crystalizes depression realistically. Both myself and of late my son ( now 30) have suffered serious bouts of depression. I can identify with your thoughts esp. the recurring, nagging nature of this illness ( which by the way is still not always dealt with effectively by the medical profession or understood by others) For my son, a return to his Christian roots and the love, prayers and fellowship helped together with his gift of creating music ( now praise songs)
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Review of Happiness  
Review by mix n match
Rated: E | (3.0)
A good piece . I like the line It is a sweet fragrance which flows in.......
not sure about text language but then I suppose I'm getting 'old in the tooth' Happiness is a subject I've also thought and written about ( see my portfolio & give your thoughts if time allows)
Keep up the good work. Brian
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Review of Penitence  
Review by mix n match
Rated: E | (3.0)
As an old newby now , I was encouraged by reviews so must try to review others. I think you've made an excellent start. Some lovely lines :-Silent sickness knits her brows
I think I would call poem a lament. Difficult at times to figure out but take it the girl could take pain no more and so she took her life. Rhyming poetry can be one of the hardest forms with danger of becoming contrived. This may have worked better in free verse. Take care with spelling too. ' her bodies..' should be her body's..nonetheless good effort. Keep it up :)
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Review of Escaping Yourself  
Review by mix n match
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Just a short review. You've captured the dread and darkness of many here, maybe even yourself if personal. depression can be like this , a feeling of being trapped, a 'prisoner' in your own soul. Just to say that there is HOPE for any in this situation as I've found myself. Nice rhyme and rhythm .
May change the last phrase to 'there's simply no more' , just smoother I think. Keep writing .
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Review of Poem - Today  
Review by mix n match
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi ...interesting. Hard to fathom in places but an element of mystery is not a bad thing. Gets you guessing or surmising. I'm also a 'newbie' and actually wrote about a lady in white that started me wondering. A good start. Keep it up!
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