|Hi, Mastiff! Well it looks like I reviewed the wrong entry for the "I Write 2020" contest, the right one being this one, so here goes.
This is a good story with plenty of action, excitement and emotion. If this were written for a hockey magazine, there would only be a few spelling/grammatical issues that I'll get to shortly. For those who know very little about hockey, though, there seem to be a lot of technical terms that are not clear. It wasn't until the second paragraph, that I realized that the speaker is on the team. But terms like "dasher", "redline", "blueline" and "twine" were lost on me. However, those things did not detract from the overall story and I felt myself caught up in the excitement as the team went on to win the big game!
The first issue I had may be just a personal thing.The fourth sentence begins with "None of us" and the next sentence starts with "All of us" which for some reason caught my eye. Maybe the second sentence could start with "We all" to avoid the repetitive sound.
In the third paragraph, the tense changed from past to present and back to past with "dropped", "slide", "bounces", "hit" and "rebounded".
Also in the third paragraph, the word "past" should be "passed".
Thanks for this story, Mastiff. I don't watch sports much, but I do like a good game and this was a good one!