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Review of Privileged  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Dear level49 ;

Thank you for sharing your poetry "Privileged [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

What I liked Most
*Note*          Confuse your true self
         With the things that you own
         With the size of your wallet


On a Personal Note
*Note*          You've put the teenager in a pretty good wallet! It spells out my "once" teenaged son to a T. Maybe could've included a few other things also like, Where are the car keys? How 'bout some money for a party?... Be Blessed and Write On!


The Gospel BluesMan
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27
Review of One by some  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Dear Wordism ;

Thank you for sharing your poem "One by some [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

On a Personal Note
*Note*          I suppose some things must be known only to the poet, to which I am Not. But this one does make me think... Write On!


The Gospel BluesMan
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28
28
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Dear Rixfarmgirl ;

Thank you for sharing your story "Crime Comes to Abernathy Cove [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

Opening Line(s)
*Note*          Pretty Good... I kept right on reading!

What I liked Most
*Note*          
“Yeah, I guess so. Anyways, I runned as quick as I could and pulled off my neckerchief to try to help that shot guy and he warn’t nice t’all. Why he told me to leave him alone, he did.”
I really liked your drawled dialogue. I've tried some of this in my writing and I don't think mine is done this well. Nice job!

On a Personal Note
*Note*          If there were any grammar errors I did not notice, I loved the way the story played out bringing the point from the odd teacher to the robbery. This was excellently planned and carried out... Kudos to you... Be blessed and Write on!


The Gospel BluesMan
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Review of Season Opener  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Dear QwestionEvrythng ;

Thank you for sharing your poem "Season Opener [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

What I liked Most
*Note*          This poem can be used for ANY team... I found that I was thinking of my own Dallas Cowboys in the same light when I was reading your poem. Sigh... Good Job... Write On!!


The Gospel BluesMan
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30
30
Review of Halloween Party  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Dear Sticktalker ;

Thank you for sharing your story "Halloween Party [13+] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

Opening Line(s)
*Note*          Good

What I liked Most
*Note*          Suddenly a white shape flashed out of the bushes and passed between the two. “Ghosts!” yelled Zak as he turned and ran for the front gate.


On a Personal Note
*Note*          This was a funny little piece... I enjoyed it thoroughly. Nothing is greater than a kids imagination... Write On!!


The Gospel BluesMan
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31
31
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


Dear Oldwarrior ;

Thank you for sharing your poem "The Halloween Ghoul [ASR] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

Opening Line(s)
*Note*          great

What I liked Most
*Note*          there’s a stupid root from a stupid tree, growing through my cold behind.


On a Personal Note
*Note*          Great job oldwarrior... Really Sweet! Pun intended... I really enjoyed the poem... but I am not a poet, no way Jose! Write on!


The Gospel BluesMan
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Review of Mangled  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)


Dear Joseph Michael Webb ;

Thank you for sharing your story "Mangled [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

Opening Line(s)
*Note*          First line... boring. You've tried to cram way too much into this sentence making it run on and on. The second and third lines of the paragraph could suffice for the entire paragraph and paint the entire picture.

What I liked Most
*Note*          The ice was hanging from everything that the rain touched. All I could see were trees becoming crooked and held down by the increasingly high amount of ice that dangled from each branch and evergreen leaf.


On a Personal Note
*Note*          This is a great piece of newsprint, although laden with description. Description is good but should be dealt with a light hand so a reader has an imagination to use. If there is so much detail written, a reader will become bored and skip read or put the article aside completely. So let's take the two sentences above that I chose as the ones I liked and look at them first.

*Note*          The ice was hanging from everything that the rain touched. All I could see were trees becoming crooked and held down by the increasingly high amount of ice that dangled from each branch and evergreen leaf.
The first sentence is almost perfect... just leave off the word the at the beginning of the sentence and the "that" in the middle and it is perfect.
Ice was hanging from everything the rain touched.
This now tells the story brief and clean without extra words. Now the second sentence. Always watch for (ly) words, they are sometimes necessary and sometimes very usefull, but many times they get in the way.
All I could see were trees becoming crooked and held down broken by the increasingly high amount of ice that dangled from each branch and evergreen leaf.

Final wording: All I could see were trees becoming crooked and broken by the high amount of ice that dangled from each branch.


*Note*          So, this is how the entire piece needs to be edited. You need to go over it with a fine tooth comb and find all of the extra words, repeated phrases, and such and see if you can't write this same piece in about half as many words. I'll bet you can, and, I'll bet it will be more interesting when it's done... This is a great piece as it is, it just needs refining, Be Blessed, and Write On!


The Gospel BluesMan
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Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


Dear Jam ;

Thank you for sharing your poem "For better and better [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

What I liked Most
*Note*          
         hopes and dreams,
         growing fonder.


On a Personal Note
*Note*          It seems to me that hopes and dreams growing together is what makes a marriage stick. Great poem, I like the form and Especially the message. Be Blessed, and Write On!


The Gospel BluesMan
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Review of Cinderella  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Dear geekspie314 ;

Thank you for sharing your story "Cinderella [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

On a Personal Note
*Note*          Nice poem! You have done your friend well. I only found one error I think, a misspelling.

Dear Cinderella, follow your bruied heart.
Dear Cinderella, follow your bruied buried heart.

Great job... Write On!!!


The Gospel BluesMan
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35
35
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Dear Pat Kearney ;

Thank you for sharing your story "First Foot in the Water [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

On a Personal Note
*Note*          It seems as though a spiritual self-lashing must have done some good?! Well written... Write on!!


The Gospel BluesMan
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Review of Prologue  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Dear systicsierra;

Thank you for sharing your story "Prologue [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

What I liked Most
*Note*          "Her eyes were a soft blue, an exquisite baby blue silk dress hugged her delicate figure. A slit in the back of her dress revealed long slender legs, a low v shape in the front showed just the right amount of cleavage. Elizabeth knew she was a gorgeous woman. It was well known that she would use her looks to get what she wanted."

This is an excellent description of Elizabeth... it does not reveal too much yet it tells enough to let the imagination fill in the blanks. The voice of a true writer.

This is the only place in the piece where this occurs however. Descriptions of a sunset are unnecessary. Everyone has seen a sunset, and mentioning colors merely slows down the reading.

On a Personal Note
*Note*          Your story is a nicely written fantasy, elegantly seeking the style of the Potter series. Keep up the good work, and write on!


The Gospel BluesMan
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37
37
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Dear Lawrence ;

Thank you for sharing your story "Returning to Writing.com [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work!

On a Personal Note
*Note*          Welcome Back My Brother! You are indeed a wonderful writer and reviewer. Your skills have been missed. I hope this trip leads to more adventure than the first. Be blessed, and Write On!


The Gospel BluesMan
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38
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)


Dear Winnie Kay ;

Thank you for sharing your story "The Meaning of Life [ASR] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

Opening Line(s)
*Note*          Excellent!

What I liked Most
*Note*          "... Joyce smiled a toothless grin as the sounds of her children’s laughter filled her ears. The windows were open and she felt the cool breeze pass through the little house as she prepared supper for her family."
What an excellent recollection for the elderly lady... Great!

On a Personal Note
*Note*          Oh yes! Way to go! You nailed this one Winnie. You had emotion and feelings, and surrounding and almost had temperature. Great Job! I won't touch this. Write On!


The Gospel BluesMan
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39
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Dear Winnie Kay ;

Thank you for sharing your story "Unraveled Tapestry [13+] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

Opening Line(s)
*Note*          I like your opening but... actually, well I'll get to this later.

What I liked Most
*Note*           Then, as if the passing years were no more than a few blinks of an old cat’s eye, it was the winter of 2005.
O yes! You got into the third person!!!

On a Personal Note
*Note*          Okay, the first and last sections were in first person. Why? You write so well in the third person.

When you are writing in the first person, it is "more better" (as my mother would say) if you are writing the "I saw, I did, I went, I, I, I," stuff. When you are writing about someone else in the first person you end up with those ugly 'ed' ending words that put the sentence in to third person for a second and then you are back in first person and everything is messed up.
example: I can see through that one raised eyebrow (we always wondered how she could do that) and I know she is delighted in our playfulness.
Okay... this sentence is correct! but I can see through that one raised eyebrow (we always wondered how she could do that) and I know she is delighted delights in our playfulness. is more correct. But sentences are not always that easily corrected.

*Note*           The most important member of the family is stretched out under the table...
The most important member of the family is stretched stretches out under the table...
Everything in the first person (accomplished by some living thing), must be an action happening, not an action happened.

*Note*          I was going to say at the first about the opening that the second line should be the first. But, I'm thinking now that the first line should be "Time is a cruel thing." Nothing you have described in the story has been funny, so the first line is untrue, and then the last line... right after "Where did Mama go?" should be "Time is a cruel thing." Anyway, that is my take on this great story.

*Note*          If it were me, I would probably rewrite the entire story in third person, but you have so much work invested you probably don't want to do that. Otherwise, look at the story and see where there are people or animals doing things (actions) in the past tense and fix those sentences. I think those two are the main ones but I may have missed something, and this story will be perfectomundo! Be Blessed Ms Writer! and WRITE ON!!

The Gospel BluesMan
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40
40
Review of You Did What ??  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


Dear Winnie Kay ;

Thank you for sharing your story "You Did What ?? [18+] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

Opening Line(s)
*Note*          Excellent opening... this is what I'm talking about! Throw the reader into the story!

What I liked Most
*Note*          Larry knew it was hopeless. He limped out of the executive’s office muttering, “I’m sorry, sir. I was just one letter off on the print job.” He headed to his little shop in the back of the warehouse.
Oh my... poor Larry, I really felt for him here, he's just not coming to grips with reality...

On a Personal Note
*Note*          Well done! Great job! Ruck Shoe... hahahahahaha... LOL this is great! What a funny story...! Be blessed, you earned this win for sure... WRITE ON!!!


The Gospel BluesMan
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Review of The End of Summer  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Dear Winnie Kay ;

Thank you for sharing your story "The End of Summer [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

Opening Line(s)
*Note*          In short stories, I like the opening to grab me instantly and shove me into the story. This opening sort of lulls the reader into the story by the end of the first paragraph... I actually think you should start the story with the last two sentences of the first paragraph to give the reader the excitement or "want" to read on to find out about this "dreamer".

What I liked Most
*Note*          The porch was thoroughly covered, on all sides of the beach house, with plants…hundreds of plants. Lois had names for them too, just like the martins. She talked to them as she pruned and watered them.
Most of your descriptions are really nice... you can pretty much see everything she sees but you can't feel it quite yet. No breezes, no hot summer wind, no cool spring mists, no sand between the toes on short walks down the beach... etc. All the things that make living on the coast what it really is. It's not all outdoors on the porch breezeway.

On a Personal Note
*Note*          I am encouraged by your language. It is well edited, however there are a few places that need work...
In the spring the baby martins hatched and, in early summer, Lois squealed with delight as she watched the babies learn to fly.
I don't think you need to say "baby martins hatched", I think everyone will know that the Martin will be a baby if it hatches. Also, when talking about a specific birds breed, I believe it is capitalized... So you might go at it like this... In the spring the Martins hatched and, in early summer, Lois squealed with delight as she watched the young birds learn to fly. This will keep you from repeating words like "the babies" in the same sentence.

*Note*          There was another problem that I couldn't find when I went back to look for it, so it must have been small. I think this is a wonderful story. I voted for it in a contest. You've done a great job here and should keep at it. Be blessed, and Write ON!!!


The Gospel BluesMan
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42
42
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Dear Carrie ;

Thank you for sharing your prose "Forever, My daughter's [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

On a Personal Note
*Note*          Nothing bows to a mothers Love. I've seen this with my wife as our three children grew up and moved away. She longs for a phone call from each of them each night. The empty nest... oh my! I hope yours is easier when it gets to that time in your life. 'nuff said...

*Note*          I wanted the intense pain to cease.
Oh my... didn't we all! The husbands even hurt during this. I kid you not! Emotionally we take the toll to watch your pain and struggling to birth those children.


*Note*          I know you will be your own woman, in your own city with your own life.

*Note*          Those last two lines might be a little too much... *Smile* Believe it or not, there are going to be times when-*Blush*-well there will be, you just wait and see. Pretty nice prose I'd say. Be Blessed and Write On!!!


The Gospel BluesMan
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Review of The Perfect Rose  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Dear Tessa J ;

Thank you for sharing your quip "The Perfect Rose [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

On a Personal Note
*Note*          Hello... Just a few comments... When writing such small quips it is especially important to make sure each word is absolutely necessary. In this one there are a few unnecessary words which muddle up the contents. (In my opinion.)

In the first sentence, the word 'in' should be removed. We the reader are "in" the moment when we are reading the words so we don't need to be told to be "in" the moment.

In the second sentence, 'will have changed' is all wrong. How many people go around saying, "Tomorrow that caterpillar will have changed into a butterfly." I realize that you are using poetic license here but we just don't think that way. No, I think this should simply say "will change," then the ending can still read as it is even though it is not a normal talking end.

This is a pretty thoughtful quip... Write On!!!

The Gospel BluesMan
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Review of Live It Up  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)


Dear Lane ;

Thank you for sharing your poem "Live It Up [13+] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

What I liked Most
*Note*          
         you work your ass off for everything you have
         and they get theirs for free
         well take a look around
         your not alone in that scene
I left the last line off here on purpose.

On a Personal Note
*Note*          This was a great prose, pretty well thought out and a-l-m-o-s-t carried out. There were a few problems. No apostrophe's? Was this done on purpose? If it was done on purpose it was a mistake, because some of them are a necessity to make the words work. First... Every line needs to be capitalized, it just looks better! I'm sorry... it does.

*Note*          but even if you dont its just beyond your grasp
but But even if you dont don't its it's just beyond your grasp

*Note*          it just isnt fair that they're playin their own game
it It just isnt isn't fair that they're playin playin' their own game
In this second line you had they're correct!

*Note*          In the next part... I think you've left out a word?
         you work your ass off for everything you have
         and they get theirs for free
         well take a look around
         your not alone in that scene
         and nobody not even god gets life for free

*Note*          The following verse has an error in each line...
         keep lookin lookin'
         keep workin workin'
         youll You'll get it someday
         and if you dont don't
         dont Don't make someone else pay

*Note*          its It's your life

*Note*          well We'll take a look around

*Note*          dont Don't waste anyones anyone's time

*Note*          if you dont don't got it right

*Note*          You really do have a nice poem here! The mistakes are merely grammatical and easily fixed... stick with it and Write On!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


The Gospel BluesMan
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45
45
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Dear Irisisflower ;

Thank you for sharing your poem "Swinging on a porch [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

On a Personal Note
*Note*          This is a nice poem, which flows well. Unfortunately, there are grammatical errors that make it fall short of perfect. The capitals at the first of the paragraphs etc... and at one point,
It does not have the answers or gives you sound advice

It does not have the answers or gives give you sound advice

Other than these types of errors it is a sweet poem... you are a good writer so Write On!!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


The Gospel BluesMan
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46
46
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Dear srx17 ;

Thank you for sharing your story "One Person Can Make A Difference [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

Opening Line(s)
*Note*          This opening is good but could be better. This is simply an opening of anger which could turn some readers off. You need to draw the reader into the story with an idea about what you will be talking about. Not simply the World in general.

What I liked Most
*Note*          All I ever wanted was a life. To be someone, to be loved and to be respected.


On a Personal Note
*Note*          This story has great potential, but it has only grabbed the surface fire. I'd like to hear about the embers that are burning inside of you, what you want, why you want it, what you are willing to do to get it, why you are willing to do this to get it... you are on the edge of giving us the real story behind the story, and writing may be the only way you are going to get it out... so be blessed and Write On!!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


The Gospel BluesMan
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47
47
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)


Dear sugardoll ;

Thank you for sharing your poem "I found my strength [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

What I liked Most
*Note*          Honesty within yourself...

On a Personal Note
*Note*          I think this verse would flow better if there weren't so many me's, you's and I's. While the poem is written about that subject, there are other ways to say the same thing without pounding in the accusations of I this and you that.
Example;
         And although at the time you tore my world apart
         I'll even bless the day you packed
could be...
         And although my world was torn apart
         I can bless the day you left
The main reason for poetry is to present the pains of life within the art and soul of word, which is something I simply long to do. You have a wonderful start here... Be Blessed and Write On!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


The Gospel BluesMan
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48
48
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Dear Renee Kimberly Root ;

Thank you for sharing your story "Pastor Joyce Dreiman Home with the Lord [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

What I liked Most
*Note*          Honesty of the memoir and embedded scripture.

On a Personal Note
*Note*          This is a wonderful testimony for your Mother. Keep up the good word for her. No one can testify for her like her own daughter, and a fine daughter she has obviously raised. Be Blessed, and Write On!!!


The Gospel BluesMan
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Review of Hotel California  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)


Dear frosty ;

Thank you for sharing your story "Hotel California [13+] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

Opening Line(s)
*Note*          The night was dark.
The first two sentences put together make for a weak beginning. The first sentence by itself is much stronger. In my opinion, you can leave out everything until... (The) Next thing I knew...


What I liked Most
*Note*          She led me to my room and I sat and called down for a bottle of wine. A fine tall man delivered a bottled aged with dust and the fragrance soaked through the cork. Something about me must have triggered something in him because he began to tell stories of "The good old days" and how class has died.

Although this is my favorite quote, it has at least one error...

She led me to my room and I sat and called down for a bottle of wine. A fine tall man delivered a bottled aged with dust and the fragrance soaked through the cork. Something about me must have triggered something in him because he began to tell stories of "The good old days" and how class has died.

I also had a little trouble with the wording of "bottle aged with dust and the fragrance soaked through the cork." While this is literally correct, I had to read it through two or three times to get the meaning. I think it may have been easier said; "dusty bottle with the fragrance soaked through the aged cork."

This is only my suggestion you understand.

On a Personal Note
*Note*          This is a nice story, but a large job to take on. One reason the song is so popular, is because the words were chosen so carefully to paint a fluid picture in our minds. So, to take a fluid picture already painted and make it better?, is a troubling task indeed. I think in a couple of places you have done well, however in other places you have stumbled.

For example, "I remember thinking to myself this could be Heaven or this could be Hell," and the song only covers one night not many nights. These are one item you left out and another you added to your plot. If you are going to claim writing from the song, you should stick to the songs theme.

Otherwise, you can take the title "Hotel California" and run with it to do as you please. So, nice job with the story line, keep on working and Write On!


The Gospel BluesMan
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50
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Review of Joseph's Prayer  
Review by Bluesman
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (5.0)


Dear Jazz Smith ;

Thank you for sharing your poem "Joseph's Prayer [E] with WDC, I'm happy to have the chance to review your work! This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any or all suggestions.

What I liked Most
*Note*          
         I know my breath has stopped
         yet I long to know what starts
         the ending of my human life
         for, still beats on my heart

On a Personal Note
*Note*          This poem was Heart-wrenching, very well thought out and written. The only thing I differ with you on is the fact that maybe a compassionate father can understand this anguish also. I did. Be Blessed, and Write On!


The Gospel BluesMan
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