|Hello, BariRandom . I found your "Scene: The end of the Gala" in your portfolio, which I had hopped to from the review email of "Mortal."
I usually review stories, not scenes. Thus my immediate reaction reaction was nothing changed, but— I chided myself—scenes don't necessarily involve change. A scene can display a character's traits to establish their sensibility in subsequent scenes. I read the scene several times to help me give constructive comments.
The narrator, the woman-girl-escort, is the character this reader is drawn to identify with, to feel emotions through. However, she describes the alpha male, her partner for the evening, with more detail than she reveals about herself. That's fine, as it seems your purpose may be to take the puffed-up male down a few pegs.
The predatory male is a master of double-talk, a fake, powerful, and transiently reveals the "neck ... of a vulture", yet charms with straight, white teeth, the skin of his cheeks folding pleasantly to transform the bottom half of his face into the beautiful stereotypical white male businessman’s. And the half-smile, the fake smile.
I can only guess where you might use this scene, but you might consider strengthening the narrator's characterization or motivation, as they can be used to strengthen the conflict the two will eventually arrive at.
Just spitballing (to be more concrete about the suggestion): The scene has “Yes sir,” was all she could muster. Even if you don't want her to reveal more at this time in dialog, why she was reduced to such an effete agreement is a prime opportunity to disclose to the reader a bit of the tension of forces that presage the later conflict. I hope that's not too elliptical.
Thank you for sharing your scene, BariRandom . Let me know when you post more of the story.