|Hello, Bruce. . I accepted your review request for "Red Moon. Book2. Chapter 4." .
I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Of course, this review is only how I see this chapter of your novel. Since I haven't read the earlier book or chapters, my take on the story reality may be skewed.
Accept what you is useful to you, ignore what isn't. Any advice is offered with the sole intention of being helpful.
Significant time duration occurs in this chapter. It opens, just after Jane's rape. She receives no sympathy from her flatmate or Carol at the cafe. She returns home. Months later goes to a unwedded mother's home to give birth to a boy and puts him up for adoption. Shortly after returning home again, she irks her mother sufficiently that she's told to join the military and get out of the house.
I recite all those events to note that only 3000 words were available to convey them. That's not a specific criticism, but a means to indicate that much of the story is told by narration, denying the reader of experiencing the emotional duress that must be motivating Jane's choices. That restricts reader identification with the character.
The mention of transistor radio nicely placed me in the story era.
The clarity in the opening thinking Ray had been waiting down there, waiting for me, wanting to violate me again was strong. An understandable explanation for her actions.
When Rose says, Don't be silly, he's a nice bloke, I shared Jane's astonishment at her friend's attitude. I would have like an indication of how Jane could have become mixed up with someone so at odds with her own morals. Perhaps that was earlier in book 2. Referring to that, in some sort of flashback or narration, would have characterized Jane better for me.
The scene, soon-to-come in which her friend Carol is screwing the cook in the kitchen, further clouded, rather than clarified, Jane's character and wisdom.
Jane's mother when first mentioned isn't revealed as a step-mother, who favors her nature child over Jane. Since Jane feels this, it should be flavoring her thoughts even before she comes home.
When Jane says, Mum, please, please let me explain. I find it very hard to believe she doesn't yell out, "I was raped." In some way it it needs to be said or Jane needs to justify to herself not saying it.
Again, since I've only read this one chapter, my opinion ignores information given in earlier chapters and those to follow.
The last line, wondering what was to become of me is the crucial question. Since it didn't come here, I suppose the next chapter will have her work through her options with their pluses and minuses.
Her narration, wondering what I ever done to make the woman hate me so much surprised me. I expected her to no longer be blind to her step-mother prejudice and to consider it a fact—not due to Jane's actions, but to her stepmother's shortcomings.
I thought Red Moon meant I would be reading sci-fi.
Overall Impression: An audacious attempt to examine the consequences of bad events and forced decisions.
Thank you for sharing your story, Bruce. . I look forward to more. Keep on writing!
PS. I don't know if it's a coincidence, but my short story, "Shaky Hands" covers a character's lifetime in a small amounts of words with much narrative summary. If you read others, I'd be interested in how it strikes you.