*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/borgford
Review Requests: ON
621 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of The Legend  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (3.0)
Great to see you writing, Rezaul. Keep it up. You can use this inventory of stories to write a book some day.
2
2
Review of The Intimacy  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.0)
He Rezaul- great to see you posting stories. This is a good start.
3
3
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sorry you didn't get more entries for this grat contest. I love the theme of being able to write and submit what is real. That type of writing is what I do most. Thanks for sponsoring this and motivating some of my writing.


If you keep it going, I'll keep entering.

Brian
4
4
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.0)
Please consider this as my entry fee to your contest. I will be submitting my entry by your September 15 deadline.

I am Canadian, but I follow US politics closer than most Americans. It fascinates me and frustrates me, but like someone hooked on soap operas or reality shows, I can't stop following it.

As I read this article, I see it as being incomplete. The first part generalizes about the current US political system. The second part provides an excellent comprehensive and concise summary of pre-WWII Germany. Then it stops.

There is an implied lesson to be learned but the connection between the two parts is unclear. I don't see any parallels between the current US state of affairs and 1930's Germany. I know many politicians try to draw connections, but there really aren't any similarities as far as I can see.

If you see some connection, you might want to be more explicit by extending the article to describe it.

I'm impressed with how you summarized and explained a complex environment.

Brian
5
5
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thanks for your email. This looks like a great contest for Civil War enthusiasts. I look forward to reading the entries. I hope everything goes well and you get lots of quality entries. Here are a few points to help you keep it going.


Brian
6
6
Review of Bad Intent  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.0)
Loved the story. Dialogue right out of Treasure Island. I think you could eliminate some of the adverbs to strengthen the writing a bit. You did a great job of hitting all the necessary prompts on a seamless fashion. Good luck in the contest. This should be a contender.

Brian
7
7
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome to our community. I'm sure you will enjoy what you read, and I'm sure you will enjoy writing and posting some material. It's a low risk environment where you can develop your skills. You will find lots of people willing to help you out.

Make full use of it.

Brian
8
8
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.0)
I finally found out why giraffes have such long necks. The head is so far from the body, the long neck is essential.

Another well written and descriptive account. Worthy of consideration in the contest you entered.

Good luck and keep writing these descriptive pieces.

Brian
9
9
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Cute and folksy. I like it.

I see you entered this in the creative non-fiction contest. I think you may have made a sytax error by putting a space after your item number. As a result there is no link to the story.

Just in case you risk a technical disqualification, you might want to go back to your posting and check it.

I think its worthy of consideration for prizes.

Good luck
Brian
10
10
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am writing this as part of your entry requirements to

Not Poetry; Not a story; Just the Truth  (E)
It's our time. You can write creatively based on facts. Try for GPS.
#1831365 by Michaelmountain:spring hope


which I have entered.

I have taken the opportunity to view several of your pieces. Intriguing as they are different than most of the items on WDC. They tend to be factual with a reporter/journalistic style and little in the way of judgment, but enough dry humour (Canadian spelling) to make them interesting to read.

Many of them appear to have an enduring quality and could be assembled into topical anthologies. I am curious as to what you have planned with your writing. I began writing a few years ago when my first grandchild was born, with the intention of documenting all those little humourous things that happen in your life - something to leave for the grandkids. It has now evolved beyond that into some longer pieces, even book length items. Nothing published yet, other than a few self-published ebooks.

Have you had any of these published? They look like they are publishable in the right medium.

Nice writing - keep it up.

Brian
11
11
Review by Brian
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
To the contest managers

I seem to have an abundance of idle Gift Points. They could be better used in your cause than sitting in my bin. Love the contest and seeing all the talent at play. Keep up the good work, and thanks for your ongoing efforts.

Brian
12
12
Review of SENIOR CENTER  
Review by Brian
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Nice to see you keep this contest going. I haven't contributed a story yet, but do enjoy reading the submissions. Here are some gift points to help you with your prizes. Hope to see this going for a long time to come. Well done!! I'm sure everyone appreciates your efforts.

Brian
13
13
Review by Brian
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Captivating story. I really like the flow – the description of the beach, the slow building of suspense, venturing into the storm, the death scene, and moving to the calm serene conclusion.

The introductory paragraphs provide a good description of the setting, and makes the reader feel part of the beach.

I picked out a few specifics that caught my attention; I hope it is of some value. Well done, I certainly enjoyed it – keep it up.

---

This is a powerful and descriptive paragraph with good analogies: “As most writers will attest, there are times when the words just won't come. At those times the writer stands with his nose to a brick wall and all attempts to press forward results only in a bloodied nose. Some writers claim the ‘muse' has left them--hogwash! Dan contended there was no such thing as a ‘muse' on which to blame one's non-production. He believed his lack of inspiration to be more like a forest fire where all the available fuel has been gobbled up by the greedy flames--totally exhausted and barren. Sometimes the words were simply gone—all used up. To get them back required a new source of words. To Dan this meant a new environment--new inspiration. As a result, he came to this seaside paradise to find new words.”

The following passage feels out of place, and inconsistent with the rest of the powerful writing; as if it were part of a real estate brochure. Also it converts to the present tense making it feel more out of place.“The open area concept includes a small but complete kitchen and breakfast nook and spacious living area. A hallway off of the living area led to the two bedrooms and bathrooms.”

Perhaps an overuse of adverbs: quickly (several times), instantly (several times), rhythmically, unusually, apparently, casually, alternately, simply, noticeably, cautiously, etc. I try to avoid adverbs if possible and see if I can find a stronger and more precise verb.

“The next few days were spent in a fervor of creativity” I try to avoid the passive voice.

There were some places where the words used appeared weak, relative to the surrounding strong writing: “he was a bit perturbed”; “his voice became a tad bit more serious”
14
14
Review of It's About My Car  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Cute story. I hope you are building an inventory of these personal accounts. I started doing that a few years ago and now have hundreds of them. Good keepsake for the kids and grand kids. Keep posting them and you will get lots of people reading them. Good luck with your writing.

Brian
15
15
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for your note on the Preferred Author's Form. I like your little discription here - very interesting and enlightening.

I would likely lean more to the "normal" side as you describe it.

Good luck with your writing. I will try to offer some comments on some of it.

Brian
16
16
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Judity

I'm sure we have communicated in the past. I have read some of your materials on here and I think I will pick up your latest publication on Smashwords.

I am considering using Smashwords to publish some of my shorter materials, and even some of my longer pieces.

If you have any opinions or advice about Smashwords, I would love to hear it.

You're a great inspiration - keep at it.

Brian
17
17
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.5)
I see this is an old post. I was wondering, now that a couple years have passed, what your experience has been with Smashwords.

I have been downloading free books for a couple months and have read their style guide. I am considering publishing some material there, but am looking for some opinions of those who have used it.

Thanks
Brian
18
18
Review of The Bus Stop  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting article. From the writing, I'm not quite sure why you are witing it - what your purpose or objective is.

I wrote a similar piece about an elevator ride. My purpose was to humorously poke fun at my behaviours. "Invalid Item

"Let us begin at the start." - This is an interesting phrase. Most would say "Let's start at the beginning." I can't say that your phrase is wrong, but it sure catches the eye.

Wording and grammar needs a bit of work - eg too much use of passive voice. However, I quite enjoyed this little tale.

Brian
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

19
19
Review of Cold Eyes  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great story - filled with wonderful (but dark) descriptions.

As I walked into the cold, metal holding cell, my shoes reverberated as they connected with the floor. A coarse voice emanated from the corner of the room. A mixture of passion and madness echoed in the voice, sending a cold shiver down my spine.

This is a powerful introduction with great use of strong verbs.

The rest of the story flows just as well.

This looks like it could be part of a longer piece, but it stands on its own very well.

Excellent - keep it up.

Brian


20
20
Review of Behind the Scene  
Review by Brian
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Congratulations on another win. 200 stories - wow. And most of them winners. That becomes a 50,000 word book. I'm looking forward to seeing it.

One of these days I am going to order a bunch of the self published books from authors on this site. If yours is one of them, it will be first on my list.

I haven't read all 200 yet, but I will try

Another impressive story - keep at it.

Brian
21
21
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
You have quite the creative mind. This is another "roaring with laughter" story. You must have quite the inventory by now. Congratulations on your win in the Daily Flash Fiction Challenge - well earned and deserved.

Keep it up. I like your stories.

Brian
22
22
Review of Brass Screws  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting story, with a subtle message. Well done.

"The male mind incorporates an odd filter." I really like this line. It is an interesting observation and a unique way of stating it.

I am always working on the rule: "show" don't "tell" I slip into too much "tell". This line "Mothers with children always asked questions" might better be replaced or suplemented with some "showing". Your final paragraph is an excellent example of "showing".

Good luck in the contest. Well written account.

Brian
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
23
23
Review of No Smoking  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Congratulations on winning the Daily Flash Fiction challenge. This is a really well written story - good use of the prompt.

I love the way you are able to "show" instead of "tell". That is an area I still struggle with. (eg.Steve and Bob gave another chuckle as the young man slumped his shoulders and headed for the door.)

Well done - keep it up.

Brian
24
24
Review of The Price of Love  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Congratulations on winning the Daily Flash Challenge - well deserved.

This is a great short story - complete unto itself, but looks more like the start of a longer story.

I hope you take it further and put together a longer tale. I will watch for it.

Keep writing.
Brian
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
25
25
Review of The Happy Frog  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is hillarious. Excelllent story and well written too.

You really mastered the "show, don't tell" rule.

eg:

"The handsome Prince furrowed his brow in concentration. He worked his jaw in exertion. He opened his mouth and said:"

By the way, we live in the city of Al Ain - in the middle of the UAE desert about 90 minutes from Dubai. If you check out my blog, you will see a few references to life here.

Keep in touch.

Brian
252 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 11 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/borgford