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622 Public Reviews Given
968 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of A typical family?  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is cute. It could describe thousands of families. In very few words you were able to put together a huge story.

It reminds me of a family reunion I organized almost 30 years ago, and I wasn't able to attend. It was for my mother and her family, but she was on her death bed and couldn't go. But the reunion went on in her name. Just like "Grandma" in your piece.

Well done - keep it up.

Brian
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52
52
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
This certainly is a tribute to Paul Harvey. I know all of his stories were true. But with yours, I can't tell if it's true or fiction. It reads like it's real and I don't know enough about the background to dispute it.

Regardless, it is your usual excellent effort - slipping in the prompt smoothly.

Good luck in the contest.

Brian
53
53
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a well researched and well written article. It speaks well of your education.

Congratulations on winning the contest. Well deserved.

I really like history and enjoy reading fiction that has an educational component to it, especially well researched history fiction. Have you ever done any of that kind of writing?

Keep at it .

Brian
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54
54
Review of Forget-Me-Nots?  
Review by Brian
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I always feel compelled to read your contest entries. You always come up with a creative approach to the prompts. This one is no exception.

This cute story is one that all (expecially men) can relate to.

Good luck in the contest. I'll keep watching for more of your stuff.

Brian
55
55
Review of The Shallow End  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.5)
I can relate to this. The pool at the club where we belong is much quieter than yours, but I still can't get through any more than 10 pages of reading a a sitting. There is always too much action - too much to see, too much to hear. Not to mention acquaintances stopping by for a visit.

Great description of your experiences. Keep it coming.

Brian
56
56
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Even though I am not a fan of Fantasy, I still think this is a terrific story.

I am curious as to who has given you the "professional" feedback and asked you to do some rewriting.

I have never really received feedback from an expert/professiona, so I am interested in how they approach reviewing.

Good luck with pushing this forward. I think its worth it. I have heard it can take years.

Brian
57
57
Review of Family Reunion  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very few words, but lots of thoughts. These events last a life time.

I organized one in 1980. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend because my father had just died and my mother was on her death bed. And they were the reason for the reunion. It was held anyway and was a huge success. Now almost 30 years later, everyone, including me, still talk about the event.

Thanks for posting this - keep it up.

Brian
58
58
Review of The Fight  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well written - good descriptions. The story stands on its own quite well. However, it looks like it could be part of a larger piece. If not, you might want to put a bigger story around it.

softly dangerously Slowly, deliberately, - I try to avoid adverbs and look for stronger verbs. These modifiers, don't really hurt the flow of your story though.

Good luck in your contest. Keep writing.
Brian
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59
59
Review of Lincoln's Fate  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great way of pulling together an altenative history with folklore. Well done. I like these creative ideas. One of may favourites is "Fatherland" and another movie shows Napoleon surviving and trying to launch a comeback. I'm not sure if the last sentence is the best way to end it. It leaves me a bit flat. But I don't have any better suggestions.

Well done - keep writing.

Brian

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60
60
Review by Brian
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I live in a Middle Eastern country. Multiple wives is getting less common than it once was. What surprises me is that very few of the young Muslims that I speak to, know the origin of multiple wives.

It actually had some practical application at the start. Many men were killed in war, so those who survived were encouraged to take on as wives, the widows of their brothers and friends, so they would not be left destitude with the loss of the "man of the household".

Today, however, those who do take on additional wives, do so for personal gratification, rather than out of an obligation to provide.

Your account brings out some potential abuses of the "system". It would be more powerful if you could provide direct evidence or research.

Not that it matters for this account, but it would probably be a good idea to edit a bit more. eg.
Te condition of women is much verse than slaves of yesteryears
"The" "worse" "yesteryear"

Well done - write more.

Brian
61
61
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Interesting poll

I answered "Yes" to your question, but I am much more cautious in providing feedback when reviewing moderators. Being a new writer, I start from the premise that they know more than me, so I pose questions, rather than "corrections".

I must say, I get good responses from the moderators who often appreciate my humble observations.

Thanks
Brian (newly yellow)
62
62
Review of Stranger  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations on your recognition in the Daily Flash Fiction contest.

This is a deserving entry. I love the way you told most of the story through dialogue and thought.

You packed a lot of emotion and feeling into very few words.

Well done.
Brian
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63
63
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
As I mentioned in my previous message, I think this is a wonderful essay. If you don't mind, I would like to book mark this and reference it in some of my reviews that I give to people.

I do the same with ""Laura", a story written by Ken. I use it when I notice too many adverbs in a story.

I will keep browsing your port for more gems.

Thanks
Brian
64
64
Review of The Woman in Red  
Review by Brian
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You are right about telling a great tale in very few words. You have certainly done it here. I just read your "tips on flash fiction essay". You followed all your tips great in this one. I think I will bookmark it and pass it on to others.

Impressive - congratulations on a well deserved win. I never get tired of your stories.

"Wasn’t that what power was for; to put one in a position to take whatever he wanted?"
I'm always looking for tips - I see effective use of a semi colon here. One of the many things I need to work on.

Thanks
Brian
65
65
Review of Coast to Coast  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Congratulations on winning the Writer's Cramp daily contest. This is a very deserving entry.

Fantasy and mystery. You leave enough unsaid to allow the reader to imagine as they see fit, without really leaving them hanging.

You have an impressive imagination and the ability to tell a colourful tale.

Keep at it.

Brian
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66
66
Review of Scrap Metal  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"Watcha got in the bag?"
"I got a bottle of wine, for my wife."
"Oh - good trade."


I love your story. You still put out the most creative tales. I enjoy reading them.

Congrats on another win. You must have enough to make a good sized book.

I'm still adverse to adverbs (cautiously carefully ), but they do no harm to your cute story.

You keep writing them and I'll keep reading.

Brian
67
67
Review of Woolworth's  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Even in Canada, Woolwort'hs became an institution, especially in small towns. Eventually Woolworths became Woolco, with larger shopping stores, but still great discounts.

I have nothing against Wal-Mart, but it felt like a sad day when Wal-Mart bought out all the Woolco stores.

Times change - we can only remember the "Olden Days".

Thanks for posting this.

Brian
68
68
Review of Catching a Ride  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an interesting view. Thought provoking (pun). You have a very creative mind and a great way of telling your ideas.

Keep writing, I think this is a great story telling style.

Good luck in producing more. I will try to read more of your work.

Thanks
Brian
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69
69
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.5)

This article is a great idea. I would be interested in hearing some of the "experienced" member views. I often receive gift points for reviews I give. I accept them as a token, but I don't value them as much as a reciprocal review, as you say.

I noticed a couple possible typos:
"It the reviewer..." - "If the ....."
"A great was to honor" - "A great way "

Thanks for taking the time to post this.
Brian
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70
70
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey Mike - good to see you back in the contests.

Good entry - I like your take on the prompts - not the standard interpretations.

"Quickly Instantly Eventually cautiously cleverly patiently increasingly "
I have developed quite an aversion to adverbs. I see you using them a lot. Your thoughts?

Good luck and keep at it.

Brian
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71
71
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
For the past year, I have been putting together a bunch of little stories like this that I can pass on to my kids and grandkids.

It is a lot of fun probing the memory for these accounts.

I am doing the same thing for all the funny little things my kids did when they were growing up.

I now have an inventory of over 300 little stories.

I hope your memory allows you to build a big inventory of your own. I love these stories.

Good luck
Brian
72
72
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
In normally don't read these accounts. I have lost so many family and friends to cancer. I find it hard to read about other's experiences.

You have done a fine job with this - as tough as it is to hear the words.

Well done - hopefully you can post some happier stories as well.

Keep writing.

Brian
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73
73
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.5)
I certainly like this twist on the classic tale. I love the ending.

"Yesterday a proclamation had been issued, and had been read aloud in the town square" - It probably doesn't matter for this story, but passive voice tends to weaken your writing. Active voice is stronger.

Well done. Good luck in the contest.

Brian
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74
74
Review of The Philosopher  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is definitely a complex piece. My writing is very simple, (sometimes too simple) so I guess that is why I notice complexity.

The following are observations as opposed to criticisms. So I'm not suggesting you change anything.

I see several adverbs, which I try to avoid. "Slowly" appears twice in the first two paragraphs.

All the while, as the venture proceeded, no matter was perceived, rather, each element of this, depressed, obsessed, human’s considerations was abstract, a doubt of the I, a query in to the why and a certification of the how... where the brain interiorized distressing thoughts, and no concrete was there existent.

This is one long sentence. For me, by the time I get to the end, if forget how it started.

Good effort.
Good luck in the contest - good use of the prompts.

Brian
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75
75
Review of It's Not His Day  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Congratulations on your win.

. Not bad for one night. Eh?” - Canadian, eh? - sounds familiar to me.

brilliantly swiftly dejectedly avidly etc - I try to avoid, or at least minimize, adverbs.

Good job - keep writing.

Brian
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