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622 Public Reviews Given
968 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review of She  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (3.5)
I' ve had to deal with the loss of three dogs. I know the feeling.

Couple of editorial comments:

Adverbs tend to weaken the writing. I would opt for stronger verbs.
heavily suddenly deeply suddenly
You had four in the first paragraph alone.

"nice" tends to also be a weak modifier.

Good story - keep it up.

Brian
102
102
Review of The Diaper Change  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Although I don't read poetry, usually, you title caught me.

Reading this reminds me of when I was watching my six month old grandson for the first time. He presented me with a full diaper while I had him in a mall.

I hadn't changed a diaper in over 30 years.

Your words describe much of that experience.

Thanks
Brian
103
103
Review by Brian
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Cute story - good luck in the contest.

You use the word "duck" tape. I think you mean "duct" tape.

This seems to be well written with no material errors.

I would put a few more commas in some places, just to slow the reader a bit between phrases eg: Sarah said while she dashed for the door

Well done - keep it up.

Brian

104
104
Review of Just Trust Me  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice story - filled with great descriptions. Overall well written.

A couple of editorial comments:

last tine as streaks - Do you mean "time"?
She lent into him - I don't think "lent" is the right word - mabye "leaned"?
“How will that be alright?” - I think you need some punctuation between "be" and "alright", maybe a comma, maybe another question mark.
Looking um she - "up"?

Good job - keep writing.

Brian


105
105
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is quite the tear jerker. You tell it in a very matter-of-fact sequentilal fashion, but you are able to fill it with emotion.

You do a great job of easing out the secret and its implications.

Wonderful story. I really enjoyed it. Keep it up.

Brian
106
106
Review of Uninvited Guests  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.5)
I can see why this was a winner. This is a great story. Sounds spooky, but mom can fix anything.

I'm browsing around some of the experienced authors, looking for style ideas.

One item hit me in this piece:

There was a really big man - I would consider "really" to be a weak modifier. This sentence seems like it could be uttered by a child, but it seems out of place within it's context. Just curious as to your thoughts.

Well done - I will read more of your pieces.

Brian
107
107
Review of Dragonscout  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm not a "fantasy" reader generally, so I can't offer much help on your content.

I like your good descriptions - eg tossed through the air like a feather in a storm.

Here are a few observations. Hope they are of some value:

Malafi did understand the sly ones actions - I think "sly one's" should be possesive, therefore apostrophe. Maybe check on it.

not really classing them as a species - I would use the work "classifying" rather than "classing", but I'm not sure if "classing" is incorrect.

affectionately deeply - I didn't see a lot of adverbs, but I try to avoid them if possible.

Keep writing.

Brian

108
108
Review by Brian
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I see you wrote this a while ago. Good story - lots of suspense.

Here are a couple of small observations:

Quietly instantly silently sweetly solidly tightly - I see lots of adverbs in use. I would try to reduce or eliminate if possible.

seemed to emanate - I think you need the word "from" in here somewhere, but you may want to check on that.

Well done. I will try to read more of your writing.

Brian
109
109
Review by Brian
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
You have certainly packed this story with lots of descriptive language. Either you worked hard at it, or you are a natural.

I couldn't find much in the way of constructive criticism.

Something interesting; something pure. - If this sentence is part of the previous thoughts, it may need a question mark at the end

I always look at overuse of adverbs, but you haven't done much of that. "madly" was the only one I could find that might be eliminated, but I think it fits OK.

Well done - keep it up.

Brian
110
110
Review by Brian
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
There is an abundance of werewolf stories out there. This is one of the more cerative ones I have seen. Looks like you wrote it a while ago.

I'm impressed with the tone and chlid-like voice you have used.

Great story - good ending.

Thanks
Brian
111
111
Review of The Door  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Personal experiences can make the best stories. I have written lots of personal experiences. Now I have to work on making them sound interesting. You have done a great job here, of making this an interesting and compelling account. The epilogue is a great addition.

Good luck in your contest entry - I enjoyed the story.

Brian
112
112
Review of Litchi  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.5)
Powerful story - great descriptions.

Small observations:

Brijmohan broke down, crying silently. - adverbs (silently) tend to weaken writng. I try to avoid them and look for a stronger verb if possible. eg "sobbing"

other adverbs "gleefully", "playfully" "regularly"

despite her immobility on account of her old age. - not incorrect grammatically, but I would reword "due to her old age" - just a preference.

These are precious stories to get documented. Keep writing - I think its worth it.

Brian
113
113
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (3.5)
Good effort

Here are a couple of small observations:

girl in ithe house. Typo "ithe"

Her ghost was said to have walked the upstairs Passive voice tends to sound weak. Try active voice

I heard it rather close to where "rather" is a weak modifier

Well done - keep writing.
Brian

114
114
Review by Brian
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Great story - keeps you in suspense right to the end. Takes a bit of thought to digest what happened.

A couple of small editorial comments:

I stood up quickly I would omit the adverb and use a stronger verb - eg "I jumped up", or "I darted" - there are a few other places you could look to omit adverbs eg "gently"

a little too fast I would avoid use "little", it tends to be a weak modifier.

Well done - keep at it.

Brian

115
115
Review of Community Service  
Review by Brian
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This is a cute account. I like the tone of self deprecating humour in it.

It sounds like me and my writing. I talk to anyone who will listen. Most of them do so politely without yawning, but I think I know, I am mainly talking to myself.

Well done.

Brian
116
116
Review of Love, Mom  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)
Creative and funny - very believable too. Congratulations on winning the daily contest well deserved.

Just a minor observation:

You used the word "finally" to start two consecutive sentences. I am bad for using the word "finally", so I tend to watch for it.

Well done - keep it up.

Brian
117
117
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This looks like it is the start of a longer piece. If so, it's a great start - really builds the suspense and gives the reader reason to read on.

Here are a couple of small observations - just my opionions.

slowly safely reluctantly I would try to eliminate the adverbs and find stronger verbs, just like you did with "shrunk" "scurried"

It was him and I knew he was looking for me I would put a comma after "him" just to slow it down and help build the suspense. There are a few other sentences that could use commas.

It was Heath that found me Why not just simplify and say "Heath found me."?

She young, I think you are missing a verb here. "she was young"?

Well done - keep writing.

Brian
118
118
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a cute and creative tale. Well told.

I particularly like this sequence:
“What’s a bard?”

“A bored poet.”

“What’s a lark?”

“Something edible...I think.”


Other than the odd adverb that could be eliminated, I didn't see any areas requiring constructive comments that I could make.

Keep writing - nice style.

Brian
119
119
Review of Pre-writing  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great set of tips. I have bookmarked this item.

I have a couple months off this summer and hope to do lots of writing. I have dozens of ideas but need a way to get started on them.

I will give each of these tips a try.

Thanks for posting this useful piece.

Brian
120
120
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Isn't aging wonderful?

I deal with my aging through racing - I compete in triathlons. So each new age groups provides opportuntiy - next milestone is 60.

I like your attitude. Enjoy your tattoos. I'm sure everyone else does.

Good luck and keep writing your experiences.

Brian
121
121
Review of Why I Write  
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think its a great idea to document your reasons for writing. It helps you focus and avoid working on things that don't matter to you.

I would be interested to see if you write the same thing in a year or two or whether your resons will change.

Good luck with your writing.

By the way - what part of China are you in, and what do you teach (English I'm guessing). I taught business for a year in Shenyang, Lioaning.

Brian
122
122
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a great piece of advice. I have heard this "show don't tell" many times before. But you do a good job of providings an array of specific examples. I continually need to be reminded of this, as I am bad for lapsing into telling instead of showing.

Thanks for writing and posting this.

Brian
123
123
Review by Brian
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well done - you have hit all the key points.

I teach a course on business presentations and you have certainly covered what needs to be done during a presentation.

What amazes me is how many professional (?) presenters violate the basic rules.

Brian
124
124
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Unratable.)
This is my kind of story. I like these "Twilight Zone" themes. You told it well.

I would try to weed out the adverbs if possible to strengthen the writing, but that is minor.

confidently instantly clearly relentlessly

Well done - good luck in the contest and keep writing.

Brian
125
125
Review of Soloman Road  
Review by Brian
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a well written story that makes you feel good. I really like your descriptions.

I am a bit confused with the verb tense. Much of the second half is written in the present tense, but I feel it occasionally drifts to past tense.

"In the midst of my rant, I failed to notice that "
" She said to me. "


Great ending. Keep writing.

Brian
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