I liked the last part where you said you have a lot to show the world And yourself. Good point at the end. I would give a 5 to the sentiment and the meaning of what you wrote. There were a few words that were either typos or maybe I was just a bit confused. The indented parts are your lines.
Grind to my wheels stop
Did you mean grind until my wheels stop or grind my wheels to a stop. A little confused there.
That she know wasn't going to last
Did you mean Knew or Know? Tense was unclear.
Who has continued to be hold
Did you mean behold?
Othere than these three lines, I had no problem with the poem. You have a true gift of getting to the point and saying what you feel. You have guts. I appreciate that. You represent yourself well.
Keep up the great work.
SWPoet
I think you have a point there. As adults, we forget that kids and teens have a right not to talk or let us in, especially if they think we are looking down on them. I appreciate what you are saying.
On the technical side, I didn't seen anything wrong with the poem. Good job.
I will think of your poem when I have to talk with teens in my caseload at work.
Thank you for the great insight. Keep up the writing. You're doing great.
Sometimes folks just don't want to face what the might know to be true (what you have pointed out). I have found that being a squeaky wheel or speaking the truth makes others uncomfortable ...But that is their problem, not yours. Keep up the good work. You speak the truth and that isn't easy to say or hear but even harder to keep inside (not to mention being bad for you to keep it in). Let it out, speak your mind. You do a great job with the poetry.
I could tell by your writing that you are far more than what people can see with their eyes, although those things are what makes us different from the masses and should be treasured. Cudo's to you for knowing who you are, thought. Most adults are still trying to figure that out. Great job. No typos either. No comments or suggestions. I like it the way it is.
I would like to know more about what makes you tick, though (the things people can't see). It might enhance a poem if you were to do another similar one. I like this like it is, too.
SWPoet
I like this very much. Only thing I noticed was that the line, Your my teacher should be You're (you are). Otherwise love the message you made your point with beauty and grace but directly said what you meant also. Great job. I can tell we will do well together on the buddy network. My work is similar in that I value the message more than the rhyme scheme. I look forward to working with you.
That was amazing. You are 17? Wow. I am a social worker who works with abused children. I could picture the scene so well and see this so often. I wouldn't change a thing. Appearances are rarely everything. Parents try so hard to look like the "perfect parent" and while we as social workers know this, we can rarely do anything about it unless someone sees the bruises. Whatever your experience is with this, keep up the good work. At least, it is great therapy, at most you can be a real inspiration to others.
Keep writing!! You are doing GREAT!
I have read the reviews you spotlighted in your Guidelines to Great Reviewing. I had to read this afterwards. It may have been fantasy genre, and I don't read that genre much, but what I saw was a character sketch of America and a deeply poetic prose about the loss of a way of life and the fear of what replaces it.
I liked your example of how the people were now doing what the magic used to do such as cutting the wood themselves. Now, the machines are doing that and our youth are bored and filling the void with things not so desirable and meanwhile, we all look for "magic" to get things done that we used to toil over so now we grownups are trying to fill our own voids.
I see that you took the typo suggestions to heart as I missed them completely. I think you did a great job. My only suggestion is that, if the old druid were talking to a child who was asking about where his magic went and about the old days, he could tell the child and it would make this a conversation-sort of like a great grandchild on the lap of his great grand father asking how it was when he was young.
That was a wonderful analogy. I think it might be extended to how, the older we get, the more rigid and unbending we can be. It really works and I enjoyed watching my kids while reading this and thinking of how, good times or bad, its all just a season they will go through.
I really like this. You are right. I liked the line: Avoid relief and carbonated calm and the last two also. I also think that we don't have to suffer to write, we just have to be open and observant of others' sufferings and not be afraid to feel what we think they feel. If you don't feel when you write, how is the reader to feel when they read. Anyway, I really liked it. Good job!
Keep on Writin',
SWpoet
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