|Hello, druid !
I just read your item, "The Long Wait, Part 1" and would like to share my humble thoughts with you Please bear in mind these are just my thoughts. Use what works for you and discard the rest.
It was plain that the plot of this story was a rekindled love after 10 years of separation. For me, it grabbed my attention and kept my attention throughout the entire chapter. I didn't see any holes in the plot. Well done in this area.
Your characters, their personalities, their manner of speaking...it was all believable. Each character had their own voice, their own way of thinking. My only suggestions in this area would be to describe a little bit more about how they met, what attracted them to each other. Otherwise well done in this area.
I did not see any issues with grammar, punctuation, spelling. This is not to say that there weren't any - just that they were so minor that I did not notice them. Well done in this area.
Flow of Chapter or Story:
This flowed quite well. I did not see anything that interrupted the flow of the story, nor did I see anything that suddenly started or stopped the flow of the story. Well done in this area.
The dialogue seemed to flow naturally. Dialogue in this chapter was easy to follow, easy to distinguish from the other parts of the story. Well done here as well.
The setting seemed natural. However, that being said, I would like to see more descriptions about where Ru was...what color was his couch? What was the layout of the living room? Was there light coming in from the windows or was there a lamp on, or was he in the dark? I really believe with just a little bit more description, your reader could really picture the scene as Ru talked on the phone with Myra.
To me, this was an intriguing story. One of the things that kept my attention throughout was just the fact that I could relate to being away from a loved one. You did very well in portraying this throughout the story. As I said in the above section on Setting, I believe with just a bit of work and creativity, you can really set the scene. You really did very well on this! Keep up the wonderful writing!
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!
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