|Hello, Gabriel M !
I just finished reading your item, "Children Raising Children" and would like to share the following humble thoughts.
What I liked:
The honesty of this story - the hardships seen through the eyes of a child born to teenage parents really got my interest up in this story. I love the fact that you mention the expectations set forth by Disney and Nickelodeon...and how those expectations were not what you experienced, due in part to the young age of your parents.
My biggest suggestion would be to add an empty line between paragraphs to make it easier to read....it's easier on the eyes. Also, when using dialogue, it's easier for me to read it if it is separated into its own paragraph, along with facial expressions or actions that directly follow. See my example below:
"That's not true!" She yelled as she stormed away.
The greatest strength this piece has is the raw emotion behind what you have written...from the perspective of a child who was raised by parents who were too young when they had their children.
Again, paragraph spacing and separation of dialogue and actions/expressions that directly follow as I showed in the example above, would really help this as far as structure and flow.
I really enjoyed reading this from a different perspective. I, too, was a teenage parent. Now that I am older, I wish I had waited until I was in my mid-to-late twenties before having children, to give me the opportunity to grow up a bit more and be prepared a little better for parenthood. You really show from the child's perspective how young parents can sometimes influence their children by their immaturity...and even later on, how they can redeem themselves by pushing their children to be better people and parents..to make better choices than they did.
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!
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