I enjoyed reading this. It was well-written, and I saw no grammatical, spelling or punctuation issues that detract from this piece. You mention that you didn't realize that the fortune could have meant your luck going from good to better. What did you mean by this? An explanation of this might help here. I can relate to not putting much stock in the fortunes in fortune cookies, but I also admire the fact that it wasn't the fortune itself that ruined your outlook, but rather the fact that you overlooked God's blessings after reading it. Sometimes we do that more than we should. Keep up the great writing and Happy New Year!
All I can say to this is amen! God does work in mysterious ways, and He hears the fervent prayers of His people! The only suggestion I have for this piece is to work on the formatting a little bit - better line breaks where paragraphs end and the like. This is such a great personal testimony to the power of God. Keep up the great writing! God bless and Happy New Year!
I love the message of this - one of encouragement. The rhythm and flow work really well together. It's good advice, and I saw no issues to address in this. I love the way you refer to both the bigger picture and the little things that can affect our lives in the future. Keep up the great writing!
I can feel the emotional pain in your poem...and see the tear-stained pillowcase and sheets. Poems like this are definitely hard to write, but you did very well on this. Keep up the great writing and Happy New Year!
I love this! It's interesting how we come up with our handles on WDC, and I enjoyed reading how you came up with yours. I used to be on Pogo as well but I never go there anymore - too much of my time is spent writing and reading. Happy New Year! Keep writing!
This is an intriguing, heart-wrenching story of watching the last moments of a loved one's life. You captured it so well. I saw nothing to change or improve upon. I could actually picture the scene, and felt as though I was there, watching it. Keep up the great writing. Happy New Year!
This is a beautiful tribute to a dying little girl. I love the imagery you use - I could actually picture the place you were wishing for this child. I have no suggestions for improvement. The rhythm and flow work perfectly together, and this poem is full of emotion. Keep up the wonderful writing! Happy New Year!
This is so sad, but true. I love the rhythm and flow of this poem, and I have no suggestions for improvement. Your reference to the quote during the Vietnam War...it rings true for us because my husband is a Vietnam Veteran. Keep up the great writing! Happy New Year!
This was beautifully written. The rhythm and flow work together very well, and the imagery and use of words really put together the emotion of this poem. I really enjoyed reading this and do not have any suggestions for improvement. Keep up the great writing!
I love this! The ending is awesome. The descriptions - well, let's just say I felt like I was right there in that Ford Escape with you! I love the twist of your wife's affections being taken by Burt, but Burt isn't human. This was well-written and easy to read and picture exactly what's going on...Keep up the great writing!
I love the rhythm and flow of this poem. The rhythm and rhyme scheme work well together. I love poems that speak of love and in this poem, you can definitely feel the love that you are trying to express. Great job on this poem and keep up the wonderful writing.
"One day this man didn't disagreed with a comment I made and became very verbal about it."
This sentence tripped me up...did he disagree with a comment you made and become verbal or did he agree with your comment?
Other than that, I believe this was a well-written piece about how our past can affect us after many years. While my dad wasn't an alcoholic, he was very abusive - and boy has that affected me over the years - and it's been 25 years!
Thank you for being willing to share your experience.
B.M. Ray
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