Hello Fyn - !
I read your "The Christmas Angel - the story version." as part of my participation with "The House of Targaryen" in the "Game of Thrones" event this month.
I love this story - it shows how much love can truly triumph when we put our hearts into it. Having been the victim of too many bullies, I completely understand the pain you experienced in this. Great job!
Something to Think About
I love how you use descriptions to show what you're feeling, seeing, experiencing. Very nicely done.
Things You Might Want to Work On
He had an immense rocking chair fashioned of old, knotty branches, polished to a honeyed glow that was where I usually found him. - I wonder if mentioning that you usually found him in his rocking chair should be a new sentence?
and how colder or warming seasons would add character - did you mean to say warmer?
I became the butt of everyone’s jokes, I was laughed at and teased and I was miserable. - I think this might be better as two sentences.
but the cold, deep inside of me - I don't think you need the comma after the word cold.
Other than these, I really think you did well on this. Other than these, I did not notice any grammar, spelling, word usage or punctuation problems. Nicely done!
This was my favorite part:
There on top of the Christmas Tree,
carved with a message for the masses,
was a beautiful smiling angel
wearing a thick pair of glasses!
It shows love and understanding for someone who had gone through something terrible and survived - and was still beautiful, even if others didn't see it.
This was a very nice story to read.
These are my thoughts and ideas alone. I hope you found them helpful. Not all of us see writing or any one piece in the same light. Please take what helps you from my comments and ignore the rest.
Thank you for allowing me to read and review your writing. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing.
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This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" !