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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bray2015/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9
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574 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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201
201
Review of Mirrors  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! This was very well written. The rhythm and flow were spot on perfect. The rhyme scheme was perfection. There is so much truth in so few words in this poem. I have no suggestions to improve upon this. You did awesome! Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
202
202
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was well-written. I could feel the pain of how it's not fair that your loved one is there and you are here. The only issue I saw was "hop and pray" - believe it should be spelled "hope"...Other than that, great job. The rhythm and flow of this poem was spot on. The rhyme did well, too. Keep up the great writing!

B.M. Ray
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203
Review of The Debt  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Jeff - this was well-written. And it points out just how manipulative us humans can be. I read through this twice - mainly because I was intrigued by the story. I would love to see where this would go if it was continued. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
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204
Review of An Angel's Prayer  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Ken! I just read this poem and loved it. Rhythm and flow were spot on! Rhyme scheme perfection. And such a valuable lesson in this poem. You really painted a picture with your words. I could see the angel kneeling in prayer, and you kneeling beside her. Beautifully written! Keep up the wonderful writing!

Bonnie M. Ray
205
205
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You did really well on this! The rhythm and flow work really well with the rhyme scheme. Such love as expressed in this shows just how much God loves us! Just reading this gives one hope. Keep up the wonderful writing and keep the faith! It will get you where you need to be!

B.M. Ray
206
206
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a beautiful tribute to your mom, and as such, I really hesitate to give any feedback that would suggest improvements - especially, because as you stated in the first paragraph, you were writing this the same day she passed away. It is raw with love and emotion, and the hurt you felt when she passed away. That being said, I will offer my suggestions for you to either use or discard as you see fit:

"Love those who might not know God love otherwise" - I believe "God's" would work just a bit better here.

"to love those who might know love otherwise. " - I think adding the word "not" between might and know would work better because it seems your mom's message was to show love where one has not known love before.

"I heard her say that I love you but I do not like what you are doing." - I heard her say, "I love you, but I do not like what you are doing."

There are other examples, such as her and Dad quipping, "Where did we get this guy?" - but I don't want to tear apart your poignant piece about your mother.

Please accept my suggestions as just that -suggestions. They are in no way meant as disrespect or to hurt you during an already painful time. Whether you change this or not, it is still a very beautiful tribute to your mother, and I really enjoyed reading!

Keep writing - it is healing!

B.M. Ray
207
207
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Schnujo! This was cute! I loved it. It was simple, yet it flowed well from one line to the next! Great job! Maybe silly, but a great poem for little ones - or for anyone who needs to smile! This is a wonderful picture in words - easy for anyone to imagine! Keep up the great writing!
208
208
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved reading this! I could feel the stress and anxiety! And sadly, in this day and age, sometimes it feels like it is machines taking care of us rather than people. The flow and rhythm of this poem seemed spot on to me. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
209
209
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This poem was a blessing to me. I enjoyed reading it - and it helped to reaffirm my faith. The rhythm and flow were spot on, and the rhyming worked well, too. It's also nice to know I'm not the only one writing poems about God and His love! Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
210
210
Review of Dear Me (2013)  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wonderful! I love how honest you are in this. And with it being a complaint letter to the 2012 Dear Me letter, (which I did read), it's the perfect let-down to the excitement from 2012 hype. Beautifully written with a very good lesson that arbitrary deadlines do more harm than good. Great job here! Write on!

B.M. Ray
211
211
Review of Dear Me (2012)  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is absolutely brilliant! I love how you turned your Dear Me letter into an advertisement letter! The flow of the letter is great. The impact of the letter is awesome! True sales pitch here - if I hadn't learned a few hard lessons myself, I might just purchase a package..Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M.Ray
212
212
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
This is beautiful! I could feel the pain this child felt as he searched for love from his birth mother. I felt the pain as you, his new mother, felt the pain of not being able to get through. The struggle is real - but with diagnosis comes hope. The rhythm and flow of this poem felt spot on to me. Keep up the wonderful writing! Beautifully done - Keep your head up!

B.M. Ray
213
213
Review of Heaven's Bed  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This had beautiful rhythm and flow. The rhyme scheme worked very well. There's a message in this poem - and it's easy for the reader to catch that message. I love how you describe amber clouds. Wonderful job on this poem. Keep up the wonderful writing!

Bonnie
214
214
Review of Mephispameles  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I loved this! I had to laugh while reading it when I realized it was about SPAM. Your rhythm, flow and rhyme were all right on target! This poem really flowed nicely from one stanza to the next, from line to line. Keep up the wonderful writing - and keep your sense of humor!

Bonnie
215
215
Review of Tempest  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I loved this! It was a great read! The rhythm, the flow and the rhyme scheme worked perfectly to make this story flow. I could feel the wrath of woman as I read this, and as per your style, the last line not only explained the reason for her fury, but made me laugh! Oh, the joys of married life! You did very well on this! Keep up the great writing!

Bonnie
216
216
Review of Endless Ripples  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is beautiful! I could see the ripples on the water's surface as I read this. I love your last stanza, comparing the ripples on the waters to the ripples of friends in our lives. Rhythm and flow were perfect and the rhyme scheme worked out wonderfully. A beautiful poem by a talented writer. Keep up the great writing!

Bonnie
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217
Review of Never Was  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"indeed !" - Don't think there needs to be a space after the word "indeed"

Other than this, you did a wonderful job on this poem. Rhythm and flow was spot on (as usual,) and the rhyme scheme was beautifully done. I have often felt as though I was in this dark place of "Never Was"....lol. Keep up the great writing!

Bonnie
218
218
Review of Winter  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is beautiful! I can really see the snow, the birds...and I can see the cat crouched on the back of the couch! The rhythm, flow and rhyme flow together so well! You really have a talent for painting a picture with words! Keep up the wonderful writing, my friend!

Bonnie
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219
Review of The Painted Black  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I love the rhythm and flow of this poem. It's beautiful. I really enjoyed being able to feel the emotions of being alone and lonely...and see how dark it can truly be. Your rhyme scheme worked very well in this as well. Keep up the wonderful writing!

Bonnie
220
220
Review of " Lonely Track "  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this! The emotion is raw. I really felt the pain as I read this. It was a smooth read, the rhythm and flow flawless. You say that this isn't too bad, but I have news for you - it's absolutely brilliant! Keep up the wonderful writing! I really enjoyed this one!

Bonnie
221
221
Review of The Drinking Pool  
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was beautiful! I can really picture the snow, the deer, houses covered in white..and I can smell the snow as it falls. The rhythm, the flow and the rhyme all work so well together - it makes for a wonderful read. Keep up the wonderful writing!

Bonnie
222
222
Rated: E | (4.0)
T.L.Finch

I think you did well on this. For the most part, the rhythm and flow worked well. The only issues I had were:

"but all that was just fades away" - I just kept getting stuck on this line....it was difficult to understand.

"my heart was torn into" - was wondering if "into" should have been "in two."

Other than that, great job! Keep writing!

B.M. Ray
223
223
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was well-written. A cute but sad tale of a cat abandoned by his owners, and then losing the only home he'd ever known. The rhythm and flow of this worked beautifully together. I kind of had to read it with a chuckle, though - the idea of a cat reading...great job! Keep up the wonderful writing!

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224
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love the rhythm and flow of this piece. The rhyme scheme works beautifully. I really enjoyed the emotion you showed in this poem. The repetition of your line, "Where the world bleeds white," really accents the title. Great job on this - keep up the wonderful writing!

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225
Review of Elusive  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow! This was beautifully written. I can actually picture a dark-haired woman with brown eyes strolling down the street. Rhythm, flow and rhyme all worked very well to paint a beautiful picture with your words! Please keep up the beautiful writing!

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