I really enjoyed reading this! Rhythm and flow were perfect. This is a beautiful tribute to both our country, and the men and women who fight for our country! I have no suggestions for improvement on this piece. While I'm not familiar with poetry style or form, based on your descriptions at the bottom, I believe you did well in keeping with that form. Keep up the wonderful writing!
I just read your item, "A Charmed Life, Chapter 3" and would like to share my humble thoughts with you Please bear in mind these are just my thoughts. Use what works for you and discard the rest.
Plot:
The plot for this story was easy to follow, easy for me to determine, and matched well with your description of your item. My attention was grabbed within the first few lines and held throughout the entire chapter. I did not see any holes in the plot that made it difficult to stay with the theme of the story.
Characterization:
Your characterizations were realistic as much as can be with giants in a story. But overall, your characters were believable, and I could relate to the emotions of each one. Very well done in describing your characters and their emotions!
Grammar:
Grammar, punctuation and spelling were all consistently acceptable in the fact that they did not distract the reader. However, I might suggest running spell check just to be sure. I think between Chapter 2 and Chapter 3, there might have been one or two spelling mistakes that a spell check would quickly find and fix. Other than that, I didn't see any issues here.
Flow of Chapter or Story:
The flow of each chapter within itself, and the flow of the story from chapter to chapter was natural. I really like the idea of leaving the link to the next chapter at the bottom of the page. It made it much easier to go from chapter to chapter.
Dialogue:
Dialogue between the characters seemed natural and it was easy to determine who was speaking at which point in the story. Great job!
Setting:
I could really picture the scenes as I read through. The descriptions of the settings, the characters involved, it all flowed very natural and was really easy to see the picture in my mind. Wonderful!
Other Comments:
Before I reviewed Chapter 3, I also read through Chapter 1 and Chapter 2. I really believe this will turn out to be a wonderful, engaging fantasy novel. Keep up the wonderful writing!
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!
I just read your item, "The Long Wait, Part 1" and would like to share my humble thoughts with you Please bear in mind these are just my thoughts. Use what works for you and discard the rest.
Plot:
It was plain that the plot of this story was a rekindled love after 10 years of separation. For me, it grabbed my attention and kept my attention throughout the entire chapter. I didn't see any holes in the plot. Well done in this area.
Characterization:
Your characters, their personalities, their manner of speaking...it was all believable. Each character had their own voice, their own way of thinking. My only suggestions in this area would be to describe a little bit more about how they met, what attracted them to each other. Otherwise well done in this area.
Grammar:
I did not see any issues with grammar, punctuation, spelling. This is not to say that there weren't any - just that they were so minor that I did not notice them. Well done in this area.
Flow of Chapter or Story:
This flowed quite well. I did not see anything that interrupted the flow of the story, nor did I see anything that suddenly started or stopped the flow of the story. Well done in this area.
Dialogue:
The dialogue seemed to flow naturally. Dialogue in this chapter was easy to follow, easy to distinguish from the other parts of the story. Well done here as well.
Setting:
The setting seemed natural. However, that being said, I would like to see more descriptions about where Ru was...what color was his couch? What was the layout of the living room? Was there light coming in from the windows or was there a lamp on, or was he in the dark? I really believe with just a little bit more description, your reader could really picture the scene as Ru talked on the phone with Myra.
Other Comments:
To me, this was an intriguing story. One of the things that kept my attention throughout was just the fact that I could relate to being away from a loved one. You did very well in portraying this throughout the story. As I said in the above section on Setting, I believe with just a bit of work and creativity, you can really set the scene. You really did very well on this! Keep up the wonderful writing!
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!
I really enjoyed reading this dark poem. I could feel the torment and the sadness. The rhythm, the flow and the rhyme all worked together to make this an easy read, no matter how dark and twisted. Great job on this! Keep up the wonderful writing and I am sure to come back and read more!
This was beautifully written! The rhythm, the flow and the rhyme all worked in unison to make this an easy, pleasurable read. I, too, thank Jesus every day for what He has done, how He has changed me, and the sacrifice He made so that I may be healed. You expressed this so well. Keep up the great writing!
This was beautiful to read. I could hear the glasses clinking, feel the breeze...you did awesome on this. Rhythm, flow and rhyme all work together and as I read, I was able to feel the calming of my mind. It really paints a picture - one thing you are very good at. Keep up the wonderful writing!
I really enjoyed reading this poem. It is a beautiful tribute to your wife. The rhythm and flow and rhyme all come together very well to make this easy to read. You really expressed the pain of missing her so well - I could feel your pain and longing for her as I read. Keep up the wonderful writing!
I love how this is so encouraging to yourself. You set your goal to be specific. It's a reachable goal with measurable progress. I admire the way you give solutions to possible issues that may come up. Great job! I really believe you will be able to accomplish your goal - remember the old cliche from Nike - "Just do it." You can handle this!
I really enjoyed reading this poem. I, too, deal with the racing thoughts, the mind that won't shut down at times. Your poem really described this very well. Rhythm and flow, rhyme scheme...it all worked together to make this a pleasurable, easy read. Keep up the wonderful writing!
This was beautifully written! Not only does it highlight God's truth, but the rhythm and flow worked perfectly in this! Great job! I really enjoyed reading this! God bless you!
I really enjoyed reading this. You did very well sticking to the spirit of the prompt you were given. I did not see any obvious spelling or grammar issues that detracted away from your story. I could imagine a family of Quapaw people sitting around a fire and listening to the story. Wonderful job! Keep up the great writing!
I loved reading this. The only suggestion I would make is to make only the refrain italics...otherwise it makes it difficult to determine where the refrain ends and the next part of the song starts. Other than that, it's awesome and I love the story it tells!
I have just read "" A Walk in The Woods " a poem" and would like to share my thoughts. I admit, I am no expert on poetry, so use what works and discard the rest. But what ever you do, KEEP WRITING!
Rhythm and Flow:
You did really well on rhythm and flow of this poem. The rhyme scheme worked out well.
Adherence to Style/Form:
I'm not sure about styles and forms yet, I am still learning. Therefore, without knowing whether or not this was supposed to be a particular form, I cannot comment on form. However, I will say that I have noticed a consistency in the style of your poems and this one seem to follow that style well.
Ability to Relate:
I could really picture the scene...the path of ferns, the deer and the fawn, the red fox, the autumn leaves. I love the way you paint pictures with your words and your readers can picture in their minds what you are describing. As well, you evoke emotion in your poems...in this case, I felt calm and peaceful as I read this. Kudos!
Word Usage:
Word usage was done well in this poem. There were no obscure words that tripped me up with having to look up a meaning or double checking the spelling. Great job!
Final Thoughts:
As you well know, I enjoy reading your poetry. I really felt the calm peace as I pictured walking through the woods in this piece and the deer, the fawn, the autumn leaves, the red fox, etc. I loved reading this poem!
This was beautifully written! I can feel the pain and see you looking at a stack of postcards but not being able to read them. The rhythm and flow of this, along with the rhyme scheme all work together perfectly. I love reading your poems and can only hope that one day, I'll be as good at writing poetry as you are! Keep writing!
I have just read "Wild Anxiety" and would like to share my thoughts. I admit, I am no expert on poetry, so use what works and discard the rest. But what ever you do, KEEP WRITING!
Rhythm and Flow:
You really did very well in your meter, keeping each line 10 syllables. Wonderful job in this. However, in reading it out loud to myself, even though the syllable count was correct, the rhythm seemed just a bit off. I'm not sure if this was just me and the way I was reading it. Try reading this out loud to yourself and see if you hear the same thing I heard when I read it.
Adherence to Style/Form:
You really did well in adhering to the style and the form of a sonnet - 10 syllables per line. You followed the correct form of abab, cdcd,efef,gg. I don't know if I would have been able to do that and still get my emotions onto the page where people could feel what I was feeling.
Ability to Relate:
I could relate to the emotions and thoughts that flowed through this poem. I have been there, done that. "Taming" anxiety is definitely no easy task. In that aspect, you did well.
Word Usage:
Your word usage worked well. I could understand the point you were trying to make about how anxiety affects a person. The words and phrases you used were words that most of us would understand and can relate to.
Final Thoughts:
For a first time, I believe you did quite well. It's not easy to write a poem about such a personal topic and keep it within the laws of forms such as a sonnet. My favorite part was:
"I have only myself to share my blame
until my wild anxiety is tame."
That says so much right there - but it also shows just how personal this poem is to you. Please keep sharing with us your personal insights into the world around you!
I have just read {item:} and would like to share my thoughts. I admit, I am no expert on poetry, so use what works and discard the rest. But what ever you do, KEEP WRITING!
Rhythm and Flow:
The rhythm and flow of this poem worked out really well. It was easy to read and follow.
Adherence to Style/Form:
You stated in your description that this is a Sonnet. While I am no expert, I believe you did well in adhering to the principles of a Sonnet in form and syllables per line. Well done!
Ability to Relate:
I was able to relate to this poem in the fact that you talk about loving and getting hurt, as well as loving and it being wonderful. Great job in portraying the feelings in this poem.
Word Usage:
The only question as far as word usage I had was in the 3rd stanza...2nd line, I wasn't sure if you meant the word "manta" or if you meant "manna." I had to read this line twice to understand what you meant.
Final Thoughts:
I believe this poem was done very well, and you really portrayed feelings with your words. Great job!
The emotion in this letter to your dad is so raw, I could feel it. It touched home for me because this was how I felt when my Daddy died...except his was extremely sudden...One second he was fine, the next he was gone. You did really well on this, and I have no suggestions for improvement - especially since this is such a personal way of dealing with loss. Very well written. Keep up the great writing!
You did really well on this and painted a beautiful picture with your words. I could picture the scene, feel the wind blow and hear the music. It truly sounds beautiful. The only thing I noticed, and I understand it may have been written this way intentionally, is you start out talking about a night last week. Then in the paragraph talking about separating yourself from the essence of New York, (2nd to last paragraph) you say "Tonight." This threw me off just a bit. This is beautiful! Keep up the wonderful writing!
Okay, this was interesting yet strange. I enjoyed reading this, although it did kind of make my stomach churn. You did well adhering to the contest guidelines, though. Rhythm, flow and rhyme seemed to work out pretty good. Keep up the great writing!
I love this image! It's beautiful and kinda eerie at the same time...Reminds me of a winter sunrise where the trees have no leaves! Keep up the beautiful work!!!
I just read your item, "Pride" and would like to share my humble thoughts with you Please bear in mind these are just my thoughts. Use what works for you and discard the rest.
What I liked:
I love the way you describe what is going on - I could really picture the scene. And the fact that you chose something that for so long, people were afraid to even mention.
Suggestions:
Go through and double check your punctuation. In the paragraphs where Jerome and Marco are talking, there is an inconsistency with the quotation marks. Also, when you mention a successful practice bringing babies into the world, but the spelling on the word successful...I read successfully and I had to read it a couple of times to catch on. Also, a description of Marco and Jerome might help here.
Strengths:
Based on the prompt, you did very well in sticking with the instructions of the prompt. Your descriptions of the little old lady really painted a great picture. I could actually see her.
Overall Impression:
I enjoyed reading this because it wasn't just about someone waving around some sports memorabilia and flaunting their favorite team. Great job!
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!
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