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576 Public Reviews Given
579 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Pride  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, NeedingBeachDuf 🐠⛵🏝️ }!


I just read your item, "Pride and would like to share my humble thoughts with you Please bear in mind these are just my thoughts. Use what works for you and discard the rest.



What I liked:

I love the way you describe what is going on - I could really picture the scene. And the fact that you chose something that for so long, people were afraid to even mention.


Suggestions:

Go through and double check your punctuation. In the paragraphs where Jerome and Marco are talking, there is an inconsistency with the quotation marks. Also, when you mention a successful practice bringing babies into the world, but the spelling on the word successful...I read successfully and I had to read it a couple of times to catch on. Also, a description of Marco and Jerome might help here.


Strengths:

Based on the prompt, you did very well in sticking with the instructions of the prompt. Your descriptions of the little old lady really painted a great picture. I could actually see her.


Overall Impression:

I enjoyed reading this because it wasn't just about someone waving around some sports memorabilia and flaunting their favorite team. Great job!


If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!




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Review of Words  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Amay !


I just read your item, "Words and would like to share my humble thoughts with you Please bear in mind these are just my thoughts. Use what works for you and discard the rest.



What I liked:

I really love the fact that your remind people that in a time of sorrow, words are just that...words, and that in that moment, they really don't help.

Suggestions:

The only suggestion I have for this piece is to double check your spacing between your paragraphs - it seems to me (and it could just be me) that there is more space between your first and second paragraphs than between the rest of the paragraphs.

Strengths:

You did well on explaining to people why their words usually don't help when we have the gaping hole of losing a loved one. The fact that you remind the reader that the pain will ease is encouraging. And your discussion of faith really works with this piece because in a time of loss, faith can sometimes be the one thing that gets us through.

Overall Impression:

My impression of this piece was that it was well-written and encouraging to those of us who have dealt with the loss of a loved one, yet you bring to the forefront the emptiness of words during times like this. Great job!

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!




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Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed reading this poem. The rhythm and flow of this poem work really well. Your rhyme scheme works well with this poem. I could picture two sisters - running, riding horses, fighting valiantly....You painted a picture with your words. Well done. I have no suggestions for improvement on this. Keep up the great writing!

B.M. Ray
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Review of Un-PUN-ctilious  
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
Okay, I understand this was written for a bad story contest. You definitely succeeded in that...Needs a lot of work to make it even close to interesting. But you know me, I gotta read what you write! I could, however, picture the scene. In that part, you did very well. Keep writing!

B.M. Ray
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Review of Chocolate Kisses  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the sentimentality of this poem! I can see kids tackling Grandma with faces covered in chocolate, laughing and marking her face up with chocolate. Great job! The imagery, rhythm and flow of this poem work really well together. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
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Review of Legacy  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow, Ken. What a beautiful, hauntingly sad tribute to Columbine High School. This brought back a lot for me - my cousin's fiance was one of the young men killed in that senseless tragedy. You really expressed the pain felt in this...and very well. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
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Review of Thankful  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed reading this. I could actually hear it as if someone was singing this. It was a beautiful way to pay tribute to your mom. I saw no reason to change it - and I believe your mom would be really proud of the man you have become! Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was beautifully written. I could feel the pain in your words. I could see an image of a war-torn country or city. Rhythm, flow and rhyme all work together very well to paint an image with your words. Keep up the wonderful writing and I will keep reading!

B.M. Ray
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Review of Dear Me,  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love the way you wrote this letter to yourself about 2017. You were honest. You made it clear that while 2017 wouldn't be perfect, it would be a good year. I love that! You sprinkled in comments to build your self esteem and made sure to include your writing goals, your personal goals, and a current summary of what is going on in your life. Great job. Keep up the great writing!

B.M. Ray
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello, writeaway !


I just finished reading your item, "The World How It Seems and would like to share the following humble thoughts.



What I liked:

An honest yet elegant way to describe the reactions of others when a Christian suffers from depression.

Suggestions:

I saw nothing that I could offer suggestions on...this was beautiful.

Strengths:

Your rhythm, flow and rhyme all work together to form a beautiful poem about how the world tends to look at those who suffer from depression - especially if we are Christians.

Weaknesses:

I did not see any weaknesses in this poem that need to be addressed.

Overall Impression:

This poem shows great insight into what it's like as a Christian to suffer from depression. As a person who falls into that category, it was easy for me to relate to the emotions of this poem. I really like the ending....and it's true...we are not alone, we are in the arms of God. Great job!!!

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!




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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Prof Moriarty !


I just finished reading your item, "Letter from a Worried Wife and would like to share the following humble thoughts.



What I liked:

I love the way this letter is clear and concise. You convey the emotion of being rejected.

Suggestions:

My only suggestion would be at the end of the letter, add an extra line to space between your last point and the final paragraph of the letter.

Strengths:

Your letter was well-written, albeit humorous at the idea of writing to the SMs regarding lowering the enticing nature of WDC. Your concerns were well-spoken and understandable. I really enjoyed reading this.

Weaknesses:

No obvious weaknesses noted.

Overall Impression:

I loved reading this - I believe many spouses of writers on WDC probably feel the same way....but hey, where would we be without WDC and SMs??

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!




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Review of Twilight's Fall  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I think you did very well on this poem. Your words give feeling, and I love that.

I only have one suggestion...and it may just be the way I am reading this poem.

First stanza, last line....I think if you changed it to read:

"fragrant and oh so sweet."

I believe it will flow just a bit better and make this poem perfect. I am no expert, but when I read it aloud to myself, for some reason, my mind kept inserting the word "oh."

Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
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Review of Coffee Shop  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h !


I just finished reading your item, "Coffee Shop and would like to share the following humble thoughts.



What I liked:

This is a very well-written scene. The descriptions you provide make it easy for me to picture the scene and the daydreaming she is apparently doing.

Suggestions:

I would (and this may be just my personal preference,) like to see more description of the coffee shop she was in - was it a Starbucks? Or was it a little "mom-and-pop" shop with red vinyl chairs?

Strengths:

Your colors you chose to use to describe the coffee in her cup, the clouds in her mind are great. As well, I love your introduction of a world within a world. It truly fits this story. Paragraph spacing, punctuation, spelling and word usage all worked well together and did not distract from my reading of this.

Weaknesses:

Like I mentioned above, a description of the coffee shop she was in might help the reader transition from the clouds of her mind back into reality. Maybe even a description of her companion would help in this matter as well.

Overall Impression:

As a writer who often goes off into my own world when writing or looking for inspiration, I could truly relate to her being in her own world. And I like the fact that your character seems to be be looking for an answer to something. Great job on this! I really enjoyed it.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!




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Review of Emily's Steer  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Cubby~Home! !


I just finished reading your item, "Emily's Steer and would like to share the following humble thoughts.



What I liked:

I love the emotion in this story. I also love the way you describe what you started to wish for but then stopped - and gave the reasons why.

Suggestions:

My only suggestions would be to add descriptions of what Emily looked like. It's hard to picture the scene without knowing what she looked like.

Strengths:

There is raw emotion in this. I love the way you describe the relationship Emily had with Moses, and the relationship Moses had with the cats. It adds realism.

Weaknesses:

As I mentioned above, the only weakness I see is that there is no description of what Emily looked like.

Overall Impression:

This is a short story that is well-written with no grammatical, punctuation or spelling issues that take away from the story. There is raw emotion in this, as well as wisdom in the idea of the wishes. Great job!

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!




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Review of Annie  
Rated: E | (1.0)
Hello, carlton607 !


I just finished reading your item, "Annie and would like to share the following humble thoughts.



What I liked:

I like this story in the fact that it describes the panic a woman feels when she is frightened. Your descriptive words make it easier to picture things you mention in the story.

Suggestions:

Go through and re-read this. Double check your spelling. Also, try to find a way to tie in all of the topics together...Annie liking to knit socks, but what does that have to do with the rest of the story? And some background into what was making Annie so panicked would go along way, as well ad the reason between such a strong bond between her and Buster.

Strengths:

Some of your descriptions were pretty good...blonde hair turning brown - I could picture that. You did well in showing Annie's fright and terror. Your paragraph spacing made it easy to read through.

Weaknesses:

I noticed that there was a difficulty flowing smoothly from one subject to another - one paragraph didn't lead into the next. This made it a difficult read and it was difficult to follow your line of thinking.

Overall Impression:

As this was a contest entry for a bad story, I must say that you did adhere to that very well. This has the potential to be an interesting story with a bit of work.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!




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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, 🌕 HuntersMoon !


I just finished reading your item, "Christmas Is Over / 141 Words and would like to share the following humble thoughts.



What I liked:

Your imagery is great. I can actually picture the scene of everything relating to Christmas being packed away out of sight.

Suggestions:

The only thing I saw was the word bible....I've always seen it capitalized...not sure if you meant to leave it lower case or not.

Strengths:

Beautiful rhythm and flow. Scenery is very strong. And the comment of not on Tax Day kinda made me chuckle.

Weaknesses:

Like I said, the only thing I saw was whether or not to capitalize the word Bible.

Overall Impression:

I love this. It made me chuckle. It also made me wonder why we don't keep Christmas all year round.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!




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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, Gabriel M !


I just finished reading your item, "Children Raising Children and would like to share the following humble thoughts.



What I liked:

The honesty of this story - the hardships seen through the eyes of a child born to teenage parents really got my interest up in this story. I love the fact that you mention the expectations set forth by Disney and Nickelodeon...and how those expectations were not what you experienced, due in part to the young age of your parents.

Suggestions:

My biggest suggestion would be to add an empty line between paragraphs to make it easier to read....it's easier on the eyes. Also, when using dialogue, it's easier for me to read it if it is separated into its own paragraph, along with facial expressions or actions that directly follow. See my example below:

"That's not true!" She yelled as she stormed away.

Strengths:

The greatest strength this piece has is the raw emotion behind what you have written...from the perspective of a child who was raised by parents who were too young when they had their children.

Weaknesses:

Again, paragraph spacing and separation of dialogue and actions/expressions that directly follow as I showed in the example above, would really help this as far as structure and flow.

Overall Impression:

I really enjoyed reading this from a different perspective. I, too, was a teenage parent. Now that I am older, I wish I had waited until I was in my mid-to-late twenties before having children, to give me the opportunity to grow up a bit more and be prepared a little better for parenthood. You really show from the child's perspective how young parents can sometimes influence their children by their immaturity...and even later on, how they can redeem themselves by pushing their children to be better people and parents..to make better choices than they did.

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me back! Thank you for sharing!




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Review of My Father's Hands  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a beautiful tribute to your father. The rhythm and flow worked very well together. I really felt the love in this poem. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
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Review of Crazy in Love  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was beautiful - and you are right in your intro - even those who are ill can love! Great job! I really enjoyed this! I didn't see any issues with rhythm or flow. Keep writing!

B.M. Ray
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Review of January 1, 2017  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"I all that I meet, all year, far and near."

This sentence didn't make sense to me. Was wondering if you meant to say "In all that I meet, all year, far and near."

Other than that, the flow and rhythm and rhyme of this poem work very well. I enjoyed reading this, and you impart a very important lesson of January 1 being only a date, and what's important is what we do with the spirit of the new year.

Keep up the wonderful writing,

B.M. Ray
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Review of Tickle Torture  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
The rhythm and flow of this poem work beautifully together with the rhyme. I remember those days of being tortured by my brothers...Fond memories now that I am older. Keep up the wonderful writing!

B.M. Ray
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Review of The Jester  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is sad and tragic. It drew me in - I wanted to keep reading. Your imagery, your thoughts painted a picture in my mind. Wonderfully written. Thank you for sharing!

B.M. Ray
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This was beautiful! I love the ending. Rhythm, flow and rhyme all worked together to make this an easy poem to read. And, I'm sure we can all relate to having to get a gift for someone we deem less than desirable. I love the way this shows how God can work through our circumstances to restore what we thought was lost forever. Keep up the great writing!

B.M. Ray
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Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this! I believe this may be one of the best ones I've read yet. Rhythm and flow are perfect. Rhyme works really well. I could actually picture the scene as if I was the one looking out the windowpane. Keep up all the wonderful writing! As long as you write, I will read!

B.M. Ray
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Review of Missing  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is sad. I could feel the despair as I read this. Rhythm and flow seem to go together really well. Great job. Keep up writing!

B.M. Ray
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