Damn. That's just creepy. What are some of the books that you have published? I would love to read them. There were a couple of typos. One is "him and my great-grandma" should be "He and my great grandma" The other is "he wasn’t going to do something, then he was going to do it", which is contradictory. But wow, I really don't know what to say other than that was incredible. Great work.
I like this! It is an interesting thought - how this sort of thing comes about. I mentioned in an earlier message that the puntuation might have something to do with the meter. I think here it really does. Well done.
Brina
You have a great idea, and wonderful descriptions, but I feel that you're telling me everything, instead of letting me experience it. Try talking in the the third person, and describe what you're doing. Perhapse you are in the act of stealing, or gloatig over your treasures.
Another thing you could try is poetry. It has a stricter setup, but you are freer to tell, because you have less words to explain.
I can tell you enjoy it, though, and I hope that you'll come out with more.
Artfully written. The beginning puts you at ease and in a peaceful trance, to be twisted at the end, much like I would expect a witness to feel. Well done.
I'm not sure how seriously you can take a rating from someone who hasn't taken a creative writing class and has noexperience, but your work has been really helpful to me. Have you heard of the Snowflake Method? I ran across it when researching some tips on how to write fiction. It's an interesting idea, and it helped me tremendously to get organized.
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