I love how short, sweet, and funny this piece is!
Your rhymes were good, your flow was even, everything was in order, and your topic was something we could all relate to at some point in life.
Your last line was very clever...I would have to say it was my favorite!
Thank you for sharing!
Keep writing!
Remember that these are only my thoughts and opinions and are not intended to be taken in any way other than constructive
I must say that I did enjoy the set up and contentt of this item.....I felt like I was reading the script of a skit or play :)
I think you might want to go back and read through each line and maybe add a bit more to the item as the transition from wanting to write about the hardships to the somewhat philosophical viewpoints isn't a completely smooth one.
There were some grammar errors you need to address throughout your work but not enough to completely throw the reader.
Another suggestion I have for you is to give more detail in the beginning......where are the people talking.....you know like a setting or some background information....
Hello :) I am judging short stories for the Elven Garden Writing Contest.
I love how you have mixed romance with the picture prompt!
You offer enough descriptive detail about the garden to draw the reader into your work then offer the fairytale like romance to ensure everyone is happy.
The only thing I really wasn't too sure on was the part of how the girls knew the guy in college. Perhaps a little more detail and clarity about their previous relationship would help to add the young man to the rest of the story.
I am so happy to have found this lovely piece depicting God's love for beauty as well as for us! I feel like I am actually there hearing the "laughing" rocks. I also love the fact that you were able to shape your poem into the form of a pine tree, which truly adds the final physical touch needed to draw the reader into your poem.
A wonderful job!
Keep writing,
Christina
Remember that these are only my thoughts and opinions and are not intended to be taken in any way other than constructive
Hello :)
First I would like to thank you for the opportunity to read your item.
Second I would like to note that this review is just my opinion and is intended to be helpful and supportive.
How this poem made me feel: I felt a little bit of sadness and some regret at not putting my complete heart into my past relationship. I could feel the love...something one should feel in any relationship.
What I liked: first I liked that you explained your style (quite clearly) and you pointed out any differences your piece had compared to the original style/form used. I loved how you described the love felt as well as the loss( a friend's husband recently passed away and this reminded me of their relationship in some ways)
What I think can be improved: I have no suggestions as I am quite impressed with what you have written.
Why I have chosen the star rating: seeing as how there is no way to give a star rating I will leave it as you can write poetry :)
Thank you again and keep writing!
Hello :)
First I would like to thank you for the opportunity to read your item.
Second I would like to note that this review is just my opinion and is intended to be helpful and supportive.
How this poem made me feel: I enjoyed the feeling of inspiration
What I liked: I absolutely loved the way you described the "will to write' as well as explaining the style used. I definitely loved your last two lines.
What I think can be improved: I honestly can't really think of anything you could do to improve this item. You have written about the will to write in a very inspirational and what I felt to be an uplifting way without using complicated wording or complicated style
Why I have chosen the star rating: I was able to really feel the will of the writer as well as relate to parts of your poem.
Thank you again and keep writing!
Hello, First I would like to say that I enjoyed stopping by your port, second I would like to make it known that this review is based off of my own thoughts or opinions and should not be taken offensively as my intentions are only to help and encourage you in your writing.
What I liked:
I truly enjoyed the upbeat enthusiasm you have given to your poem about Jesus and his love and always being there.
What I think could be improved:
While this is a great start I think that perhaps if you shortened your third stanza sixth and seventh lines the flow of your poem would improve. You also might want to reconsider the capital letters but that is more of a look thing than a writing thing :).
Why I have chosen the star rating:
I think that you are off to a great start and believe that with a little bit of work this poem could be very good. With just a few possible changes in length you will have a short but sweet item. I look forward to seeing your future work.
Keep writing,
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Thank you for entering the Paper Doll Gang short stories contest!
I think you have something really great here, something to expand on in the future if you feel up to it.
I was confused at first but everything came together. I truly love the idea of the girl dreaming and seeing into the possible future. Your ending was A real grabber...... It left me with wanting more!
Great story!
Keep writing,
Christina
Hello and welcome to the Paper Doll Gang. Thank you for completing challenge 1!
This is quite a beautiful in and out. You have taken a quite emotional topic, chosen very calming emoticons, and a gentle shade of purple to create the perfect thought provoking area..
I hope that you are given a great turnout. My only suggestion is to add maybe an image or something to go with the serious yet calming theme...
Again, offering people a more serious yet gentle environment to contemplate the positives in life was a great idea.
I think you are off to a great start. Sometimes by putting your poetry in stanzas it will be easier for others to read.
You mention so many beautiful things and it sounds like you can easily spot beauty.
Maybe if you write a bit more on each bit of nature you have mentioned this poem will reach its full potential.
Nature is always a great topic and I think that if you look deep into your heart you will be able to expand a bit more.
All in all a wonderful addition to this writing site.
I look forward to visiting your port again.
This is such a beautiful way of showing the truth in what we as humans tend to do. A beautiful addition to writing. Com. The only part that truly stuck out to me was the ever when you talked about praying.I think if you removed the ever before pray it would flow a bit better.
Hello and welcome to writing.com!
If you need help finding your way around the site feel free to send me an email or an im and I will be more than happy to help you.
I think you have done a wonderful job here, and please remember that the following are just my opinions.
I really liked your first two lines.
Your last two however seem somewhat forced to me and a bit out of place, perhaps you could add a bit more to your poem to help your last two lines read a bit more smoothly.
I am glad that I came across such a wonderful poem.
I love the warm feeling this poem creates. You have a great start for this site I think. You may want to check the flow of the poem where you say the mind, it did somewhat throw me off a bit since you had been referring to yourself in the beginning. Also the very last line seems a bit forced. I would love to see it longer, but those are just my feelings. How you have it now is just as wonderful. If you need any help with finding your way around wdc please feel free to send me an email.
Keep writing I look forward to seeing more writing from you,
Christina
I always love your style. The way you have the shhh and how things are periodically scattered about. It was sad to see it end, I will admit that. I think that your writing has improved so much from when I had first seen a few of your pieces.
rubs under my calloused tips
perhaps adding finger there.
Though it works both ways it was just something that I thought to myself.
A wonderful start you have.
Keep writing,
Christina
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