My name is Callie hears Angels these days . I am very pleased to have the opportunity to review your short story "Annie" . Before I begin, I will caution you that I am a newbie. If I say something wrong, please know that I mean no harm. And, I would love your feedback if possible.
I can see you have a lot of enthusiasm for writing! I do too. I think it will hold you in good stead since we walk down harsh roads every day as we try to hone our craft.
Characters you know, I got a little confused with what your character was doing in this story. For example,first you have Annie screaming and then you have her laughing. Buster the dog barks, but we never know what kind of barking Buster is doing.Is it an angry bark, or a bark or recognition? Please tell us more.
Pacing While your story does have a lot of action, I wonder if you have ever considered using a story map? Sometimes, I can see the action of my characters in my minds eye so clearly, I lose track of the fact that my readers need to have all of their five senses engaged for the magic that a fabulous story can impart. IYou have some fine gems in here, but if you are going to have this kind of eventful story, you will do well to commit using your sense of what you are seeing, feeling, touching etc. to get your particular vision across to your reader.
Motivation Sadly, I feel a little like Annie's beloved Buster. I don't quite know what is going on here. You have mentioned an event that changed everything, but you never tell us what it was. I am convinced that if you spend a little more time on this aspect of your story, it will be stronger and have the right kind of hurry to it. I urge you to relax and enjoy your process as much as possible. This is your passion, right? A good meal takes time to prepare, your good stories will come With the love and tenderness your imagination deserves.
Things that need a little more editing Spell check can be a friend, but this tool can also make us cavalier about what we are saying exactly. For example, in one of your paragraphs you write: "With those thoughts in her mind she drifted off into a pieceful slumber." As you and I know sometimes we must piece together information to arrive at a peaceful place. I am certain with some further editing and additional information, you will have a stronger story. I will be more than glad to reread your efforts if you like. It helps sometime to have an involved friend.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am looking forward to watching your growth on this wonderful site.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **