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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/callmetj
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Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A short dialog story about foreign guests and trying to make them feel comfortable upon arriving.


Strengths:   I found this interesting and entertaining. It flowed along smoothly and was easy to follow. The ending fits perfectly and completes the story.


Questions:  I found a few minor things, most likely just typos. For instance, in the line, “You’re kidding, fight? the f instead of an r. Also, I'm not sure if the space between, “We come from different cultures... for sharing your home with us. and Dorina and I had a good laugh... stay with fun people.” is needed or not.


Summary:   A very nice short story using dialog. It's well written and entertaining. Well done.


Come on in and join in the fun!


"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ



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2
Review of question?  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A short poem written about a relationship that didn't work out.


Strengths:   It's brevity, it's short but very concise in meaning. I believe most readers can relate to this poem on some level.


Questions:  Being so well written, I didn't find anything to question other than the possibility of adding more punctuation. It's fully a choice and you would have to decide which way it works best. Just an example of how it would be with punctuation added:

Is he a friend or is he a foe?
I should have taken this relationship slow.
A constant quarrel,
No one wins;
I should have kept him as a friend


Summary:   I found this poem very well written, it has nice rhyme and a smooth rhythm; it has a wonderful flow. I also found this poem to be easy to relate to, which adds even more to it. It's brevity is it's beauty.


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Review of Ocean Boy  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A nicely written poem of a boy at the beach, building a sandcastle.


Strengths:  This poem reads very well, it's smooth and rhythmic, much like the waves flowing towards the castle.


Questions:  I had no questions; found no errors.


Summary:   Very well written, easy to follow the story and visualize the scene. Very well done!


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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ



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4
4
Review of Theopathy  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A short poem written in appreciation of another.


Strengths:   Although short, this item says a lot. It flows nicely and I like the format.


Questions: I did not find any errors within this item. I related with the first verse, but wonder, in the second, what happened to the coin? It's flipped, it lands, but how? Is this a trick coin?


Summary:   I enjoyed this poem, well done.


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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ


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5
5
Review of Writers Block  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   This is a relatively short poem describing the effects of writers block.


Strengths:   The format makes this easy to read and follow. The item is very descriptive and flows nicely, creating an image for the reader.


Questions:  I find myself wondering about using various forms of punctuation throughout the poem to perhaps give more feeling to the topic. Perhaps some commas, a semicolon, and maybe even an exclamation mark or two.

Just an example of how these could work:

My mind is constantly
Throwing around emotions.
But there is one feeling,
So frustrating,
So debilitating,
So heavy,
Writers block!
A black hole forms
Which sucks up
All the poetic melody in me
And leaves me behind with
A jumble of emotion and words
That do not harmonize.
It is the catatonic state of mind
That cuts the power from your brain
And stops it from teaching your fingertips.
Therefore,
Leaving you
Frustrated,
Useless;
Feeling as if you have lost your soul
Somewhere among
The maze of your mind.

Also, is the underlined supposed to be teaching, or reaching?

Summary:   I found this very well written and offer only a suggestion. Great job!


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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ


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Review of Tulips  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A short poem of a winter scene, a field, and what lies below waiting the sun's warmth.


Strengths:   Although short, this poem provides a nice image for the reader, flows very nicely, and has nice rhythm.


Questions:  Although I didn't find any questions in the item itself, I did see something in the introduction I wanted to point out: A haiku poem /thinking about the snow blowing across and open field out back. I do believe and was meant to be an.


Summary:   A very nice bit of poetry, a nice image and very well written. Write on!


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Review of The Sea  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A short, free verse poem about the sea.


Strengths:  Although short, three lines, the author does a good job of painting a picture of the sea and of dancing in the waves as they advance and recede.


Questions:  I question the structure of the first two sentences, the first is fine but the second does not start with a capital and seems incomplete. Perhaps a comma or semicolon at the end of the first sentence? I also wondered a bit on the intended meaning of the word swarms. The rest of the poem describe the the movements as waves, ebbing and flowing. This fits well with swells, but swarms doesn't seem to be the best word choice to proceed it.


Summary:   This is a nice little poem, easy to read, enjoyable, and one that creates a nice image for the reader. There were a few questions, but still very well done. Thank you for sharing.


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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free."


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Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an excellent article, Jeff, good formatting is just as important as the context, if not even more so. Line spacing and paragraph spacing make so much of a difference, especially if the reader is using a small screen. When spacing is too close together, I find myself losing my place, reading lines over, and often discouraged enough to just give up, even though the context good.

Another area of formatting that can turn me away from reading something is if it's all written in a nice, pretty color that blends in too well with the white background, again making the item very difficult to read.

Besides using formatting to enhance an item, we also need to ensure our formatting doesn't create eye fatigue and give the reader a headache, stopping them from stop reading. Experiment, but go back and read through the item to ensure it has good readability and is easy and pleasing on the eyes.

Your second example, of course, does just this. Just a suggestion, you may want to switch the two examples around to prevent someone from deciding the first is too difficult to read through without getting far enough to see the second. Just a thought I wanted to share, since I almost didn't get far enough into the item to see the second example myself. *Wink*
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Review of My Best Friend  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A beautifully written love poem done as a wedding gift.

Strengths:   This is a very well written poem describing the loving bond between a newly married couple. It describes vibrantly the strong bond they will share and how it will grow stronger as their love grows deeper with time.


Questions:  Everything is very well written, there are no questions.


Summary:   Not only a very beautiful poem, but also a very wonderful gift. Wright on!


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"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free."


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Review of The Sleeping Aid  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A cute and entertaining poem written in Limerick-ish form. *Smile*


Strengths:   Both the rhyme and the rhythm of this item are delightful. Everything flows smoothly and I do not find any mistakes in grammar.


Questions:  I did not have any questions concerning this item, it is well written.


Summary:   Not only is this a cute and humorous poem, it's down right catchy and fun to read; well done.


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"Rating and Reviewing, My Method


"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ



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Review of Unsure  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Eden, welcome to Writing.Com,

I was doing a few reviews this afternoon and decided to do a review for a new member, when I clicked on "Read a Newbie" I seen your item. So, in short this is suppose to be a review and point out strengths and weaknesses in your writing. However, you start right out by telling the reader not to expect much of anything. Therefor, I'm not going to point out mechanical errors or context issues.

Instead, I'm going to address the item itself and the message portrayed. Your title is very fitting, "Unsure". Your unsure of why you are here, except for someplace to put thoughts and emotions. WdC is a great site and will be a great place for you to do this. You can even set your items to private if it's something you don't want anyone else to read. Even so, sometimes putting things out there can provide some feedback from others who can relate.

It's great to know your not suicidal or at a point of self hurt, but knowing your reaching your limit and wondering why you should keep going is concerning. I hope writing out and sharing your thoughts and feelings will lift some of the burden and I especially hope it does help you to get your head in a better place.

Good luck to you Eden, I hope to see more of your rantings and ravings; perhaps in a diary or blog, which are also available on the site. Look through "Get Started" and "Writing.Com 101", I think you will find this a perfect place to clear your head and get things out.

Sincerely,
Timothy


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Review of My UFO Encounters  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A rhyming poem about space ships and alien encounters


Strengths:   The rhyming is strong and persistent throughout the poem. Each verse describes the authors fictitious encounter with an alien ship. I find the descriptions very well done and especially enjoyed the first, ...bright lights...shaped like a toad.


Questions:  Although well written, I didn't understand the use of underscores (_) within the item. I assume they are meant to be an Em dash (--) to replace the use of commas or colons.You may want to look into their use, too many can minimalism their effectiveness; just a suggestion, of course.


Summary:   I enjoyed reading this poem and found it entertaining and well written. Keep up the great work.


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"Rating and Reviewing, My Method


"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ


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Review of The Safe  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A short story of someone trying and succeeding at pilfering their sister's safe.


Strengths:   Although this is a short item, it draws an image from entering the room to the final success of getting into the safe. It's easy to read through, understand, and even includes a brief dialogue.


Questions:  I feel the item could use a bit more description. For example, I looked through the glass window. Could be described as, I peeked outside through the curtained window


Summary:   I found this to be a nicely written item that creates an image as it's read. In my opinion, a bit more description would create an even richer image. Even so, this is a nice bit of writing... Well done.


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"Rating and Reviewing, My Method


"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A short Campfire dialogue about writing, or more precisely, writer's block.


Strengths:   I find many, the questions and answers, the format, and the ending, "... the journey starts with a step. ok, one step at a time. write write write."


Questions:  I didn't have any questions about this item, it is clear and precise.


Summary:   I enjoyed reading this item, and found myself relating to the subject of getting over writer's block. I wish I could provide some insights but alas, I also am having the same problems. I can find a hundred reasons why I don't write, but they are unimportant. The only thing I need to focus on is why I do write. I do it for me; I love to write, it's in my blood.

So, where to find the motivation, or as I say, my mojo? I like your answer, "the journey starts with a step. ok, one step at a time. write write write."

For me, that step is to write something in my blog on a regular basis. I've decided that if I cant think of anything to share in my blog, I will look at some writing prompts, select one, and make a short entry from that. I hope it will get things flowing again, and at the least, I'll have some ideas to work with at a later time when my mojo is back to full creativity.


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"Rating and Reviewing, My Method


"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ


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Review of Depression  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a nice, short, and accurate poem on something we all deal with at one time or another, depression. For some, it comes and goes with the events of life, for others, it's a daily battle.

This poem describes depression well, it shows the reader what it does to a person day in and day out, it is well written and I found no mistakes in grammar or spelling. It flows well and is very well done.

I like the finish, "My dreadful enemy Depression." I once suffered from a long bout with loneliness and depression and can relate fully, it is a savage enemy. I wrote a poem about loneliness when it had me in it's clutches. Please feel free to read it, if you want to.
 
STATIC
Loneliness  (E)
A despairing battle with loneliness
#1974840 by Gone-Campin-TJ

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Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A short poem written about how the Lord is always right there to uphold us and care for us.


Strengths:   This poem is well written, it creates an image for the reader of the author as a young girl and as an adult. It depicts an image of her falling often, and how those close to her longed to protect her. It also portrays her strong faith in the Lord always being there when she falls.


Questions:  I have no questions, the poem is well written, the message quite clear, and the message well received.


Summary:   I enjoyed reading this item in your portfolio, the message you have shared, and the wonderful flow this item has for the reader. Well done!


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"Rating and Reviewing, My Method


"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ

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Review of Rainbow Relations  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is a nice little poem on love, especially the emotional aspect of it. I like the beginning, red hot when love is new. You also cover the emotions as love continues, sometimes dimming to yellow, pink, and serene green. Also included are the troubled times when tempers rise. The ending wraps it all up with red hot love again.

For it's shortness, it conveys a lot. It's easy to read and flows nicely, the rhyming in the first two lines and last to lines adds a nice touch. I did not find any mechanical errors.

Well written and well done!


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Review of Richard  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I find this a good idea for a longer story, there is a lot of room to develop with it. One thing I noticed are a lot of short sentences that could be couple together to make this read easier.

I did not find any spelling or mechanical mistakes in this item except for a few questionable things that would would be corrected by compound sentences.

Again, this is a good piece for developing into a short story or more. Keep on writing!


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Review of PRAY ALL DAY  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Okay, I couldn't pick just one. I also enjoyed this poem very much. It has beautiful flow to it and the rhyming makes it very catchy. The topic itself is wonderful, to give prayers of thanks for all we have.

I have no suggestions for you, I wouldn't change a thing.

Another very wonderful poem, keep on writing!


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Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   This is a love poem written for a wife and partner that portrays the writers thoughts on his wife.


Strengths:   Although not written in rhyme, the poem flows smoothly and lovely. It strongly portrays the authors thoughts and feelings towards his wife, breaking it down into all she is and all he admires in her.


Questions:  I did not find any mechanical errors and did not have any questions; this poem is well written.


Summary:   I enjoyed reading this poem and the insight it provides. Not only is it very descriptive it portrays the message within the readers own emotions; it's easy to relate to.

I especially enjoyed how the poem begins with thoughts of her at sunrise and ends with thoughts of her at sunset, showing she is in his thoughts always.

Very well done!


218143218143

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"Rating and Reviewing, My Method


"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Nesting  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A nicely written poem about a pair of blue-jays building a nest in the wrong place.


Strengths:   The poem depicts quite well the story of a pair of jays building and sitting their nest. It flows nicely and has good rhyming verse.


Questions:  In the fourth verse nesting is capitalized, throwing one off from the flow. In verse eight, you capitalize Mama but not Papa or jay. Later in verse ten you again capitalize Ma Jay and in eleven Papa Jay. I understand these to be names and assume it was just oversight to not capitalize Papa Jay in verse eight.

I also noticed in verse nine, the rhyme pattern is off. This could be corrected with a slight change of wording such as:

He also brings her juicy bugs
but never, ever slimy slugs.
Oh, look! There's movement!
Do you see? What is it?


to:

He also brings her juicy bugs
but never, ever slimy slugs.
Oh, look! Papa do you see
movement? What could it be?



Summary:   I offer this as positive feedback and mere suggestions for you to consider. The poem is nicely written, enjoyable and a very good job. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing.




"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ


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Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   A contest entry written for the Writing Cramp, the prompt: Your main character of a forgotten manuscript manages to:
Become human and live in the real world, at least for a while.



Strengths:   The item fits the prompt, shows great imagination, and draws the readers attention. It has good dialogue, follows the storyline, and finishes with a great ending.


Questions:  My only question is the part about Walker wishing them alive for five minutes; if he could do this, why hadn't he done so sooner? I understand in writing this, you must stay under 1000 words, and assume this is why this part wasn't developed any further, but it did raise that question.

Although there are many possible ways to develop this, one that came to my mind was simply this. Instead of Walker wishing them alive, the elderly lady sitting in front of a blank document trying to overcome her writer's block, in frustration, wishes they would come to life and give her some ideas of what direction to take this story.


Summary:   Again, I understand the limit on word count and only desire to share my thoughts. If you wanted to expand this, it may generate some ideas of where to add more body. the story is good, I enjoyed reading it and just wish some of my characters would step out and give me a hand sometimes.

Great job, keep up the good writing.




"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ


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23
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Review of Give Me A Wall  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:   An acrostic poem about a blank wall, used to relay a message to anyone who cares to read it.


Strengths:   This is a well structured poem with a clean and concise message. The wall is means for sharing thoughts, ideas, and messages from the authors heart, staying there until a fresh coat of paint leaves a clean canvas for the next writer's message.


Questions:  I didn't notice any mechanical mistakes, and I didn't have any questions.


Summary:   Along with the ability for leaving a message for other's the poem also directs us to listen to the "wall writer" inside and to let the words come out, whatever they may be. I found this to be a very enjoyable poem to read. Way to go.




"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ


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Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is intended for positive feedback, to give another point of perspective and to offer suggestions.


Overview:  A cute poem from a child with a little help from mom.


Strengths:  The item has great flow and rhyme making it fun to read. The message is clear and depicts the image parents see of their children.


Questions: I did not find anything to question, no mistakes in grammar or sentence structure.


Summary:  I found this to me an enjoyable poem to read, it creates a nice image that I can relate to after raising a daughter of my own who also was, and still is, an angel with an attitude.




"Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." TJ


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Review of Poetry  
Review by Gone-Campin-TJ
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I just read your poem, "Fun House" and wanted to provide some positive feedback for you.

My first thoughts are of a carnival back in the Dirty Thirties, but then you transform the scene to a more modern day. Even as the image changes, so does the story line -- no longer about the carnival, but now about an elderly lady and her memories of the carnival compared to her dismal life in her home, confined to a wheelchair. Very well written.

I do have a couple of questions, however. The first is the year, 1936 and the cost of the games. It seems very high for a "buck" when the average wage was only twenty-bucks a week, or about 65 cents an hour. It gave me a bit of a stumble as I read through the item.

The other question was less noticed the first read through, but towards the end, you have the grandma not wanting to leave, then the grand-daughter asks, "Grandma we have to go, must we?"

Again, it kind of threw me off, why they have to leave if neither wants to. I assumed this was meant to be a statement, "Grandma we have to go, we must!" When understood that they must leave, it gave more meaning to the ending.

Very well done, a great poem.


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