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151
151
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and "I Write in December-January-February"  [E].
I have just read short piece "I Fell Down Yesterday" , which I found when I posted my Week #13 entry to the contest and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
This is lovely, Neva. I can see it clearly as you make your way through this land of rhyme. At first I thought it should be a field of time, but then I saw that I was wrong and the dimension you travelled to was truly one of flowers that rhymed. Hypnotic and captive was how I felt, just like your character.


Characters:
This piece is written in the first person. In a mere 326 words, we learn that this person has travelled through space and time and although she is lulled by the beauty of where she is, she is determined to get back to Earth and her own time and place.


Setting:
Your setting is beautifully described. Though your limited in your word count, you make a marvelous effort to convey a place that sings with life.


Plot:
The character has fallen through space and time and must find her way back to planet Earth. The place is beautiful and tempting to her senses but she manages somehow to find her way home.


Favourite Part:
"This morning a nightingale woke me up. Its song reverberating through my dreams. I listened to its melody while dawn's warm rays caressed my closed eyelids. I opened my eyes to the newborn day. I knew I had to find my way home. I had to find a portal back to earth, back to the planet of my birth."
The sensory aspects of this verse really speak to me - the song reverberating, the warmth of the sun.
I also love the freshness of the morning - having it be 'newborn'
I also enjoyed the rhyming of earth and birth as the place itself seems to seep into your system.


Suggestions:
My only stumble was when the Nightingale sang:
"I would lay upon my back listening to the stories that the rhyming roses told. I would listen to the nightingale sang while back on earth bees and birds were dying for the lack of unpolluted air."

I would listen to the nightingale sing or I would listen as the nightingale sang.



Additional Comments:
This is really a wonderful piece Neva. Good Luck in the contest.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
152
152
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and "I Write in December-January-February"  [E].
I have just read short story "Show up and win! " , which I found when I posted my own entry to the third week of the I Write contest forum and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
Well, now I really know I never want to get a tattoo! A gripping wee tale.


Characters:
Ryan - willing to enter a contest for $1000
Lila - Ryan's wife
The strange man with the tattoo fetish... that he is willing to kill his victims to collect his tattoos.


Setting:
This is a dark tale.
The apartment Ryan and Lila live in sounds depressing - beer cans seem to be the only 'Christmas decorations'.
The address of 1 Drive Rodeo Side is beneath a subway with the lampposts flickering each time the subway passes - creepy and dark.


Plot:
For a contest, Ryan goes to see if he can be the 'winner'.
The tale is well paced and grips the reader. I was held, wanting to know what would happen.


Favourite Part:
I am not a huge fan of horror, but in small qualities, like your piece I can appreciate the tale.
I think you did a fine job painting the scenes and creating a dark tale.

Suggestions:
"It was then when he felt dizzy in his head." I don't think you need the words 'in his head' - the dizziness implies that.
I saw no spelling or grammar issues of concern.


Additional Comments:
This was a cool little piece - dark and tragic. I wish you well in the contest.
Have a merry Christmas... and don't entry any scarey contests that take you out of your house on Christmas Eve. *Bigsmile*


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
153
153
Review of Blog @ Work  
for entry "Letter to Cancer " 
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and "I Write in August-September-October"  [ASR].
I have just read your blog entry "Letter to Cancer "  from book
BOOK
Blog @ Work  (18+)
Daily scribbles on writing and living. How to get rid of cobwebs in my brain. CLOSED.
#2086593 by WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024
, which I found when I posted my own entry for week 10 of the I Write - August, September, October contest and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
Oh, my. A powerful blog entry that personifies Cancer and its deadly grip. I am hoping and praying that it will not visit you this year for your checkup - or ever for that matter. Your fears are very real and I feel for you... I would do the same thing - putting it off, but I also know getting it over with may alleviate the unknown. Dealing with the reality of it is better than worrying about the unknown - no matter how hard it will be.
You say you have no support system and that saddens me.... I want to give you a hug and reassure you that you are not alone in this. I am also glad you shared this in your blog so that those of us who know this side of you can be there for you at least as words on the page can be sent and felt. Knowing someone will listen can sometimes be better than being around a ton of people who may be there, but don`t care.
You are strong in your decision to not have chemo. But I think it best to make that appointment and go because the worry is wreaking havoc on your system and you don't need that. Worry can be very debilitating - don't let it zap you.
Face this challenge with the strength I know you have... and you will come out of this knowing you can do this - no matter what the result.


Favourite Part:
I love the fact that you are speaking to Cancer like it is a person - personification is a great way to handle this and vent your thoughts and worries.


Suggestions:
Seeing as how this is a review I will point out one thing....
I see no spelling issues of concern.
"I am that of a chicken" is missing a word - "I am that much of a chicken"


Additional Comments:
Thank you for sharing this in your blog. Please keep us informed as to the outcome... prayers and good vibes are coming your way. Know that those of us reading and sharing our blogs are there for you - because we care. You are not so very alone after all. *Hug* *Heart*


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
154
154
Review of The Bush House  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 .
My name is 💙 Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and "I Write in August-September-October" .
I have just read your short horror story "The Bush House" , which I found after I posted my entry into the I Write - August, September, October contest for Week #8 and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
I am not a huge horror story person, but I enjoyed this little story. The knock knocking did make me nervous.

Characters:
We have two little girls - Cora and Vinny and their Teddy Bear.
I believe the girls are friends, but they could also be sisters - I am not sure about that though.
Mommy is discussed - "mommy won’t mind, she is entertaining that ugly Mr. What’s-his-name."

Setting:
The girls decide to leave their own rooms within the house and slip off to the Bush House or cabin.
The Bush house has an odd mirror in it - that is the point of entry between the two planes of existence.


Plot:
The pacing is well handled. The suspense ramps up as the story unfolds, but I am unclear as to what happens with the girls at the end. Are they safe? Can they go home? Where is mommy in all this burning of the cabin?


Favourite Part:
I like the knock knock part - that was scary.
I like the fact that the Teddy Bear is to protect them.


Suggestions:
I am curious about this line:
"In the center of the cabin Vinny was working the fireplace."
If it is a small place wouldn't the fireplace be against the wall or do you mean a wood stove - that could sit anywhere in the room.

I noticed a few typos:
the door handle did not butch - I believe 'butch' should be budge.

trying to open de door - 'de' should be the.

Inside the cabin the fire turned higher and higher" - I think 'turned' should be burned.

I am also not clear as to whether the girls and the Teddy Bear are okay? I know the cabin is gone, but are they or are they stuck in the mirror? Can they get home?

Additional Comments:
This is an interesting story. It does have some scary bits that are well paced. I wish you good luck in the contest.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
155
155
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi ZombeeLuv ,

I'm 💙 Carly . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "Invalid Item"  and I Write - August, September, October.

*Flowerw* This is review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own writing voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your story is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

I like the beginning - definitely a good hook into your story. You want to know who these people are and what happened to get them to this place.

Characters:

Shoshana - main character, a shapeshifter or werewolf? She is hurt and in the hospital after defending Teagan.
Teagan - has just learned she is a shapeshifter - a wood dragon? Also a princess.
Shay - office Shay - Shoshana's partner - I believe she is a witch.
Vales - comes to get Shoshana and Shay to take them to see Queen Raina
Queen Raina - Teagen's mother
Helena - Teagan's aunt?
The characters all seem interesting, but some of these connections are a little unclear. I almost feel like I am coming in on the end or middle of a story. "Unguardable Chapter" also makes me feel like I am missing something.

Plot:

The story begins after some kind of battle and Shoshana is hurt. Teagan is upet because she feels Shoshana has lied to her. The characters are clearly defined and the section is well paced.
In the second section we learn a bit more about Shoshana and her partner Shay. The pacing is well done.
The third section is meeting up with the Queen so that she can thank them for saving her daughter. Teagen confronts Shoshana to see if she means more than just a job. They seem to make up.

Favourite Parts:

Good hook.
I enjoyed the getting dressed while talking to Shay - going and talking moves the piece forward.

Suggestions:

I would say Shoshana and Shoshi are the same person but to be clear, I wouldn't shorten it down unless another character is saying her name.


"Shoshana could tell he smell just like Teagan" - smell should be smelled.

I didn't see any other spelling or grammatical issues or concerns.

Additional Comments:

This is an interesting story with a great hook. Good luck in the contest.

Thank you for sharing your story. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
156
156
Review of Tomorrow  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi April Desiree-I'm back! ,

It's 💙 Carly . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "Invalid Item" .

*Flowerw* This is review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

The concept of 'fickle promises of tomorrow that hold us back from today' pulled me in while I was trying to decide which of your poems to review. It reminded me of something Shakespearean with the use of old language (thous dost). I found myself having to read it aloud to make my ear hear it rather than simply read it - which is often the case when I read anything similar.

Form:

There are six quatrains with a rhyming pattern of ABCB in all verses but two - the second one - for that the rhyme lands as ABCC, but it is with 'vain' and 'remains' with is a little off for me - but better if I read it out loud. And the last verse has each word rhyming.
Most lines have a beat of 8, except for 'From bowls inlaid with jade and silver' - it has nine and throws it off a bit in beat. The rest of the poem flows without issue or concern.


Techniques:

You personify Tomorrow so that she is a betrayer of things you long for, but don't get.
Alliteration - 'fickle friend's frivolous'
Enjambment -
'For thou hast delivered sweet lies
from bowls inlaid with jade and silver.'


Favourite Lines:

I particularly like the first verse:
"Tomorrow, thou dost betray me
For thou hast delivered sweet lies"
Tomorrow is personified.
I also like the fourth verse - as yesterday is also personified and leaves in a hasty way so as not to give the poet any comfort.


Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammatical issues of concern.

Additional Comments:

The last verse reminds me of a saying my grandmother used to say:
Tomorrow never comes.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
157
157
Review of Wonderland  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk ,

I'm 💙 Carly . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "Invalid Item" .

*Flowerw* This is review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

I liked the effect of this poem, with each verse and the farther into the rabbit hole you traverse the darker and more ominous it gets - at first it's okay, then it's asking you to give up control and then you eventually give over your immortal soul.... chillingly sweet.

Form:

The rhyming pattern seems quite simple at first AABB, but as you move deeper into the poem (and down the rabbit hole) is gets more complex....
AabB ccbB ddbB AB
Oh, it's a Kyrielle sonnet ( I noticed at the tippy bottom) I do love that form. Nicely done.
The pattern also follows that the bB is dark and the Aacc are all light-hearted - but dd is twisted from shadows to dark...
"Arriving's easy to achieve,
Just don't expect to ever leave."

Techniques:

Repeated line of "Come deeper down the rabbit hole" almost has an ominous flavour to it.
The final rhyming couplet ties the good loveliness to the ominousness - 'wonderous Wonderland' and 'Come deeper down the rabbit hole.'
The patterns you follow with the light and dark throughout the piece is intricate and wondrously crafted.... like the poet himself is luring you into Wonderland! Well done you!

Favourite Lines:

"Release the anguish, hurt and pain,
And find your sense of awe again."
Temptation awaits!!!

Suggestions:

I see no grammatical or spelling issues or concerns.

Additional Comments:

I am really impressed with this poem. The more I read of it the more I fall into its inexplicably dark beauty. I am curious how well you did in the contest. I know I entered it as well, but this one is much more than my contribution. A winner I would say.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
158
158
Review of I Wonder  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Diane ,

I'm 💙 Carly . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "Invalid Item" .

*Flowerw* This is review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

One decision can change a lifetime... but it must never hold you back... we must let go of the past and put the regrets to bed. They may want to haunt you, but do not give them the power to do so. You made a decision based on what was right for you at the time... my concern was if you had danced again, would you have had that bullet in you instead of him? I can feel your pain.

Form:

This poem has 14 lines. I am not certain of the form... but their is no rhyming pattern or consistent beats in each line. I would say it is a free verse poem.

Techniques:

enjambment was employed to give the good a natural flow.
Alliteration is used - time togehter

Favourite Lines:

'Our time together was over,
my dance card full.
I didn't have the energy,
or the heart to go round again.
So I said no, and shut the door,
choosing to save myself.'
I think this woman at the time was feeling like she'd had enough and needed to save herself from this dance of destruction that this man brought with him. I am glad she asserted herself... but I also know that with each time a woman asserts herself she also feels responsible for the person she has turned down - it is part of our socialization, I think. In that I can see why she feels badly for saving herself and 'hiding'. Now she is left with wondering if she could have made a difference.... and I think she did the right thing - she saved herself instead of dooming the both.
We always wonder if we can save the lost, but we can't always...

Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammatical issues.

Additional Comments:

What will be will be. Taking a stand and asserting ourselves is not wrong. We all wonder if we did the right thing, but I find if we listen to our small inner voice telling us to save ourselves... then we need to listen. Wondering, but at least you live on.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
159
159
Review by 💙 Carly
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Sophy ,

I'm 💙 Carly . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "Invalid Item" .

*Flowerw* This is review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own writing voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your article is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

This piece made me smile and brought tears to my eyes. I too grew up learning about a God 'out there' and abstract concepts of God a trinity - Father, Son and Holy Ghost. I have come to discover that it is this component of the Holy Ghost that is the part of God that resides in and around us - guiding and supporting us in our times of need. I particularly loved the Patch Adams scene you mentioned. I am going to have to watch that movie in its entirety to see the wonder you spoke about.
Your piece was written eloquently. Not preachy, just pleasantly calming and I appreciated the words defined. I had not realized it is called panentheism. One big word that means so much.
I agree that God is all around us and in us. I feel God works his magic through us as His hands, feet and hearts here on Earth. It is through us, he does his great things - we are the instruments of his miracles. There is such a joy in knowing we are all capable of being used for good purposes.
Your words touched me... that is God working through you. I hope my own writing touches others - helps to heal and free them from torments. Helps them to live by faith instead of fear.


Favourite Lines:

Your description of the Patch Adams movie scene brought tears to my eyes. It is at those moments we are able to see God in all things... to see His handiwork in all things and feel blessed by His presence.

Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammatical issues or concerns.

Additional Comments:

I want to thank you for writing this and sharing it here. I can breath easier now - and tomorrow when I go for my job interview I will remember that God is with me, He is in me, and if the position is meant to be mine He will help me pave the way to getting it.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I really enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
160
160
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Joy ,

It's 💙 Carly . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "Invalid Item" .

*Flowerw* This is review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own writing voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your work is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

I am not sure if I have ever had the pleasure of reading anything of yours out beyond your blog... so here I am and I was drawn into this article. The title appealed to me as does the topic.

Favourite parts:

"Deep-writing is more than entertaining or even establishing a conversation with the reader, because it begins by going deep into one's own being, which brings us to the subject of self-awareness. Self-awareness is veering away from our idealized selves into whatever lives inside our shadows. This undertaking is a brave venture that each serious writer needs to take on, to face his moral problems because moral problems lead to moral choices, and then, to successful work." This reflects what I mention later in the Additional Comments section - I like the idea of establishing a communication, or connection, with the reader... to make the connection one must be prepared to have something important to say. Self-awareness is key. It is looking at people and characters as full embodiments of both good and bad - the perfections and the flaws - because we are all imperfect and can relate far easier to a character that is a reflection of humanity versus a cutout model of ideals.

I also like the bulleted how-to points. They seem straight forward... but a little awe-inspiring. I think I will need to read more deeply to learn to write more deeply. Both seen to go hand in hand.

Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammatical issues of concern.

Additional Comments:

I am currently reading Nina George's book The Little Paris Bookshop. I thought it was going to be a light read... but suddenly I find myself reading with pencil in hand marking up the passages that speak to me and writing notes in the margins. This is how I read books with more depth and books that honour my needs at the time.
Her character, Jean Perdu, is a literary Apothecary - essentially he talks to people and is able to find them books that help to heal their souls. The greatness of that concept is that this book, I feel, is doing just that - healing my own love battered soul... and I am loving every word of it. Good books, ones that reach out with that kind of power at the right moment in time, have a way of touching the universal and pulling us deeper than just the basics of the story. I truly agree books can heal and support us - you don't have to read a self help book.... the right book, regardless of the genre can heal if it connects on a deeper level.
Your article addresses the issue of how an author may do that... it also has me wanting to try my hand at reading Of Human Bondage again - maybe now is a better time for me to delve into what Maugham is writing about. Sometimes a book is good, but it is not the right time for that person. The circumstances need to be just right to make the spark connect.

Thank you for sharing your article. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
161
161
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon ,

It's 💙 Carly . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "Invalid Item" .

*Flowerw* This is review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advice as you see fit.


Overall Impression:

You never fail to make me smile... or even laugh outright. I loved this poem and I am so glad you could take something as frustrating as a snowstorm and turn it into something so great to read and enjoy. Thank you so much for that!

Form:

There are ten verses of four lines each followed by a rhyming couplet. You also have a rhyming pattern of AABB. Each line holds to a 8 beat pattern as well.

Techniques:

Enjambment was used give the poem good flow.
Good images and excellent humour!
Word choice was well mastered.

Favourite Lines:

Where do I start.... I love it all.
"I stopped for gas and then for food as the radio told me "You're screwed" - that had me giggling.
"Common sense too soon departed
the moment that the first flakes started" Oh, how absolutely frustrating that is - even yesterday when a few big raindrops fell a guy four cars up decided he better creep along... we wound up doing 40 Km/h in an 80 km/h zone - I was ready to get out and go hit him... and I am a pretty calm person myself... but come on!!!! It was rain, not snow - and we are Canadians!!! We're the ones that yell "Hold my Timmies. I got this!" whenever the snow gets deep and fun to slide around in! Donuts is the snow!

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/44/28/a6...

Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammatical issues of concern. Excellent use of punctuation.

Additional Comments:

You capture the moment and emotions so well. Taking a situation that could boil most people's emotions and turn it into a tale to giggle and laugh about - after the fact.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I really enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



Sig for Poetic Exploration


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
162
162
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi nfdarby,

It's 💙 Carly . I am doing this review as part of WDC 16th Birthday Celebration and it is part of "Invalid Item" . I also wanted to thank you for being part of the Virtual Trip to Europe - it is always a pleasure with you along.

*Flowerw* This is review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*



It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

I really enjoyed this poem. It combines the wonderfulness of nature with the writer's lovely muse. You did a masterful job of working the required words into the poem seamlessly.

Form:

You chose to have 5 stanzas; varying the lengths so that the first, third and fourth verses are 4 lines and the second and last verses have only 3. There is no rhyming pattern, yet the poem flows over the tongue.

Techniques:

This poem is highly sensual in that you employ the senses of smell, sound, and sight. You images are painted with beautiful strokes and I am drawn into the poem as if I am right there with you experiencing it in all its glory.

Favourite Lines:

I love the imagery you conjure - 'silver splendor of the rising moon', 'Cast grey shadows across rolling green hills', 'inhale musky aroma of centuries of fallen leaves'

Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammar issues to cause concern.
My only suggestion is purely that... I would change "Down my back" to "Down my spine" and catch some lovely 's' sounds as you read - 'Down my spine, raise goosebumps on my arms'

Additional Comments:

I really enjoyed this poem and the images it evoked. I love how the muse takes an adventure each night traveling across the universe. The impact is huge.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



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Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jay O'Toole ,

I'm 💙 Carly . I am doing this review as part of my commitment to "I Write in August-September-October" .

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

Celebrating a 30th Anniversary - now that is impressive in itself. Congratulations! It sounds like you had a wonderful time, despite the mosquitoes. It sounds like a wonderful, tranquil place... this Little Saint Simons Island.

Form:

There are 7 stanzas of four lines each and a rhyming couplet to end it.
I found it interesting that verses 2 - 6 had rhyming patterns of ABAB and the first verse only rhymed the second and fourth lines, while the 7th verse only rhymed the first and third lines - oh no that was me reading it as 'lissi' when it should be said L S S I and then it rhymes with goodbye.

Techniques:

"As sleepy eyelids close" is a favourite line and it also has a lovely "ssss" sound - it is not alliteration (that is at the beginning), it does not have assonance (that is vowels) and what it is I can't remember the name of... but you employ it well in this line.

Favourite Lines:

I like that whole 5th verse - I can see the people sitting about toasting each other and telling tales into the night.

Suggestions:

I see no grammatical or spelling concerns.

Additional Comments:

I do wish you well in the contest.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing. Good luck in the contest.



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Review of Sarah Finds Home  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I quite liked this little piece. A story in six lines.

There was a character - Sarah

She had a problem - To find her way home

The solution - stay in one place and wait for her Dad to find her.

I loved the sensory bits - her Dad's truck always skipping on the third beat.

I have not heard of this contest. I wish you the best of luck. I certainly the the capsulized tale.


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Review by 💙 Carly
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really liked this poem. Irrational fear of a toddler... has me thinking of my friend's fear of spiders... and she's fifty today! Some things we just never get over... they may diminish or we may be able to copy (like my fear of bees) but they are always there below the surface ready to take our sanity in a moments notice. Well done. Keep writing.
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Review of Write Stuff  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dave ,

I'm 💙 Carly . I am doing this review as part of my commitment to "Poetic Exploration"  and The Poet's Place (not sure if there is a discussion forum or not).

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

Your portfolio is packed with lots of wonderful poems. I choose one on the more simpler side tonight as my head is feeling a little wobbly. It is also one that speaks to the writer/poet in me. I can so relate to the obsessive need and persistence to follow your goal.

Form:

Three verses with a rhyming pattern of AABBA. You hold to the pattern... though I find the second and third verse to have more variety than the first. There is just a lot of 'stuff' in the first verse.... though it works just fine.

Techniques:

I am forgetting some of my poetic terms....

Favourite Lines:

The second verse is my favourite. It deals with the emotions that all writers and poets face... struggling to make our stuff good enough.

Suggestions:

I see no spelling or grammar issues.

Additional Comments:

I look forward to reading more of your work. Keep writing.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



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Review by 💙 Carly
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful poem! I can feel your love as I read the piece. I wish you both well.
Your bio said you don't write as much anymore but enjoy reviewing. I appreciated the review you gave me and popped into to appreciate some of your work. It is lovely. Stay happy.
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Review of Book Club  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Professor Q .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and I Write - September, October, November.
I have just read short piece "Book Club" , which I found when I posted my own Week 12 entry to the forum and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
I love the tone and style of this piece. Mystery and a twist. You held me wondering as I read it... what is Book Club? I enjoyed what you made of it. Curious what the prompt was... I will definitely be checking it out.


Characters:
Robert (Bobby)
Marsha
Zach
G - the anal leader of the group.
All the characters were crafted very authentically even within the confines of 1000 words. Well done.


Setting:
Going from Bobby apartment across town to another place where Book Club with meet. I enjoyed Bobby's dislike of the subway and your word choices - staying topside.


Plot:
The mystery of Book Club is revealed in slow trickle that captures the readers interest. Am I right in assuming they are writing a television script for some really popular show with superheroes and such. I think you moved the plot along very well. Holding the reader.


Favourite Part:
I like how you painted the characters - G: What happens in book club stays in Book Club. Marsha: written notes are kept in a safe. Bobby's computers. The only one not as defined this way is Zach, but that is okay.


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues. I believe it is a well told tale.


Additional Comments:
Good luck on the contest... I am not sure what the actual prompt is but I am intrigued enough to go have a lookie.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


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169
169
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi weirdoe28.
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and I Write - September, October, November.
I have just read short story "The Wonderful Gift" , which I found when I posted my own entry to Week 4 of the I Write contest and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
Curiousity had me going to check out the picture prompt. I have to say you did an interesting job following the prompt. I felt a sadness that comes with girls feeling like they need to do something so radical for their weight. I was also pleased that she came to her senses at the end.


Characters:
The Princess Esmerelda - who gives the gift of the finger and all it encapsulates.
Regina - the youngest sister who saves the day and encourages her sister to be more active - a much healthier way to maintain and lose weight.
The main character is Maria. It is her birthday.


Setting:
The castle which is home to the three girls. Within the castle, Maria's room, the kitchens and the party are accented.


Plot:
The plot had elements that disturbed me... but that was your intent... painting the dark side of an eating disorder. I found I did not like Esmerelda... she needs help, but I get the impression that the staff see her as all high and mighty - grateful she dos not stay for the party.
I thought the plot played out well.


Favourite Part:
I like the hiding element of opening the gift from Esmerelda in private. I also like that Regina saves her and gets her back on a healthier track.


Suggestions:
¨Look who´s here,¨ said Esmerelda rolling her eyes. Perhaps because they were so far apart in age, Esmerelda and Regina had never gotten along well. And now that Esmerelda was away, they hardly spoke at all.
I like the beginning of this... but I find you can stop after rolling her eyes. I prefer to learn about their relationship as it plays out in the dialogue versus the telling part. Your dialogue does a good job of painting their relationship.
Also one space was missed after Esmerelda speaks and Regina speaks... it tripped me up because I had to reread to make sure they were two different speakers.


Additional Comments:
Overall it is a good piece. Good luck in the contest.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


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Review of time to unwind  
Review by 💙 Carly
Rated: E | (4.5)
Impressive Rhyssa ! You managed to use all 10 of the phrases in a way that makes them all sound good. From reading this, I am thinking you may have had another rough day... either way, your poem is wonderful and I applaud you for a job well done.


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Review of Ysangra  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Oh Rhyssa I quite like this poem. You speaking about your planet was a cool way to convey the images and description. The only thing missing was your name. I think we were supposed to put that in... for me it was an afterthought... kind of a hiccup in my poem, but no worries. I put it in my description to start.
I was over at the Steam room and noted you were writing this with low blood sugar... hope your feeling better today, but I found the poem was well written and conceived.
Your capture many senses in your description - taste, smell, touch, sights... I don't think hearing was used but the use of dill brings definite elements of taste and smell - well done.
Your last stanza is an interesting one... it captures that level of understanding your alien has had to learn to fit in here. I thought that was brilliant.
I look forward to reading more of your poems for this challenge. Good luck with today's - it's going to be tough!
Thanks for sharing and definitely keep writing!


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Review of silent huntress  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lovely. A free verse that flows very well. I was thinking cat during the first verse, but the second verse had me rethinking... to some kind of rapture or bird of prey... "watching for the stars to light my way" brought it into focus. Well done.
You made yourself into a wonderful little owl. I see you as tiny, like the barn owl my grandfather shooed out of the granary one summer. He should have left it there... to hunt for the mice that lurked within the bending boards.
I really liked: "dappled cloak" and the last verse.
You did an excellent job of working in the words and you made the animal you. Well done.


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173
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
My favourite stanzas are the first and third. I felt a connection to this poem as I am currently dealing with a 'stranger' I have known for many, many years. These two verses resonate with me.
I think 'specially' needs an 'e' at the beginning. I had to laugh at the cap - it almost seems like you forgot about that word and had to work it in... it works. It just caught me off balance... probably because that last verse is so short.
I enjoyed reading your poem. Thank you for sharing it and I wish you well on your month long poetry journey. I am taking the challenge of the Construct Cup as well.


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Review of my tower  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I wanted to give back and seeing as how you have reviewed some of my poems, I felt I would honour that attention with some of my own.
I picked this one because I loved the prompt - and I am glad you attached as a dropnote (those are truly wonderful things).
You do an excellent job crafting your poem and painting a picture of your crystal tower. I love that it is your 'studio among the trees'. My dream space is similar, but not a tower. Being around nature always inspires.
I really enjoyed this piece. Thank you for sharing. Good luck with the contest... a month of poetry. We can do this!


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Review of Calvary  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi noblecrowns .
I have just read your poem " Calvary"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. This review is part of the Game of Thrones challenge.


Overall Impressions:
An interesting poem. I loved how you tried to capture the greatness of this mountain. I really like how the poem follows along the passage of time - first it is 'waiting for her time in history', the bellows of war, then Jesus's crucifixion, to now to be remembered as the 'prince of all mountains'.


Form:
There are 4 stanzas of 11 lines each. I do not see any rhyming pattern. I am not sure what this form is... I would say free verse, but there is a structure to this piece... in its repetitive aspects.


Techniques:
Alliteration - sweet scents, remembered redemption
Repetition of the last two lines -
'How i love to see thy face
My Calvary'


Favourite Part:
I love the contrasts of the stanzas - from before the crucifixion to after.


Suggestions:
How I love to see they face - should this be thy face or should it repeat as 'your face'. I think it would be stronger if all four verses repeated as either 'thy face' or 'your face' - keep the consistency.
Not sure what is going on with punctuation. I would at least put a period at the end of each stanza.
'Where all humanity were saved' this line causes me to wonder... is it were saved or was saved? To me 'was saved' sounds better.
I see no spelling issues or concerns.

Additional Comments:
Powerful poem.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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