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Review of Whispering Walls  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Nixie Martell cheerleader .
I have just read your short fiction piece "Whispering Walls"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
Very interesting and intriguing way to attempt that prompt. You did an excellent job. It sent chills through me. I was pulled in from the opening paragraph.


Characters:
Flint Trent - a man who wants to prove to his friends that Friday the 13th is just 'Balderdash'. What he does not realize is that he is part of a curse he created and is doomed to repeat.


Setting:
The main focus is the thirteenth room on the thirteenth floor of this old museum.
We are taken with Flint as he moves through the city - on the thirteenth of everything to get to the old house of Gustov Matheson who build this house of horrors. This journey builds the tension and pulls the reader in - the pacing is well done.


Plot:
A man, Flint Trent, wants to prove his friends wrong - they think Friday the thirteenth is a 'cavalade of doomsday legends' - or rather, bad luck.
He makes his way from his rising to the thirteenth room on the thirteenth floor of Gustov Matheson's house of horrors.
I get a little confused when his great grand daughter Kathleen, who runs the house asks for his friend's names and he asks how she knows his name "I never told you.' - I get confused because aren't they related.
When he goes looking for the room it disappears and then reappears so that he is able to go in.
In the room the walls welcome him and he is reminded that this is where he killed himself and his friends in a horrific fire. His friends resent that he is able to get out only to return each Friday the Thirteenth. My question is how does he get out in the first place - they mention is brain... so does he really leave physically or does he only leave in his imaginative mind?


Favourite Part:
I like that part where he is searching for that door.


Suggestions:
The story brings up a little bit of confusion for me... but I think that is me more than the story itself. I am not sure how Flint gets out... or does he even get out - is his 'escape' all in his imagination?
I see no spelling or grammar issues or concerns.

Additional Comments:
I really enjoyed this story. The concept is well crafted.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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177
Review of Dark Run  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Smee .
I have just read your short piece of fiction "Dark Run"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
I realize this is an older piece but I was drawn in.


Characters:
The full information about the characters is not clear at the beginning and for a very good reason. We are thinking a person is running from a monster and he is protecting something precious... but what is really happening is two brothers are pretending and their world of make believe is blown up for us in 'full colour' so to speak. I loved it. A story in less than 500 words... no wonder it won.


Setting:
We are made to believe our character is in some kind of awful place running to escape a monster. The scene is painting in technicolour and we are drawn in... running with him to make sure he gets to safety... Then we realize, at the end, that we are in the boys house - running from the bedroom to the kitchen. Loved it. Well done.


Plot:
We are drawn in to the story and follow the high impact running. The pace is quick - like we are running with the character... release comes when we realize we are safely home.


Favourite Part:
The realization that we are in the imagination of two boys. Loved it. I was carried along. Totally engrossed.


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues.


Additional Comments:
Well done. I can see why this short piece won. It is very good. I will have to explore more of your writing. This was only my introductory taste.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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178
178
Review of Reflections  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi ☮ The Grum Of Grums .
I have just read several of your blog entries "Reflections"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
I see this year you have ventured into the realm of blogging. I, myself, started last year and have found it very rewarding... especially since I have joined several of WDC's blogging communities. They have provided prompts to get me thinking and writing and also given me a readership and allowed me to deepen my friendships with many wonderful people here at WDC. Not sure if you want to go that route, but it is rewarding. You have a strong Writer's voice and it comes alive in your entries. I was very moved by your retelling of your accident and I do hope you and your lovely wife are feeling much better. That had to have been an awful experience. I tend to agree with your wife on her religious view of it. Crazy things happen.


Suggestions:
I did not see any grammar of spelling issues, but then I was not focusing on them.
I would love to read more. Consider the blogging communities here at WDC - for friendship and readership and connection. We are really a wonderful, mixed bag of writers. I do love this site!

Additional Comments:
I hope you keep at this blogging thing. It is good to share these bits and who knows they may generate some more story and poem ideas for you. I enjoyed reading your poetry. Check out Blog City for a blogging community. It is a fabulous group. Support is always welcome and it may get you blogging a bit more... because I would love to here more about what you have to share. Your personal experiences are definitely worthy of sharing... don't hide them away.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

Signature for 2015 Game of Thrones Challenge - Dark Drreamscapes Group

House Baratheon image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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179
Review of Dreams  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi ☮ The Grum Of Grums .
I have just read your poem "Dreams"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
I love the feelings this poem brings out in me... a feeling that dreams are always there. They bring us comfort and guide us on. They may change and alter but they are always part of us. That resonates with me.


Form:
10 four line stanzas with a rhyming pattern of ABAB. Your word choice is well done and the poem is nicely crafted. Most follow the pattern of beats per line - line one and three are 6, line two and four are 5 - the first verse does not follow this pattern, however... or it could be me - Is The tickling streams 4 beats or 5?


Techniques:
Alliteration - cloud covered.
Repetition of dreams.
Enjambment is employed to give flow to the piece.

Favourite Part:
Strong word choice - urgent, resurgent. Your rhymes are not bland, instead they sparkle with freshness. That is apparent in one of my favourite verses:

"To cope with struggle
Of everyday life
To balance and juggle
The contests, the strife"


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues. The poem flows flawlessly.


Additional Comments:
Trying to carry this form for 10 stanzas is impressive and applaud your craftedness. Well done. I look forward to delving into more of your poems in the future.
I see you like the line "time thunders past" as you have used it in this poem as well as the last one I reviewed - I agree it is a good line.

I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

Signature for 2015 Game of Thrones Challenge - Dark Drreamscapes Group

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Review of Lifescape  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi ☮ The Grum Of Grums .
I have just read your free verse poem "Lifescape"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
A free verse exploration of movement through life is what you have listed as your description of your piece. I found the piece very powerful and emotionally charged. Poised on the edge of moving forward... I get the felt experience, even if the first reading does not give me a full sense of the piece. I do not think that is the poet's fault, but my own as I am feeling a bit foggy at the moment. More readings are necessary for me today.
I like the title - Lifescapes.

Techniques:
Alliteration is employed - willing to wait. Darkness and damnation.
Encampment is used to move the poem forward as a thought provoking pace.
There is no rhyming pattern.


Form:
This is a free verse poem of 22 lines.


Favourite Part:
A favourite line is:
"while time thunders relentlessly past, not willing to wait for me." - I love the imagery this line creates as well as the language choices that employ alliteration (time thunders relentlessly; willing wait).
I also like the feelings this poem emote. I think it is well crafted.


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues. Everything seems to flow in a manner that is pleasing to the reader.


Additional Comments:
I enjoy this type of poem. Free verse and a meandering of the poet's thoughts as they decide on the course of their life.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

Signature for 2015 Game of Thrones Challenge - Dark Drreamscapes Group

House Baratheon image for G.o.T.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
181
181
Review of My Angel  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi blue jellybaby .
I have just read your short piece "My Angel"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you.


Overall Impressions:
A very emotionally charged story. I was drawn in from the beginning; held their by the description of the accident and the fact that Christian lost his life trying to save her. I love that he saves her again. He could be her guardian angel. I really enjoyed this story.


Characters:
The main character is Joanne, though the story is told in first person. That kept the reader connected and close to her. There was an intimacy that was apparent and it heightened the experience as I read the piece.
Christian was the main character's boyfriend - the love of her life, killed in an accident when he tried to save her from a runaway bandit in a silver Cadillac. (Great detail)


Setting:
You paint the settings very well.
The opening scene is the introduction of our characters and death of the girl's boyfriend, Christian. It is very emotional and the girl's anguish is palatable.
The current scene, six months later takes place in her own house. An intruder has broken in. You do an excellent job building the tension as you draw your character into the impending doom. Doom that she is rescued from thanks to her loving Guardian Angel, Christian.


Plot:
The story unfolds and uses the forshadowing aspect of Christian being a protector - what he does that gets him killed also saves her in the future when he is her guardian angel.
Tension builds as we go with Joanne downstairs to confront the intruder - though I was inclined to yell 'call the dang cops first' but that is only me. The story worked without that happening - was probably more intense because she didn't.
Christian saving her is a comforting end to the climax. My only concern is him waiting for her in heaven. I am worried she would do herself in to be with him... maybe if he said: 'I love you. I'll be waiting for you. Be strong my love.'


Favourite Part:
Christian saving her. I would suggest adding in his scent to pull as many of the sensory aspects into the story as possible.


Suggestions:
sickening thud as his head impacted against the floor - I would write ground instead of floor as they are outside.
I refused to be let go - I would write 'I refused to let go'
I would add the sense of smell at the end - a faint fragrance of Christian's cologne or waft of his scent sending chills or tremmors of awareness through her. Very sensory - especially since sight is not an option.

Additional Comments:
As I said before, I really enjoyed this story and I am intrigued enough to want to read over your rewrite of the original - so I appreciate that link at the bottom of your piece. I have done a few rewrites of my own and I like that you have provided the link. I may just be inclined to follow your good example.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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182
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oh yeah! I can see why this won. Well done, Ken. You captured and held my interest, telling a tale in only a few words. Impressive. When I saw your name with an entry I knew the odds of winning became smaller, but losing to such a well written piece is okay.


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183
183
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi TJ Marie .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and I Write - December, January, February.
I have just read your poem "Who Are the Yule Lads?" , which I found above mine when I posted my entry for Week 5 in the I Write contest and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
I loved the story this poem told. I was drawn in to know these Yule Lads and thought it a good story... one that could be a traditional tale told each year around the Christmas season.


Technique:
Enjambment is used to move the poem along so that it flows more like a story than a poem.
I would have to say it is free verse as there is not apparent rhyme scheme. I am not so overly familiar with poetic forms - though I want to learn more. I expect, as this tells a story within the poem that it must be some type of poem that does that. You do an excellent job telling the tale and drawing in your audience. I was captivated.


Favourite Part:
You paint wonderful images as you tell your tale. I like how you talk about each lad and their particular fetish.


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues.
I am left wondering what is in the sack she carries, but then I am probably left to guess at that and not be told.


Additional Comments:
I quite loved this poem. I wish you well in the contest.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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184
Review of Endless  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi ⭐️Jellyfish⭐️ ,

I'm 💙 Carly . I am doing this review as part of my commitment to Dark Dreamscapes and the I Write - September, October, November contest.

I have selected this poem "Endless"  as it was the entry before mine in the I Write contest.

It is important to remember that I am not a professional. I am simply one who wishes to learn and grow in my own poetic voice. To do that, I practice my own creations and review the creations of others so that my knowledge can be furthered. That said, I want you to consider my opinion as merely that... your poem is ultimately your creation. Please feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.

Overall Impression:

I love the feelings you evoke in your poem. The despair follows the reader. The imagery you create is well crafted and appropriate.

Form:

I am not sure what the form is, but I would say as it is not rhyming that it falls into the category of free verse. It works well with this dark, rambling topic. It takes the reader on a journey with you.

Techniques:

Enjambment is employed to give the poem a flowing, endless movement forward. That is excellent for this poem.
Alliteration is used - 'heavy hearted' 'stale scenery'
Consonance is also used - 'to practice their polite applause'
Sensory aspects are drawn in including reference to taste - 'my taste unconvincing' reminding me that in the heaviness of despair all things leech out - vision is grey, taste is flat and so forth. Well done.
Images are vivid and compelling. Powerful.

Favourite Lines:

I like the imagery of the stanza that begins "We are all actors on the stage" - not only does it give a visual but it permeates with an emotional impact.
"Shedding expanations like Broken skin" - great imagery!

Suggestions:

To me the line "The ferryman has taken the wrong turning" seems odd in that turning could just be turn - but I think you are following some pattern with 'unconvincing', 'waning' 'turning' and 'nothing'. In that case it is no bother. But it sticks out a bit and messes a little with the flow.

I like how the poem ends but the ferryman just doesn't sit well with me. What if you have taken the wrong turn and met with the ferryman. I don't know.
You could almost leave him out and end with:
I have nothing left
To believe in
I am nothing.

Additional Comments:

I really enjoyed this poem. It is dark but not scary. The emotional impact is amazingly well done and I salute you.

Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed reading it. I look forward to reading more of your work. Do keep writing.



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185
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Weirdone-Back in the games .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+] and the I Write - September, October, November contest.
I have just read your story "Theseus and Ariadne" , which I found when I entered my own poem to the I Write contest - yours was the one before mine and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
I really like the concept of this story. Mythology has always fascinated me. It was well written and held me captive.


Characters:
Theseus and Ariadne and their father's - King Minos of Crete and King Aegeus.
Minotaur


Setting:
A banquet is being held at the palace of King Minos in Crete. His daughter and King's son, Theseus are bored and Ariadne invites Theseus up to her room afterward.
The third setting is that of the Labyrinth where the Minotaur resides.


Plot:
The story is broken up into parts that serve the story well. The boring feast is the shortest but allows for the introduction of characters.
Ariadne's bedroom is longer as she tells the tale of her half brother and his entrapment in the Labyrinth as he is half man and half bull. The tale stirs the teenagers to act on their own urges and that places them within the bowls of the Labyrinth.
The pacing is well handled.


Favourite Part:
I like that Theseus comes to admonish Ariadne's father for putting her down - calling her a 'silly' woman. It had a satisfying ending.
I also enjoyed the adventure within the Labyrinth itself.


Suggestions:
I did not see any grammar or spelling issues but I was too drawn into the story to notice anything amiss.


Additional Comments:
Good luck with the contest. I thoroughly enjoyed the story.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
186
186
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sssssh! I'm not really here. .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Gang's Monthly Review Board"  [13+].
I also chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" .

I have just read your poem "Reflections Revealed" , which I found when perusing the list of items in the Symposium vault of alumni items to review and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please remember that I am not a professional and my opinions and thoughts are only meant to help you. Take what you can use and disregard anything you do not feel suits you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. The piece is ultimately yours and that must be honoured.


Overall Impressions:
I love the peaceful ebb and flow this piece evokes in my soul. I share your enjoyment of those reflected moments - the reality and the reflection ignite a passion of letting nature seep into your soul and forever lift you as well as make you remember, whether reflected or real, nature moves through its way in the necessary path.


Form:
Although I love reading and reading poetry, my knowledge is quite basic at this time. As I do not pick up an obvious rhyming patterns, I am going to say this poem is free verse. I so enjoy the freedom this form allows. Creating imagery and using word sounds that flow appeal to me and I think you do a fine job crafting your piece.


Techniques:
Enjambment is employed to curl the lines and move the piece forward in a flow that resonates with the reader. I am carried along like a breeze taking in the whole beautiful scene.
The imagery you craft awakens the sights in my mind's eye. I am able to see the world you paint - in the trees and birds and their luminous reflections.
My own experience pulls at the sounds - the urgent flee of birds, the lapping of water, the peace that a breeze brings yet only warps the image, not distorting it too much with wind.
Your use of words to paint the images - "sun-lit majesty", "colourful crowns'
The words you use to calm - "pacifies the soul" "eye feast"


Favourite Part:
I love the imagery here:
"They stand, those pencil-like sentries of evergreen,
saluting the handiwork of the Creator."

I also like the connection to the spiritual Creator.

These lines awaken sounds and sights for me, resonating with my own experience.
"There is an urgent flee of birds.
taking delight in their flight"


Suggestions:
I see no spelling issues. The poem flows well so I do not see any other concerns.


Additional Comments:
I like the feeling of calmness this poem awakens in me this morning. My senses are satisfied. Thank you for that. This is a good sample of your writing and I look forward to peeking in at other pieces that I sure will move me just as much. Keep writing.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
187
187
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi regal .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  and the WDC Senior Mod. Contest.
I have just read your monologue "Invalid Item" , which I found when searching for a Newbie to read and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. You are welcome to use or disregard any of my advise.


Overall Impressions:
I was moved by your content and found it resonated with it. I thought it interesting that you started with a story of a man suffering with Post Tramatic Stress Syndrome and how he rushes to get back to the 'noise of life'.


Favourite Part:
I enjoyed the content and it resonated with me.
Quietude.
Noise of life.


Suggestions:
Oh of the things that gave me pause was the layout of your piece. It is a monologue which is going to be packed with your thoughts but I think for visual relief if you put spaces between your paragraphs it would help to open the piece up. It is so word packed it is a bit overwhelming - word noise.


Additional Comments:
I really enjoyed your piece and the content. Keep writing.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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Review of Tall Man  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Beautiful Candy .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  and the WDC Birthday Senior Mod. Contest.
I have just read your poem "Tall Man" , which I found when checking out the Newbie section of the PDG and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.


Overall Impressions:
Intriguing as you are drawn in - from the smile to the frown. I wondered where it was going, but then found a sweetness to it. It was your hope... where later it became your reality.... or so the poet hopes. Dreams coming alive.


Characters:
The poet and a dream man - who is tall with broad shoulders, strong arms, a firm back that supports everything - who "could show the world to me."
Your description is pure, yet just evasive enough to be open.
Later, in the poem, you know who this tall man is.


Form:
I am not sure what the form is but I like it.
The first stanza has a rhyming pattern of a.b.a.b.c.d.
It is followed by two unrhyming lines.
The third stanza has no rhyming pattern - but the description is solid.
Fourth stanza has the first and last line rhyming with the other four lines body parts - grin, hair, teeth, lips.
Another two unrhyming lines.
The next stanza echos the first with some minor changes but the rhyming pattern holds as a.b.a.b.c.d.
The last two lines echo the second two.


Techniques:
The tallness of the poem reflects the content.
You use emjambment which lets one line blend into the next - it adds to the flow of the poem. 'His back is firm supports everything.'


Favourite Part:
I loved the echoed stanzas of the first two and the last two. From dream to reality.


Suggestions:
I see no spelling or grammar issues.
This line is a little awkward to me..."A tall man indeed who could show the word to little me." The awkardness falls within the last half - I keep wanting to say 'little ol' me' What if you altered it to 'who could show the world to me.' Would it work to just drop the 'little'?


Additional Comments:
I really liked this poem. There is a lot of potential in this. Not sure if you are taking advantage of some of the birthday poetry contests but I would say go for it. Try this one - "Invalid Item" . Good Luck and definitely keep writing.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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189
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Ann Lapine .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  and WDC 14th Birthday Sr. Moderator's Contest.
I have just read article "A, B, C’s for Your Brain" , which I found when searching for a Newbie to review and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. Feel free to use or disregard any advise as you see fit.


Overall Impressions:
This was an interesting article. It was laid out in an uncluttered. It was interesting to learn about a closed brain injury. Great ideas to improve your brain - good things whether you have suffered a brain injury or not.


Favourite Part:
I appreciated the web sites to build on your information. That lends more credibility to your work. I will have to try them out.


Suggestions:
I did not notice any grammar and spelling issues.


Additional Comments:
Thank you for showing this piece. You have put a great deal of thought into it. Well done.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Doubting Thomas  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .
I have just read your Saraband poem "Doubting Thomas" , which I found when [how did you find me?] and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.


Overall Impressions:
I love the title and the description line. They pulled me in. Having tried my had at a saraband I wanted to see how you handled it and I was not disappointed. You did a fine job and it really shines.
I am particularly drawn into this topic. You make it work wonderfully.


Form:
To meet the challenge of this contest you did the saraband. This is a new form for me. You did the form that used the Tercet - the first 3 lines all rhyming. The next four follow the rhyming pattern of b.c.b.c. which is the Spanish version.
Your poem has 6 stanzas. It holds to the 'purist' view by having each line comprising 8 syllables.


Techniques:
enjambment is employed - 'Am I heard beyond the confines of my mind?' and 'I recall verses from The Word that promises "Seek and ye shall find."' in the second stanza. It is used a good deal and it lets the poem flow.


Favourite Part:
I love the flow of the tercet verses:

"I puzzle through each waking day.
When I have doubts, I sometimes pray,
though does it help? I cannot say."

"Each day is like a brand new dance.
I seek but is it only chance,
my answers merely happenstance?"

"How much easier it would be,
instead of faith, if I could see
the future and a plan for me."

Clear, beautiful language conveys a freshness to your thoughts and doubts.

Suggestions:
I have no suggestions. I see no spelling or grammar issues.


Additional Comments:
I am glad you are taking this poetry challenge - seems you are doing the same two as I am. It is wonderful to read your work and see a fresh new example of how it should be done.


I thoroughly enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging! Good luck in the contests.

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191
191
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  and the PDG Alumni Challenge (in the hopes of catching up to you in points)*Bigsmile*.
I have just read your poem "The Artist's Touch" , which I found when you posted it in the self In/Out section of the PDG Alumni Challenge and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. You are free to use or disregard any of the advise I suggest, as it is just that - a suggestion.


Overall Impressions:
I was drawn in by the title - The Artist's Touch. There is beauty in the poet's touch as well. There is a soft, gentleness to this poem. Like the awe inspiring joy you get when watching nature paint the end of a fine day into night and back again to day. Sweetness is captured.


Form:
I have no knowledge of a Burn's Stanza - so I looked it up to find this tid bit:

"The stanza is six lines in length and rhymes aaabab, with tetrameter a lines and dimeter b lines. The second b line may or may not be repeated."

The rhyming pattern and number of lines follow the 'prescribed' requirement. I quite admired the freshness of your rhymes (but then you never disappoint).
Where I get hung up is on the rest of this definition... being a novice, sometimes the terminology is over the top. I will say when I read it aloud it sounded lovely so I think you quite nailed it.


Techniques:
There is some enjambment.
As I read the poem I can see the artist's touch at work painting the images within my mind's eye.


Favourite Part:
What don't I like... everything was beautiful.

"the crickets sing a lullaby in counterpoint to the wind's sigh" brings in the essence of sound which I am currently experiencing as I read this which is why I especially like this part.

"Adieu, it says - not a goodbye." I love the sentiment of this.

The night turns to "shades of smoke", the morning is "softly brushed".


Suggestions:
Not a one.


Additional Comments:
I see this is for a contest so I wish you luck.


I enjoyed reading your work. Your poetry is truly wonderful. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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192
192
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi River .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  and I Write - June, July, August. It is my pleasure to review your entry for the final week of this contest.
I have just read short piece "My Most Precious Treasure" , which I found when below mine in the list of entries for Week 13 and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. I am a novice writer. For that reason, please feel free to use or disregard any advise I may give.


Overall Impressions:
This is a beautiful, loving piece. I enjoyed reading it and almost wished you had more grandchildren to give your special love to as well. My own grandmother was my special person. She loved unconditionally as I sure you have done with Mikel. She tried not to play favourites, she had eight grandchildren - but I think my cousin Michael and I were the two that were her special favourites. We could do no wrong in her eyes. That love was so appreciated.


Characters:
This rings as a non-fiction piece so the 'characters' are the author, as Grandmother and her grandson, Mikel.


Setting:
There is no defined setting, except to say that your daughter and her family moved closer to home so that you were able to see your grandson regularly and contribute to his upbringing.
Having grown up with my own grandmother close - I appreciate how much that move impacted your own life and the enjoyment you got from the closeness.


Plot:
There is no real plot, I do not expect one in this piece, but you tell of your life with him and his growing up in a way that makes me smile.


Favourite Part:
I enjoyed the sentiment that surrounded this piece. It resonated with me and my own experience. Having a grandmother who loves so completely and unconditionally really adds to a persons life. I was an only child from a broken home, with parents that were dealing with the fallout of unfaithfulness and betrayal. My grandmother's love and attention meant the world to me. I was blessed with her and she lived to be almost 101 before she died. She will ALWAYS be in my heart. Her strength, strengthens me.


Suggestions:
I am not sure what contest this is for... I did not really check, so I cannot say if you are on track or not, but off hand I would say you nailed it and I can see no errors in spelling or grammar.


Additional Comments:
Good luck in your contest and enjoy that grandson.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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193
193
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi ☮ The Grum Of Grums .
I have just read your poem "A Challenge To Fate"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. Feel free to use what works for you and disregard the rest. Your work is ultimately your own.
This review is done in conjunction with the PDG Alumni Challenge and for Dark Dreamscapes.


Overall Impressions:
I love the title. It drew me in and I followed your journey out of the darkness and into the light. It begins in the heaviness of feeling life has cast you in this role, this certain way, but as I move with the poet along the journey I see the light peak through and the darkness lift. I like the idea of making the choice and to choose to live out of the dark.


Techniques:
I am a novice poet. I play with words and though I love to write poems my knowledge is on the more limited side. Your work is ultimately yours.
I believe your lines follow along using enjambment to keep the motion going.


Rhyme and Rhythm:
You have chosen to follow an ABAB pattern within each of your stanzas.
Most lines holds to eight beats - that is my preference as well, it seems to feel right somehow. The line "Castigated by a rod" is only 7, I believe. Not sure what I would suggest to round it out.

Favourite Part:
How can it be we hear the voice
Of pain, depression, doom and dread?
Can we not then make the choice
Of hope and joy and love instead?

I love how the poet starts to see the light, see the promise of there being something more.


Enough! The world is ours to find
To live each day as if our last
Then we can leave the past behind
And choose a future bright and fast.

After two stanzas the poet says "Enough" They have made the choice and it is a wise choice.

Suggestions:
I saw no issues with spelling. Punctuation seems fine, though when it comes to poetry I am not good in that area.

I would only suggest one more beat in the line "Castigated by a rod." to make it follow your 8 beat rhythm.


Additional Comments:
I really enjoyed this poem. I love those poems that draw out of the darkness and find the light.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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194
194
Review of My big dream  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Izzy's Writing .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .
I have just read your story "My big dream" , which I was requested to review and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. I am a novice writer as well. Remember that this is ultimately your story so you are free to use or disregard anything I have to say.


Overall Impressions:
Your story starts out well and captures me. There is real potential here. I do have some concerns, but overall I would say you have a good story here.


Characters:
Lizzy is a promising hockey player which has been granted the privilege of having her hockey idols coach her.
There is a foster mother and father who have been abusing and threatening Lizzy.
Hockey heros that are coaching her - Nicklas Kronwall and the Euro-twins (given that I don't know who they are it is a good idea to get their names in early to avoid confusion) - Pavel and Hank - not sure of their last names.
Lizzy's regular coach.


Setting:
Lizzy's foster home
Her home rink or Joe Louis Arena - I am unclear here -does her foster mother drop her off at her usual rink or the Joe Louis one?
The home where Nick, Pavel and Hank live.

Plot:
Good story that moves pretty well.


Favourite Part:
I like how she has hockey as a safe place.
I like how you create the home life situation.


Suggestions:
For dialogue, remember each speaker gets their own paragraph. This way it lets the reader stay clear on who is saying what. It also lets you add in little details to develop character. And it makes it easier to read. I did a little rewrite...

I woke to the sound of my foster mom’s harsh voice. “Get up, brat! I’m taking you to your hockey lesson.”
I got up, dressed, and grabbed my bag before coming out of my room.
She drove me, not saying a word and just as I reached for the door handle she grabbed my arm. “I won’t be picking you up later, brat. Do you hear me.“ she hissed in my face.
“Yes, mother.” I said. I swear I could smell the stench of alcohol on her breath.
She released me and I quickly made my exit, glad she had at least waited for me to get my hockey bag. The thing weighed a ton. Without looking back, I trudged into the building. My stomach growling.

This opens things up and helps with pacing as well. If you carry this through your whole piece it will really help.

Spelling was fine as far as I could tell.


Additional Comments:
I like the concept of your story. I would suggest referring to Nick as Nick and not changing it to Nicky – it sounds and feels a bit like you are crossing the line. Touching needs to be ‘chummy’ and not intimate as your character is only 14 and I feel a bit uncomfortable with the intimacy. I know you like him, but you have to watch that. Having him climb into her bed can get him in trouble if he if he is over 18. The cops are going to be concerned with him as well as the abusive parents. He can be concerned and caring but he needs to watch how close he gets to her. It might even be a good idea if one of the guys has a girlfriend or mother come over to help her – particularly in the bedroom.

I would say work this as a dream to leave it this way or make a few adjustments to keep the relationship appropriate. Or you could have those foster parents claiming he is being inappropriate and suing him.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging! Please keep writing.

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195
195
Review of Lifted high  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi ElaineElaine . It's 💙 Carly doing a raid of your portfolio for the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. As I am getting started late on this I am choosing smaller pieces. I chose your poem "Lifted high" /

I liked the title and the descriptive line - being transformed by an ancient dragon. Very intriguing so I had to have a closer look and read. I am glad I did. I really liked the rhyming pattern you held to - my only trip up was on the line "to a place of pure love where you me hold." I kept wanting to read it as 'where you behold'. Other than than the poem flowed well and captured me.

I loved the repetition of the line ''Take me away, oh dragon of old." You craft your poem using beautiful words - like courage and eternity's mold.

Thank you for sharing your piece. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.


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196
196
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Noyoki . It's 💙 Carly doing my raid of your portfolio. I have been here before and I was only happy to return. As I am starting this challenge on the later side, I am focusing on poetry and short fiction pieces - this one fit the bill perfectly. I chose to review your short flash fiction piece "The Choices We Make"  and I was very impressed.

Wow. A moving piece. With such a small amount of words, you managed to convey raw emotion. I felt the depth of their experience.

There were a few spots that tripped me up - "fleet heart" - I would have just gone with 'beating heart', but that is only personal preference. I also tripped over 'harsh breaths' and would have preferred 'harsh breathing' but there again it is preference.

Beyond those two things the piece dragged me in and I was captured by the impact. Well done.


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197
197
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Weirdone-Back in the games .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .
I have just read short piece "The Night We Stayed in and Ordered Pizza" , which I found when participating in the I Write - June, July, August and wanted to share my thoughts with you - as I promised to give your piece a review because of the mix up. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. Feel free to use or disregard my advise as you see fit.


Overall Impressions:
Interesting little story and you manage to tell your tale in the designated 200 words and that is impressive. I was taken in by the first line and kept reading to find out what would happen.


Characters:
Lauren is the roommate, the good girl who wants a demon to kill the girl, Susan Marshall who got picked for head cheerleader over her.
The story is told from first person point of view so the main character is referred as 'I' - the 'crazy goth bitch'.


Setting:
On the back field behind the campus on the night of the full moon.


Plot:
The plot is well paced and carries the reader along wanting to find out what will happen.


Favourite Part:
I like your ending... going to stay in and order pizza is far better than calling up demons.


Suggestions:
The first sentence can read smoother by saying it was the night of the full moon, but you are aiming for 200 words exactly and my way gives to many words. For that reason, I would not change a thing. I see no spelling or grammar issues.


Additional Comments:
Exactly 200 words very impressive. I find it is hard to get an exact word count - up to 300 is a bit easier. Well done.
Good luck in the contest. *Bigsmile*

I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
198
198
Review of Christian Senryu  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Weirdone-Back in the games ,

I am 💙 Carly and it is my pleasure to review your Christian Senryu's for the I Write - June-July- August contest.

My first impression is one of unsureness at the topic. I feel pain at your feelings of being forced to go to church. I can understand the harshness that pushes down on you. Your emotions come through very well.

Being a Christian I can relate to your pain, being older now I have come to see separate religion and spirituality.

I am not overly familiar with the senryu form but I think you hold true to it. Good luck in the contest.


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199
199
Review of Patterns  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Geoff .
My name is Carly (we met on the IM system the other day) and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  . I guess you would call me one of the senior mentees, having gone through their fabulous workshops.
I have just read poem "Patterns" , which I found when while looking down the list of new mentees and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. I am a novice writer like you, so please feel free to use my advice or disregard it as you see fit. The work is ultimately yours.


Overall Impressions:
I really liked your poem. I got the imagery of the bird and vole and porcupine - not the usual medley of animals which was a great way to pull me in.


Form:
I do not see any rhyming scheme so I am going to say you went with free verse.
I love how the first two verses held the pattern or forest noises.
Twitter, pitter
Twitter, pitter

and

Pitter, patter
Pitter, patter

I am thinking I would have liked that to continue with the porcupine as well to keep the pattern running for each of your 'guests' of honour within the poem.

The first three stanzas introduce your animals - those 'guests of honour', I mentioned. The use of vole and porcupine was fresh.

I loved the imagery of the third stanza - I can see the little porcupine lumbering and scurrying away at the bark of the dog.


Techniques:
You used repetition as part of your pattern, but only for the first two stanzas. If you held to that pattern throughout it might make it stronger.


Favourite Part:
I love the lines:
"Who can read the pattens
The patterns that weave together and force apart."

I am not really sure what you mean by that, but it sounds good to me. There is something strongly poetic in those lines.


Suggestions:
I am thinking these patterns are the aspects of our lives that keep all things within nature, and us included, holding to a set behaviour pattern and expectations to live out our lives. They weave us together in expectations but force us apart in our stereotypes.

I want to know more about what they force us to let go of - dreams? Like you, I really don't know.

I am thinking your last stanza would be stronger if you followed the pattern and just repeated the line "I really don't know." instead of altering it to "No. I really don't."


Additional Comments:
I see a lot of potential in your poem. I did enjoy it. I is peeking at the patterns of life.

Also I think you have one too many
s at the beginning that is not supposed to be visible - that is an easy fix.

I hope I did not overwhelm you. Your poem is rough but have fine potential and I look forward to reading more of your work. Please, keep at it!


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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200
200
Review of Finally  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi A*Monaing*Faith .
I have just read your short piece "Finally"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. Please feel free to use what works for you and disregard anything that does not.
This review is done in conjunction with the Game of Thrones Challenge and House Baratheon.


Overall Impressions:
I like this little gem. I really enjoy those "finally, one day..." pieces when it comes to romance. You did a fine job pulling this one off.


Characters:
The characters were believable and likable. Muvrik (now that is a new name for me) is a man who has kept a friendship with Anna over many other relationships. Anna, who is the past fantasized about more with Mavrik, is worried he would never be happy with just her.


Setting:
A restaurant and then later her car.


Plot:
Well paced little piece. The two of them are having a meal together, I am assuming dinner - though that is not important. Mavrik has just broken off his relationship with Marcia - he has told Anna "it was for the best". He professes his 'deep love' of her and Anna does not feel she can believe that. Her own insecurities about her weight come up and she discourages him. But he persists.
Finally she drags him out to her car and demands he kiss her. The kiss seals their fate as they realize they have more than friendship they is combustion as well.


Favourite Part:
I like that she drags him out to the car and tells him to kiss her.


Suggestions:
Mavriks face needs to be Mavrick's face


Additional Comments:
Given the parameters of the contest, I think you did a fine job creating this little taste of romance - one a long time coming.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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