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Review of Patterns  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Geoff .
My name is Carly (we met on the IM system the other day) and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  . I guess you would call me one of the senior mentees, having gone through their fabulous workshops.
I have just read poem "Patterns" , which I found when while looking down the list of new mentees and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. I am a novice writer like you, so please feel free to use my advice or disregard it as you see fit. The work is ultimately yours.


Overall Impressions:
I really liked your poem. I got the imagery of the bird and vole and porcupine - not the usual medley of animals which was a great way to pull me in.


Form:
I do not see any rhyming scheme so I am going to say you went with free verse.
I love how the first two verses held the pattern or forest noises.
Twitter, pitter
Twitter, pitter

and

Pitter, patter
Pitter, patter

I am thinking I would have liked that to continue with the porcupine as well to keep the pattern running for each of your 'guests' of honour within the poem.

The first three stanzas introduce your animals - those 'guests of honour', I mentioned. The use of vole and porcupine was fresh.

I loved the imagery of the third stanza - I can see the little porcupine lumbering and scurrying away at the bark of the dog.


Techniques:
You used repetition as part of your pattern, but only for the first two stanzas. If you held to that pattern throughout it might make it stronger.


Favourite Part:
I love the lines:
"Who can read the pattens
The patterns that weave together and force apart."

I am not really sure what you mean by that, but it sounds good to me. There is something strongly poetic in those lines.


Suggestions:
I am thinking these patterns are the aspects of our lives that keep all things within nature, and us included, holding to a set behaviour pattern and expectations to live out our lives. They weave us together in expectations but force us apart in our stereotypes.

I want to know more about what they force us to let go of - dreams? Like you, I really don't know.

I am thinking your last stanza would be stronger if you followed the pattern and just repeated the line "I really don't know." instead of altering it to "No. I really don't."


Additional Comments:
I see a lot of potential in your poem. I did enjoy it. I is peeking at the patterns of life.

Also I think you have one too many
s at the beginning that is not supposed to be visible - that is an easy fix.

I hope I did not overwhelm you. Your poem is rough but have fine potential and I look forward to reading more of your work. Please, keep at it!


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

signature for the Paper Doll Gang.


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202
202
Review of Finally  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi A*Monaing*Faith .
I have just read your short piece "Finally"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. Please feel free to use what works for you and disregard anything that does not.
This review is done in conjunction with the Game of Thrones Challenge and House Baratheon.


Overall Impressions:
I like this little gem. I really enjoy those "finally, one day..." pieces when it comes to romance. You did a fine job pulling this one off.


Characters:
The characters were believable and likable. Muvrik (now that is a new name for me) is a man who has kept a friendship with Anna over many other relationships. Anna, who is the past fantasized about more with Mavrik, is worried he would never be happy with just her.


Setting:
A restaurant and then later her car.


Plot:
Well paced little piece. The two of them are having a meal together, I am assuming dinner - though that is not important. Mavrik has just broken off his relationship with Marcia - he has told Anna "it was for the best". He professes his 'deep love' of her and Anna does not feel she can believe that. Her own insecurities about her weight come up and she discourages him. But he persists.
Finally she drags him out to her car and demands he kiss her. The kiss seals their fate as they realize they have more than friendship they is combustion as well.


Favourite Part:
I like that she drags him out to the car and tells him to kiss her.


Suggestions:
Mavriks face needs to be Mavrick's face


Additional Comments:
Given the parameters of the contest, I think you did a fine job creating this little taste of romance - one a long time coming.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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203
203
Review of Paper Flowers  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Angels in my Ear .
I have just read your poem "Paper Flowers"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.


Overall Impressions:
It was the description of what this poem is about that drew me in - "what holds you back from conquering your dreams?" I was not disappointed, in the least.
I was curious what the paper flowers had to do with that description and I was pleased with how you worked the poem around to say that quote - "Only paper flowers are afraid of the rain." Beautifully poignant.


Form:
Three line stanza in all but the second last, which is four. The last stanza contains the quote.
The second last stanza - the one containing 4 lines is the turning point when the poet takes a stand and believes they will do these things they dream about.


Technique:
Enjambment is employed to carry the poem along in each stanza - holding a single dream.
Repetition is used to pour in the strengh of your convictions:

I will dance with the moon.
I will soar to the sun.
I will sing with the birds.
I will roar with the storm.

Repetition is also used to dream:

I want to - run, fall, swim, shine, crash - these are all simple, yet provocative verbs. The imagery is visceral.

The second stanza begins the repetitive portion switching from "My solitude" to "I hide" before switching to the "I want" stanzas. I found this very empowering - as the poet dreams, and dreams big and then follows through and desides to go for it.
The poem draws you there.

The ending supplies the quote and solidifies the poets desire to follow through.


Favourite Part:
I really like this whole poem. You start within your solitude - which is initially confining. Then you realize this is not the way to live and you let you mind go to dreaming, solidifying your desire to follow through and you end with saying "only paper flowers are afraid of the rain." I love that quote. Well done.


Suggestions:
I could see no issues of spelling or grammar.


Additional Comments:
The more I read the poem the more I liked it.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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204
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon .
I have just read your flash fiction piece "Even Paranoids Have Enemies"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.
This review is done in conjunction with the Game of Thrones Challenge for the wonderful House of Baratheon!


Overall Impressions:
First that picture at the top of your piece scared me... I have been reading too much dark stuff lately! Thanks for the chuckle - it was brilliant. I could so relate to the NO's screaming through the house - I had two reviews almost done and when I went to save them the WDC site picked that time to kick me out and have me sign back it - I lost them!!!! Crapper! I hate it when that happens - maybe it was aliens... or the evil dust bunnies, there are too many of those in my house as well!! Time to clean... but not now. First House Baratheon has to take over the world!! Or well... you know.... WDC, at least.


Characters:
Poor Ken and his little dog, too!
Did somebody say squirrels... aliens... dust bunnies. Ahhhhhh!


Setting:
Sitting in front of your computer trying to make sense of your cyber world.


Plot:
Plot...what plot...this is life.

But seriously, great pace and a joy to read. You managed to pack a lot of whimsical funny into a small flash of fiction. I applaud you.


Favourite Part:
Love the tin foil hat. It looks great on you, Ken.

The ending with those pesky dust bunnies is ingenious.


Suggestions:
Not a one. Love that the piece come out to 299 words or a possible 300! Impressive.


Additional Comments:
Great read. You never fail to impress me.


I thoroughly enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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205
205
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Arakun the Twisted Raccoon .
I have just read your chapter "The Witch's Diary Part I"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.

Disclaimer: Writing is a very personal experience and any criticism can be taken personally. Please remember that the following suggestions are based on of my own opinion and personal interpretation of your work. Feel free to take and/or disregard any of my suggestions.

This review is done in conjunction with the Game of Thrones Challenge and is affiliated with the House Baratheon.


Overall Impressions:
Eerily enticing. I was pulled along with the character eager to know her fate.


Characters:
A young girl, home from college, is taking a new puppy to its new family who live 30 miles away.
A ghostly girl appears within the house - chilling. And makes a request that Melissa take and read her diary so that the past can finally be revealed.
The Millers are also mentioned and their opinions of the old house add further dimension to the story.


Setting:
A thunderstorm makes the muddy country roads all but impassable. Melissa finds herself off the road into a ditch surrounded by corn.
She heads out into the storm, drawn by the night from a nearby house.
The house itself is eerie and well described as most definitely abandoned.
The conclusion find Melissa settling into her own room after the day ends eager to read the diary.


Plot:
The plot is well paced drawing the reader along, settling our nerves on alert.
Melissa's own imagination warns her of what is to come - a kind of foreshadowing, in a way. Yet she moves forward, taking us with her. Finding the book and seeing the eerie figure of a ghost stutter us, then have us running with Melissa in her fear.
Finding our information from the Millers informs and ignites a curiousity in the character and the reader alike.
I would be inclined to settle in to read that book as well.


Favourite Part:
I love the house and its light that draws her in.
I love the end of the chapter when she settles in to read the diary itself.
You do a fabulous job of drawing the reader into your tale.
I like how the phone works once she returns to the car.


Suggestions:
I could see no issues with spelling or grammar.


Additional Comments:
I look forward to the next installment to find out what more is to happen. You do an excellent job of introducing characters and setting the story in motion. Well done.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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206
206
Review of The Elevator  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Stuart .
I have just read your short story "The Elevator"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. Feel free to use what appeals to use and disregard what does not, ultimately the work is your own.
This review is done in conjunction with the Game of Thrones Challenge.


Overall Impressions:
I was really impressed with the way you were able to craft the scene and pull me into the story. I wanted to know what was going to happen.


Characters:
Mike Dewar is the main character a focused man who has spent the last 4 years looking for this particular elevator that drops only downwards to an unknown place.
The other characters are equally well described - one is a woman, one is a meandering man who has finally found a purpose to his life and the other is a 62 year old man with survival skills experience.
Each of them bring something to the trip and the experience they are about to embark upon.


Setting:
Very well described - I was right there with them. The sensory imagery painted a picture I could easily visualize. A old, dilapidated building with an old elevator that only descends into the unknown.


Plot:
The story is well paced and it pulls the reader in, making them want to join the group. But just as the story was getting good you pulled back and left the reader feeling left out. You could easily draw this story out into something much larger. I would be intrigued to read on.


Favourite Part:
"It had taken Mike Dewar and his team many years to find the elevator and now at last they stood before it, unable to speak, each with his or her own thoughts. The elevator seemed to stare impassively back at them, its black iron latticed gate like the formidable portcullis of an impregnable fortress, challenging them to step inside."
I love the personification of the elevator in this passage. I also like your style of sparse words to convey great images.


Suggestions:
The story stopped before before I was ready. I was right in there following them into the elevator eager to know what more was going to happen and then the scene pulled back and I was left wondering what was gong to happen to them all.


Additional Comments:
The writing was tight and the story was well put together. I would enjoy reading more if you continue to add to this story in the future.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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207
207
Review of Angel  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi FallenAngel .
I have just read your short piece "Angel"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.
This review is done in conjunction with the Game of Thrones Challenge.


Overall Impressions:
Interesting twist of a tale well known. Your words drew me in drawing me along like the children going with Peter Pan. Love the ending - Now they will never grow up.


Characters:
Favourite story time characters of Peter Pan, Wendy, John and Michael are brought forth in this tale. Their parents - Mr. and Mrs. Darling are brought into the twist.


Setting:
The nursery of the Darling's house where Wendy, John and Michael slept.


Plot:
This is a short little tale that packs a punch. The pacing is well handled. Peter's shadow casts a foreshadowing and a darkness on the tale that seems only too 'real'. Well done.
Peter entices the children to go with him as usual - Wendy questions him, but is only too willing to go along on the adventure.
The parents return home and mother checks on her little ones only to find them ice cold and gone from their bodies. I like how Wendy assures her mother they are okay, and that they are only going to Neverland with Peter.

Favourite Part:
You create a wonderful bit of story, carved out of characters we all know and love and put a twist on it that seems so plausible. You handle it well with the foreshadowing of the shadow.
I really like the ending line: "Now they will never grow up."


Suggestions:
I was initially thinking it odd that Wendy made their beds but once I read further I realized this was a way of creating the finality of their lives. Well done. I can see no other issues within your piece.


Additional Comments:
I quite liked this story. Using characters we all know and twisting the plot to a more ominous side - one that is in essence believable.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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208
Review of Awakening  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi John Adams .
I have just read your short story "Awakening"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. Use what works for you and feel fine with disregarding what does not work for you. The piece is ultimately your work.
This review is done in conjunction with the Game of Thrones Challenge.


Overall Impressions:
Surreal is right. It was an interesting tale and you tell it well.


Characters:
The main character is Jim. Other characters are a girl he loved - Marcia, her father, Jim's mother and his own self.
There are also homeless people at the beginning of the story.


Setting:
You do an excellent job of conveying each of the scenes - the opening walk home from the library, Marcia's house, the walk up into the stars (beautifully described), his home with his mother, the bridge and the river and up into the tree.


Plot:
The story is described as "A surreal love story about a young man' search for himself".
The pace is good as it moves through its odd tale. I am able to follow his travels, thanks to your good description, but I am confused by what is all happening and why - I am thinking this story is too surreal for me to really understand and I apologize for that.


Favourite Part:
I like the opening paragraphs of the story. It is intriguing. Do do a fine job of conveying the images so that I am able to visualize what is going on in the story.
In fact, you do well to describe what is going on in the story all the way through - I am able to stay with this character as he roams through his surreal travels.


Suggestions:
I do not feel I can give suggestions to adequately help. I am confused and lost in the surrealness of the piece.


Additional Comments:
Although I am lost in your surreal world, I still think you do a good job of taking me along on the journey. I am not really sure what he learns about himself.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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209
209
Review of The Luring  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Fairport .
I have just read your poem " The Luring"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.
This review is done in conjunction with the Game of Thrones Challenge.

Overall Impressions:
I like the title and find it appropriate for setting the mood of the poem. Your word choice further draws out the darkness of the poem and pulls you along with the poet into the poem's depth. Well done.


Form:
Four quatrain stanzas carry the poem forward.


Techniques:
Enjambment is used to carry us along
Senses are heightened - sights, sounds, and touch/feelings are used to bring the poem to life and give it definition.


Rhyme:
The poem follows a abab cdcd efef ghgh pattern. The rhymes follow within the masculine type of rhyme that focuses on the final part of the rhyming words (still, will)
One of the rhymes uses a forced rhyme (path, laugh) that works well within the poem.
You do an excellent job of capturing the right word to follow the pattern.
I particularly like desire and pyre.


Favourite Part:
The first stanza is my favourite - the imagery draws me into the tale. I am treading that path along with the poet.

I love your use of word choice.
'dreaded path' 'slight quiver' 'siren call' 'swift terror'

This line is also a favourite;
'Uncertainty of where I’m bound
Enhanced the gallop in my chest,'
I like the freshness of the image.


Suggestions:
I do not see any flaws within your piece. Spelling in grammar is well in hand.
I am never sure what to do with punctuation in a poem - but I am thinking a period at the end of each stanza couldn't hurt. Other than that, your punctuation guides the reader through quite well.


Additional Comments:
I get a little lost within the poem as it moves along but I believe it is my own abilities and not that of the poem. As I read, it is not until the last stanza that I feel a little lost, but I also find my lost sense is reflective of the poet's fall into the luring itself so that may be the intended aspect.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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210
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Angels in my Ear .
I have just read your poem "Looking Through Windows"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. Please feel free to use what you can of my advise and disregard anything that does not suit.
This review is in conjunction with the Game of Thrones challenge.


Overall Impressions: ]
Wow, Aundria! I am impressed. This poem so resonated with me - not that I have a friend that got pregnant but that my friends from high school have gone off in lives different from my own. We keep in touch because it is important but sometimes things stick out, like a bad situation that you know you can't change. You do an excellent job capturing that essence of pain that is associated with this kind of situation. Well done.


Characters:
This is a poem but their are two characters - one the poet telling the tale, the other, her friend who must live her life doled out to her from a poor choice. You capture them brilliantly with grace and poignancy.


Form:
I am not sure if follows any prescribed poetic form. I would say it is free verse and the free flow of it follows the emotions the poem conveys.
There seems to be a pattern of your own creation - stanzas of 7 lines, some with 5, others with 4, one with 8. It seems to hold to the 'conversation' on the phone - sometimes we say a lot other times we listen - this poem invokes that feeling in me.


Techniques:
There is no rhyming pattern that I can see but it does not require one.
You employ enjambment to curl the lines around and carry the thoughts forward.
Your use of punctuation is well handled as well.


Favourite Part:
I love the feeling this poem invokes for me.

But I cannot.
I can only sit on the other end of the phone,
while you tell me about all the second chances
you hand out,
and how you know what you are doing.

This stanza makes me feel for the poet - I feel her feelings of not knowing how to help, to be there for her friend.

"false confidence" and "you will never leave that world" - this was a resonant point for me - I have a friend in a relationship that will stick it out because she does not want to be seen as a failure in her relationship (that was before they had children, now they do) - he has been unfaithful and so immature, but she gives him more chances and if I want to be her friend I keep my own trap shut about how I feel about her husband.


Spelling/Grammar:
I see nothing amiss here.


Additional Comments:



I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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Review of Muse  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Another Thing To Dust .
I have just read your poem "Muse"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.
This review is in conjunction with the Game of Thrones Challenge.

Overall Impressions:
I was impressed as to the ease of reading your peom. Your images captured me and drew me along as you explore your muse.


Form:
I appreciate that you mention that this poem is a Rondeau. Having only read my first one yesterday, I am still in the very novice of stages so please take my thoughts and opinions as that and use only what works for you and feel free to disregard anything that does not suit.
I Rondeau is a French form, 15 lines long, consisting of three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a sestet with a rhyme scheme as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR. Lines 9 and 15 are short - a refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the same metrical length).

You hold to the structure of the form very well.
'breath' and 'left' is a bit odd but it does not take away from the flow - so it works. All of your other rhymes blend and flow naturally. I love the line you choose as your refrain - 'You're every tale.'

Technique:
Your language is simple and clear, conveying the images with just the right amount of sweetness - your love for your muse is apparent.


Favourite Part:
I love the first stanza the best - the imagery is strong and the intimacy is apparent with gazing into her eyes to see 'the flecks of gold' - that is pure, unrefined and well gifted. Precious metal of the highest quality I am sure.

The last stanza shows how much you love and cherish your muse.


Suggestions:
My only quam is in the secondtwo lines of the last stanza - to me, it would sound much stonger to say:

Perhaps one day I'll come to know,
You're every tale.

To me the muse already knows her stories - she shares them with you as her trust grows in your loving partnership. The longer the partnership, the more you'll know.


Additional Comments:
Extremely well done. I really enjoyed the opportunity to read another Rondeau. I will have to try my hand at writing within the structure - it seems quite the challenge. I wish you luck in the contest. You have a worthy entry.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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212
Review of Insomnia  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon .
I have just read your poem "Insomnia"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.
This review is given in conjunction with the Game of Thrones Challenge and in the hopes of keeping your wonderful cheers for our own House!


Overall Impressions:
You may have got me here with a teaser of Cheers for our House, but I am so glad I got a chance to read this little gem. You have a gift of crafting wonderful poems within the beauty of language.


Form:
I have to say I appreciate your inclusion of the form at the bottom of your piece. As a novice poet, I want to learn and when you grace your piece with the details I am only too pleased to learn with a great example of the form before my very eyes.
So the form is a Rondeau (never heard of this one before). I quite like it - very challenging indeed and you do it justice.


Technique:
Given that this style is new to me, my first read was one of awe. Then confusion at looking for a pattern. Then I read about the forma and everything fell into place. I did not realize that this could be done, but I am learning their are way more structured styles out there and I am willing to try my hand at them.


Definitions:
I did stumble over your words - words I did not know the meaning of and then I discovered your inclusion of the definitions and thought, wow - you most certainly read my mind - thank you for that. Well done.


Favourite Part:
Where do I start:

First the topic - asking for help to sleep - we have all done this. Your poem makes it seem so sophisticated.
"Oh Morpheus, you fickle god," - sleep can be pernicity.

Love the line - "I've found there aren't sufficient sheep"

The words you choose are all ripe for the picking. Each with a weight that is necessary and needed.

There is honestly nothing I do not like about this poem. It is exceptional.

Suggestions:
Not a one. Your brilliance needs shades - but then you would get even less sleep.


Additional Comments:
I have never been disappointed whenever I peruse your WDC portfolio. You have much to teach with your skill and I appreciate what I am able to learn from you. Thank you so much for including the form and definitions after your piece.


I really enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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Review of Fairytale Meadow  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lauryn Rose .
I have just read your poem "Fairytale Meadow"  and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.
This review is done in conjunction with the Mission Challenge of reading a Newbie and the Game of Thrones challenge.


Overall Impressions:
I loved your poem. Even the look of it - it looks like a tree from your Fairytale Meadow.

Theme:
Light and magical. Visiting this fairytale meadow is a wonderous place. I would love to visit it myself.

Technique:
I love to write and read poetry, but I am still learning so keep that in mind as I give you my critique - always remember the piece is your first and formost - what I have to say can be used or tossed as you see fit.
I would say this poem is free verse and I love that about it - fairytale meadows cannot be contained in over structured pieces.
The rhyming that you do employ is lovely - air - stare and away - play


Imagry:
You capture the beauty of the place. Your images are vivid and fresh. Even the visual of the poem itself is beautiful.


Favourite Part:
When every creature stops to stare it made me think of the cows at my grandparent's farm - they would all gaze up and look at you - a moment held in time - then they would resume their activities not concerned with me.

I love the sensory aspects - sound of dragonfly wings and trilling birds
-the moistness of raindrops

"daylight falls away"
"Out the fairies come to play"

The second stanza was my favourite.


Suggestions:
You use the word 'lightly' several times with the rain and the flowers - I am wondering if using another word would freshen it up even more
Raindrops fell lightly while
Yellow flowers danced brightly in the sun.

This also reminds me of those fabulous sun showers - I really love the wonder and majesty of those.


Additional Comments:
As a Newbie, I welcome you here to WDC. I found the site overwhelming at first but once I met some people and got involved in the activities, I have found it has become my cyber home. I wish you the same enjoyment. If you have any concerns or questions - about this review or any thing else on the site do not hesitate to ask. I would love to help. And by all means - Keep writing. You have some lovely talent. I look forward to reading more from you.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with Dark Dreamscapes  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Joyous .
I have just read your short piece "The Power of Inspiration"  that I found on the Hub and wanted to share my thoughts with you. I am a novice writer so please keep this in mind and remember this is only my opinion. This review is also done in part as a member of the House Baratheon for the Game of Thrones Challenge.


Overall Impressions:
Wow, such a powerful piece. I was moved to tears. I loved how you started and ended with the man who suffered from Alzheimers - that tied the piece together very well.


Theme:
How we unknowingly inspire others. I would have to agree with you wholeheartedly. We do not notice how much our own lives influence and inspire others. We see ourselves as simply ordinary souls, but we are actually far more influential than we realize. I am glad that other girl was able to come and tell you that - as most people may think it but don't address it.
Sometimes I find our world can be very negative and people are so quick to criticize but think how wonderful you felt when she shared that you inspired her - if more people would do that, the world would be a much happier place.
I think we consciously need to choose to reach out to people - share those good bits and see what comes back to us.


Favourite Part:
As I mentioned before, I loved how you started and ended with the man who suffered from Alzheimers - that tied the piece together very well.


Suggestions:
I wish you still had the piece the man wrote to include with your own words - it would really add to the depth of the piece but I do realize it is gone. You still do a lovely job of capturing what he says.


Additional Comments:
I work with children who have special needs and I often find myself inspired by their tenacity and perseverance. I am also inspired by the parents who genuinely love and care for their children - overcoming the odds. I make sure I let those parents know they are appreciated and that I applaud their efforts. People need to hear the good.


I enjoyed reading your work. It really got me thinking and I like pieces that get me considering things about the world we live in. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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Review of The Muse's Garden  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon .
I have just read your poem "The Muse's Garden"  that I found in the Rising Stars area [I want to do a member to member review]. We are also House Baratheon teammates. I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.

Overall Impressions:
I loved the image of the tree at the top of your piece - very appropriate. I got a good, saddened feeling from your poem - feeling your pain as love, once beautiful has turned to bitterness and pain. The emotions emanate form the poem and I felt carried by them.

Characters:
The poem is told by a character, a man who has had his heart broken by a love that has gone sour. He is torn between love and hate - unable to break free, but angry with himself for being so weak.

Setting/imagery:
Loved you words creating images for me:
'liquid flowing words'
'sand to my parched soul'


Technique:
This is an area I am not strong in but I do know a sonnet follows a particular pattern of rhyme abab cdcd efef gg - and you do an excellent job. There is no forced rhyme it flows smoothly.
There are 14 lines - which is the requirement - I noticed in your notes you wrote down 16 instead of 14.
You also follow the iambic pentameter - 10 beats per line. You do an excellent job of that as well.

Favourite Part: [Enter text here]
I loved how her images were once 'so sweet' and eventually they 'turned bitter on my tongue' - I liked how you stayed with that metaphor.


Suggestions:
The only part that shifts me off balance happens half way through the third stanza - it is here you shift from your images with her to you alone attempting to put pen to paper.
"as my attempts with pen and paper failed;
the lyrics trapped within me left unsung."

I guess I was hoping for you to stay with what you had created up to that point. You come back to it for the last two lines - so I am thinking it is only me who feels that shift. I do not usually read sonnets.
Each time I read it, it makes more sense.

Additional Comments:
Overall, I loved the poem.

I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging and not too confusing! I think I need to go to bed.

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Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hi Lynda Miller .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .
I have just read short story "War and The Men Who Fight It" , which I found when looking for a piece to review on the Hub and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.


Overall Impressions:
I like the foreshadowing aspects that permeate from the first several paragraphs – the Sergeant’s thoughts. Although I was surprised by the ending, I was pleased the Private got his locket back.

Characters:
We have the Sergeant in charge of his troop. He worries for his men, but he is also in charge.
There is the Private (which I think needs to be capitalized) who owns the locket – later we discover his name is Pete (I would be inclined to introduce him fully at the beginning – Private Pete Lastname).
There are a few other men under the Sergeant – Cory, Ryan, Martin and Brady. In my minimal experience with this genre, I would say Privates are referred to by their last name. This might give a more war-torn ring to it. There is a closeness among soldiers, but it is balanced off and distanced by using their last names.

Setting:
I would really like to see some word pictures painted with regard to where they are. I understand they are in the war zone, but some details that accent your senses would bring it more into focus. What can I see? I get a sense of what I hear – radio static and AK-47 chatter – those are good, but give me more.
I am wondering about opening up the scene having him reach down into the miles of endless sand to retrieve the locket.

Plot:
I get a sense of your story. It has a good beginning and resolution, but the middle gives me some confusion.
What all is going on in this small town. Where are they, why are they there, what is their mission and who has got them cornered? These details would bring your story into clearer focus for me. I want to feel for these men, but am not sure what they are fully up to in this story.
For instance, why was Private Ryan asked to take a man and dig a hole? Why? What was the purpose of this? I would like more clarity in this.

Favourite Part:
I enjoyed your ending – with the Private getting his locket back. It reflects back to the beginning and the humanity of the situation – the Sergeant’s more vulnerable, real side.

Suggestions:
Give me details. Fill my senses with the desperate nature of their experience. Put me there. I get some of this but I want more. I would be willing to reread and review this piece in the future.

Additional Comments:
I see this is a contest entry that probably has a word count limit. The story has potential, but it needs more details to bring it out. I wish you well in the contest.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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Review of Annie  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (1.0)
Hi carlton607 .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  . I am currently taking the PDG Review Workshop and this piece "Annie"  was given as an assignment.
I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion and you are free to use or disregard any or all of my suggestions.


Overall Impressions:
I like the idea of how your main character suffers through the dark and stormy night. With the light of day, things improve. That aspect of the story shows promise to me.

But beyond that I am afraid to admit, I was confused. I was also surprised by the ending.


Characters:
We have a woman named Annie and her dog Buster. I like the name choices.
I found your description of Annie unclear. I was not certain how old you intended her to be or what her ailment was that was holding her captive within her bed. At times, she was able pull the blankets over her head, yet at other times, she was not able to make her "withered arm" work. Painting a clearer picture of your main character may help the reader better understand her and connect with her.

Being confused by the character often made it difficult to understand why she was screaming and afraid in the night.


Setting:
The story takes place in Annie's bedroom while a storm rages outside.
Given that this is a contest - I am curious as to the opening of "It was a stormy and dark night..." Was that a prompt? It is very close to the cliche "It was a dark and stormy night." If it is not a prompt, I would suggest starting off your story with a stronger pull.

Plot:
This is where I got confused. I was having trouble focusing on where you were going with this story. Although I like your characters, they did not seem to flow into a story that made sense to me.

I am wondering if you developed your character more and made her fears of the storm clearer, the reader would be able to identify with her more.

Favourite Part:
I like that with the morning came cheery, bright sun and rejuvenation for Annie. She was able to hug her dog.

Suggestions:
The ending is abrupt and a surprise for me. I was just glad that she was better and then my hopes were dashed. I think I would be more inclined to stay with a happier ending but then, that is my preference.

Additional Comments:
I see this is a winning entry in a 'bad fiction' contest. I congratulate you on this and with that, breathe a sigh of relief. Your piece truly is hard to follow, but as that was your aim, you succeeded.

I also appreciate you 'donating' this piece for our PDG group to review it on our week to be kind and honest. I hope I have managed this.

I will be looking into some of your other writing to see what other styles and contests you have tried.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .
I have just read short story "The Ex-Girlfriends Club" , which I found when searching for a purple case member to review and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.

Overall Impressions: Wow. Excellent story. I really enjoyed it. Humour and authentic in its telling. I was a little concerned at the beginning thinking 'oh, no. He's walking into a problem.' but you made it so fun and lively. Not what I was expecting and that pleased me.

Characters: Loved these two. They are meant for each other. Love that he is willing to be vulnerable enough to share openly with his fiancé. A situation like this often blows up in the guys face and I was pleased you did not go there. I also loved that she did not turn on him as often happens in these situations.

Setting: Not overly defined but not really important in this little tale.

Plot: sharing and vulnerability are brought to the table and it is met with humour and done well.

Favourite Part:
He goes through each girlfriend and her scars.

Love that she has one of her own, but that she only has one prerequisite for the club - the fact that they truly love each other is very apparent and I love that ending!

Suggestions:
Only found one mistake: "Whenever I dated someone knew," knew should be new.

Additional Comments: This is a great story Jeff. I am glad I got a chance to read it. I will be smiling about this for awhile. Thanks for that.

I really enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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Review of A Christmas Scene  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi In Dribs and Drabs .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .
I have just read short piece "A Christmas Scene" , which I found when pursuing the Hub looking for a Newbie to read and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion. Take what works for you and feel free to disregard the rest.


Overall Impressions: Loved the imagery of your piece.

I was a little taken aback by the second last paragraph - set as eerie and I am not sure what to make of it. Oddly disconcerting but not in a bad way. As your sentence describing your story reveals 'all is not as it seems'.

I feel a kind of sadness with this piece. I will need to let it settled into me and come back and read it again.

Characters: a character has written a note and their body is still in the position they fell asleep in but I am not sure if they are still alive or not. Maybe some clarity is needed or perhaps I am dense.

Setting: Very well described with a good deal of sensory details to make it come alive. Well done.

Plot: I am a little confused as to whether the body is alive or not. And if dead - why would Santa(?) or a stranger say thank you?

Favourite Part: I love the imagery in the first several lines. I can see that fire - all my senses are awakened in your depiction of the scene. Well done.

Suggestions:
For this line: "Sat upon this piece of furniture sat a record player" - I would find an alternate word for 'sat' - once is fine but two in one sentence takes away its strength.

I love your first paragraph but I would fine it just as beautiful if you shortened up the last sentence. "The crackling broke the silence with each burst of noise." - I would just write - The crackling broke the silence that swelled around our merry group. or simply - The crackling broke the silence.

The use of 'the body' disturbs me a little - the tone of the piece shifts here. I guess I am expecting 'the body' to maybe be 'a child' but I am left feeling like they might not just be asleep - "The body remained peaceful" gives me a wee chill and I do not think that is what you intended.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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Review of Broken  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow Stephanie. Powerful imagery packed into 93 words. Impressive.

It flows very well. I can see the person laying there, feel the cold and dampness.

"a chill took root in my bones." is a great image and I feel that chill, makes me shiver as well.

Well done. I hope you win.


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Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I LOVE it. I even sang it, amid my giggles. This was a cute little parody of a White Christmas.

The part I like the best was these lines:
"I don't want to see tree tops glisten,
And I don't want to listen,
To my teeth chattering in the snow."
Lovely and humorous all at the same time.

The only thing I might do is add the word 'already' to the second line - it sings better.
Unlike the ones that I know, --- Unlike the ones I already know,

I could see you adding to it - maybe adding beaches to your warm Christmas - but that is merely a thought.

Overall, I thought it was fabulous. Thank you for sharing it. Have a Merry Christmas and try not to get too cold. Bailey's in hot chocolate may be a nice treat. In fact, I may go try that right now.


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Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Brenpoet ,

The Newbies Academy Group is searching out Christmas and Festive pieces to review this weekend and I found your collection of pieces. I decided to chose this piece "The Innkeeper's Wife's Tale "  because I like different perspectives on stories we all know and love.

Overall impression: I love the story this poem relates. The tale of the inn keeper's wife. Great perspective!. I enjoy pieces that take a new twist on a tale as old as time. It breathes fresh life back into a story that is already well loved.

I found the woman's sleeplessness appealing. She could do nothing but provide the shed as the inn was full.
Her hearing the angles sing and seeing the starlight - brings in the sensory impact of the piece.
I love that the woman notices the younger woman's eminent birth - her reaction is very plausible - she helps were she can and feels the guilt of not doing more - that is a sentiment that plagues women all over the world I am sure - that universal acknowledgement. Well done.

My favourite line is: "In deep remorse I knelt upon the straw." because it resonates with me. She has realized she could have done so much more for this young family - and the fact that this is the Christ - child really nails it home.

There is no suggestions I could make. I think it works wonderfully.

I really enjoyed you poem. Thank you for sharing it. Have a Merry Christmas!


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Review of Out There  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Keaton Foster: Know My Hell! .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .
I have just read your poem "Out There" , which I found when I did a random review and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.


Overall Impressions: Being a random review, I was glad to get a poem. I love reading poetry. Yours was intriguing. It held me captive in its words, drew me along as it considered itself. I bumbled a few times, but found a reread and a read aloud were helpful as my night-mind was getting spacey (that had nothing to do with your poem, just my own mind feeling the effects of the day).
Definitely thought provoking.


Favourite Part: I like that the poem prattles on thinking as it goes - kind of like my own mind skittering about and playing at thoughts.

Interesting imagery - "pouring down from above, rising up from below."
I liked the balance that conveyed - above - below
'distance - simultaneous proximity'

"Requiring explanation, needing exploration"

"fertile existential ether, that knows no limits"

I particularly like the last two lines: "A place where anything and everything is possible..."

It is about everything and nothing, but it feels positive and freeing.


Additional Comments: Well done. I am not sure what it is fully about, but I like the feeling it gives me. I am perfectly okay with that - because to me - that is the essence of what it is about.

I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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Review of Your NanoCounter  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  and the Santa's Helpers.
I have just read Step by Step "Your NanoCounter" , which I found when I clicked on the random reviewer and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.


Overall Impressions: Given that this is a random review for the Santa's Helper - my first thought was to laugh. Jeff, this is a wonderful step by step instructional piece. I love Nano and all things Nano - so of course, your Nano counter was a hit. It is well laid out and even a more computer challenged goop, like me, was able to understand and follow your directions.



Suggestions: I would not change a thing.



Additional Comments: I look forward to next year! Does the counter stay on my main page all year? Just curious.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

This is a learning process signature.

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Review of Cinder Klause  
Review by 💙 Carly
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi A*Monaing*Faith .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  .
I have just read short piece "Cinder Klause" , which I found when I was looking for something intriguing to review and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion.

Overall Impressions: I quite liked this piece. Interesting characters and a story that has me wanting to know more. What will happen next to this small, close group of friends.

Characters: Each of your characters was interesting - I loved the description of Moody Eyes. I occasionally got a little lost in the children - but I think that has more to do with me and not your writing - I am starting to get tired. I had a better sense of them by the end of your piece. I think the banter - when they are calling each other names through me - but I loved the closeness and fun in that banter.
The names you selected are interesting Diamond, Serelle, Cinder and Findley. Even Moody Eyes.

Setting: I am right there with them. Your descriptions hold me and make it believable - and also make me wonder about that strange 'hail'.

Plot: Intriguing. I want to know what is going to happen next. These four little friends - what is in store for them; what will they learn when they go back the next day. There is real potential here for more story.

Favourite Part: I love the banter between the characters - it shows that they are close and loving. I want to know more about them and there adventures.

Suggestions: I would only say that I want to know more - but that is for the next story not this one.

Additional Comments: I know this is written for a prompt but it is quite good. I would look forward to reading anything you may want to do with this - there is potential for expansion. The characters all have stories to tell and so does their friendship and the adventures they may have. I want to know more.

I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!

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