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945 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Versatile: I'm good at reviewing different types of writing in different ways. Honest: While I do my best to be honest and encouraging in reviews, I don't omit things. If I tell you I like something about a piece, you can trust that I'm not just saying it. All-Inclusive/Well-Rounded: I look for the good and bad in writing. I'll give you an overall opinion as well as the highlights and what needs worked on.
I'm good at...
Giving feedback within set parameters. If you're looking to receive opinions on something specific, let me know and that's what I'll focus on when giving a review.
Favorite Genres
Horror - all time favorite. Science Fiction and Fantasy are tied in a close second.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance. (Exceptions: Dark erotica intrigues me if it's, you know, dark.) I will happily read and review romance pieces, but I might be a little tougher on it than on other genres.
Favorite Item Types
Static Book/Collections.
Least Favorite Item Types
N/A
I will not review...
N/A I'll review anything. If for some reason you don't think I'll want to, feel free to email me with your concerns before submitting a request.
Public Reviews
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1
1
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Shasta the Hevdra ,

I came across your item "The Last of Her Kind Chapter 1 through the 'Read and Review' button, and was interested to see what the story was about. The title really drew me in, and so now I'm here to leave my thoughts.

So let's get right in.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Balance

Overall I thought there was a good balance of description to dialogue. There was enough ushering along to keep the story moving at a decent pace, but you never failed to show your character interacting with others. It's a good way to show what sort of person she is and how others feel about her.

*Cat* Motivation

It was nice to see how motivated your protagonist was, and learn to like her through her interests as well as the praise she receives from other characters.

I'll admit that at first, I didn't think there was enough of it, but when I got to the end I found I was able to appreciate it a bit more.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Tag/Description

The first thing that I would suggest would be to make sure that you put this in the fanfiction tag.

I might not have read it if I had realized going in that it was fanfiction (because I tend to only read fic for fandoms I'm in) so I understand why that could be a deterrent. On the other hand, I look for different things in fanfics than I do in regular stories (because I see them as building upon a world instead of introducing me to one.)

Areas that I felt initially were lacking (setting, exposition, etc.) were things that made more sense once I understood what world this was taking place in. Putting this under the fanfiction category and potentially making a note about what it's fanfiction for in the description would have really helped me in the beginning, and I think my initial impression would have been much higher.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Overall I think the piece was good - even though I now know I'm not the intended audience *Laugh*

Initially I did have some issues for it, that might be a hindrance if you adapt this into more of a stand alone work, but knowing that it was building from something did a lot to change my opinion.

I hope that this review was helpful, and if there's anything else I can do I hope you'll let me know.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello little98,

I found your item "SVC Syndrome Presentation through the Read and Review function of the site, and thought that I would drop in to leave you with my thoughts and notes. This appears to be just presentation notes, but I will do my best to review accordingly.

So with that said, let's get right in!

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Informative

I didn't know what SVC Syndrome was going into this, and now I feel like I know a good deal about it.

In that regard I think you did an excellent job choosing points and explaining them in a way that was both informative and concise.

Likewise, I really appreciated your use of source citation at the bottom of the page. It verifies your answers and indicates where a person could go to learn more after reading this presentation if they chose to do so.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Author's Note

I was a little confused as to your motivation in writing/sharing this. Having a little author's note could give insight into what exactly the assignment was and what you were hoping to convey to your audience (as well as who the intended audience is, because at this point I'm unsure.)

*Cat* Motivation

Author's note aside, I feel like a good opening statement/paragraph should help establish motivation in a presentation. Starting the piece by addressing what your intention is (even if it's just to inform or engage readers) can make for a much stronger piece. Adding an opening and closing to surround your points would help this out considerably in my opinion.

*Cat* Formatting

My final suggestion would be that you just take some time to apply some WritingML to the piece. Since this is obviously supposed to be a more professional assignment you may not want to color-code answers and questions like I usually do, but there are other ways to differentiate text and make things a little easier to read for your audience.

These include:

         *Bullet* Bullets
         *Bullet* Italics
         *Bullet* Indentations
         *Bullet* Underlining
         *Bullet* Bold Text


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


I hope that this was helpful in some way.

I know there were more suggestions in this piece than highlights, but if all you wanted to do was outline a larger presentation, then I think you were successful in that. If it worked for you, then you probably don't need to edit. All my notes were just on how to make this a better reading experience for the people reading.

All the best,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of David's Life  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello DavidMontelongoslive/atruetale ,

I came across your item "David's Life through the Read and Review button, and thought that I'd leave you with my notes on the piece. It is a little difficult to properly critique an item of this nature, because I'm unsure of what you hoped to accomplish with it. The item description makes it sounds like these are just notes about your life rather than a proper story/essay, but I'd like to try regardless.

So let's get right into this! *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:



*Cat* Topic

I think my favorite aspect of the piece was the subject matter.

Autobiographical pieces like this are usually pretty interesting to me, and it sounds like you've had quite the life. There was a lot that happened even in such a short recap of events.

*Cat* Honesty

I really appreciate how you didn't try to glorify yourself too much in the piece, owning up to your faults and mistakes. That's always a refreshing thing to see in nonfiction pieces, and surprised me a lot for something of this nature.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Use this

My biggest suggestion would be that you try to use some of this content to motivate further writing.

As I said in my intro to the review, I'm not sure what sort of item this is supposed to be exactly. There's just a little biography of you and some scattered writing about other events. I do think any one of those events would make for an excellent topic to a piece, however, and would like to see this potential reached.

I would be particularly interested in a biographical story that takes a more in depth look at your childhood in relation to where you're at now in life, or perhaps a letter of apology to your brother. That second one I'm sure would be very personal and difficult to write, but if the lines in here are anything to go off of, I think it could make for a very poignant read.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


I hope that this review was helpful.

This was somewhat of an unusual item, but I do think there's a lot of potential for storytelling and catharsis if you choose to explore these feelings further. Thank you so much for sharing this little piece of your history, and I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of A Mother's Love  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Connieann has a new phone ,

I found your item "A Mother's Love through the Read and Review function of the site, and thought that I would leave you with my thoughts.

So let's get right into it *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Personal

This was clearly a very personal piece, and that's something I really admire in and of itself.

I know that it can take a lot of courage and honesty to open up emotionally in writing, especially about a piece like this where you express your personal opinions about love and the struggles of showing it.

The way in which you approached writing about the topic was also very open, it made the piece sound all the more sincere. I just really admire what it must take to write and share a piece like this.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Opinion

The biggest (really the only) issue I had with the piece were in one of the opinions you expressed. I believe in a lot of the messages that you had abut feeling and expressing love, but there was one thing that sort of tripped me up.

If love is real, it is automatic. When your love is called upon, it is not questioned. Your response has no alternative if love is true.


I personally believe there is more than one kind of love. I think there's a love that can be built up over time and nurtured, and that it's beautiful. I also believe that the mentality of not questioning a partner or thinking things through for the notion of "true love" as depicted here can be dangerous. The idea of there being no alternative in a difficult situation, or no room for consideration can easily turn toxic very quickly.

Where I stood on that particular section was that it seemed a little aggressive for the tone of the piece - but that is coming from someone who disagrees with the sentiment.

What I appreciate about the piece is that it's well written, and your statements are given ample context. Although I don't agree the included passage, I was able to see where you were coming from and appreciate your conviction for the topic. My only suggestion here is that if that section were toned down some to match the gentility of the other passages, it might come across as more universal - albeit less passionate.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



All in all I thought it was a very strong piece. I felt for you during many pieces of it, appreciated your honesty and craftsmanship with the piece, and enjoyed it.

I hope that this review was at least somewhat helpful, and I wish you all the best with your writing.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of THE COOKIE LAMENT  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello SandraLynn ,

I found your item "THE COOKIE LAMENT through the Read and Review function here, and thought that I'd give it a shot. It was a fun, light-hearted poem that made me smile a bit.

So let's get right into the review.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Universal

Although this is a narrative poem, I thought that the feelings behind it and the overall message were pretty easy to relate to.

I've never sold cookies (although I've bought more than my share of them) but I know what it's like to be tempted and struggle with self control. I think most people have experienced that, and it does make this a very strong piece because people will be able to relate, even if they haven't been in this exact situation.

Taking a more serious tone with this piece also helped, because it seems a bit comical considering the subject matter. Turning real, genuine frustration into something that one can sort of smile and find humor in is a rare talent, but I think it's something you were able to achieve quite well here.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Meter

If there was one area that could use a bit of work, I definitely think it would be the meter of the piece. It doesn't have the best flow when read out loud (something that I try to do when reviewing poetry).

I do like that you used rhyme (sometimes even using internal rhyme in addition to the couplets) but I also found that the dramatic variation in syllables from line to line made those rhymes feel forced in some places - and it made the overall experience a little choppier than would be ideal.

One thing that I'd suggest is reading it out loud to yourself so you can hear the rhythm of it, and tweak it if you feel that it's necessary.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



Overall, I think this was a solid piece.

While I felt like the meter in particular could have used a bit of polishing, the tone worked so well in tandem with the subject matter. It made it a very effective read, and entertaining besides.

I'm glad that I stumbled across this piece, and hope that this review was at least somewhat helpful. Hopefully with any luck I'll be able to read some more of your work sometime in the future.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Bo Dockett  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello jdennis ,

Thank you so much for taking the time to make a formal review request for your item "Bo Dockett. This was an interesting read, and I liked that it got me out of my speculative fiction craze, if only for a short while.

I don't have much to compare it to in terms of tone, but I do have some thoughts. So let's get right into it.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Cyclical

I really liked the tone in the opening paragraphs of your piece, and the way in which you approached describing the importance of the "one thing."

It was very different than the style in which you approached the main body of the story, and at first I found it a little jarring. You'd been dealing with these sort of larger, ubiquitous themes at first, but then shifted into a mundane tax audit, and the sort realistic anxiety/confusion. It didn't seem, at the time, like it was an appropriate introduction.

By the time I got to the end of the story however, I saw it's purpose. It tied in very well to the style in which the conclusion was written, as well as the themes. Sometimes ordinary events in one's life, (or even stressful occurrences such as those experienced by Bo in the story) can break the existential issues of never going after the things we want to do in life.

It was a good message told in a unique way, and overall I think it worked in your favor. It was a gripping introduction to lure the audience in, and it left them with a satisfying conclusion.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* One nitpick

Overall I don't think there was anything that needed changed in your execution of the story, but there was one line that didn't read quite right in my opinion:

she paused while grimacing, then shielded her eyes against sickening sounds gushing from the bathroom.


I think I grasp what you were trying to say here, but people don't normally shield their eyes from sounds, and that sort of tripped me up while reading.

Overall though, it was technically clean and your approach to the tale was effective!


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Overall, I liked the story a lot.

It's realistic fiction, which is not necessarily a genre that I seek out, but there was a good takeaway and positive message - not to mention an engaging and approachable style of writing.

I think you did justice to the idea, and I thank you for sending this one my way.

I hope that I get the chance to read more of your work in the future.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of My Dear Boy  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Keo_Shortstack ,

I found your poem "My Dear Boy in the Read and Review section. Now having read it, I thought it would be the perfect time to review! *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Rhythm/Flow

The poem reads very well.

Usually when I'm reviewing poetry I make it a point to read it out loud so that I can get a better feel for the meter. Even reading this poem in my head, however, I felt like there was a definite rhythm to it that kept the eye moving smoothly from one line to the next.

The rhyme and meter felt very natural, and distinctive.

*Cat* Balance of tone and imagery

You did a good job keeping the situation fairly vague/open to interpretation while also slipping in pieces of unforgettable imagery.

There was one stanza in particular that really stuck out at me:

the ones that are brazed,
upon your pale skin,
all of them scarred there,
like a permanent pen.


I included this because I think it's a really good example of the somewhat violent, but also clearly metaphorical imagery that you've employed in your piece. That being said, it's also a good example of how well the piece flows from one line to the next.

Overall, I could say comfortably it was my favorite section.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Editing


This is more of a food for thought situation that a flat out suggestion, but you might want to consider editing for more grammatical correctness?

I wouldn't change a single word, but I might go in and add punctuation/capitalization.

I will say that the way you present the poem now reads well, and as a very stylized poem - which may be something that you want more. It's just my personal (general) experience that a poem looks cleaner if it does adhere to some basic grammatical rules.

I don't think the piece needs changed at all to be effective, it's just something that you might (or might not) want to consider, depending on how you want the poem to come across and what first impression you want to give.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



All in all, I thought the poem was great. It read quickly, but left an impression, which is one of the best ways that a poem can read.

I hope that this review was helpful, and that I get to read more of your work in the future.

All the best,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Proof  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Choconut ~ Emporium Catch-Ups ,

I have been reviewing pieces that come up in the Read and Review section, and I was so pleased to see your name come up with your item "Proof. It's been too long since I've gotten to read any of your work.

So let's get right into it, shall we? *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* The Story

I'm amazed by what you were able to accomplish in such an astonishingly short amount of time.

Your main character, Michelle, was someone I felt like I could root for immediately. You went back to show a little of her past, her moral compass, and what drives her in her work, while also hinting at a much deeper story beneath the surface of what we see.

You set a wonderful tone that really put the reader into the feel of a good detective story.

You created a sleazy villain that could send chills up the spine of the audience.

You offered up tangible tension when you established a deadline, and the importance of meeting it.

Lastly, you left me, as the reader, with hope, while also leaving me wanting more.

The fact that you were able to accomplish all of this in under 300 words is just incredibly impressive all the way around.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Grit

If there was one thing I would have liked to see more of in this piece, it would probably have been details on the crime that had been committed in the first place.

I say this, of course, coming from the perspective of someone who likes True Crime more than mystery, and horror more than anything. My tastes do lean just a little more toward the dark and morbid, but my favorite part of any crime fighting story tends to be the gritty, shocking aspect of it, and that was something you didn't have a lot of time for in this piece.

Of course, that all boils down to personal preference - and I'm still blown away by what all you managed with this piece.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



I was very impressed with this piece, and I stick to that. Even if it wasn't as dark as I might have preferred, it was unarguably engaging and well crafted. Thank you for sharing it with the site!

I hope that I get the chance to read more of your work in the future, and as always, it had been a pleasure reviewing you!

Sincerely,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of The Grudge  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello hullabaloo22 ,

I found your item "The Grudge in the Read and Review thread. I read, and now I'm ready to review *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Voice

I think the strongest aspect of this piece was definitely your character's voice.

One of the advantages of writing a story in the first person is that you're able to get a lot of characterization in just by telling the story - and I think the fact that you were also able to address it to the villain of the piece made feel all the more passionate.

The feelings, all around, were very strong as well. You were really able to encompass all of the rage and hurt and determination that really go into the term "grudge."

This was a very powerful piece in regard to voice, and I'm very impressed that it's something you were able to achieve on a 24 hour prompt.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Plot

Because this is flash fiction (and especially because it was a Writer's Cramp entry where you were working on a tight deadline) I don't think that the audience needs to have as many details as I would normally prefer in a short story. You did lay down the groundwork for a very interesting premise here, and there were a couple things that really intrigued me - including the subject's vanity and the allusion you made to their twisted morals.

That being said, I would have liked to have a few more hints as to the motivation behind the killing, and the relationship between the killer and the victim. There was enough here to spark my imagination and leave me curious, but I think I would have liked just a few more hints to really immerse me in the narrative.

Likewise, I could have appreciated a little more characterization when it came to the narrator.

This was still a good read, but I think if you ever decide to revisit this premise (and you should, because this is a great foundation for a longer piece) those are some things that I think could benefit from elaboration.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


All in all, I did really enjoy the piece. There was enough plot to pique my interest and more than enough passion to keep me reading. I'm very impressed with how much you were able to accomplish in under 500 words.

I hope I get to read more of your work in the future, and I'm wishing you all the best!

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Alaa Sherif ,

I found your item " Be an awesome marketer In 10 Minutes. in the Read and Review section and thought that I would drop by to leave you with some of my thoughts on the piece.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Enthusiasm

I have to admit, I was a little confused as to your intention in writing this piece - but one thing that I was sure of was your enthusiasm for the topic. When a writer cares about their subject matter, it makes the reader care about it more. This was one area where you really shone.


*Cat* Points

You made a couple of really good points in the article, things that I could personally relate to. For example you talked about freelancing in a competitive field, and how learning new skills can help you. As someone who works as a freelancer, I couldn't agree with you more.

*Cat* Positivity

Overall I really liked the positive notes of the piece. It's always good to read about self improvement, so having you open up was great and I love how you encouraged others to be their best by also working on their own self improvement.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Focus

As I mentioned up above, one thing that was a little unclear to me was your intention in writing the piece. In any sort of persuasive writing, I feel like it's good to state your objective clearly in the piece, particularly early on. It's a good way to let the readers know what page you're on starting off.


*Cat* Editing

I think the piece could stand to be editing some. There were some grammatical mistakes, punctuation/capitalization errors. Normally I try not to let those sway my opinion of a piece, but I think writing that encourages self education would be more effective the cleaner it is.

You might also want to elaborate a little on some of your points and lengthen some of the paragraphs. Differentiating your paragraph lengths can actually make reading easier and give a little variety to the piece.

*Cat* Include Resources

You mention here that you prefer self-learning to other methods, but that's not something everyone can relate to. A great way to encourage others to learn about a subject is providing resources for them to get them started. Since you do a lot of your learning online, linking out would be an easy and effective way to gently nudge your readers in the same, positive direction that you're following.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Overall I enjoyed the piece. I think there's room for improvement but I found that I could really relate to a lot of the things you said and I believe in the concept of self-education and marketing (especially for freelancers.)

I wish you all the best on this piece and on all of your freelancing and educational projects!

Sincerely,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Tim Chiu ,

I found your item "Nature's Tactful and Dangerous under the Read and Review section, and thought that I would tackle it.

So let's get right in *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Vocabulary

What struck me first about this poem was actually your vocabulary. It sounds a little strange (and may be because I'm bad at poetry *Laugh*) but I feel like my vocabulary lessons when I'm working on prose poetry such as this.

Your choice of words makes it clear that the piece was written by an intelligent individual, even outside of the context of the poem itself.

*Cat* Message

I also really appreciate what you were able to accomplish with this piece.

Pointing out the greed of humans in this line of work while also highlighting and romanticizing their skills and capabilities made for an intensely interesting read overall. It felt very well balanced.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Title

If there was one area of the poem that I think could use improvement, it would be the title.

The piece read pretty smoothly overall, and I did find it interesting, but the title didn't really pull me in. Having something more gripping might attract more people to the piece, and start them off on a more enticing note.

*Cat* Tone

There was also one line of the poem where the tone felt incongruous to the rest of it:

For his or her monetary and worldly gains


I'm not sure why, but this tone made me feel more like I was at a lecture or a sermon than reading a poem. It stuck out because everything else in the piece did seem very natural and poetic, but this line felt just a little too forced to me.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Overall I think you did a great job with the piece.

There were a couple things I mentioned that didn't strike me to be as strong as everything else, but you did set the bar pretty high. It was an effective, well balance piece that served to illustrate your point beautifully.

I'm glad to have stumbled across it, and I hope that I get to read some more of your work in the future.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello CurlyFry ,

I came across your item "Imprisoned By His Love in the Read and Review section of the site and thought that I would drop by to give you some feedback on the opening chapter of your story.

So let's get right into it!

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Premise

It looks like you've got an interesting idea for a book/story here.

It's a little difficult to tell at this stage, because as you mentioned in the item description, this is just a small start to what is obviously a much larger story.

Where I think it looks promising comes through a lot in the first person perspective and your main character. Her stream of thought in the opening paragraph suggests that she's capable of great forgiveness (and or potentially has stockholm syndrome) and hints that there may be some philosophical overtones in the piece as a whole.

You had a good hook to bring the audience in before backtracking to tell the story of how the main character gets in the situation, which has proven many times to be effective.

I think there's a lot of potential in this piece if and when you choose to continue working on it.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Structure

I know this is just a partial draft of something, but it might not hurt to figure out how you want to structure it now. It says Chapter 1 in the description but it does seem a little unfocused, and just cuts off suddenly without feeling like a complete chapter or excerpt. A little more insight into the estimated length of the project would make it a little easier to put into perspective for potential readers/reviewers.

*Cat* Main Character's Appearance

This is something I chose to comment on, because it's a personal pet peeve of mine. You let the main character describe herself in the first person perspective as a pretty conventionally attractive woman, and then immediately made an "ugly duck" remark, and it's something that just didn't land right with me.

First of all, it's something that I come across way too often. It feels almost like a trope. Secondly, when I hear pretty characters describe themselves as "the ugly duck" it just gets me thinking about the lack of representation for anyone that isn't a skinny, snow-white, low self esteem protagonist.

This is something I have been working really hard to weed out of my own writing, and I think it's made me hyper aware of it when reading.

Describing your main character's appearance is hard to do naturally when the story is written in the first person. I think instead of mentioning her body issues in an off-handed comment, it might be more effective to touch on the underlying causes of her body dysmorphia. It would make her more empathetic as a protagonist, and potentially open up why she becomes so ready to justify the upbringing of her kidnapper - because she's not used to receiving that sort of attention or seeing herself in the light of being attractive.


*Cat* Editing

And finally, there were just a couple of small grammatical punctuation issues in the piece. That's always the case with my rough drafts (and probably not something you need to worry about too much at this stage) but if and when you get back to working on this piece, it might be worth going over once more for just some basic edits.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


As I said, it can be hard to tell what a story is going to be like this early in the process. That being said, I can see a lot of potential here.

You touched on a lot of concepts that could make a fascinating narrative, and I think it's definitely a story worth sticking with.

I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future, and if you ever do further work on this, I'd be happy to review further.

All the best with this, and any other projects you may be working on!


-Cat


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This is the custom signature that was made for me to use in affiliation with PDG





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Room To Rent  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Mastiff ,

I found your item "Room To Rent in the Read and Review section of the site, and thought that I'd leave you with my thoughts.

This was a really interesting piece, and I'm excited to get right to it.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Tone


I think the piece reads as a little scattered. Despite being a relatively short piece, there are a few places where it jumps around and doesn't read smoothly. Normally that's something that I think would be distracting, but in this instance I think it actually gives the piece a bit of authenticity.

Since this is written as an apartment listing, and a highly unusual one at that, I think all the randomness sort of fits. I read a lot of listings that are written with almost this exact style, so you get a 10/10 from me in that category.

The random details also keep the listing moving before any of the ominous, unusual things can be dwelt on too long by the reader - and I enjoyed the fact that it just keeps chugging along without slowing down.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Author's Note

The one big suggestion that I have would be to include an author's note with this piece (maybe even as a dropdown if you don't want it to be too obvious or mess with the very authentic formatting.)

I think it would help explain what you're hoping to do with the piece, and let readers know why you wrote it/ what you had in mind. I mention that because before I read too far into the piece, I honestly thought I might be looking at a real room listing as opposed to a piece of fiction. (And again, 10/10 for approach - I really am impressed with how well you captured the listing vibe.)

The other reason why an annotation might be a benefit to you is because you could share information about the contest that it was entered into. The only reason I even knew this was a contest entry was because that was one of the categories, but as a reader I know I might have liked a little more insight into what inspired the piece.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Overall, I think you did a great job.

It was convincing, strange, and I think you did a great job executing the style that you had in mind. I was a little confused at first, but overall I think it paid off.

I'm glad to have stumbled across this piece.

All the best,


-Cat


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This is the custom signature that was made for me to use in affiliation with PDG





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Ol' Billy  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Web1*
*Web2*



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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Web3*
*Web4*





*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello SleepySerpent ,

Your item "Ol' Billy was linked on my Newsfeed page by Angus - Jolly And Holly! with the comment that people might want to give it a read - and I'm so glad that I did.

This was a fun, creepy little tale that I thoroughly enjoyed.

So let's get right to reviewing! *HeartBl*





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Tone/Voice:

What I liked best about the piece was the approach you took to telling it.

It reads like a tale being told to someone in person, and I don't think it would have been as effective had it been written any other way. Not only was the tone appropriate because it matched the content of the story so well, but it was a great way to get a little characterization of the narrator in there as well.

You did a great job writing it so that it felt very natural, but a little folksy.

That kept the story moving along as a quick pace without it ever feeling rushed and as a result, you were able to get a lot done without using up too many words.

I don't question what Billy is–I know better than look a gift horse in the mouth.


This was a particularly good example of why the format works. It raises the audience's suspension of disbelief a little I think, to have a story told like this. We're forced to move forward without answers, because the narrator has a personally justified excuse not to go digging around (pun intended) for answers to the questions we might otherwise have been tempted to ask.


*Bats* Ol' Billy

The other thing I really appreciated about the piece is the way you went about describing the creature.

You put enough details in there to make it convincing that the narrator has really seen something, and that the creature is a regular in the graveyard, but you kept it vague enough to let your reader's imagination really fill in the details.

I think overall, that's my favorite approach to any kind of creature story, and it worked really well here.


*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Comment



I don't think that the story is lacking anything, so this should be taken more as a personal commentary on my experience with the piece than as a suggestion, but I thought I'd include it anyway in case you were interested in a little insight.

I think a lot of the creepiness element in this piece comes from the reader's imagination, and their differences to the narrator. His willingness to accept something unexplainable (and furthermore his hope to one day be eaten by it) casts a rather ominous shadow about the people who watch over our bodies once we're gone.

It was something I didn't consider initially in reading the piece, despite being the most unsettling aspect for me. I think hitting that note a little harder would have detracted from the levity of that piece, but it also might have made it chilling more immediately.

Of course, more chilling doesn't necessarily mean better, this has just been some food for thought.

*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


All in all, I'm so glad that this piece was brought to my attention. It was fun, and it got me thinking about graveyard creatures, so it gets two thumbs up from me.

I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future, and thank you so much for sharing this piece!

All the best.

-Cat

*Web1*
*Web2*



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The signature I ordered for my horror review template.




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*Web3*
*Web4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello K5Rakitan ,

Thank you so much for requesting a review of your item "Kaiba's Prostitute - Part 1.

This was a longer item so I'm just going to get right into it.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Concept

As I said when I accepted the review request, I accepted mostly because I read the author's note and thought that your intentions with this piece are really good. I appreciate positive representation of polyamory and sex workers both. They're things that society too often frowns on, and are often portrayed poorly in the media.

I'm not sure that I would have gotten that's what you were trying to do with this piece had I not read the author's note, but I also would never have thought you were trying to put those things in a negative light, which is good.

Your intentions were spot on here.

*Cat* Inspiration

I thought it was very interesting that you said this piece (despite being fanfiction) was inspired by real events. There were several moments throughout reading where, even when I was a little lost, I could tell that you felt very passionately about this story, its inspiration, and the source material. It's always so good to see a writer that cares this much about their projects.

*Cat* Setting

What I personally found to be the strongest element was how you blended together the sort of fantasy setting of the show into a more contemporary setting that would be recognizable for audiences and perhaps more appropriate for the subject matters of the piece. This is usually something that feels forced, but you accomplished it very naturally.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Formatting

You mentioned at the top that you had excluded the author's notes at the beginnings of chapters. My suggestion would be that you include them as dropnotes under the chapter breaks for people who are interested.

*Cat* Character Development

One thing I would have liked to see more of from this piece was character development - particularly for Joan early on in the story.

Since one of your objectives is to portray polyamory in a positive way, I think the best way to accomplish that would be to show your polyamorous characters as real people, but in the first chapter especially I felt like Joan and Marc came across almost as sex-fueled stereotypes. Getting deeper into their personality early on, showing that they think and care about things that aren't sex, would have made your point more effectively.

*Cat* Audience

My biggest suggestion would be that you try to get feedback from people who are fans of the show.

I don't think the story holds up in certain aspects without being a fan already, but there were plenty of times I felt like I would be more invested if I already knew the characters and was picking up on more of the language/references.

I can tell you that the plot worked, the themes were there, the messages were good overall, but reading it without much context it just felt like there was something missing.

That being said, I think if you can appeal to the fanbase, you've already found the audience you need.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


I know that suggesting you get more reviews may not seem the most helpful - but I hope that this review was able to at least shed a little bit of light on how the piece reads without being put into the context of the pre-established story. I also hope that I was able to highlight the strengths and weaknesses that it has under that lens.

Thank you again for the review request, and I wish you the best of luck in working on it!

Sincerely,


-Cat


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This is the custom signature that was made for me to use in affiliation with PDG





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello,

Thank you so much for sharing this with the MHWA Review Challenge.

I can't think of a better piece to end my challenge reviews on than a piece that's just about mental health, and promoting awareness.

I think you did a great job telling your personal story and outlining your experiences with depression, while also promoting the month and helping to raise awareness. I liked how open and honest you were, and it made this difficult topic seem more approachable, which is something that I really appreciate as the reader.

I do have a couple quick suggestions:

The first is that you clean it up a little. The words were very powerful on their own, so I don't think you needed to draw attention to certain points with all capital letters. Even if you wanted to draw emphasis with formatting, I would recommend using bold or italics on those words - it makes the piece look more professional which I think could elevate this in particular to help promote more awareness.

I also think it would be a great opportunity to include some links to resources for people wanting to read more about depression or get help. An author's note at the bottom would be a great place to get information to people who are looking for it.

As for the piece itself though, you did an awesome job. Thank you so much for sharing with with the group, and I hope that you're doing well.

Sincerely,

Cat








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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



MHWA Group Review Sig 3





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of The Story Box  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello,

This was such a sad, touching story.

You did a good job hitting all the right notes for a complex string of emotions that must go into putting a relative into a home, the guilt, the exhaustion, the doubt. You found the perfect balance of letting the protagonist feel all those things, while still painting the picture that it was the right decision.

The visit also was very moving, and for structural reasons I think it was a good call that it was a short visit. The story kept moving right along, and I think you did a great job with it.

Thank you so much for sharing it with the group for our Review Challenge.

Sincerely,

Cat







______________________________________________________________________





This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



MHWA Group Review Sig 3





______________________________________________________________________




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

Thanks for submitting this to the Review Challenge, and also for directing me to it as well.

This is another really sad piece, highlighting the drug abuse problem that plagues so many people here - and like it says in the item description, musicians in particular.

The one thing that I will say is that I think the first part of the poem is stronger than the second part of this poem, and might stand better on it's own. I know that's probably not getting the whole narrative that you wanted to tell in there, but the tone feels more consistent and the song theme comes in a lot stronger before it gets into all the talk about plans for the future and hiding from the piggies.

I would maybe end it right after here:

even the shadows swooned.


Or potentially break it up into two pieces? There just seemed to be a definite tone shift at that point.

All in all though, it was a great piece, and you shed some light on a serious issue. Thanks again!

Sincerely,

Cat





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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



MHWA Group Review Sig 3





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Down - Not Out!  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Another great piece from you tackling another intense issue.

This is one of the great problems with society, is that it's easier to condemn the people who screw up or fall on hard times than it is to help them.

If there were more places to get help, if certain mental health problems weren't so stigmatized, this wouldn't be as much of a crisis as it is now.

You did a great job of expressing that in this piece, and doing so in a way that evoked so much empathy.

Thank you so much for sharing this with the group.

Sincerely,

Cat








______________________________________________________________________





This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



MHWA Group Review Sig 3





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Homeless  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello,

This was a hard poem to read, but I think that's sort of the point.

It hurts to care about things like the homelessness crisis in America, because it's such a pressing issue that's so close to home. Being confronted with it is painful, especially when we know that we have it good at the moment.

You did a really good job expressing all of that, and shining light on an issue that a lot of people would rather just push aside and not think about. You raised good points, and I think this poem is the perfect reminder to be a good person.

Thank you so much for caring, for writing this, and for sharing it for the review challenge.

Sincerely,

Cat







______________________________________________________________________





This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



MHWA Group Review Sig 3





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Contrast  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I really loved the movement in this one. The meter and the rhyme scheme worked together perfectly to keep the eye flowing from one line easily into the next, and with such great rhythm!

The theme was also a lot of fun. Contrasts are something that I like playing with in fiction, but I don't think I could ever work so many perfect contrasts so seamlessly into such a short amount of space.

Usually this is the part where I'd highlight my favorite part of the piece, but I couldn't decide. So instead, I'm going to leave you with both of my favorite excerpts:

Problems so big, they’re actually small


This rang really true for me, because it's one of those conflicting issues in life that I run into all the time. Once a problem becomes so big that it's out of your hands, the only thing left is to accept it. That's a small step, but somehow it's also the hardest thing to do, and it leaves you in a state where everything becomes one jumbled mess that seems huge and insignificant at the same time.

Always punctual, I arrive late


This one stuck with me for a much lighter reason. I have a friend who is so consistently late that we've just started telling him events are twenty minutes before they actually start - and he always shows up just in time.

There was something that was just so easy to relate to in this piece, and every line was its own little contrast that seems impossible, but that we really encounter as humans every day.

Thank you so much for sharing this piece!

Sincerely,

Cat



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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



MHWA Group Review Sig 3





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of Aches & Pains  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello again!

I really liked the concept behind this piece, of explaining about aches and pains. The opening line in particular really piqued my interest:

What is an ache and what is a pain?


I thought the poem was going to be a little bit more about explaining the nuances between aches and pains through emotional examples. I was a little disappointed to see them just grouped together so often after that, but you went above and beyond in providing the examples.

Reunited, the pain will go – the ache shall remain.


Since the first half of the poem really focuses in on that difference, as mentioned before, I think it was the stronger half (or at least, the half that appealed to me, personally.) The second half had a nice message though, that I also really appreciated.

Show your emotions to keep yourself sane.
Talk to someone when you ache or feel pain.


I hope that this review has been helpful in shedding light on the many strengths of this piece, as well as showing my perspective reading the piece. Thank you so much for sharing it!

Sincerely,

Cat


______________________________________________________________________





This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



MHWA Group Review Sig 3





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Dark Scribe  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

Thank you so much for submitting this lovely piece to the MHWA Review Challenge.

For as much as I know about poetry (which is not a lot, honestly) I feel like you've done a wonderful job. The meter was great, the rhyme scheme was consistent, and as a reader I really appreciated how you were able to convey the dark feelings behind your thoughts.

Of course, one of my favorite aspects of the piece is that you were able to bring a little bit of hope right there at the end, and in a way that I could really relate to. I think a lot of people on this site in particular can probably relate to writing being a source of solace in the darkest emotional times.

All in all, it was a very well done piece that I found myself really enjoying. Thank you again for sharing it. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work for the challenge.

Sincerely,

Cat








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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



MHWA Group Review Sig 3





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Gambler's Eyes  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello! *HeartT*

It's been awhile since I've gotten the chance to review something of yours, so I was very excited to see your name come up on the item list for the MHWA Review Challenge this month.

I really liked this piece.

Being a bit of a gambler myself (well, more of a casual card-player) I was able to easily get lost in the imagery of the metaphor. That being said, one of my favorite lines was actually not related to the card games at all:

Call it what you want;
we're all the name-brand
version of wanting to die.


I don't know why exactly, but that line just struck me as being so powerful, even though it was sort of the odd man out in terms of drawing comparisons. Or maybe I liked it because it was the odd man out? Either way, fantastic job!

You shed light on a terrible issue within the system, and I think acknowledging that there are problems with how we handle things is the first step to handling them better. I hope that others read this, and that one day, things are better for the people suffering in situations like this currently.

All the best,

Cat




______________________________________________________________________





This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



MHWA Group Review Sig 3





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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of The Empty  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello,

This was a very dark (and I got the impression) a very personal piece, but it was well executed and I enjoyed reading it.

I like how you personified emptiness as a sort of location, but did so in such a subtle manner. It was very effective, especially in a piece as short as this one.

There was one line in particular that really stuck out at me, on that note:

Nothing I do will ever fill the empty.

If your goal was just to explain your depression (like it says in the description for the item) then I think you did a wonderful job. That doesn't necessarily mean that people who don't struggle with depression will be able to understand exactly - because that's quite a challenge, but I think this does a great job painting the picture.

All the best,

Cat





______________________________________________________________________





This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



MHWA Group Review Sig 3





______________________________________________________________________




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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