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Review Requests: OFF
1,115 Public Reviews Given
1,116 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Versatile: I'm good at reviewing different types of writing in different ways. Honest: While I do my best to be honest and encouraging in reviews, I don't omit things. If I tell you I like something about a piece, you can trust that I'm not just saying it. All-Inclusive/Well-Rounded: I look for the good and bad in writing. I'll give you an overall opinion as well as the highlights and what needs worked on.
I'm good at...
Giving feedback within set parameters. If you're looking to receive opinions on something specific, let me know and that's what I'll focus on when giving a review.
Favorite Genres
Horror - all time favorite. Science Fiction and Fantasy are tied in a close second.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance. (Exceptions: Dark erotica intrigues me if it's, you know, dark.) I will happily read and review romance pieces, but I might be a little tougher on it than on other genres.
Favorite Item Types
Static Book/Collections.
Least Favorite Item Types
N/A
I will not review...
N/A I'll review anything. If for some reason you don't think I'll want to, feel free to email me with your concerns before submitting a request.
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Dragonbane ,

Thank you so much for taking the time to submit a formal review request for your item "The Rise of a Dragon Queen- Chapters 1-9" . Even from the title I could tell it was going to be something that was right up my alley - although I will admit the warning at the beginning had me a little scared (I'm not a huge fan of jumping into a series anywhere but the beginning.)

In my review I'm going to try and address the merits both as a stand-alone story and as part of a series. So with that being said, let's jump right in.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


What stuck out to me most was the rich sense of history in the story, especially in relation to the character dynamics.

I think this speaks to the fact that it's stronger as a sequel than a short story. Coming in at this point, the pacing does make it feel like I'm playing catch-up with the characters and the situation. The structure (with the chapters) also makes it feel more like the beginning of a second novel than a short story. That's of course what you intended with the piece, but you might want to replace the current note you have about the piece reading as a continuation or a solo piece, with a note stating it's a sequel and a link to where they can read the first one.

The people on here are (mostly) avid readers, and I'm sure they would appreciate reading the story as intended if at all possible.

While I do think it would work better as part of a series, I have to admit that there was plenty in this excerpt that piqued my interest in reading the first part. I particularly liked Emeldra's characterization from what I saw of it. I think she has a lot of potential as a character (and I swear, it's not just that I'm dragon crazy.) You did a good job laying a baseline of who she was and how she thought about the problems in front of her, to the point that I would really like to see more of her journey in the first installation.

Then, as a final point (even though I think it's something I've mentioned to you in previous reviews) you've done a really good job with the tone and language. I felt like I was reading a high fantasy novel from the first sentence because of your word choice, and that's just the mindset that I want to be in before the dragon shows up.



*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


Aside from the one formatting/note suggestion I made, I do have a couple others.

The first is that you focus a bit more on the dragon. Having not read the first one, I don't know what the characterization was like before, but I think anyone who the people are calling "The Dragon Queen" should have a strong connection to her dragon, (and that's always what makes me relate to a character) so it would have been nice to see a bit more depth there - especially in the opening section.

My second is just that you do some editing. The style and tone were awesome, but there were some technical errors throughout (typos, stray commas, etc.)

And, like I said above, I really do think this makes a better excerpt than a stand alone. A lot of the beginning feels like recap (which makes the pacing more rushed than would be ideal - not to mention how quickly characters are introduced) and the end just sort of stops without a lot of closure or resolution. These are things that I'd consider structural issues for a short story, but for an excerpt of a novel I think you're right on track! *Heart*




*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Thanks again for sending this to me, and I hope the review was at least somewhat helpful in identifying what to work on, and maybe how to get more traffic for the piece.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
127
127
Review of Solitude  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

Thank you so much for submitting this to the MHWA Review Challenge. I thought this was a great, emotional piece of free-form poetry, and I really appreciate you sharing it with everyone on the site, and especially everyone in the group.

I was very impressed by how smoothly you were able to convey private thoughts while simultaneously opening up, and how effectively you were able to emulate solitude to an audience. You did a great job finding balance in this piece and using it wisely.

There was one line in particular that I really enjoyed:

Interrupted dreams,
Interrupted lives.



I do have one suggestion, and it's that you consider getting rid of some of the instances of your repeating line:

Alone, I rise.


It's a very powerful line, and a great way to start/end the poem, but having it at the beginning and end of every stanza seems like a little much. Even with the symmetry it offers to the individuals stanzas, I think by the time you've used the line the eighth time, it's just lost some of it's meaning - not to mention that the line showed up next to each other 3 instances because of this structure.

Other than that, I think it was great. You wrote a good piece with a strong impact, and I'm really glad to have read it. I hope I get to read more of your work throughout the month and in the future.

All the best,

Cat


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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
128
128
Review of Abandoned Dreams  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello,

It's so nice getting to read another one of your poignant poems for the MWHA Review challenge. I was so glad to see your name come up on the review list a second time.

What I really liked about this piece was the imagery of the hourglass that you've woven throughout the piece. It gives the reader something concrete to form in their mind's eye as you tackle the more abstract concepts of the passage of time moving only in one direction and the dreams that get lost and abandoned along the way. There's so much lost potential being described, and it's something I could really relate to as part of the audience.

There was one other metaphor included that I thought was really strong:

Return trip ticket:
nonvalid, expired.



This was another tangible image that just stuck with me and illustrated the message really well.

The awardicons on this item are well deserved, and I am looking forward to reading more of your work throughout the month. Thank you so much for sharing this piece.

Sincerely,

Cat




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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
129
129
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

It's nice to be getting to read more of your work for the challenge this month *HeartT*

Before I get into the meat of the piece, I just have to say how much I really appreciate your author's note. It provided some context into the guidelines you had to work with, and really showed your dedication to the emotions behind the piece in your willingness to edit and work the piece. It makes me wish that I had some more concrete suggestions for you moving forward and editing, but I have to say I really like the piece as is.

There were some things I would have liked to see, primarily more character development and more sensory-descriptions (particularly in relation to the bedroom setting) - but those are both things that could all too easily push you past your word count limit.

For such a short piece, I think you got a good balance of everything. The first person, present tense style keeps the reader in the moment with your protagonist, and you carried those feelings of unease and tension throughout.

You did a wonderful job, and I hope that if you ever dig deeper into this concept (maybe to do a longer version of this story *Wink*) that you'll let me know. In the meantime, thanks for submitting this to the MHWA Challenge, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work throughout the month.

Sincerely,

Cat





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This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
130
130
Review of Do You See Me?  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

This is one of the more obscure mental health items that I've read/reviewed this month, but I do like that it's open to some interpretation. In just 32 relatively short lines you were able to establish a strong, dark emotional baseline for the audience while giving them a lot to ponder.

The structure was very interesting with the two shorter, similar lines really drawing emphasis on points made at the end of your stanzas. It was a creative way to reinforce certain aspects of the piece and draw the reader's attention to those points. There was one in particular that I really liked, because of the power it had when read aloud:

lost in the crowd
lost in loneliness



All in all I thought it was a great piece. I can see why it won the awardicons - and I'm so glad that I got to read it as part of the MHWA Review Challenge. Thank you so much for submitting it, and I hope that I get to see some more of your work soon.

Sincerely,

Cat



______________________________________________________________________





This review was done as part of the MHWA May Review Challenge to promote awareness about the group, and May being Mental Health Awareness Month.



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
131
131
Review of 68 Minutes  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with Under Construction: MHWA  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*AwarenessG* DISCLAIMER *AwarenessG*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

This is my first review for the MHWA Challenge, and what a piece to kick it off with. *HeartG*

This was well-constructed, heart-breaking, and so beautifully written despite the very upsetting subject matter. It's not often that I read a poem on here that tugs so violently on my heart-strings, but you did an exceptional job.

You illustrated the torment of the "special" kid (as he was described) and the horrors that he has to experience without going into too much detail - but what really impressed me was how you were able to pull the reader into the struggle of the narrator's dilemma about taking action themselves.

There were two stanzas in particular that really got to me:



The Prayer ▼

and

The Conclusion ▼

*AwarenessG* I also just have to mention that I love you included notes at the bottom, the quote almost served as a PSA about bullying, without coming across as trite - and the best time to make people care is after they've read a piece with a strong impact like this.


I do have one, tiny, nitpick of a suggestion, and it's for the final line.

Suggestion ▼

Thank you so much for writing this, sharing it on the site, and submitting it to the MHWA Review Challenge.

Sincerely,

-Cat



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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
132
132
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Jay L ,

I hope you don't mind me dropping in with another review for the last day of Poetry month. I found your item "Purpose Beneath The Surface"  in the review request thread, and thought I'd leave you with my thoughts on it.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Energy

What sticks out most to me about the poem is the amount of energy that it contains. It's obvious that the narrator is very excited about all the promises being made, and the rhythm and word choice both really reflect that.

Here's a good example:

My plan has started working
Finally feeling certain
Once existing as a secret
However I can no longer keep it

The way the lines of this stanza are broken up just seems to invite the reader to keep going to the next one. That's something I think you executed really well.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Pay off

The one thing that I would have liked to see in this piece would a bigger pay out. It feels like a lot of the poem is build up, promising to let the audience in on a big secret, a hidden purpose, but then it feels like you never do. I got to the end of the poem still excited, but not sure what the "purpose beneath the surface" really was. Clarifying that would really add something to the experience, at least in my opinion.

(Another option would be to acknowledge it's not something that can be shared on the page, and just invite the reader to come on a journey, leaving them on that moment of excitement, but again, I think it would be stronger if you at least acknowledged that it wasn't going to be clarified.)


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


I think this was a good start to something. It felt like it was missing something, but wherever there's this much passion for an idea, there's a ton of potential. I think if it were cleaned up a little and polished up, it could be an amazing, energetic, passionate piece.

I hope the review was helpful, and that I get the chance to read more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
133
133
Review of My dear.  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello MatildaRose ,

I know I already reviewed one of your poems for Poetry Month, but I found your item "My dear."  in the review request thread and thought I'd leave you with my thoughts.

So, here we go *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Color

I like the constant reminders you had of blue and green through the poem, tying the memories together almost. It was like they were literally splashing bits of color onto the timeline of this couple despite their struggles, and something about that really just stuck out to me as lovely.

*Cat* End

This wasn't exactly the happiest of stories, but I thought that the end hit the proper notes of sweet and somber. The penultimate stanza in particular read very well, I think you did a good job with it.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:



*Cat* Final Line

I do have one tiny suggestion, and it's regarding the last line:

That I am your husband
And you are my lover


The way that this was phrased just made it seem almost like they meant different things to each other. It was a small thing, but it gave me pause, and the fact that it was the last line meant that hesitation was the last note that I was left with. It might be worth revisiting, if you decide to keep working with this piece - or maybe it was just me being nitpicky.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Overall I thought this was a great piece. You tackled a sad story very well, hitting all the right notes along the way. Aside from that one moment of pause I mentioned toward the end, the piece read very smoothly, and I enjoyed it immensely. I hope that I get to read some more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
134
134
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Jay L ,

I found your item "Days No Longer Spent In A Haze"  in the Review Request thread and thought that I'd give it a read in honor of poetry month.

So, let's get right into it *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Internal Rhyme

One thing that I really liked about the longer lines of your poem was that you were able to include some internal rhyme, which I thought was awesome. Internal rhyme is one of my personal favorite poetic devices and there was so much of it here *Heart*

*Cat* Contrast

What struck me as being the strongest aspect of the piece was that you used a lot of darker imagery to convey a positive message about living life to the fullest. It was a nice juxtaposition, and it made for a highly entertaining read.

I think one of my favorite examples of this was the following excerpt:

Just letting it all keep circling the drain
Leaving not much to remain
Only eternal misery and pain
Maybe the coming rain will wash away the stains


The focus of the section were all darker things, but you used them to push the piece along to the end, where it was a bit more uplifting.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Structure

The one big suggestion I have for you is that you consider breaking it down into stanzas, to make it a little friendlier on the eyes and potentially make it read through a bit faster. The poem isn't long, but having it all in one big chunk makes it seem a little more daunting.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


I hope that the review was at least somewhat helpful, and that you keep writing and sharing your work here on WdC. I'd like the chance to read more from you in the future.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
135
135
Review of What I Fear  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Sir Zesto ,

I found your item "What I Fear"  in the Review Request thread, and I'm trying to squeeze in a few more poetry reviews for poetry month so I thought I'd drop in to leave you with my thoughts.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Fragmented Imagery/Tone

The way that you approached the subject matter contributed a lot to the tone of the piece and gave it a spooky vibe - appropriate for a poem about fear. The fragmented scenes of things that scared you had an increasingly chilling impact throughout the piece as you moved the premise along.


*Cat*Structure (The ending lines)

The final lines of your stanzas keep the poem moving, and I really enjoyed the way that you handle them. You use the same formula to construct them three times, and then subvert that expectation in the final two, showing a shift in the narrator's fears. This was clever and well-executed, I really enjoyed it.

*Cat* Favorite Stanza

I normally don't include whole stanza quotes, but your stanzas are very short and there was one that I identified with so well that I just really wanted to highlight it:

Feelings hurt,
Ego bruised,
A friend no longer,
Relationships are what I fear


This was just so beautifully done!

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:




*Cat* Room


I only have one small suggestion, and it's that you change the word "room" in the final line of the first stanza. I think that was the weakest line of the piece, and it's because any other line you could read out of context of the poem and still feel the fear behind it, but "rooms" by themselves aren't all that scary/intimidating.

I would just play around with some other words you could use for that line that might sound more menacing (space, emptiness, the unknown, etc.)

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


All in all I loved the piece. It had a lot of strengths and did justice to a great, poetic concept. I hope that the review was somewhat helpful, and that I get to read more of your work in the future.

All the best,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
136
136
Review of Here’s to Pete  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello ZuluMomma14 ,

I found your item "Here’s to Pete"  in the review request thread and thought I'd give it a read/review in honor of Poetry Month before it ends, so here we are. *Heart*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Sentiment

The strongest aspect of the piece was, in my opinion, the sentiment behind it. When you lose someone, sometimes words just don't feel like enough to express the loss regardless of how hard you try, and you did such a wonderful job expressing that in this piece.

*Cat*My Favorite Line

Tying into my above point, there was an excerpt from the poem that I thought exemplifies that sentiment particularly well:

These simple words could
Never hope to
Capture you completely.


*Cat* Relationship

I also like that you clarified your relationship with the subject at the very end. It made it seem like you were honoring him as a person, but then gave the audience a bit of context into how this good man fit into your life as a part of your family.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Title

If I had one suggestion for you, it would be to reconsider the title.

"Here's to Pete" just makes the poem seem like it's going to be less heart felt and reverent than it is. I think something a bit warmer might be a bit more fitting for the tone of the poem - but of course, that's just my personal opinion.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


This was a well-constructed piece that rang true and is able to eloquently express the idea that eloquence is seldom enough. I hope the this review has been at least somewhat helpful, and wish you all the best.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
137
137
Review of Autumn Morning  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Spencer James ,

I found your poem "Autumn Morning" , also in the review request thread and thought I'd drop in with my thoughts on it as well before the end of Poetry Month.

So, let's get right in.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Imagery

I use the phrase "painting a picture" a lot in reviews (especially poetry reviews) but this time I really did feel like you were painting a picture. The imagery was very clear and I had such an easy time visualizing the scene you were depicting in my head.

(Also, yay coffee! I automatically like any poem that reminds me to get myself some coffee *CoffeeBl*)


*Cat* Structure

The way that you broke the stanzas up into these short lines that were just fractions of moments, made each word feel like just a tiny bit of a scene. In keeping with the painting simile, each line read like a brushstroke.

The piece had an interesting flow because of this, and read smoothly.

(Also, because I can't help myself, yay cat! *Cat*)


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Connection

If I had one suggestion for the piece, it would be that you consider adding just a tad more exposition or a single line of emotion for the narrator. I felt connected to the scene in some ways (and there was a bit of a personal connection as well because of my love of coffee and cats) but I would have liked more. This feels like a private moment shared between narrator and audience, and it would have been nice just to strengthen that bond a bit more.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


As a scene/moment, the poem is executed wonderfully. As a poem, I felt there was a little missing - but I did fall easily into the scene which speaks to your skill as a poet.

I hope that this was helpful, and that I get the chance to read more of your work somewhere down the line.

All the best,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
138
138
Review of The Ocean  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Spencer James ,

I found your item "The Ocean"  in the review request thread and thought it would be perfect for me to review, since I've been trying to read more poems for Poetry Month. The title also struck me, because I do love the ocean. *Wave1*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Imagery

This wasn't an overly descriptive poem, but considering how little of a picture you painted, it was very prominent. Every word of implied scenery carried a lot of impact, which I loved.

*Cat* Message

Overall, I really like the message. The idea of supporting loved ones moving on once we leave is a beautiful one, and paired with such a beautiful setting as the ocean it was hard not to get sucked into your words.

*Cat* My Favorite Line:

There was one line in particular that I felt was very strong:

Let salt and swell carry me
Away to better waters

This just struck me as so beautiful, and a good embodiment of the entire poem.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


I only have one suggestion and it's regarding your third stanza.

While I really like the message of moving on overall, the tone almost bordered on callous at times in that stanza. "Forget you met my children" seemed a little harsh (especially assuming that the wife is the mother of the aforementioned children especially) and "don't kid yourself" always carries somewhat of a bitter connotation, at least in my opinion.

Considering the message and imagery of the piece, a gentler voice might be stronger in this instance.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



Although I did have an issue with the tone in that one spot, I liked the piece quite a bit overall. I hope that the review was helpful in offering a new perspective and I wish you all the best in your work.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
139
139
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Christianna ,

I found your item "When I Get to the End"  in the review request thread and thought I'd review it for Poetry Month.

Before I start, I just want to say that I empathize so much with your motivation to write this piece. It must have been incredibly hard to write, and share, but I hope that it brought you some sense of peace as well. I hope that my review helps in some small way, even if it's just knowing another person was moved by your words.


*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Good Tone

For a piece this somber, it didn't come across as mopey or depressing. You did a beautiful job balancing true heartache and loss with an uplifting, positive tone that didn't drag the reader down too much. That's the best sort of approach to a poem like this I think, and you handled it so well.

*Cat* Genuine Emotion

I put this point second because it ties into the note I wanted to end this section of the review with, but the first thing I noticed about the piece was how filled with sincere emotion it was. I really felt your sorrow in writing it, and was impressed. Feelings are one of the most important parts of a poem in my opinion and you got them down perfectly.

*Cat* Final Stanza

The last stanza of your poem actually made me tear up a bit.

I think anyone who has lost a pet that they got so close to can empathize with what you wrote, and reading it back I thought back to some of the best animal friends I've lost in my life. It was like picking at an old wound in the sweetest, most heart-wrenching way.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Sad (The Opening Stanza)

If there was one point where the poem struck me to be weaker, it was in the last line of your opening stanza. "Sad" is an easy word to rhyme, but retroactively it rang a little hollow in that it just didn't seem as deep as the rest of the sorrow you were describing.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Aside from that one, small, nitpicky detail, I thought the piece was perfectly executed. Playing with the opening stanza could make the piece stand out more, but as is I was still blown away by this. I hope the review helped a little, and I am wishing you all the best.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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140
140
Review of Ablazing  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams ,

I found your item "Ablazing"  in the review request thread and thought that I'd look it over since I've been looking for more poetry to review for Poetry Month before it ends. *Heart*


*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Message

The first thing that strikes me about the poem is that it's incredibly sweet. Even though that's something I don't like to read a lot of in my poems, it is something that you've done an incredible job with, and in your own, unique way.

*Cat* Slant rhyme

One thing that I liked is that your use of slant rhyme is consistent enough (and approached with a smooth enough meter) that it didn't feel like you were doing it because you had to, it felt very natural and I appreciated it.

*Cat* Final line

I wasn't really sure about the title until I made it to the last line, at which point I had to smile a little. The last line tied it together beautifully, and you did a great job.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Rhyme

Although I did mention that I liked the use of slant rhyme, I have to admit that one of my biggest pet peeves in poetry is rhyming words with themselves. That's something you did in this piece twice (with the word "eight" in the first stanza and the word "time" in the second.)

*Cat* Phrasing

There were also just a couple of phrases that didn't roll off the tongue very naturally for me. I'm not sure if they're expressions or poetic licensing (which is totally fine) but since they detracted my attention from the piece, I thought I'd just include them so you knew which ones I meant:

          *Bats* Will this love be till my lifetime?
          *Bats* But if he flies off to a wild blond yonder?



*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


All in all, I thought it was a strong piece. I had a few small issues with it, a couple things that made me pause, but the story and the sentiment behind it came across so strongly - and there was a sweet little surprise moment at the end with the title showing up.

I hope this review was helpful, and that I get to read more of your work in the future. *Heart*


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
141
141
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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I came across this through the read and review button.

I was already enjoying the piece, but the Ghost Lab part got so specific. Normally I'm not sure if this is something I'd like, but the build up in the poem was so good that when this came into play I was so caught off guard that I found the whole thing to be really charming.

Ultimately though, what I liked best about the poem was that it told a narrative. That's some of my favorite kind of poetry and not only did it tell a complete story, but it told a fairly detailed story with a coherent beginning, middle, and end that was overall very engaging.

The only suggestion that I'd make is maybe the inclusion of an author's note? You have the date of the Writer's Cramp prompt that it was written for, but it might be a nice accompaniment just to be able to read what the prompt was.

Other than that, I thought it was perfect. It was a very unusual piece that I'm very happy to have stumbled across just in time for Halloween. Thank you for sharing it!

Sincerely,



-Cat


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142
142
Review of The Lakefront  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Apologizing Adolescent ,

I found your item "The Lakefront"  in the review request thread and was interested to see what it was all about. It was a quick read and since I've read it, I thought it would be good to leave you with my thoughts.

So let's get right into it.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Moments

What I liked best about the poem is perhaps summarized by your final line:

I enjoy the moment, knowing it won't last long... they never do.


I think there's something beautiful about introspection during those quiet moments, and it's something that I think is a great topic for poetry. It summarized what was so beautiful about the poem and brought the piece to an eloquent conclusion that hit on the perfect note.

The last line was good, but I don't think it would have had the same level of impact if it hadn't been for the gentle build up provided by the previous stanzas, and the overall soft tone of the piece that so perfectly captured the sentiment.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


I want to start by saying I don't think there was anything wrong with the poem at all. That being said, I do have one suggestion for you.

*Cat* Experiment

For as much as I enjoyed the piece, I think there might be even more potential here. It's a very versatile concept that's easy to relate to, and the little moments culminating into the simple pleasure of enjoying a scene could be expressed so many different ways.

If you're looking for ways to make the poem stand out more or even just looking to learn more about different kinds of poetic form, a piece like this would be a great way to start. Maybe try to expand on this, play around with the format and phrasing just a little bit. It's an idea I think could also be converted into different forms if you wanted to tackle the subject again (of little moments, if not the Lakefront specifically.)



*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



I hope that this review was at least a little helpful. I enjoyed the poem a lot and hope that you're able to get it to where you want it, even if I didn't have any outright suggestions for it. I'd be happy to read more of your work in the future, as well, and hope that I get the chance to do so.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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______________________________________________________________________


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
143
143
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Maolla ,

I came across your item "The Benefit of Doubt"  in the review request thread and thought that I'd drop by to leave my thoughts, even though I don't know a ton about poetry. Your review request really intrigued me because you specified that it was your second time writing poetry in English, and I was wondering if you had any other experience writing poetry not in English? I'd also be very interested to see that, if that's the case.

But, either way, let's get to the review.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Message

What I liked best about the piece was it's message. Asking questions is the best way to get answers and to learn, especially on this sort of existential level about things that are more spiritual than factual. It's a good topic for poetry because of the emotional component and you did a good job covering it in a limited number of words.

I don't know enough about poetic forms to offer too much technical insight into the structure, but I will say that as a reader it was very effective to have those short lines at the end of each stanza for emphasis, it brought extra impact to each individual thought being expressed and was visually appealing.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Slant Rhyme

There was one thing that bothered me a little about the piece, and it was the following stanza:

So go and have your say,
But listen to what others have to bring,
And think.


The last couplet was more of a slant rhyme than a proper rhyme, and normally that doesn't bother me, but because all the other rhymes were proper rhymes, it made this one instance of slant rhyming stick out like a sore thumb.

Maybe seeing if you could change that, or get at least one other slant rhyme in there somewhere would be really good - although I'm sure most people won't be as nitpicky about it as I was *Laugh* I just like there to be rhyming precedent.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


All in all I thought this was a great poem. I had one small detail that caught my eye, but overall it was a great piece. For this only being your second attempt at English poetry it's amazing and I would love the opportunity to read more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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144
144
Review of Evanescent Horror  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Joto-Kai ,

I saw your item "Evanescent Horror"  in the review request section and thought that I'd drop in to leave you with my thoughts - not just because I'm a big horror fan but because I really related to the question you asked about tastes advancing past skills. I feel like that a lot, but it's important to remember that the only way to advance your skills at the same rate is by trying new things.

So, with that said, let's get into it.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Vocabulary

There were a lot of words in here that I don't usually see in poetry, or prose at all for that matter. Among them were; tenebrous, firmament, and evanescent.

Just generally speaking, showing off one's expansive vocabulary is a good way for the piece to stand out and be taken a little more seriously, and it's something that isn't done a lot in poetry on the site. It drew attention to certain lines and I think helped make the piece more memorable for me (though I suppose only time will tell for sure.)



*Cat* Line

There was a line in there that really stuck out to me that I thought I'd draw your attention to:

Perhaps everyone is privy
to the collective shame;


I thought this was a sentiment that was presented very eloquently, and I enjoyed it quite a bit.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Abstract

One thing about the poem is that the emotions (and perhaps narrative) behind it were a bit too abstract for me. Perhaps that's the personal taste that you were referring to, but for me it was just too difficult to follow the train of thought behind this, which made it difficult to relate to going from one stanza to the next, and almost impossible to visualize at several points.

If you're going for something more abstract I think you did very well, but if you're looking to leave the reader with a specific image or feeling, I think the piece could use a little work. I wish I knew what the intent was so I could offer better advice on how to get there, but hopefully just my thoughts are somewhat helpful.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


I liked the piece well enough as an abstract poem, although that's not something I would generally choose to read. The language was very fitting for the themes I was able to discern, but the imagery didn't tie together in a way that concrete enough for my more narrative-inclined tastes.

I hope you get the answers you're looking for and that you never stop trying to make your skills and your tastes meet on the desired level.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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145
145
Review of A Haunted House  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 ,

I saw your item "A Haunted House"  in the review request thread and thought that I'd drop in to leave you with my thoughts - especially since it's such a good time to be reading spooky stories.

So let's get right into it *Smile*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Story

I like the premise and the style that you told it in - meaning I liked the overall story very much. You have a lot of little details that tie together and there's enough to make it your own, while still letting it be a versatile piece of writing that allows the reader's imagination to really take over while reading it. There was a good balance that was found there and made the piece really stick out. It's not like a lot of the horror that I usually read (which is surprising because I read a lot of different kinds of horror.

A good example was the naming of the cats at the end, it just tied into other moments of the story so well.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Ann-Louise


My biggest suggestion would be to clarify in the beginning who Ann-Louise is because it wasn't clear at first that she wasn't the woman in the couple that the story begins with. Starting with her in the opening line and then shifting to an unspecified "they" was a little confusing because I thought "they" included Ann-Louise up until the point she moved into the house, at which point I was very confused and I had to go back to the beginning. It disrupted the flow of the story at that point and even though I figured it out, it didn't read as smoothly as the rest of the story.

Naming the previous owners of the house would help, or just changing the way that Ann-Louise is introduced so that it's a little more fluid for the reader would probably be a good thing.

Other than that, I thought it was pretty good.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


This wasn't the scariest story that I've ever read, but it was very unique and I liked the style a lot, as well as how the whole thing tied together. I hope that this review was helpful, and wish you all the best in continuing to work on this or any other spooky projects this season.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
146
146
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Web1*
*Web2*



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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Web3*
*Web4*





*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello Graham Muad'dib ,

I found your item "A Darkness in the Trees"  in the review request thread and thought I'd drop in to leave my thoughts, since it is that time of year to be reading spooky stories. Of course, I'm a bit of a horror nut - so all year is pretty much that time for me. So let's get right to it!





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Cyclical:

I think my favorite aspect of the piece was how well it tied together. You had a strong opening line that was very descriptive and was mirrored pretty much perfectly by the last line, tying the whole terrifying tale up neatly. It's a good way to start and end things, and it came across very naturally. Neither line felt forced.

*Bats* Ambiguous:

There wasn't a ton of exposition for the piece. While you could have done a little more, arguably, to give that unusual monster a motive, there's something that is deeply terrifying about the unknown and you used that to its full effect here. In traditional horror fashion the teens are given a chance to learn more but they turn it down, leaving themselves (and the audience to a certain extent) very in the dark about what could be about to befall them.

You hit on this note of uncertainty just perfectly at the end, which implies terrors yet to come for the protagonist.


*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


Since this is a short story, I can understand you wanting to keep things short, but I do have a couple suggestions for ways to extend it a little that might add something to the experience for the curious reader.

*Bats* Cast


I think one of the biggest challenges with a story of this length is developing characters. You don't want to spend too much time developing them, but if you don't spend quite enough time, it's hard to feel emotionally invested in their experience.

Overall you did a good job differentiating between your characters and giving them distinct personality traits so they were easy to tell apart, but a lot of those traits were negative (particularly when it came to Sasha) and it made it harder to feel invested in the characters who were the most memorable.

Putting just a little more personality/exposition behind the characters would really make the piece pop, I think.


*Bats* Description


You have a very solid description style, but I would have liked to see a little more of that description woven through. The balance of description to dialogue was pretty good, but there were a few parts that were hard to visualize, and the descriptions were so good, it would have been nice to see just a few more.


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


Overall I thought the piece was really good. While there are a few areas I would have liked to see expanded upon, I enjoyed the piece quite a bit as is. You took a unique concept and hit all the right notes with it, I just would have liked to see you hit a little harder.

I hope the review was helpful, and wish you the best of luck with the piece.

-Cat

*Web1*
*Web2*



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*Web3*
*Web4*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
147
147
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Dragonbane ,

Thank you so much for taking the time to make a formal review request for your item "The Powers Of Haddenspor - Chapters 1-2" . As always it seems like you've got a lot of interesting ideas started for the story.

So, let's get right to it.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:




*Cat* Style/Description


You have a very vivid description style that makes it easy for the reader to visualize what's going on in their head as their reading. I think this was especially strong in regards to the setting in this piece:

He walked along a dirty narrow street strewn with litter and reeking of an obnoxious odour that made him wrinkle his nose in disgust. Looking up, he could see in the distance a tower that dwarfed every other building in the city. Its steepled pinnacle seemed to touch the sky.



This was some beautiful scenery description that I thoroughly enjoyed.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Opening

I felt like the sentiments described in the opening paragraphs were a little contradictory. There was a lot of explanation about how he's gotten more confident and sure of himself, which is immediately followed up by a bunch of doubt and uncertainty. Characters, like people, are often going to self-contradict like that, but sometimes it's better to open your story on a more consistent note as the readers get a grasp for the new environment - or at least condense it a little by immediately saying Tafon's stance had gotten more confident, but his mind is still plagued with uneasiness, and launch into the exposition.

*Cat* Extend the Chapter

The content that you have here is really good, but as an opening chapter I feel like it left something to be desired. It's pretty short considering the amount of detail that you've included. I would have liked to have gotten a better concept of who Tafon is through his interactions with others, or at least through more specific explanation of his thoughts. I also would have liked to see a little more action in the chapter, perhaps something that gives me a better expectation of what might be on the horizon.

The writing was engaging, it pulled me in, but I think I needed a little more context for it to really have a hook that made me need to read the next chapter.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



As always, the writing is good. I feel like the structure needs a little work here, but the style itself really pulled me in and I love your attention to detail. I wish you the best of luck with the story, and I hope that I get to see a finished draft soon.

-Cat

P.S. You should consider doing NaNoWriMo this year. One month, one completed rough draft at the end. Just saying *Wink*


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148
148
Review of Ode to Jewelry  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

Thank you so much for taking the time to submit a formal review request for your poem ~ I hope you don't mind me using my less structured review template (which is what I usually use for poetry.)

So, addressing your question first:

          Looking for how my poem flows, and if it appears in it right order as far as information given

I feel like it was ordered very coherently. It opens up with a little about your life, setting the scene before getting into the memories, and the poem flows well from one concept to the next to tell a story.

Regarding the flow, I do think the one area that could be improved on was the meter. Reading the poem out loud, it did feel like more attention had been put into the rhyme scheme than the rhythm of the poem.

My other suggestion (while I'm already suggesting things) would be that you add a few more lines toward the end. You sort of flip-flopped with the message at the end, which I actually think was a nice touch because it's easy to relate to (as a bit of a jewelry hoarder myself) but I think it would have had a stronger impact if the pacing had been just a little different. Perhaps the penultimate stanza you could vow to get rid of the jewelry at last, before being sucked in by the memories and their beauty right in the last stanza (or even, if you'd be open to experimenting with the structure you've established, the last full stanza could be about the intention to get rid of them and then you could get sucked in at the end with a single couplet, just to really mix things up for a more concise finish.)

And if you wanted to experiment a little more, one option would be to carry the theme of wanting to get rid of the jewelry more strongly through the rest of the piece, which would shift the focus of the piece a bit, but give your poem a more narrative feel to it.

Overall though, I thought it was great. I liked the balance you found of describing the pieces (which made for some lovely imagery fitting of prose) with the memories and the sentiment behind them. There were both visual and emotional elements which are the two things that I really like to see in poetry, and they tied together so beautifully in your work.

There was one line in there that I liked in particular that I thought I'd share:

I have at least two jewelry boxes - one very small, one very tall.
The pieces carry memories of places visited, people seen, I recall.

This was such a nice couplet that I think really got me into the spirit of the poem before you started describing the pieces themselves, and if you keep playing with the piece, it's the one thing that I hope you don't change.

Hopefully this review has answered your question, and been somewhat helpful. Thank you again for requesting the review, I really enjoyed the piece.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
149
149
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Flying Fox ,

First, let me just say thank you for your formal review request for your item "Foxvalley Chapter 2 & Chapter 3 re-edit" . I'm so glad to see that you're still working on this story and I'm honored that you remembered me and came to me for feedback.

So, let's dive right in.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


One really great thing is that the story is easy to fall back into. I was a little worried when I started that it had been too long since I read chapter one since I couldn't remember a lot of the details very well, but there was enough exposition that I was able to pick it up and I wasn't completely lost. That can be a tricky balance to find, and it's important to note that I also didn't feel like anything was being over-explained.

It was just good to be reading it again.

*Cat* Intrigue

As you're building up the setting and plot more, there seems to be a good sense of intrigue - which I think is exactly what you want from a mystery like this. You've really captured the vibe of something not being right, and I can already see how the case is going to have layers to it.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Editing

There were a handful of typos scattered throughout the piece - not nearly as many as I have in most of my drafts *Laugh* but something to keep an eye out for in your next edit.

*Cat* Funeral

For the most part your writing is descriptive without becoming redundant, but one area that could use a little bit of attention was your opening scene in chapter 2, where they're at the funeral. That should have been a really sad scene but rather than feeling that emotion for myself (or seeing Budsworth feel much of it) I felt like I was just being told over and over how sad everyone else was. You mentioned crying 7 times in the first 5 paragraphs, but cut out most of the eulogy and lost a lot of opportunities to share how deeply your protagonist's life was influenced by the deceased.

*Cat* Budsworth

On that note, you asked me to touch on whether or not I am still having trouble relating to Budsworth, and I am. You asked what it is that I don't like about him, and I just want to clarify that I don't dislike him, I just can't connect to him, which is where the problem is for me.

Two things that I think could help are focusing on his thoughts and reactions a little more. I feel like I don't really know who he is, because there's a lot more time being spent describing the things around him than elaborating on him as a character. The other is that he seems very passive to me, which is something I don't really like to see in characters (with a few rare exceptions.)

A good example is when he sees the broken sign with the red paint. You have that line in there asking if it's really paint, which makes it seem ominous and mysterious for the reader, but it immediately cuts to how serene Budsworth is feeling. It's a small example, but little disconnects like that add up, and left me feeling alienated from him.

It feels like you're trying to make him more likable by having him be well-balanced and mature, but it's something that doesn't land very well for me. A lot of that might be personal preference, but I think I'd like Budsworth more if he were more troubled, or even if you showed more that he was struggling to keep his sense of composure. By this point in a mystery, I would like to have some more clues as to what would get him unhinged.

That's just something that would help me relate to him though, because fears and anxieties are very humanizing, especially for someone like me who doesn't have anything in common with the character in more identifiable aspects.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


I think the story is coming along well, and I hope that you continue to work on it. While there are still a lot of aspects that don't fall into my personal tastes, it does read similarly to the few mysteries I've read.

I'd be happy to keep reading as you write more, but I hope that you're also getting some feedback from people who are more familiar with the mystery genre. It means a lot that you continue to request reviews, but I imagine that I'm not in the demographic you'd be hoping to reach?

I hope that this was helpful and I wish you all the best in continuing Foxvalley.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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150
150
Review of Happy Nights Inn  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello R ,

Thank you so much for your formal review request of your item "Happy Nights Inn" . Overall I thought the story was great, the tone was consistent, the story was very spooky, and I enjoyed reading it. I'm going to touch on just a couple of the elements that really stuck out for me.

So let's get right into it:

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Style

I thought the style was very unique.

I mentioned that the tone was consistent, and I didn't notice any technical errors while I was reading, which obviously gave the piece a more polished feel and made for some smooth reading. What I really wanted to touch on though was the fact that you used the third-person perspective in the present tense. That's something I don't see nearly as often as the third person past tense or first person present tense - and you used it very effectively in your story.

At first it was a little strange to see - I couldn't remember the last story I read that used it, but because of your descriptive writing style, I soon became less focused on the technical aspect of how the story was written, and more focused on the narrative.

That's exactly how I like my reading experience to go, and I think it made for a memorable piece.



*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Chapters


The only suggestion that I have for you would be regarding the chapters.

I can see why you wanted the story to be broken up into parts, and I don't necessarily think you should change that. I might reconsider calling them 'Chapters' however - because that's something that gave me pause at two points throughout the story. When I got to "Chapter 2" my first reaction was that "Chapter 1" was pretty short for a chapter, and it the terminology really got me into that novel/book mindset, which just isn't where I wanted to be for a short story.

The second instance was at the end - I was given a little bit of hesitation wondering if there was going to be another "chapter" and that doubt sort of took away from the resolution at first.

I would consider just numbering them or adding some sort of formatting to distinguish from the sections, rather than calling them chapters.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Aside from my terminology nitpicking I thought the story was great. It was a solid narrative that was made very distinct by the way in which you chose to present it.

I wish you all the best, and hope that you come to me for more reviews in the future.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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