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Review Requests: OFF
1,115 Public Reviews Given
1,116 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Versatile: I'm good at reviewing different types of writing in different ways. Honest: While I do my best to be honest and encouraging in reviews, I don't omit things. If I tell you I like something about a piece, you can trust that I'm not just saying it. All-Inclusive/Well-Rounded: I look for the good and bad in writing. I'll give you an overall opinion as well as the highlights and what needs worked on.
I'm good at...
Giving feedback within set parameters. If you're looking to receive opinions on something specific, let me know and that's what I'll focus on when giving a review.
Favorite Genres
Horror - all time favorite. Science Fiction and Fantasy are tied in a close second.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance. (Exceptions: Dark erotica intrigues me if it's, you know, dark.) I will happily read and review romance pieces, but I might be a little tougher on it than on other genres.
Favorite Item Types
Static Book/Collections.
Least Favorite Item Types
N/A
I will not review...
N/A I'll review anything. If for some reason you don't think I'll want to, feel free to email me with your concerns before submitting a request.
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this in the 'Read and Review' section and thought that I would leave you with my thoughts on it.

This was a really interesting story, and I loved where it left off. That little bit of ambiguity goes a long way, and overall I thought it was a very mature ending to an entertaining story.

One thing that I would suggest taking the time to do would be to add either indents to the beginning of your paragraphs or line breaks in between them. Little formatting details like that can make a piece a lot easier to read, and get feedback on.

As far as content went though, I thought the story was great.

I wish you all the best with it and any upcoming works.

Sincerely,




-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
152
152
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the 'Read and Review' button and thought that I'd drop by to leave you my thought on the piece.

I thought it was really interesting. There were points for me where I'm not sure that the imagery lined up perfectly with the message - but then again there were parts that were rather abstract. I got the impression that this might have been somewhat of a personal piece - so maybe abstraction works best for that.

Overall, the tone was very uplifting and I liked the messages that I got from it about fulfilling one's purpose - even if there were some parts I didn't follow entirely.

I wish you all the best in working on this and any other poems/pieces that you might be working on.

Sincerely,




-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
153
153
Review of Self love  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the 'Read and Review' button and thought that it was a nice poem with a really positive message. It was inspiring, it was good as self help, and I think the format really worked from a poetic standpoint.

Pieces like this are really good, because having the courage to share personal things like this, people who are trying to emulate similar feelings will also have the courage to say positive things about themselves.

I felt like the qualifier 'actual' for geek came off as a little defensive? You could have used another word like 'awesome' or 'adorable' or 'intelligent' to give off a wide range of stronger messages with that line. But other than that, I thought it was great. These are all great messages, and I hope that you really got something out of writing this. I'm sure that a lot of people will get something positive from reading it.

I know I did.

Thank you for sharing this, and I wish you all the best in working with this, and any other pieces you've got in mind.

Sincerely,




-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
154
154
Review of Darkness  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the 'Read and Review' function of the site.

I thought it was really interesting what you were able to accomplish in such a short amount of time. Hundred word horror is something that never ceased to impress me, and I know how difficult it can be. For only 100 words you set up a scary premise, established a character voice, and there was a neat little twist at the end to really seal the deal and make the story.

The only thing that I wasn't sure about was the use of OMG as your expletive, but I know that you were tight for words.

I really hope that it did/does well in the contest you submitted it for.

I'd also be very interested to see some of your other work, and I hope that I get the chance to read more of it some time in the near future!

Sincerely,




-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
155
155
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the 'Read and Review' button, and was happy when it came up with one of your pieces. It's been too long *HeartG*

This was a really beautiful poem. It's well written, it meets the requirements of the poetic form that you used, and it has a really great message. What I really enjoyed about it was the language used, it felt very timeless - which is great, because the message is also timeless, so it all worked together splendidly.

In particular, I thought the opening stanza was very gripping, and it caught my attention right away in a manner that was most effective.

I also really loved the annotation where I learned about the great contest and the poetic form that you used - I love author's notes generally, but specifically when they teach me new things about poetry. It's also really interesting to me to get that little bit of insight into why a piece was written - those behind the scene's things always add something to the experience.

Thank you so much for sharing this piece with the site, and I hope I get to read more of your work in the near future.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
156
156
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this with the 'Read and Review' button and thought that it was really interesting.

Although the meter seemed off in a few places to me, I think it over all paid off because you covered a lot of ground with your imagery and were able to capture with words many aspects of nature all in one piece.

It was all tied together very beautifully with the last line, which I think is what really made the piece. (Well, that and the description also has that same sort of charm, which really tied the experience together as well as the poem.)

Although I usually read poems that are darker or contain stronger narratives, there was something really enjoyable about reading a nice, sweet piece like this. I'm very glad to have stumbled across this.

One thing that might have been nice to see though would be an author's note - just because this was tagged as a contest entry and as the reader I might have liked to have a little insight into what contest it was being written for. Other than that, I think it was great - and I hope that awardicon is because you won whatever it was you entered this into!

All the best,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
157
157
Review of Nightmare  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the 'Read and Review' function of the site and am glad that I stumbled across it.

I think the premise is really interesting, and I can't imagine trying to capture a dream in a poem, but I think you did a really fantastic job. It was mystical, creepy, and pretty much exactly the feeling I get when having a nightmare, so I think you did a really good job getting that across.

Normally, I would comment that I think it's a little abstract, the imagery was a little scattered, but like I said earlier, I think it really works for the piece. It gives the feeling of a dream and overall was very effective for the piece.

I had a good job reading the poem, and I hope that I get to read some more of your work in the future.

All the best,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
158
158
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello,

I found this through the "Read and Review" button and thought that it was pretty interesting. It seems to be a very personal story, and I could feel the emotion that went into writing it, there was a lot of care and nostalgia in this piece.

I do have a couple suggestions.

My first would be taking a look at your sentence structure. There were a few sentences that could have been broken up, while others maybe could have been combined to allow the story to flow a bit better.

My second would be that you extend it a little. The description says that it's a fishing story, but you don't talk a lot about fishing. You mostly talk about your grandfather. I think that's a lot of the draw of the piece, but if you had any stories about times you were with him out on the water, that might give the reader a little more to sink their teeth into.

That being said, I think this is a great starting point for something, and I really liked the way it was written. I wish you the best of luck in editing it, or working on other projects.

Sincerely,

Cat



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
159
159
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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I found this in the Read and Review section randomly, and was happy to come across it.

It was a really beautiful little poem, with a lot of power in its sentiment. I could really relate to the emotion behind this, and I could feel the warmth when you talked about the scenery.

I do have one quick edit/suggestion:

And the light of Las Vegas are turned out:


Should 'light' maybe be 'lights' instead?

Other than that, everything looked great. It maybe could have been a little longer if you're wanting it to be a song more than a poem, but especially as a poem I don't think that it was missing anything.

It was to the point, the tone was consistent, and it carried with it a very strong sense of home. It was a short, sweet read and I'm really glad to have stumbled across it. Thanks for sharing this piece, and I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
160
160
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Airy Gracegiven ,

First, I just wanted to thank you for submitting a formal review request for your item "A Hug for Dad, A Hug from Mom" . It was a good story that I might not have seen otherwise, and I'm honored that you would seek out my personal feedback for it.

So that being said, let's just jump right into the review.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Emotional

This was obviously intended to be an emotional piece (regarding the subject matter, and considering that it was tagged as emotional) and I think you did a really great job with that. It's a very moving memory that comes across strongly in your telling of it.

A lot of the themes in the piece are common in any army related story, but the honesty and tone with which they're written with keep them from seeming trite or overdone. The personal aspect really brought something to the piece.

*Cat* Opening

My first impression was that you didn't really need the opening part of this. The item description made me think this would be just a memory of the deployment, and I wasn't really sure you needed to include anything else, especially since a lot of more modern war stories start with where people were when they heard the news (and even more have allusions to the 1940s, in my experience.)

That being said, by the time I made it to the end, I think it paid off. That scene was a little piece of insight into the nature of your relationship with your father, and it really added the personal element that made the story so great, even if it wasn't my favorite at first.



*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* End

The one big suggestion that I have is maybe reconsidering the ending.

I think since the story is being told after the fact and it's being paced quickly over such a broad amount of time, it might benefit from a stronger conclusion. Although the end you have right now is very emotional, it offers no closure, and I think the audience might be interested to know what happened after that.

(And while I did like the opening, as I mentioned earlier, I think a tighter narrative focused just on the deployment scene is something that would be good with the emotional but ambiguous ending you have right now.)

Of course, that's personal preference, and might take away from what you were trying to do, since I obviously can't speak to your intentions.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


All in all, I thought it was very good.

There are some creative decisions in the storytelling that I would have made differently, but it's difficult to argue with your results. This was a moving piece, and for a story this personal I'm sure it must have been hard to share. I thank you for having the bravery to do so, and again for sending it my way.

I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
161
161
Review of SONG OF FREEDOM  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" button on the site, and I'm so glad that I did because I thought it was just so beautiful.

This isn't the type of poetry that I'm usually drawn to, but it is one of the rare occasions where I'm truly happy to have read something outside the realm of things that I usually read because despite not being scary or telling a narrative, it was very rewarding.

The meter was great, it read aloud beautifully, and I think you did a fantastic job expressing the freedom that you were talking about in the poem.

This was short, to the point, and you didn't linger on any one part of the experience. The pacing was excellent and I can't really single out any one line that I liked because they all went so beautifully together.

Thank you for sharing this poem. You seem to have a real talent for poetry, and I hope that I get the chance to read more of your work in the future - especially if it's anything like this.

All the best,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
162
162
Review of BUYER BEWARE  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this by clicking the "Read and Review" button, and am happy to have stumbled across it. I can definitely see why it won the daily contest.

One thing that I really don't read enough of is horror poetry, so this was a fun one. It was spooky, there was a good flow to it, and it was very descriptive without elaborating too much on any one thing or messing up the pacing (which I imagine must be hard to do with a piece this short.)

The one thing I would have liked to have known (perhaps in the form of a drop note or annotation) would have been the prompt that you wrote this for. Especially for a contest like Writer's Cramp that changes it's prompt every day, it's not really practical to go back through to look up prompts, and I think knowing that can always provide some interesting insight into the piece.

As for the poem itself though, I don't have any suggestions. I liked it, and am glad to have read it. I hope that I get to read more from you sometimes in the near future.

All the best,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
163
163
Review of Fear of Heights  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I'm here, again. You showed up again through my "Read and Review" button.

Being a big fan of the horror genre, I do really like stories about fear, and acrophobia is a very, very common one but you managed to make it a very personal little story that relied on the characters and experience to keep it interesting, which is was.

The one suggestion I would have, since this is a first person story, would be focusing a little more on the fear itself. Describe what it feels like to be that scared, what thoughts are going through the narrators mind while they're being scared. If the reader can really feel the tension in that moment, then getting off of the roof and all of the resolution that follows would be more satisfying - at least, that's my personal opinion on it. (And I like to think that I know a thing or two about fear.)

I also liked that you included the contest it was written for the in the description. Being familiar with the contest, I had a little bit of insight into the parameters for your writing.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
164
164
Review of Sleep apnea  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" function of the site and thought that I would stop by to leave you with my thoughts on the piece.

Sleep apnea is, as you said in the item, a very serious condition. I had a roommate who suffered from it, and I've seen what it can do to someone.

I like that you covered the medical explanation behind sleep apnea, explained why it's a problem and what causes it, and then ended with treatment. You did all of these things very concisely, which I was impressed with.

I was a little curious as to why you linked to the item in the item? That was a little strange, but maybe it was a contest rule? On that note I would really have loved to see an author's note explaining what contest you wrote it for, as well as some links to sources that you used to write the piece.

Overall though, it seems like you did a really good job writing about the condition, and I hope that you did well in the contest.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
165
165
Review of Thank God  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" function of the site and am here to leave you with my thoughts.

As a parable, I thought this was really great. It has a clear message that's stated at the beginning by one of the characters, illustrated to be true throughout the story, and everything ties neatly together right before the message is really brought home at the end. You even transition from storytelling to speaking to the audience to accentuate the point at the end, which is a very common allegorical tactic.

My first suggestion would be that you clean the story up just a little bit in terms of formatting/grammar. Add quotation marks to the dialogue, make sure that the paragraphs are spaced out evenly, and make sure that everything is spelled out.

Stories like this are usually intended for younger audiences, so it's important that everything is correct, and easy to read.

My other suggestion would be that you change the name to reflect the style of the piece. Something like "The King and His Pious Servant" because that would give people the impression going in that they're reading a parable.

Overall though, I really thought that the story was great. I'm glad to have read it, and I hope that I get the chance to read more from you in the future.

Sincerely,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
166
166
Review of Awarded  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I stumbled across this while browsing with the "Read and Review" button and even though it's not like a lot of the items that I review, I thought it was really interesting.

Giving awards on here is something pretty special, and reading through this it was really interesting to see what items you've awarded, and for what reasons. It was also really helpful in collecting some new reading material, because a lot of the items looked really interesting.

The sad thing about this item is that many of the items you talked about showed up as "Invalid items." It's sad that people reading through this piece won't be able to read the items linked, but it's also a sad feeling to award an item just to see it get taken down later.

This is a great idea though, and it made for a good read! It was like going through just the editor's pick section of a newsletter, and that's always been one of my favorite parts of the newsletter, so it was really neat.

Thanks for sharing this, and I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
167
167
Review of bleeding  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello!

I found this through the read and review section and really enjoyed it, so I thought I'd leave you with some thoughts.

I thought the sentiment behind this piece was really interesting. It's taking a somewhat mundane experience that a lot of us can relate to and putting deeper meaning behind it. It's a great idea and it only took you a few lines to pull off.

My only suggestion would be that you keep playing with this piece. Since it's so short I think it would be easy to experiment. Maybe play around with the punctuation/formatting, just to see if you can get something a little more powerful. Since this is poetry, I know that grammar doesn't have to adhere to normal rules, but I do think there were some really powerful lines that could have used some more attention, and might have been a little more poignant in more traditionally formatted poetry.

That being said, I enjoyed the piece a lot. It left an instant impression with me and I hope that I get to read more of your work in the future.

All the best,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
168
168
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________



Hello!

I found this through the read and review function and thought that I'd drop by to leave you with my thoughts.

I'm a Californian, and the beaches are by far one of my favorite things about the state, so the subject matter of this poem really spoke to me. I think you did a great job capturing the feel of wandering in the sand, looking for adventure and appreciating the beauty.

The dedication you included at the bottom was also quite moving.

The only thing that I didn't really like about it were a couple couplets in the middle:

My search goes on,
I talked to a man named Don.

He told me that I had a big beautiful smile,
That it was as long as a mile.


While the rest of the piece was really strong, these lines stuck out as a sort of weak point. I thought the meter here felt a little awkward, and the encounter with Don seemed to take away from the mystical quality of the rest of the poem. It made it seem more like a narrative, less like an experience, and overall seemed to be needlessly forced into the middle.

My suggestion would be to either take these lines out or replace them to make the rest of the piece even stronger. Of course, that's just an opinion and it was enjoyable either way.

Sincerely,

Cat

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
169
169
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


______________________________________________________________________




Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" button on the site, and thought that it was pretty interesting.

I liked that you included the drop note at the bottom that had the contest prompt, it was a really good insight into the rules for people who were unfamiliar with it. Color coding the prompt words was also a really nice formatting touch.

As for the content of the poem itself, I thought it was pretty good. It didn't really read like the poetry that I'm familiar with, but I thought it did a really good job exemplifying the animalistic traits mentioned in the guidelines.

It was also nice how the statement in your opening line was summarized so concisely in the final line, tying the whole piece together and really getting your message across. It added some symmetry and contributed nicely to the reading experience as a whole.

I don't have any suggestions for you for this piece, but I hope it did well in the contest! I wish you the best of luck with this, and any other writing endeavors.

Sincerely,



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
170
170
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Dragonbane ,

Thank you so much for your formal review request for your item "Return of The Banished Sorceress" . I am really excited to get into talking about your story, which I think has a lot of potential.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Descriptions

I think that for the most part you really captured the feel of a high fantasy novel, which will probably be very well received by your target audience. One way that you really succeeded in accomplishing this was by including vivid descriptions and letting the atmosphere contribute to the story.

*Cat* Intrigue

One thing that I really like about the piece is that the titular Banished Sorceress, Maeyon, has a lot of intrigue to her. Her backstory about being banished has a lot of appeal to me, as does the source of her power.

I particularly liked that she went by a different name when she introduced herself. The inclusion of her alias when she is picked up really adds to her character because it adds the tension of discovery, and the little tidbit about how that's what she had been called by the people closest to her makes her current situation all the more tragic, because we know that she wasn't always isolated.

*Cat* World-Building

A lot of the world building in what you have here was done with scenery descriptions, which I've already mention, but I wanted to bring it up again because there was one line that really caught my attention:

She had her scarlet gown one of the trappings of her former status as a court sorceress


It was a small thing, but it was really interesting to me because it alludes to her former life and lets us see just a sliver into what the world is like off of the boat and island that we've seen. When the captain sees the robes, he too seems to understand the meaning in them, which lets us know that the court sorceress is a position that's easily recognizable.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Editing

The first thing that I'd recommend (something I almost always suggest to people) is a little bit of polishing up.

I'm a big advocate of not self-editing too much early on in the story, because I think it's more important to get entire drafts done. I certainly wouldn't suggest major edits at this stage.

That being said, there was just a little bit of clean up work, and some technical editing to be done, missing commas, typos, etc. I wouldn't worry about it too much now, but I would keep it in mind if and when you move this project to the next draft.

*Cat* Structure

The biggest issue that I noticed was structure. The first chapter cuts off in the middle of a conversation and the second chapter is very, very short (is it perhaps not finished?) I think a better break might be after the boat makes it to the island so that the entirety of her conversation with the captain can be all in one chapter. The hook for continuing won't be quite as obvious, but I think it might make for smoother reading.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



All in all, I think you've got a really good start to something here. The story has a lot of potential, your character is interesting, the style is consistent and aside from my structural issues with the way chapters were broken up, you seem to be doing fantastically.

I hope that this is something you continue working on, and that you'll let me know when you have more done.


-Cat


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171
171
Review of Dragon Breath  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" tool - and I absolutely loved it.

Two of my all time favorite things are playing with the reader's expectations by inverting tropes, and dragons. This story had both of them, and I thought it was absolutely fantastic.

You did a good job setting the scene, you built up a rich backstory for the knight, and the emotions were fantastically written. There was tension at the beginning, there was empathy for the dragon, and you could really feel the guilt when the narrator realizes that the dragon is the victim, not the antagonist.

It's also worth nothing that the last line was absolutely fantastic - and the perfect way to wrap up such a nice conclusion to the tale. *Dragon*

I'm very glad to have read this, and I hope that I get the chance to read more of your work in the future.




-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
172
172
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found your item through the "Read and Review" tool and since I've read it, I guess it's time for the review.

This was such a really sweet piece.

It starts (and ends) in proper fairy tale fashion which works well with the setting and themes. Emily is a good character, a hopeful girl in a tough situation and I think that's illustrated well in the story without sacrificing any of the style that the item is written in.

What I liked best about the piece was its message. It touches on there being different kinds of wealth and how some gifts can be meaningful without being expensive. That's a good lesson, and I can see this being a very successful fairy tale.

The only thing that I'd suggest is maybe altering the scene with the old woman. I think the message would have been a little bit clearer if Emily had come up with the idea of doing something homemade herself, even if she does get assistance/sewing supplies from someone who is sympathetic to her situation. That way it feels like it comes from from the heart.

Overall, I thought this was a great story though, and I'm glad to have read it.

I wish you all the best with this, and any other writing projects you've got going.



-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
173
173
Review of The Royal Mage  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" tool, and just thought I'd leave you with my thoughts.

There were a lot of things I liked about this piece, primarily the description and the world.

It seems like you have a very vivid idea for what kind of fantasy world this is, and I thought you were very good at painting a picture to let the audience get a glimpse into what you've created. It seems like it's going to be the start of something very interesting that I hope I get to see more of somewhere down the line.

There were a few things that you should maybe look out for in your next stage of editing; run-on sentences, punctuation, and repetitive phrasing. I don't know what stage of the editing process you're in with this particular piece, but if this is a rough draft it's exceptionally clean - and even if it's a later draft, I feel like the technical aspects that need some work are far from enough to cast shade over the story you're telling.

It might also be helpful to mention somewhere if this is a complete story or part of a project. I felt like there was a lot more going on with this piece than meets the eye, and those sorts of annotations can be good to put a story into a bit of creative context for the readers.

I hope this review was helpful, and I wish you all the best on this and any other writing projects you might be working on.

Sincerely

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
174
174
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this item in the "Read and Review" tool, and thought that both of the poems featured are really interesting.

The first one caught my eye because of the way that the lines work in conjunction with the rhyme scheme. A lot of the poems that I've read (especially lately) have shorter lines that are more focused on even syllables, but the longer lines made the poem feel more like a narrative - which made sense because you were telling a story. It also was strange because it didn't have quite as much rhythm (or a pronounced focus on the rhymes) when being read allowed as a poem with shorter lines might have had, but it put the focus onto the events unfolding, which worked for the piece in question.

The second one caught my attention because of the topic, it was very straight forward when addressing the topic of West Nile Fever. Since it's not a topic I see covered a lot (especially in poetry) I really liked this direct approach.

The only suggestion that I have for you (and it's a small thing) would be that you do a little bit of formatting to make the link at the bottom stand out from the poems a little more. It's so cool that you have a poetry blog and I 100% support you plugging it at the bottom of some awesome poetry, but at first I thought there was one more line to the second poem, and it was a little disorienting. Changing the color, font, alignment, or even just adding a larger break might clear that up, and draw more attention to the link.

The poems are fantastic and I'm so glad I stumbled across them!

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
175
175
Review of News Fit To Print  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this item in the "Read and Review" tool and thought that I would drop by with my thoughts.

I thought you picked a really interesting topic for a poem, and overall it flows together really nicely.

In particular, I enjoyed the repetition of the rapier metaphor, because it puts an emphasis onto the power of words - which is good for both the topic and the form. There was one instance where I felt it was particularly effective:

Leave the Journal on its rack,
words, cutting like a rapier.


This was just very on the nose, but effective - not to mention that is sounded really cool.

The other thing that I liked about the poem (and this is a small detail) but I liked the title. It piqued my interest even before I started reading, and it just sets a good tone for the story you're telling in the piece.

I had a good time reading this, and I wish you all the best with whatever writing projects you're working on now.

-Cat


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