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Review Requests: OFF
1,115 Public Reviews Given
1,116 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Versatile: I'm good at reviewing different types of writing in different ways. Honest: While I do my best to be honest and encouraging in reviews, I don't omit things. If I tell you I like something about a piece, you can trust that I'm not just saying it. All-Inclusive/Well-Rounded: I look for the good and bad in writing. I'll give you an overall opinion as well as the highlights and what needs worked on.
I'm good at...
Giving feedback within set parameters. If you're looking to receive opinions on something specific, let me know and that's what I'll focus on when giving a review.
Favorite Genres
Horror - all time favorite. Science Fiction and Fantasy are tied in a close second.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance. (Exceptions: Dark erotica intrigues me if it's, you know, dark.) I will happily read and review romance pieces, but I might be a little tougher on it than on other genres.
Favorite Item Types
Static Book/Collections.
Least Favorite Item Types
N/A
I will not review...
N/A I'll review anything. If for some reason you don't think I'll want to, feel free to email me with your concerns before submitting a request.
Public Reviews
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176
176
Review of No Brownies  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" tool and thought it was a fun read.

I thought the fact that it was all dialogue was really interesting, especially since it tells a complete story with a fun little zinger at the end. I thought that last line really tied the whole piece together in a very entertaining way.

The only thing I would have liked to see a little more of would be characterization - which is hard to do through dialogue alone. Still, it would have been nice to feel more confident in the relationship dynamic between the two speakers.

Other than that though, I think it was great.

I hope it's a piece that you continue polishing up, and I wish you all the best with this and any other writing projects!

Sincerely,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
177
177
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Dragon2* DISCLAIMER *Dragon2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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Hello!

I found this through the "Read and Review" tool, and thought that it was really interesting. Not only was it a good piece, but I learned something about a type of poetry I was unfamiliar with.

It's always good to see when authors take the time to annotate things about their piece like you did here, because it's a fun way to educate the readers. It's especially cool when the item is for a challenge/contest, because then the audience gets to feel like they're reading something with the writer.

The only suggestion that I have for you is to take a quick look at your formatting, because it looks like the first letter of the poem isn't inside your WritingML tags.

Other than that, everything seems to be in order!

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
178
178
Review of Puddles  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello superkatvon ,

I found your poem "Puddles"  in the review request thread and I just have to say, that I loved it. So with that said, I guess I should probably leave you with my thoughts on the piece.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Style

I think the perspective and tone work really well together in this piece to make the overall style really unique. These sort of questioning poems about change are fairly common, but the angle from which you approached the topic made it seem very unique.

That's also one of the reasons that this piece seemed so effective despite being very concisely written, and the large impact in a short amount of time is one of the reasons I liked it so much.

*Cat* Subject


The other thing I really liked about the poem is that it's about change, which is such a universal emotion. This works really well, especially considering the way that the poem addresses the audience and the perspective that it's written from.

This was so easy to relate to and it heightening my enjoyment of the poem, but I can also see from a critical standpoint how it might heighten anyone's enjoyment of the poem, and that's just a good, creative decision that I have a lot of respect for.

*Cat* Favorite Line:

Since there was one line that really resonated with me, I thought I'd share that as well:


Like all at once you had forgotten
How you fit inside your skin,


This was just the epitome of what I enjoyed about the piece. It was beautiful, and sad, and easy to understand.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


I don't really have any suggestions for you. I think this is a strong piece that doesn't need a lot of work, if any.





*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


That about wraps it up. I thought this was a great poem, I'm glad to have stumbled across it. I hope that this review has been helpful, and that I get to see more of your work in the future. I'd be happy to read more from you at any time, and I wish you the best of luck with this, and any future writing endeavors.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
179
179
Review of Love's a Racket  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello jsheeshy,

I saw your item "Love's a Racket"  in the review request thread and thought that I would drop in to leave you with my thoughts on it.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Tennis Terms

When I saw that there were tennis terms incorporated into a love story, I thought it could either be a great idea or a terrible idea. The concept struck me as cute (though I'm not sure if that's quite the right term, all things considered) but I don't know a lot about tennis, so I felt going in like things would either be too subtle for me to get, or too obvious.

Overall though, I think you found a good balance of working those tennis terms in stylistically so that they were obvious, but not annoying.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Tone

The one thing that I didn't like as much was that because of the style this is written in, it comes off as lighter than is perhaps appropriate given the subject matter. The tennis terms and the style used to implement them in the piece was fun, but when the piece got darker toward the end, the fun tone seemed less like it was there for entertainment value and more like it was making light of a serious subject.

I doubt that was your intention, but that's also the risk of combining comedy and horror/dark subjects.

You were pretty close to finding that perfect balance, but it can be really tricky - especially when the darker stuff blindsides the audience. A successful twist can really affect the audience's perception of the tone, which I think was what was working against you here.

That being said, I found that I had an easier time putting the whole thing into context after I noticed this was a "twisted tale" fiction, but I thought I'd make a note of how it could come across for anyone who doesn't have that extra bit of context.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Although I have some doubts about the overall piece and how the content relates to the presentation, I liked the style of writing quite a lot, and I'd be very interested to read more of your work. It's something that I hope I get the chance to do in the near future - and I wish you all the best with this, and any other writing endeavors.

Sincerely,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
180
180
Review of She is Too Much  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello scottdaniel ,

I found your item "She is Too Much"  in the review request thread and I thought I would give it a read and leave you with my thoughts.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Flow

I think that the poem, with a few exceptions (which I'll get into later) reads aloud very nicely, which is something that I really look for in poetry. The rhyme scheme was simple, but that also means that it didn't feel forced, and I think the fact that the piece sounded so natural was one of its greatest qualities.

The same could be said about the rhythm of the piece, which again, for the most part, was spot on and had a nice style to it.


*Cat* Picture

I really like the picture that the poem paints, not just about "her" but about the narrators devotion to her and the intense nature of their relationships. Great job getting that deep, poetic emotion across in a way that allows the reader to form an image.

*Cat* Favorite Line

My favorite line, I thought I should mention, was the opening one:

She is too much
And I want more.


It's poetic, it's intriguing, and it sets a good pace for what the poem is going to be. This is an excellent opening line, and my favorite of the piece.



*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Flow Interruptions

As promised, I thought I should point out the two areas of the poem I felt were weakest, because I felt like (especially when reading aloud) they interrupted the great flow established in the rest of the poem.

I dance in exquisite flames.


Although this was a very poetic follow-up to the line above it, I felt like it had too many syllables to fit into the stanza comfortably.

There is nothing and everything.
There is silence and thunder.
There is ice and fire.
There is peace and wonder.


This is the second consecutive stanza that starts each line with the same word. While I think there are instances where repetition is really effective in poetry (the stanza above this one, for instance) I felt like this one was a little too abstract to be effective in this particular poem. It gets very wrapped up in this obscure metaphor that is being focused on very intensely without tying into the rest of the piece.

If there were to be a second stanza that begins the same way with each line, I think the focus of it should be on her - since she's the takeaway of the poem.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Aside from a couple smaller details, I thought this was a fantastic piece. It's a lovely poem that I think captures the emotions behind it very well.

Thank you for sharing it with the site, and on the review request thread.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
181
181
Review of The Fall  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Antonia ,

I found your item "The Fall"  in the review request thread, and the description pulled me in right away so I thought that I could come and offer up some feedback.

So, let's get right to the review:

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Description

I mentioned this briefly in my intro, but it's just worth stating again that the description was fantastic. It was gripping without giving anything away, it is eye-catching, and having read the poem I can now say that it accurately reflects the nature of the piece.

*Cat* Tone

I like the somber, questioning tone of the poem. It's deep, and just introspective enough to walk the line between worldly views that are easy to relate to and the illustration of a personal narrative. It makes it versatile, and it worked.

*Cat* Final Line

But why have a heart,
if not to break it?


I just thought this was a beautiful sentiment to end on, and in context it really wraps the poem up nicely - not with a statement but with a question.

*Cat* Favorite Line

My favorite line from the piece is also a question, and I just thought it was really beautiful, so I should share it here.

If this is agony,
then why am I flying?


I just really liked what this says not just about the narrator of the poem and the piece itself, but anyone who finds themselves relating to this piece strongly. The question is very effective right there, and I enjoyed it immensely.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Experiment

The way that the piece is addressed is a little fluid. Some parts take the tone of a narrative, some parts focus on him, some parts seem to address the audience - and I actually think the ever-shifting nature is really interesting.

That being said, I think there might also be potential for a shorter, tighter poem in here somewhere if you focus on one aspect/style. It might be even more effective, if not quite as unique.

I think a good thing to do would be to take this idea, the messages and emotions behind this poem, and experiment with it. Focus on different ideas from it, play with different styles, and just see what you like best.

I think it's very effective and enjoyable the way that it is, but when you have something with so much raw creativity in it, it never hurts to play around, I think that would be a great opportunity for a learning experience, even if this turns out to be the best possible version.

*Cat2* CONCLUSION:



Thank you for sharing your piece, on the site and in the review request thread. I'm glad to have read it, and I hope that my review was helpful.

All the best,


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
182
182
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Tim Chiu ,

I found your item "High Stakes Moments: Just a Chance"  sort of by chance, and although I don't know a lot about sports or poems, this piece really interested me. I couldn't recall any other inspirational sports poetry, so I gave it a read and am now here to leave you with my thoughts.

So let's get to the review *BigSmile*

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Message

Although this wasn't what I thought of when I saw the inspirational genre tag, I did really like the message that the poem gives to athletes. It paints a picture of sports as a whole, some of the good and the bad, but then you really get to the message in the last stanza of the poem.

I also really liked that even though the description says the poem is about coming through under pressure, the tone doesn't pressure the audience, it's almost relaxed toward the end, a calmer look on the idea of not having regrets.

*Cat* Rhyme/Rhythm

The other thing I liked about the piece was that it felt natural and flowed very well.

At first, I felt like it was sort of getting sidetracked, but by the end I saw how all the pieces fit together, and thought it was very effective.

The rhyme scheme felt natural for the most part and I really liked the rhythm that the poem had to it while reading.



*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


There were only two points where anything felt forced, and although they didn't take away from my feeling on enjoyment upon reading the first time, I caught them the second read-through and they sort of tripped me up that time, so I thought they'd be worth mentioning.


The first, I'll admit, might just be me not knowing anything about sports *Laugh*

To gravitate, perform so clutch.


I'm not really sure what the takeaway from this line was supposed to be. It sounded good in context, but on closer inspection I realized I had no idea what it meant.

As for the second one, I don't think there was anything wrong with it but I think the use of the word 'as' twice in the same line felt a little awkward when read aloud.

As we, the players, prepare as such.


I think maybe changing the first 'as' to 'and' or even just taking it out might make for a stronger sounding line. Of course, you'd lose the feeling of that simultaneous action, but I think the flow would be better - but of course, that's up to you to decide.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


All in all, I thought this was a good poem. It was well-crafted and left a positive message about taking chances and winning (or losing) with grace, knowing you did your best.

Thanks for sharing this poem, I'm glad to have read it.

All the best,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
183
183
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello Insomniac ,

I am here to review your item "Dreams of the Mentally Disturbed Part 1"  which I found when it was featured in the most recent Horror/Scary newsletter. Being a big fan of the genre, I hope that you don't mind me dropping in to leave you with my thoughts.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Effective:

What strikes me most about this piece is just that it was really effective.

The first paragraph really pulls the reader in. Although there are a few themes in there that are pretty common to see in stories about writers, the last line really makes the reader question Ferris, and made for a gripping introduction into the next section.

What is even more baffling though is his reaction to what he writes. Everything about the piece after the excerpt from his writing project happens very quickly in a sort of frenzied state that was reflective of how the protagonist seemed to be feeling.

His actions left the reader with a lot of questions and while I might have liked a little more insight into what he was doing, the confusion did add to the notion that I didn't really understand him. The last line about him having gone to grave with a mission did a good job of making me want to read on and see what exactly that mission is. (I have ideas, but absolutely no certainty, which is a good note to end a piece like this on if it's just a part one.)

I think all in all, that's what makes the story work. It's got strong areas and weak areas, but the bottom line was that I did want to read more when I made it to the end.



*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Excerpt


The biggest thing for me was the excerpt of the piece Ferris is writing.

I obviously am not Ferris, which might have been the point you were trying to get across, but trying to put myself in his shoes, I think I might have written in more detail, with a focus on different areas.

In particular, I think I would have written the piece to answer questions I had been asking myself since the murder.

Why my wife? Why was she chosen? When was she chosen? How did the killer see her before deciding to take her life?

I think as a writer in pain, those are the questions I'd want to explore with my craft and I think, as someone putting myself into the mindset of a killer, the anticipation of the hunt would have been one of the sweetest moments on which to dwell.

Of course, this is all just my take on the scenario, but what I'll leave you with is that I think the excerpt would have been more believable and poignant to me if there had been more build up of that frenzied, uninhibited writing leading into the actual murder and the writer's breakdown over the scene.


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


Although I had a lot of questions (and one large moment of doubt that messed with my suspension of disbelief for the piece) I think you did a great job. The piece was good, gripping, disturbing, and I would be happy to read more of this story at any time. I can see why it was chosen for the newsletter.

Sincerely,

-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
184
184
Review of DĆ©jĆ  Vu  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello ā­Princetteā™„PengthuluWrites ,

I saw that your item "DĆ©jĆ  Vu"  was featured in the most recent edition of the Horror/Scary newsletter, and I've been trying to keep up on reading those, so I thought I would drop in with a review.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Description:

One thing that I could really appreciate about this piece was the descriptive nature in which you approached the gore. I won't include any excerpts (gotta keep it tame for those reading in the Public review thread) but I will say that you didn't shy away from the morbid visuals, and I loved that. It really paid off for this piece.

*Bats* Tension building:

I really like that as things are starting to appear abnormal in the story, the way you handled your character's decision to just keep pretending like it was all fine. There was one line I felt particularly captured this tone:

Unsettled, he decided to keep walking. Going to schoolā€”that was him. Such a good little student, just going to school.




*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* End


The end of the story was ambigious, and I really like that. I think it's a good way to end a horror story, and I think that for the most part you did a good job.

The reader is left not knowing what's real and what's a dream, and it's a good reflection of what the character is experiencing. It left me speculating and pondering, which I liked, but there was one gap that I think might have been a little too wide.

It mentions in the story that the suicide attempt is in a game of Russian Roulette - which was interesting, but it's in such stark contrast to the rest of the protagonist's life as we see it, and the surreal nature of that one particular detail was a little distracting for me. It posed a lot more questions than it answers, and I felt like by the end of it too much of my thought power was going toward trying to figure out how a high school student (who doesn't express a lot of other suicidal tenancies) ends up playing Russian Roulette, who he's playing with, etc. I think either having some more hints to that exposition or changing the motivation/circumstances surrounding his shooting would have made the piece more effective.


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


Aside from that one question really distracting me from the rest of the narrative, I thought it was a great piece. It was vivid, it was just a little surreal, and it was pretty creepy. A lot of the terror comes from uncertainty, and I think you did a great job with the tone and pacing of the piece.

I can see why this piece was featured, and I'm glad to have read it. I hope I get to read more of your work soon.

All the best


-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
185
185
Review of Mirror, Mirror  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello David Lamb ,

I am here to review your item "Mirror, Mirror"  which I found because it was featured in the horror/scary newsletter.






*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Tone:

What stuck out for me about the piece was how you really got across the point that the character was experiencing depression. The self-loathing was very evident, as was his general disposition and distaste for his daily routine. For a short piece you're really able to capture the hopelessness and the feeling of monotony that the narrator is experiencing.

On that note, however, I do think you hit the "every day" motif a little too hard in the opening paragraph. It was good for the story, but since it's a recurring theme later on as well, I don't think it need to be spelled out quite as much right off the bat. Of course, I do have a preference for subtly in writing that not everyone shares.


*Bats* End:

I really like the use of the mirror throughout the story, since it's something that's tormenting him, but since it's also something that he uses as his way out, when destroying it at the end. It was poetic, in a dark way.

*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Characterization


I think one thing that would have made the ending a little more emotional would have been if we had seen a little more of the narrator's personality. I understand that it was probably subdued intentionally because of the emotional state he's in, but I feel like slipping in a few more hints as to what life was like before everything turned sour would have been a really good step into drawing the reader in and make the piece a little more memorable.


*Bats* Formatting


This is just a small formatting thing, but I think taking the time to add either line breaks between all the paragraphs or indents at the start of them. It would just make the visibility a little easier, and then the reader can focus on the story content even more.

*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King



So that about wraps it up. This was a unique story in both content and presentation, the tone was very strong, and I can see why it was featured in the newsletter. Congratulations on the feature, and I hope I get to read more of your work soon.

-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
186
186
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello willwilcox ,

I decided to read your item "State Of Fatal Rapture"  after seeing it featured in the Horror/Scary newsletter, and I'm so, so glad that I did.

The adult nature of this story pulled me in right away, and the morbid narrative caught me by surprise. This is probably the most disturbing story I've ever found on Writing.Com and I absolutely loved it.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Premise:


I don't know if you're familiar with Max Aaron (he also goes by Unsettling Stories, or iia on r/nosleep) but the premise behind the story reminded me of the sort of stories he writes. I've gotten really used to seeing horror content that borders on erotica on any social media sites where I follow him, Reddit, tumblr, instagram - but I've never seen anything quite like it here.

It took me by surprise, but in the best possible way.

Perhaps it's just because intense horror and erotic content are both considered to be 18+ - but there's something incredibly satisfying about seeing a piece that combines both of those elements, especially in such a seamless way.


*Bats* Style:

The story is beautifully written. The elegant composition of such a morbid tale is the perfect combination for a piece of this nature, since the subject is something that's also wonderful and terrible all at once.

*Bats* Engaging:

Although Jack's deranged character is what really sold the piece for me, it's worth noting that I was hooked almost at once. This wasn't a slow burn of a story, it pulled me in straight away and by the end of the first paragraph I knew that I was going to really like this story.

You didn't disappoint.

*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


My only suggestion is that you write more stories like this. It's been not only one of the best stories I've ever read on your portfolio, but hands down one of the best stories I've ever read on this site.



*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


I absolutely loved this story. Thank you so much for including it in the newsletter and for sharing it with us here.

As always, it has been a pleasure reading your work and I hope I get the chance to read more of it in the near future.

Sincerely,


-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
187
187
Review of The Coffee Shop  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)

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*Heart* DISCLAIMER *Heart*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Heart*          MEET-CUTE :: INTRODUCTION           *Heart*

ļ»æ
"Whisper a dangerous secret to someone you care about. Now they have the power to destroy you, but they won't. This is what love is." - Welcome to Night Vale


Hello Dragonbane ,

Thank you so much for your formal review request of your item "The Coffee Shop" . It was not the sort of thing that I usually read, but it is certainly appropriate considering the holidays, and it's good to do something a little out of my comfort zone.

So, let's get right to it.





*Heart*           FIRST DATE :: WHAT I LIKED           *Heart*
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. " - Neil Gaiman


*SuitHeart* Description:

This is more about your writing style than the story itself, but I like that you used a healthy level of description when setting the scene and introducing characters.

I had a particularly easy time picturing Tom from the way you described him so carefully (and in a way that really reflected how much Lucy is thinking about him.)

She guessed his age at around the late fifties, early sixties He was average height with short silver hair, dressed casually he was always very neat and tidy, as usual, he carried a shopping bag of groceries with him so she deduced he more than likely lived alone.




*SuitHeart* Conflict


I liked that the main conflict/struggle of the piece was a little more mature than the usual tropes that are seen in so many romance short stories. Not only is it refreshing to me as a reader, but I think it's appropriate for the characters as well, considering that they're a bit older and would be more inclined to avoid the standard relationship pitfalls that are usually written about.

I don't want to get too into specifics for those in the Public Review Forum who haven't handled it, but it was surprising and overall handled quite well.



*Heart*          BROKEN HEARTS :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Heart*
"Any fool can be happy. It takes a man with real heart to make beauty out of the stuff that makes us weep." ā€‹-Clive Barker


*SuitHeart* Editing


One thing that I usually suggest, and feel applies here, would be to do another round of editing. There were a bunch of small, technical errors that I think one more draft would help to smooth out.

There was one sentence in particular that wandered in the opening paragraph:

It made it stand out from other cafes and restaurants within the mall with a waiter service you placed your order and found a seat, and shortly a friendly waitress would bring it to you very popular with shoppers in the mall.

In general though, there were just instances throughout with things like missing punctuation, extra words being capitalized, etc. They weren't overly distracting, but it's something to keep an eye out for as you work with the piece.

*SuitHeart* Anne and Lucy's Development


My biggest problem with the story itself is that I feel like some of the characters, particularly Anne and Lucy, could have used a little more development. That's something that can be tricky when writing romance, is that you want the romantic interest to be a focal point, but you also want to see the characters having distinct personalities outside of their relationships, which is something I feel Lucy was lacking in a little.

I think this could be easily fixed by just having one or two short scenes added where Tom isn't mentioned - and a great opportunity to do that would actually be right at the beginning of the piece. Anne is already there to talk to Lucy, and establishing their friendship outside of discussing a man would really add some personality to both of them in my opinion.

*SuitHeart* Pacing


The other thing that I think could use a little work is pacing. It's not so much that too much happens in the story, but the story covers a wide period of time, which I think might be working against you to make the piece read as more rushed than would be ideal.

The up side to this is that it feels less like the relationship is rushed because there is time for Tom and Lucy to get to know one another, and as an audience we get to see that relationship develop. The downside is that the pacing itself feels very rushed. Covering a relationship in it's entirety like this is something that I feel would be difficult to do in a single short story, and with all the time skips of weeks at a time, it just felt like a lot of stuff was being glossed over.

That's something that would be a trickier aspect to work on than the other things I mentioned, because I feel like it would require changing the formula, and the final product might be too different than the story you set out to tell. If it's an idea you want to play with, however, I think a couple options would be either to whittle this down to just the highlights with the inclusion of specific dates to mark the evolution of the relationship (which would result in a tighter, shorter narrative) or to consider expanding on some subplots and elaborate on the times that are skipped to draw this out into a longer format, perhaps even a novella.

I don't read a lot of romance, but for what it's worth I do think you've got the groundwork a longer project, if that is something that interests you.




*Heart*           EVER AFTER :: CONCLUSION           *Heart*
"Love is poison. A sweet poison, yes, but it will kill you all the same." -George R. R. Martin



I think the story had a lot of good elements. Although I'm not big on romance, you did something unique with this piece. While there were some areas I think could use some work, it's also worth noting that I don't have a lot of things I can compare it to, and it probably is one of the better romance pieces I've read for a long time.

Best of luck with the project, and let me know if you have any questions.

-Cat




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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
188
188
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Flying Fox ,

Thanks so much for your formal review request of your item "Foxvalley Prologue & Chapter 1 re-edited" . I always like seeing these requests come in and being exposed to work that I might not have found otherwise. That being said, let's get right into the review.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Detail

One of the first things that stood out to me about the piece was the high level of detail. You consistently had vivid descriptions throughout the writing which made the setting easy to picture and the characters feel much more realistic. It's something that I think is really important in all writing- but especially for genres like mysteries where the reader needs to be engaged in the environment you've created.


*Cat* Tone/Pacing

I did feel like there were times where the high level of detail did slow down the story, and while that is something I normally wouldn't like, it did really make me feel like I was reading a mystery. A downside that I personally find in the genre is that they do tend to burn a lot more slowly than other genres (like horror) that I'm used to reading. That's a personal preference though, and from a more objective standpoint I feel like you really captured the feel that you were going for in this piece.


*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Formatting

I noticed that the text was centered in the document - and while I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I did wonder if you had a reason for doing that? It was just a question that popped into my mind a couple times while I was reading, so I thought it would be worth mentioning.

*Cat* Moving Forward

The one overall drawback that I saw is something that could be a problem, but might not be.

I feel like I didn't really identify with any of the characters. Character development is an important part of any story, so that sounds bad, but it's hard to tell.

In the mystery stories I've read (and particularly the ones that I've enjoyed) I feel like the character development has been slow and steady, meaning that while I didn't necessarily identify with them at the beginning, I was very invested by the end. It's hard to see if that's going to be the case here having only read the prologue and the first chapter, but I thought it would be something I should mention so that you now characters are a good thing to focus on moving forward (if that wasn't already your plan - again, it's hard to tell having only read the beginning of a longer piece.)


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Mysteries are not my favorite genre, personally, but I think it's a genre that you've really captured the essence of. There's a lot of intrigue in your prologue and the vivid descriptions hold up to most of the mysteries I've read.

I hope that this review has been helpful, and that you keep up the great work!


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
189
189
Review of Damaged sight  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello Jimminycritic ,

It's good to be reviewing you! *Smile*

I saw that your item "Damaged sight"  was featured in the most recent Horror/Scary newsletter and so I decided to drop by and give it a read. I hope that you don't mind me dropping by to leave you with my thoughts on the piece, since I'm all about Horror/Scary things.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Premise:

What I liked best about this piece was the premise. A nonbeliever working with magic to honor his fathers dying wishes is a great concept, and the fact that Bill is following through on that desire for his deceased father says a lot about his character - which is great because it gives the reader an attachment to him even though this is a very short story.

Great idea and great character technique.



*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Lengthen the Story


Although I think you did really great telling your story in such a short amount of time, I do think that the story might have worked better as a longer piece. The premise already lends itself to great sympathy for your main character, Bill, and I would have liked to see that built on a little more as his outlook starts to change. It also would have been really interesting to see more of his character through his relationship to his father - since that is what set the whole thing in motion.

There were also a lot of non-character points that it would have been nice to know more about, such as the spell, how he figures it all out, how it works - and generally just more in the moment details that tied the reader to the action of the story.

I think it would have been hard to work all of that in while keeping the story so short, but I also think there's a lot of interesting potential if you ever want to revisit this concept.


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


To wrap this all up, I like the story but I would have liked to see more of. The premise was great and Bill seemed very interesting, I just wish that I could have gotten a better insight into his character throughout the situation.

That being said, I'm very glad to have read the piece and I can see why it was included in the newsletter. Congratulations on the feature, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,

-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
190
190
Review of What You Wish For  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello LdyPhoenix ,

I found your item "What You Wish For"  thanks to it's feature in the most recent Horror/Scary newsletter. I hope that you don't mind me dropping by to leave you with my thoughts on the piece, being a lover of the genre.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Set Up:

I think you did a good job setting up the scene. It's very vivid despite not being very long, and I was able with how well established you were able to create the characters and and environment in such a short amount of time. It's good writing and it really adds to the overall effect of the piece.

*Bats* Subtly:

I like that you didn't spell out the ending. It requires a bit of thought and leaves some room for the reader to make their own interpretations not only of what exactly is happening at the conclusion, but what will follow. To elaborate just a tad more on my other point, I don't think that this type of ending would have worked so well if you hadn't set the piece up as well as you did.

All together, the elements worked greatly.


*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Pacing


The only thing that I think could be improved on is the pacing toward the end. The end itself I think is great, it moves along quickly which I think helps the impact, but I personally would have liked to see a little bit more tension in between the time that Marcus learns he has a competitor and the time that he wins. That would have made it feel like there was more of a conflict and the ending would have seemed all the more shocking.

Of course, that's just a suggestion. There is something to be said for the concise nature of story that you currently have implemented here. There are a lot of good aspects either way.


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King



I hope that you enjoyed the review and that it was at least somewhat helpful. I liked reading the piece and I can definitely see why it was featured - congratulations on that by the way. It was an interesting story with some great set up, and I'm glad that I was given the opportunity to read it.

I wish you all the best with this and any other writing endeavors that you find yourself on.

Sincerely,

-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
191
191
Review of The Last Eagles  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello Pennywise ,

I found your item "The Last Eagles"  thanks to its feature in the most recent edition of the Horror/Scary newsletter. I am a huge lover of the genre so I hope that you don't mind me dropping by to leave you with my thoughts on this piece.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Description:

What sticks out to me most about the piece was your descriptive style of writing and the very vivid imagery.

Some of my favorite lines include:

Each was a macabre mess of blood, sinew, flesh, and bone.


This is a more simple excerpt, but it captures that morbid confusion quite nicely.

And:

Dark blood poured copiously from the holes peppering his face, dripping from the slivers of skin hanging loosely around them.


A lot of people will tell you that horror shouldn't rely on gore, but I think you did a good job establishing the atmosphere and tension before moving onto this great line. With the other strong elements of your story in play I think lines like this really just added to the situation and were very effective.

*Bats* Final Line:

I like the repetition of the word "they" used in the story's conclusion. The short sentences brought focus to the action of the creatures and was a haunting note to end the piece on.


*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


*Bats* Link


I don't really have any suggestions for you. For a short piece of horror flash fiction this has just about everything that I'd like to see.

The only thing that I think would be worth drawing your attention to would be the fact the contest link in your annotation is invalid. I like that you included it, it provides some good context, but it might be worth taking a look at if the item is no longer valid.

Other than that I thought the story and presentation were both spot on. Great job!


*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King


I hope that you enjoyed my review as much as I enjoyed the story. It was a good piece of writing and I can see why it got its spot in the newsletter. I wish you the best of luck with all of your other writing endeavors and I'd be happy to read more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,

-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
192
192
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Whiskerfacebythefireplace ,

I actually found your item "Advent Adversity Adventure Day 5"  through the most recent Horror/Scary newsletter, which I thought was a bit strange, but I'm glad to have read your piece all the same. I hope that you don't mind me dropping by to leave you with my thoughts on your writing.

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Empowering

I like how you were able to write something that captured the tone of conquering ones problems so well. There's a little bit of pondering and uncertainty at the beginning, but by the end you found yourself asking all the right questions and seizing the power that you needed to take the future into your own hands.

*Cat* Honest

It seems like this came from a very honest place.

I personally don't have this level of faith, so at a face value I had some difficulty relating to the conclusion of the piece. That being said, I was truly impressed by how sincere and strong you are in your spiritual beliefs, and the fact that you're able to pull strength from that made for a great end to the piece. It also added a personal touch to this that made it something memorable and well worth looking over.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


I don't really have any suggestions for you on this.

There were one or two small details that gave me pause, things that I might have changed, but then I realized that this was a response to something.

If this was an article or an essay, I'd feel like there'd be a little bit of nitpicking to do, but the way that it's currently written makes it feel all the more like a genuine response.

If I did have one suggestion for you, it would be that you add a small annotation in there explaining the assignment, perhaps with a link to whatever event this is for, just to provide the readers with a little bit more context into what the piece is all about.



*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


I hope that this review has been somewhat helpful to you, even if I didn't make a lot of suggestions on improving it. What I really liked about it was the raw, honest energy that it had and that's something in writing that can't really be taught.

I'm glad to have read your piece and I hope that it was as good to write as it was to read.

Sincerely,

-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
193
193
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

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*Bat1* DISCLAIMER *Bat1*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Cat2* INTRODUCTION


Hello Stuck in the mire ~BlueAsIce ,

I found your item "Invalid Item"  in the request thread and thought that I would drop by to leave you with some of my thoughts. So let's get right into it, shall we?

*Cat2* WHAT I LIKED:


*Cat* Then There Were None

Something that I have always really liked is the "Then there were none" styles of poems. The sing-songy pattern coupled with the usually morbid content of the poems pairs incredibly well together and has always been one of my favorite styles of poetry.

While a lot of what I like about the poem boils down to the type of poem your writing, I think it's worth mentioning that you did it very well. You worked within the premise to make a unique poem that captures the tone and rhythm that you were looking for very effectively.

Really, really fantastic job.

*Cat2* MY SUGGESTIONS:


*Cat* Read Aloud

The one thing that I would suggest is that you read the poem aloud to yourself to see if there are any instances where the rhythm seems off, or if there are too many syllables in a line. There were one or two instances where it did feel like I had to rush a little to keep up the steady rhythm.

For example:

Eight little Princesses praying up to heaven,
A Guardian went and took one and then there were seven.



I feel like the second line here was a little lengthier than would be ideal for the flow of the poem.

An alternative might look like this:

Eight little Princesses praying up to heaven,
A Guardian took one and then there were seven.

The one bad thing about using this style/format of poem is that it really does only take one extra syllable to make the whole thing sound off - but reading your poem aloud is something that can really, really help you find any areas that might need work. That's something that's a little tricky with this medium, but overall I think you did a really good job.

*Cat* Eliminations

The one other thing that nagged at me a little bit is that some of the princesses that seemed to get eliminated quite a bit easier than the others.

For example a sprained ankle or being ashamed doesn't seem nearly as bad as being burned or digging ones own grave. Those were the only two that I felt really lacked the impact of the others, but I thought it would be worth mentioning.


*Cat2* CONCLUSION:


Overall I thought the poem was very enjoyable and I think you're off to a really great start with it. I think with just a tad more polishing it will be a very haunting piece and I'd love to see what you do with the rest of the project. I hope that the review was helpful and if you need or want to talk about the piece more, feel free to PM me.


-Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
194
194
Review of Painted Rock  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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*Spider* DISCLAIMER *Spider*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.


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*Bat2*          ALL ALONE :: INTRODUCTION           *Bat1*

"From even the greatest horrors, irony is seldom absent." - H.P. Lovecraft


Hello Fivesixer ,

I hope you don't mind me dropping by to review your item "Painted Rock" . I'm always looking for new horror stories to review - especially this time of year, and I saw that this one was featured in one of the more recent newsletters so I thought I'd give it a read.





*Bat2*           IN THE DARK :: WHAT I LIKED           *Bat1*
"Terror is the desire to save yourself, but horror is rooted in sympathy." -Joe Hill


*Bats* Tone:

What I liked best about this story was definitely how unique it was. The plot plays off of a lot of horror tropes, but the tone has a bit of levity to it that makes the story feel fresh and prevents the audience from trying to take it too seriously, even as the tension starts building toward the end.

On a related note, I think that the names really helped sell the quirky, unique nature of the story. "Pickle" "Pear" and "Bug" are all very one of a kind character names, but the one that really stuck with me was actually "cuddleshmuck" as the name of the park. I liked it because it sounds a little ridiculous, but was weirdly effective as it almost instantly brought to mind names of similar make-out locations in older horror flicks that play out very similarly to this story.

The whole thing was just very strange, and that makes it all the more memorable, something that I think is vital to horror fiction.

*Bats* Dialogue:

This also is an extension of the first thing, but I really appreciated that you had a distinct manner of speech for your characters that blended in so well to both the premise and the setting. A lot of scary dialogue strikes me as very unauthentic, but the only time I felt even a little that was when Pear said "OMG" three times back to back - and that's only because I've always felt like it's easier to chant "Oh my god" multiple times than "OMG" *Laugh*




*Bat2*          SOUND OF SCREAMING :: MY SUGGESTIONS:           *Bat1*
"Horror is the removal of masks." - Robert Bloch


This isn't really a suggestion so much as it is a question:

*Bats* Significance


What is the significance of the letter P? I know that question is asked in the story, and it isn't answered in context because they realize that the letter wasn't painted on by Bug. I felt like there was a significance to the letter that spooked the characters though, I just didn't catch what it was.





*Bat2*           WAKING FROM A NIGHTMARE :: CONCLUSION           *Bat1*
"We make up horrors to help us deal with the real ones." - Stephen King



Aside from the one question I had, I really liked the story. It was an interesting little tale that incorporated elements I was used to into something new entirely. I really enjoyed it, and can see why it made the newsletter.

Best of luck in Quills this year!

-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
195
195
Review of Procrastination.  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello Christopher Roy Denton ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" . Happy Account Anniversary!


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


This is yet another piece that I could relate to a little too well, but it was a lot of fun to read.

Procrastination is such a common problem, and you wrote about it in a way that we could see so many insights into your life. Not only was it interesting, but it was a great way to connect to your reader. We got to hear about the specific things that distract you, and you had little hints about a manuscript in there. It was a good illustration of how grand ideas for projects can gradually become easier to overlook in the sea of mundane life things.

I also like that you included another narration video for this one, that's such a fun thing and that next step really shows how invested you are in your work.



*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



I don't have any suggestions for you on this one, I think it's great as is.


*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*



I have so much fun reading the stuff on your port. I'm so glad that this event brought me to your work, because I have sincerely had a great time doing reviews for you today. Thanks for making this year's first anniversary bash one to remember!

All the best,

Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
196
196
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello Christopher Roy Denton ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" . Happy Account Anniversary!


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


This was a fun poem.

As someone who typically associated Valentine's Day with tragedy, I was expecting this piece to be a lot more depressing than it was. Even though I figured out early on in the poem what exactly you were referring to by your "true love" I still was expecting the tone of poem to be dark or depressing.

That wasn't the case, and despite the crying emoticon at the end of the poem, I found that I was highly amused by the time I had read the final line.

This had a lot of unexpected humor, and it might be one of my all time favorite Valentine's Day poems about a love that I can 100% relate to.



*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



I don't think this piece warrants any suggestions from me. You did a great job *Heart*


*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*



To wrap up this review, I'm a cynic, but this warmed my heart in a very chocolaty way. Thank you for sharing this wonderful Valentine's day piece, I'm glad to see that it took a well deserved first place ribbon (and one in a very appropriate color, I might add.)

It's been a pleasure as always.

-Cat

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
197
197
Review of Life's Lighthouse  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello Christopher Roy Denton ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" . Happy Account Anniversary!


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


This to me was a good balance of well-rounded life thoughts and religion-specific thoughts. There were a lot of feelings about life expressed that don't require strong religious ties to relate to, especially in the first verse. You also do a good job of expressing the religious reviews as a Christian narrator for this piece, and you get across the concept of religious salvation without being too alienating for non-Christians such as myself.

It's also important that this does feel like this is from the heart, a major aspect considering what contest this was for. I can see why this won first place.



*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



The only area that I thought could have used a little work was the meter. On paper it was fine, but reading it out loud I was underwhelmed by the way that the piece sounded. Perhaps that's just how I read it and this would be a good poem for you to add a narration for.


*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*


Although the meter did sound off to me, the sentiments behind the poem were expressed very well and clearly. Congratulations on another contest win, it was well earned.

Sincerely,

Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
198
198
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello Christopher Roy Denton ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" . Happy account anniversary!


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


This was the only poem of yours I've reviewed that I didn't have to read first, because you provided a great video where you read it to me!

I'm kidding, of course. I actually didn't even see the video until I had read the poem. I did think that the video was a fantastic touch, however, and it's really neat that you put that in there. In fact, I think I actually got more out of the poem having it read to me, so thanks for including that!

This was a well-crafted, emotional poem and it has a really good sound to it. It's very consistent, and I think the metaphor was perfect.



*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



I do have a suggestion, not for the piece but for you, generally. If you enjoyed doing the video, that might be a great way to get more traction for your writing. If you started up a narration channel, I'm sure there are a lot of people who could find your work that way. It's something to consider at least, if you haven't already thought about it.

*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*


I thought this was a great poem and a great poem narration. I hope the review has been helpful!

Sincerely,

Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
199
199
Review of Apocalypse  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello Christopher Roy Denton ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" . Happy account anniversary!


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


The strongest element of the poem for me was the stance that you took on various end of the world theories. The fact that you don't get wrapped up in outlandish ideas about how the world will end draws even more attention to the more immanent threat to the planet.

The way that you went about introducing the idea behind this poem was a little roundabout, but overall very effective.



*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



The only thing I would suggest is that you consider revisiting this idea as a longer poem.

The reason why I think this might be better as something longer is because I think the impact of the theories not scaring you as much as reality would have a stronger impact if the end of the world theories were a little more coherent. The way that they're written right now seems a little random and gives the impression of being forced.

*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*


This was a good piece. It made me think, it brought attention to reality, and hopefully more people will read it and be inspired to be less selfish. We need a lot of change if we're going to avoid the end of the world.

Sincerely,

Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
200
200
Review of Miguel's Duty  
Review by Cat Voleur
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Wolf2* DISCLAIMER *Wolf2*

I am not a professional editor or critic. All the opinions in the following review are just that; opinions.




*Wolf*A RAVEN FROM THE NORTH: AN INTRODUCTION:*Wolf*



Hello Christopher Roy Denton ,

This review is written on behalf of House Stark for "Game of Thrones" . Happy account anniversary!


*Wolf*THE NORTH REMEMBERS: WHAT I LIKED:*Wolf*


I loved the detail and the intense characterization focus on this. The story was a little piece of Miguel's life, and I felt like I really got to know him in that short span of time, and that I got a good feel for who he was as a person.

There was also something in there that struck me as very powerful:

He didn't have much faith in his fragile, crippled body, but he remembered Jesus once said that you only needed faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains. Surely, he could scrape together that much confidence. Surely, he could survive a little longer. Surely, he could rise again just one more time.


I thought this was a beautiful section. I often find myself with less faith than the average person, often with no faith at all, but I really loved the determination emanating from this excerpt, and I think it did a great job showing Miguel's confidence.





*Wolf* DARK WINGS, DARK WORDS:SUGGESTIONS: *Wolf*



I don't have any suggestions for you for this one, either.


*Wolf*WINTER IS COMING: A CONCLUSION:*Wolf*


Although I'm not typically one for the special agent story, this was beautifully written and you did such a good show introducing Miguel to your audience. Really, really fantastic job.

Sincerely,

Cat


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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