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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/catdok
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81 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Erase  
Review by catdok
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
I like it.

I think it effectively touches on a button that everyone has.

It's clear, understandable, and to the point.

It seems to me like part of a spectrum, how things look on a bad day but not tempered with a realization that failures are mixed with successes.

We certainly all have those days.

Catdok

Good work
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Review of Ocean Boy  
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice!

Paints the story well. I could see myself at the shore.

Catdok
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3
Review of Star Stuck  
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi RainbowFish

I like your poem. It offers all kinds of possibilities.
Is it about trying to possess something that can't be possessed, or
perhaps is it about a one sided relationship. Is it about trying to hold
tight to something that should be shared, like a talent.

The poem makes me think about the story it tells.

Catdok
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Review of October  
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Veronique,

I like your poem.

I think it cleverly transitions from the viewpoint of summer to the veiw point of fall. For me, that transition is the strong feature of this one.

Happy Holidays

Catdok
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5
Review of Cold and Snowy  
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi EliJoe,

I think this is a good start with a lot of
potential. When I read it, I wonder, how did
you react to the different weather events you
describe? Might the journey through weather have
a parallel with some other life event that changed
from cold and snow, to rain, to warm and cozy?

I think the poem as is creates a good framework
to expand upon.

Catdok
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6
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ben Judah,

Nice retelling of creation from Genesis.
The rhyme and rhythm hold up. I like the the pattern of
two long lines then four shorter ones.

The use of "'Tis was" is interesting. For me it brings out the concept that God is everywhere and every time at once.

Scripture can be a great source of poetic inspiration.

Keep writing!

Catdok
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7
Review by catdok
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi Arglebarge,

I like the idea for this poem. It
almost reminds me a little of the Billy
Joel song that goes "You may be right, I may be crazy, but
it just may be a lunatic you're looking for."

I would try it a couple of different ways. In comedy,
timing is everything. Perhaps a stronger more driving rhythm would bring the humor out more.

I like the rhyme scheme of line one and four ending in a rhyme, but for me the rhyming words being of different lengths may dilute the power of the rhyme a little.

(TV and strategy, they rhyme but TV is short quick word, strategy has three well demarcated syllables. The same goes for therapy and be, and tragedy and me.) They rhyme, but they almost rhyme on different parts of the word which masks the rhyme somewhat.)

I would try it with a few fewer words in some lines.
Stanza one, line three, has enough words to stretch it out to four beats, so to speak, which contrasts with the three in most lines and impedes the flow a little.

The "But" in stanza two line three, and the "Now" in stanza three line three feel like they delay the downbeat to the second work of the line, which breaks up the rhythm a little as the other lines tend to come down right on word one. It might flow better without those words. The use of a single punctuation mark in the poem stands out a little.

Forgive my use of musical terms, (beat, and downbeat,) but I was a musician long before I started writing poems.

You are on to something good here. Keep carving out of the alphabet and it will get better and better.

Catdok

8
8
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Emily R

Interesting twist on the old saying, and accomplished without the need for excess words.

Also, the poem has a very positive message.

Keep up the good work.

Catdok
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9
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Duke the Fluke

Great idea, and nice poem.

One question,
Did you mean to leave it two months short without
November and December?

10
10
Review of My Mother's Poems  
for entry "Cats
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like it.

It starts with all the variability that cats can show,
then at the end hones in on a cat commonality.

Catdok
11
11
Review of Hashtag  
Review by catdok
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Wolfbane

Much Better! I can see this person who is so drawn into the phone that the world around gets lost in the addiction, and the "addict" pays the price.
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12
Review of Hashtag  
Review by catdok
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hi Wolfbane,

Neat idea, with an important message.

I would start by brushing up the grammar.
The typos detract from the good work. (Kind of like
point deductions at an olympic event.)


line 4, favorite is spelled wrong

line 7, I think we're should be were

line 8, infront should be in front

line 14, should we be were?

line 19, continued looks to be spelled wrong

line 24, i should be I

line 27, Landed should probably be landed

last line, acention should be ascension

Catdok




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Review of The Chair  
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice!

It reminds me of my own kids climbing up on chairs in years gone by. You tell the story well. I like the last line which sort of tells why all that climbing was worth it for the young climber.
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Review of As Hearts Combine  
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Paramedic

Nice poem! I like how the poem has both freely flowing elements, and elements of rhyme. I think the rhythm helps to keep the whole thing moving forward nicely and driving the message on.

Good work
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15
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi BD

Nice poem

The steady rhythm helps keep it going. The humor holds up.
The ideas is certainly a bit different.

Keep up the good work.

Cadok
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Review of The Journey  
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi ponkacheese

I like your poem. I think it gets to the point of spiritual life
in the grace of God.

The rhythm is largely, using a musical term, in four beats to a line.
There is one exception. THe third to last lines has only three "beats"

AND THE HARKENING CRY

Is that intentional, or just the way it worked out?

If you want to accentuate the rhythm, (and you may not want to,) you might consider taking a few words out of some lineS.

For instance,

THE WARMTH THEY BRING TO ME I WON'T DENY could become

THE WARMTH THEY BRING I WON'T DENY.

or THE MIST IS AHEAD AND THE TWISTER IS NEAR might become

THE MIST IS AHEAD, THE TWISTER NEAR

Good job!

Keep writing!

Catdok
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17
Review of Mother  
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Komai

I like your poem.

I think it captures a lot about motherhood.
Is your us of non-standard grammar intentional?

(Does not fears instead of Does not fear,
Always pray instead of always prays,)

Who nuture (instead of who nutures)
Always pray (instead of always prays)
child future (instead of child's future)

Who heel (instead of who heals)
who feel (instead of who feels.)
Know how to deal (instead of knows how to deal)

Who shy, who cry
But always try instead of

(Who's shy, who cries,
But always tries.)

It may be a matter of style, but it could be confusing to the reader.

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Review of Chronic  
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Carbonmuse

Your poem does a good job of getting the sense
of chronic pain across. You capture the idea of
having to learn to cope with it.

I have only one suggestion. The last line repeats the first line of the third stanza. This works for the third stanza as an isolated part of the poem, but it seems to break up the rhyming scheme and flow of things for the poem as a whole.

Catdok
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Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi C.A.G

Interesting work. It takes me back to the days when I would be a "child of the snow", or watch my kids do the same.

(That "element inside us.")

i like the way the syllable count rises and falls in a wave like fashion.

I am not sure why you call it dark?

Good job.
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Review of A Perfect Love  
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jen

Nice poem! i like the idea to falling into the heart through the eyes. It is like the idea that the eye is the gateway to the soul.

I like the rhythm. It is subtle but none- the- less there.

The poem does a nice job of conveying the feeling of the relationship.

Catdok
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Review of Life For Sale  
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Lostwordsmith

I like this. It gets across the sadness of the situation well. The use of "tear stained" and "shaking hands' ae nice descriptive bits.

I also like how the poem get to the idea that the things left behind are much more than their physical meaning alone. "Sold off and sent away until nothing of the former life remains" works well.

Good job.

Catdok
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Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Proton

Nice Poem!

The use of the shadow dancing imagery for the three stanzas
works well. I believe that you effectively get across the idea that it is easy to be too busy getting through life to
appreciate or ponder what it means. Keep up the good work!

Catdok
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Review by catdok
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Cowgirl

I like your poem. It gets to the point of how life can be less than pefect
but still be great.

Did you mean to alternate the use of both I and i to refer to yourself?
That could be a choice of style, though it could be seen as a gramatical misadventure.

Line three and four sort of rhyme, but the other lines don't. That might make those two lines appear to stick out a bit from the rest of the poem.

Keep on writing.

Catdok
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Review of Smile  
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jessica,

I like the poem.

I only have one suggestion that you might try. For me, it would
flow a little better if the lines were broken into two.

I've always been asked
Why I don't smile more
Men always tell me to smile
Like that will coax it out of me

That's just a suggestion, and it is more important that it
works for you than that it works for me.

On word that you might want to adjust, "I'm TO pretty" in line
three perhaps should be "I'm TOO pretty"?

Your poem brought a little smile to my morning.

Catdok
25
25
Review by catdok
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Joe

Nice work!

I like the use of stick figures to symbolize a superficial
"saccharine" relation that avoids the complexities that the depths of relationships bring.

I think your poem effectively gets across the conflict of a relationship that might work at face value, but would be at risk if taken to a deeper level by using the "what if behind" lines.

Good work.

Catdok
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