|Hi Phi and welcome to W.com
Well I like this....especially since my roots are of Native American.. You create a good image for me in this read and I like to be able to see what I read..
Just my personal opinion, on each of the beat, beat, beat... if you do those in bold and also in Caps... like BEAT, BEAT, BEAT.... it signifies to me a Loud beat.. not just a soft beat of a drum.
just my opinon. Keep up the great work!
See you writing land