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311 Public Reviews Given
352 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Thorough reviews of flash fiction, short stories, and chapters of larger pieces. Will take a look at spelling, grammar, punctuation usage, plot flow & development, character development, and over-all structure of the piece. It will be honest, encouraging, and intended to teach and coach the writer to improve and continue honing their skills.
I'm good at...
Creating vivid descriptions that draw the reader into my stories. I am a seasoned professional chef of almost two and a half decades. I am great a customer service, and am presently working towards becoming a licensed psychologist. When I am not reading, writing, or teaching, I travel to Renaissance festivals with my daughter, garden, spend time with my fur babies, and volunteer at schools helping tutor children with emotional difficulties.
Favorite Genres
Romance: Contemporary or Period; erotica no BDSM. Contemporary fiction, non-fiction, spiritual, some fantasy and sci-fi. Will also do children's and Young Adult themes.
Least Favorite Genres
I do not care for straight murder mysteries or horror.
Favorite Item Types
Flash fiction, short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
Poems, Lyrics, etc.
I will not review...
BDSM, Erotica that reads like bad Playboy Letters to the Editor, Vampire themed books, Anime and Cartoon Fan Fiction, Murder and Horror.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC, Amorpholux. There are several "Newbie" classes you may want to check out so that you can present your works in your port to the best advantage. I can see this piece is an interesting start to a larger work. Hope to have the opportunity to read it as it develops!
Happy New Year
All the Best-
Olivia
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77
77
Rated: E | (2.5)
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The thing/s I liked best about this piece
This is an interesting pondering of our lot in the human race. Expressions that really speak to many who have had the same or similar reflections. You have presented bright, creative though here and many time through this piece I paused and thought: "Yeah, I just asked myself that exact question earlier today." It is a great start and could be lengthened into a much wider piece. One I would be interested in reading.

The thing/s I liked least about this piece
To be quite honest, I would encourage you to seek out one or two of the classes available on WDC to learn how to utilize the WritingML features. That way you can center your titles, indent your text, and make your entries more visually appealing. I would also highly enphasize putting space between your paragraphs to that it also makes your piece more visually attractive and easier for the reader to enjoy.

Grammatically Speaking:
No time to think about those other "things". Periods go inside quotations, please =)

This dream, and I use that term loosely, was not a dream, but a nightmare. Sometimes we writers use the same word in repetition for effect, but may I suggest that you "flex your word power" and try another word of the same meaning?
This vision...and I use that term loosely, was not a dream, but a nightmare."

Also please try hyphens between "busy-busy" and "go-go." It will work better for the reader.

Also, taking these classes I mentioned will teach you how to write your piece in a word processing program and then copy and paste it to a port item in WDC. That way you will often times avoid basic spelling and gramatical errors. There are three mis-spelled words, one gramatically incorrect usage, and a sentence fragment that I am not going to post specifically in this review.

In Conclusion:
I really like the thought process presented in this piece. With a little work, I think it could be more than a brief rumination. Break up the format of the piece a little more to make it reader friendly. Get aquainted with using WDC features to show off your work to the very best advantage... And above all...
WRITE ON!*Smile*
Olivia
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78
78
Review of Wait For Me  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Jasmine! I'm Olivia. I saw this piece on the Newbie list and the title interested me enough to take a peek. I've read your bio block and notice that you are a young writer. Way to go!*Thumbsup* I started writing when I was 11. (I'm much older now)

Writing.com is an excellent place to come to be with other writers, learn, and grow your craft. If you are into this specific genre, The Novel Workshop has a Teen House for young writers that you might be interested in checking out.

You have the makings of a great story here. I read it yesterday and it struck me in a way that I didn't forget it. Because I feel it has such potential, I want to honor that with a more indepth review that is meant to encourage you and help you polish this story.
That is why I gave it a 2.5- You are on to something here; just polish it up and re-post it! I want to come back in a month and re-read it and be able to honestly give you a 5!

Plot-
There is a very clear plot line here. The main character, Gwen, is in love with a young man who is beneath her in social class. Their relationship is forbidden because of the social rules and the father stands in the way. When they are discovered and the father separates them, he asks her to wait for him and promises to find her. Ten years pass and she's given up hope that her young man will ever come for her. One day there is a knock at the door and there he is.
You have been very faithful to your plot line and telling the story very accurately. For the benefit of your reader, you might lengthen the story a bit and be a little more descriptive about the social strictures that you refer to. Not knowing where your writing will land, (country, social class, level of education)you can educate your fellow human being by adding description here. Second:It left me asking the question: "Did Gwen remain unmarried because she did or her father suspected she had sexual relations with Henry?" Also, toward the middle the story seems a bit rushed. Try having a friend read it back to you with as few distractions going on around you as possible. Close your eyes, sit back and let the words flow over you. You'll be amazed at what you get coming back to you. Have a pencil and paper handy, because you should get great ideas that you'll need to scribble down.

Character Development-
Gwen and Henry are strong. The father is strong. Then at the end the father is dead and we never hear from the mother again after the initial dialogue that includes her. Towards the end of the story you metion the father is dead, but where's Mom? Maybe try bringing Mom back in the end; maybe to acknowledge that Gwen has never gotten over Henry and still secretly pines for him?

Grammar, Spelling, & Punctuation
Jasmine, there is a LOT of punctuation missing and a couple of places in your dialogue where the quotation marks are a little wierd. I don't know if you entered your story straight into your port, or copied and pasted it from a word processor, but I would guess it's the former and not the latter. Copy and paste this into a Word doc. and do all your revisions and corrections. There are instructors on this site that can help teach you how to do all that whether you are a mac user or a pc user. There are ways to preserve spacing and make the over-all presentation of the piece a little more attractive and easier to read.

There are also syntax errors that computer programs won't catch. EXAMPLE:
#1- "I climbed up the veins and reached my open window."
Would that be VINES perhaps?

#2- "I decidedto give up."

#3- “I told you I would find you find you…” he whispered.

*Star**Star*Several of those sentences there in that area could also be combined. The story would flow smoother.

Over-all Impression-
You have a lot of potential and so does this story. Take your time and look at every aspect of your writing as crafting your story. Every word, sentence structure, and punctuation mark count towards making an enjoyable reading experience!

Thanks for the great story!
Olivia
79
79
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Over-all Impression-
This was my last sellection for the five items for your AotM port raid and I believe I enjoyed it best of all! It's been the kind of read that has inspired my muse to wake up and take another stab at the next chapter in the novel I'm working on, so kudos!

Plot-
Becky's story of her really bad day that turns out to be not so crappy after all. I can see her sitting in her favorite coffee cafe with her latte telling this to some friend she hasn't seen in a while. Maybe even swirling some rich, fabulous cote-du-rhone while lounging in an over-stuffed leather chair at her favorite wine bar.

Character Development-
Up front Becky tells the reader she's a no nonsense kind of girl, but then goes on to back it up through her tale. We also get a faint hint that under that scar across her heart, there might be someone sensual and romantic that longs for someone to help her forget about the past.

Grammar, Spelling, Punctuation
Great job as always!

Write on!Olivia K.
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80
80
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Over-all Impression-
Well, I liked the story a lot! It could be a story about one of my employees. Cute kid, funny, really smart...Complete antethesis of his brothers. I connected with the story in a real way and it gave me a nice lift.
This short is good enough that you could really write a supurb teen/early 20's novel about these guys and Justin finding a new girl. Whether it ends up being Stephanie or she just ends up being the girl best-friend.

Plot-
Three life-long buddies issue a money dare for a fourth friend to quit moping about a broken relationship with the last girlfriend and get out and find a new girl. Justin, (the fourth buddy) runs into a girl from his past he doesn't recognize and bombs out just to remember her name three days later. Something about her makes him want to find her and get to know her all over again.

Character Developement
The characters are strong and vivid. I get them all nicely and deeply appreciate the aspects of each. (I'll say it again) They are strong enough, I feel they deserve their own book!

Grammar, Spelling, Punctuation
You've taken one of the words I hate the most in the english language and made it hysterical to read. I guess I missed reading that particular bit of literature to which you are paying homage, so to me, it was that amusing!

WRITE ON!Olivia K.
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81
81
Review of The Orchid Bride  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Over-all Impression-
I really like this story over-all. The message of the story (as I interpret it) is clear and drives the story well.
I was uncomfortable with the brief point of view change to Usman in the first part of the story. It left me feeling off balance. This seems to be Fatima's story and suddenly we are in his emotions and never get back there in the rest of the story.

Plot
Fatima's wish for clean drinking water leads her into a marriage that is unhappy. Too late she realized that her then suitor painted an all-too rosy picture of his life in the city and while not exactly a lie, certainly was not the truth. She feels like more of a burden than a joy to her husband after only six months. In a moment of unutterable sadness while walking along the beach; communing with the ocean, the husband delivers the news to Fatima that the bill has been passed that will take clean drinking water to the villages like the one they grew up in.
The ending of the story left me asking a few questions: "Was Useman spending their meager earnings on helping lobby the govt. officials to pass the clean water bill?" "Was his alleged focus on his job more that he was focused on the passing of the bill to help their families because he knew how much it meant to Fatima?"

Character Development
I believe that I got to know Fatima well enough in this piece to get her completely and believe it well written.
I rated this piece a 4.5 (what I consider near perfect) because I would suggest that brief POV shift to Usman might not be necessary to the story on the whole. Even with an omnipotent narrator, we don't ever get inside Usman's head or emotions again through the remainder of the piece.

Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling
Nothing noted.

Thanks for an engaging read!
WRITE ON! Olivia K.
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82
82
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Over-all Impression-
What I liked Best and Least about the Piece
Written in monologue, it was an emotional tale of Paul's break-up with Kathy. The expression of emotion is clear and the description is vivid enough to start my imagination but leaves enough freedom there for me to build my own picture.

Plot
From the large feelings of regret I get from the piece, I would imagine that this break-up will be one that Paul regrets for quite some time. Paul tells the reader that Kathy is practically perfect for him and he's moved on to something that is probably going to be superficial at best and after the words are said realizes that he's broken his own heart in the process.

Character Development-
Paul's character is perfect for the piece. Let me be super clear on that. I just believe I figured out why the piece leaves me a little cold. It reinforces in my mind that guys are just so all about themselves and completely incapable of considering other people's feelings till their heart gets damaged. So, way to go there! You made me feel something real and deeper than just the emotions of the basic story.

Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling
Everything here was right on; clear evidence of an experienced writer.
83
83
Review of A Jamaican Sunset  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Over-all Impression-
What I really liked about this piece is that I could feel the emotion going on within Steve. Every nuance of the physical impact in the body that comes with those emotions. The heavy uncertainty between he and Cassandra. WOW! To feel that way again!
What I didn't like was that the story ended so soon! But, hey! That's what short stories are about!

Grammar, Punctuation, & Spelling
Everything flowed very well here.

Plot-
The plot is clear cut and straight down the like giving the reader a snapshot in time of a love that may never be due to distance and time of life.

Character Development
The characters seem strong to their purpose in this short and really have potential for a longer story.

Just My Personal Opinion
I really enjoyed this read. I found it excellent. Fresh, innocent; something any teen could connect with and maybe a few of us who wish we could "time warp" back to simpler days if only for a little while.
WRITE ON! Olivia
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