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867 Public Reviews Given
867 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Cheri and I'm reviewing your work today for I write 2018. My suggestions are intended to be helpful, not hurtful.

What I like: Hello, again. The thing most intriguing about this work is your easy, friendly presentation. You write like you talk which is the only thing that makes this piece understandable and relateable. Without your research and the way you write your commentary, I would have passed over the confessio quite quickly, and most probably would not have known that it existed at all.

What needs your attention: This is just my opinion, but what would happen if you just cut out all the "He shares", "He writes" and "He tells"? It would be direct and enhance your freestyling way of writing.
For example: What did Patrick do after coming to this realization? He writes that he could not keep silent in the light of the grace that God had given him while he was in captivity. He expressed his belief that, in response to the goodness of God, it was almost an obligation to repay God's blessings by telling everyone about God and about how wonderful He is.
[Try out: What did Patrick do after coming to this realization? He could not keep silent in the light of the grace that God had given him while he was in captivity. His belief that, in response to the goodness of God, it was almost an obligation to repay God's blessings by telling everyone about God and about how wonderful He is. It gave Patrick the courage to fully express God's glory to anyone who would listen.] Or something else to replace the filler words that were taken out.

Overall impression: I like your unique way of approaching challenges. This particular contest is daunting to me. Good luck and congrats on pushing yourself in this contest.

Thank you again for allowing me the pleasure of reading your work.

Cheri

Gift from Marci




2
2
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, my name is Cheri and I'm reviewing your work today. My suggestions are intended to be helpful, not hurtful.


Title: I chose this title because I like stories like this. That it had an award was extra incentive.

What I like: When tackling a subject like this, there is always the potential to dive head first into the implausible. You handled that hurdle nicely by making the implausible the truth. I like little twists like that.

What needs your attention:
int he [in the (2 places)]
He came after me. He grabbed her shoulder [lost your POV tense here]
her self [should be one word]
couldnt [couldn't]
no where [probably should be one word]

Overall impression: This is a great story that followed the prompt beautifully. Just needs a little polish, but the core competencies were all there.

Thank you again for allowing me the pleasure of reading your work.

Cheri

Gift from Marci




3
3
Review of Light and Dark  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, My name is Cheri, Part of your I Write 2018 Team.


INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
The title was okay for the subject matter of the poem. The teaser was concise and genres selected were spot on

IMAGERY:
I got the madcap, pressure filled plea for some sanity when all that is tangible is what can seem like never ending stress.

RHYMING & RHYTHM:
You did a good job of picking words that have the rhythmic syllable count that you were aiming for. I don’t know if your gift to stay true to a poetic form is a gift or if you worked on it all week, I just know that I liked it.

OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I don’t have any comments about your poetic stylings, you seem to have that well in hand. What I would request is that if this is a prompt based poem, that you include it at the end of the poem. I had no idea what a Pantoum was and had to look it up. Only then did I grasp how intricate this poem truly is. Contest judges also like it because the person who posted the prompt is not always the one who will be judging it.

Good luck in your contest.

Cheri
4
4
Review of Homage to Romance  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to my I WRITE 2018 review of your entry.

INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
The title is pretty self explanatory. Using the prompt as the teaser to draw the reader in is much more interesting than the standard “contest entry” statement. Ratings and genre are appropriate.

IMAGERY:
Lovely way to capture a fleeting moment in time. A little sweet, a little forlorn, a little special, a little regret. Beautiful.

RHYMING & RHYTHM:
This line is out of rhythm.
of magic and moonlight [easy fix would be of the magic]

OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I have not heard of this poetic form before. Thank you for sharing your gift. I enjoyed this piece very much.
Good luck!

Cheri
5
5
Review of The Cave Delicacy  
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Angus: Found this little gem in the Short Stories Newsletter. I know it was written a while ago, and recently modified. This is so funny, still smiling at shenanigans of this intrepid quad unit.
You know if there were any boo boos I would let you know, but it is polished, well written and down right funny.
6
6
Review of The Good Book  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey, saw this in the mystery newsletter. What a fabulous read. The nasty part of me is happy that the curmudgeon got what he deserved, and the nice part of me shutters that anyone would have to experience that fate. That's pretty awesome thing to accomplish. I can't find fault with anything, although maybe with the hint that the wizard will destroy mankind, maybe a 13+ rating is more appropriate.
But I seriously loved this story as written with all the twists and turns, the way the character developed and the cliffhanger at the end.
As always, these are JMO. You have a fantastic author's voice, I look forward to more interesting reads from your port.
7
7
Review of Revenge  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Congrats on the highlight in the comedy newsletter. You are a mean spirited little so and so every once in a while, aren't you? I guess we all need to be at some point in life. I am secretly smiling at this through my church face. At least you have the talent to pull off the digs in a humorous way, it's a gift to walk that line and not trip over your toes. Later,
8
8
Review of The Green Heart  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, my name is Cheri and I'm reviewing your work for I write 2018. My suggestions are intended to be helpful, not hurtful.

Title: Title is appropriate for the story line. Rating and genres are appropriate. I would add a third genre to get some additional audience. Action/thriller is often a good catch all that marries well with Horror/scary.

What I like: These characters tugged at my heart. I got the flavor of the characters pretty quick and liked them.

What needs your attention: The only thing I saw was that okay was capitalized in the middle of a sentence torwards the top of the piece. Not a big deal.

Overall impression: You grabbed my attention quick and I read this faster than usual because I wanted to see what happened next. Thank you for putting the disclaimer first so that I did not have to sit on pins and needles wondering if they opened that infernal box or not. This was cleverly done and I liked it very much.

Thank you again for allowing me the pleasure of reading your work.

Cheri

Gift from Marci




9
9
Review of Poets and Paupers  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome to my I Write 2018 review. My name is Cheri, and you are one of my favorite authors.

INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
I like the title and the teaser. I was unfamiliar with Verse Libre so this was a treat for me. Genres selected and rating are appropriate.
IMAGERY:
I am amazed at the beauty that flowed across the page in this work. I am touched deeply by the love and respect you have for these talents.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
There is no noticeable rhyming in Vers Libre, nor should there be. I did get the ebb and flow of the rhythm and did not feel any hiccups or disruptions.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Sometimes you see a work that you would like to share with the world through a published work. This is in that category. This must have been fun to write. When I looked at the prompts, I hit the wall. So glad you wove them into this beautiful piece. Best wishes on your contest.

Cheri
10
10
Review of Misplaced Love  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a cute little story. Saw it in the comedy newsletter. Congrats on the nod. the only suggestion that I see is that you have contest entry twice as a genre. Maybe romance would be a cute alternative to that. JMO. You don't need to change the story as it has already gotten the kudos it deserves. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face this day.
11
11
Review of Lost in Thoughts  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi, Naveed:

Title: I was wandering through your port and found this award winner there. The title and teaser marry perfectly to get this reader to dive right in for a read and review.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: Your author's voice is so clear and unique. The thoughts that roll off your pen are presented in a complete and coherent story. As always, the character is fully developed, the scenes are laid out fully, the pacing is engaging enough to get the reader from the beginning to the end at a decent speed. You usually polish your fairly well and that is appreciated.

What needs work:
An year after we got married, [A]
Sorry, Naveed, you can't have an E rating with profanity. Bump it up to 13+.
I don't know if this is a plot hole or just me, but when you say he is homeless and then say he is going home .... where is home? It's just a question that was left in the air that did not need to be there.

Overall Impression: The story is beautifully written. You have a gift.

My favorite part of the story is the last lines where you compare an ordinary person's idea of good or bad luck and this old man's view of good luck verses bad luck.

Thank you for letting me read your work! As always these are just my opinions. It is your work to use or not use at your will.

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
12
12
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi:

Title: I was browsing the thriller genre and saw the awardicon and stopped my roll. It tells me that there is exceptional writing here. The title and the teaser are perfect for the story presented.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: I need a fantastic first line to draw me in and I need the story to pace so that I stay interested. I need flawless punctuation to keep my attention solely on the story and not be distracted by boo boos. The story has a down arc to a plausible ending which left me wanting more.

What needs work: It is perfect. No suggestions for changes, other than I would like to see what happens next.

Overall Impression: You present a character with a dark side that I can empathize with. I got clear imagery with your word pictures, there are very few authors on this site that can pull together a simple scene with such clarity. I don't know many who would choose this retribution for betrayal, but it works for the story.

My favorite parts of your story are the first and last paragraph. You give such a lovely depiction of rain, how the character became one with the rain, and how rain brought her alive.

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
13
13
Review of The Resting Place  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi, Audra:

Title: I was in the Thriller genre and found this story. The title stopped me and the teaser go the nod for a read and review.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: I see that you are an accomplished writer. You tell a complete story, knowing how to start to capture the reader's attention and where to stop to keep us wanting more. This paced correctly and arced in the right spot. When you have limited space for defining your characters, you did it right by going to the psychology and letting the reader fill in their own appearance ideas. I was happy to see you chose the appropriate genres and gave it the proper rating.

What needs work: It does not impact the story, but the first line is a little clumsy. Other than that, the story is fine the way it is. If you have a mind to expand it, there is plenty of room.

Overall Impression: I see your author's voice all over this piece. It is well done. I like short and not so sweet stories like this.

My favorite part of your story is the last line. It is a simplistic and realistic statement of being for the villain in your story.

Thank you for letting me read your work! Looking forward to see what more you have in your port.

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
14
14
Review of The Kidnapper  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi, Nikki:

Title: I was checking out the triller genre when I happened upon your story. I was looking specifically for a newbie, so stopped at your story for a read and review.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: The good news is you have the bones of a good story. I can tell you have a story line and you have sketched out the characteristics and quirks of the villain.

What needs work: This would be easier to read with formatted paragraphs and dialogue leads.
You drift between first person and third person. It reads better as first person. With first person you were talking about not being able to talk through the gag. In third, you slipped back into telling the story and not experiencing the story.
well I should say you're very loud husband [your]
After the story is formatted, it could really use a loving polish with punctuation.
This should be rated 18+, what with the axe murderer and all.

Overall Impression: I would like to see this when it is expanded. There is a lot of room to reveal the mystery of why this goon hated this couple so much. It could easily be turned into series of stories that revolve around the hunt for a serial killer. Maybe you don't want to write gruesome all the time, but it's a possibility with a villain like the one you created.

Thank you for letting me read your work! These are just my opinions. They are meant to be helpful, not mean-spirited or anything like that. It is your work to do with as you wish.

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
15
15
Review of Seafoam  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi:

Title: I was wandering the fashion genre and stopped by this piece because of the reference to unicorns. It got me excited to see how you could tie the three genres selected with a unicorn piece.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: This is a perfect poem for a piece aimed at children. It has that singsong quality and repetition that children adore, and the hints at fantasy and fashion that I love. I see this is your first piece --Welcome to Writing.com!

What needs work:
more beautiful then any [than][in both spots]
I did not see any rhyming patterns. It's too artistic to be considered prose. I take it that this is a free verse, there's a word for it, I just don't know what it is. I have seen other poets put their structure inspiration at the bottom of the poem. It might help in future work when you want to enter the contests where that sort of thing is part of the judging process.

Overall Impression: The imagery created is breathtaking. I was right with you watching the unicorns play and dance in the sea. I like your work very much and encourage you to keep sharing with us.

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
16
16
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi, John:

Title: I needed a laugh today, so Satire genre seemed to be a good fit for my mood. I used to work for a lawyer and I wanted to see what you did to poke fun at the profession.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: Well, I can't find anything wrong with your writing. I want to bite you in the pen finger for slandering my legal profession, but that's a different story. (LOL!)
I like your author's voice, so it was a quick fun read. You have a knack to pace it so that the story arcs in the right place.

What needs work: Punctuation needs some fixing. Not enough to distract from the read.

Overall Impression: I can tell you write great stuff no matter what genre is thrown at you. It's a good thing you called this satire because I am still trying to figure out how the guy remembers he has a terminal disease, but can't remember anything else. Maybe you should stick nonsense in as a third genre. (hint hint)
Detective Ryan reminds me of some of the cops up here where I live. They know all the attorneys in town and know just how fast they can go without getting in trouble, and which ones deserve their undivided attention (usually the ones that represent the police union)

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
17
17
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi, John:

Title: I was wandering through the Cultural genre and stumbled onto this little gem. The title and teaser marry nicely to get me to stop for a read and review.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: You have a very clean, in your face, style to your writing which I appreciate very much. The pacing works beautifully. I like the little hints to a mystery and the way the solution presented.

What needs work: The rating should be 18+. When you use words like damn, s*** storm, jackasses and bitched, it automatically bumps it out of the E rating. When you start talking about being drunk, and messing with drug cartels, it automatically bumps it up to 18+. Granted those words are necessary to forward the story, you just can't rate it E.
maybe from the blood lose [blood loss]

Overall Impression: What a completely honest, if not legal, way to get even with the locals. I am impressed with your author's voice. Thank you for letting your hero live to tell. I like it when people overcome their stupid. You have a new fan.

What's my favorite line? By far and away it's: There were no atheists in foxholes or those in the ocean waiting for that first shark bite to tear off his leg. That's so true and beautifully stated. The fact that he honored his word in the end made it even more better. (Oh, Lord, I sound like a tweenie writing it like that.)

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
18
18
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi, Angus:

Title: I was browsing the paranormal genre and saw this award. The title was not very interesting to me, but your teaser sure was. Just had to give Black Cape and Top Hat a review.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: I always like the way you write. You have a firm grasp of how to lay out a story in this genre without going nuts or holding back. From what I saw, the punctuation and grammar are solid. The story paced well and arced where it was supposed to. I personally like minimal physical descriptions and heavy on the scene imagery. You have this weird talent to put together a paranormal character that has lasting impact. I

What needs work:
I think this needs to be re-rated to 18+. I mean a double dismemberment? That reads higher than 13+ to me. Explaining it away as imagination, no, I don't think so. Still reads higher to me.

Overall Impression: Congratulations on the awardicon and the newsletter feature. It is deserved. I think the only thing in this story that was just off is the reactions of the living to gruesome scenes, especially when one is seven years old. For example, when my brother discovered a dead body, he ran away. The memory is vivid all these years later, but he did not react with calm.

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
19
19
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi:

Title: I was wondering through the supernatural genre and this title was weird enough to catch my eye. I see it won a contest and that is always an indication of exceptional writing. I had to see what you did in Suitor From the Shades.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: Writing from Henry's point of view and using the type of words he would use got me to the core of the character quickly without getting overly detailed. I find your author's voice engaging. I was all in from the first line. I can see why this story won....it paces well, it arced in the right place, the characters were clean, and the storyline was tight.

What needs work:
with ever fiber of his being [every]
I did not see any punctuation mistakes.

Overall Impression: I don't usually like horror stories, but this one had the right rating, presentation, and story line to set my discomfort aside and appreciate a good read.

My favorite line: while his family showered her with the pale discomfort of second-hand guilt. [boy, that is so descriptive and accurate. Loved it!]

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
20
20
Review of 30 and Failing  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (3.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi, Anna:

Title: I was browsing the women's genre and found this interesting story. The title really grabbed me and the teaser made sure I would give it a read.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: You needed a strong opening to keep the reader engaged for the entire piece, and you delivered. You have a powerful gift with dialogue. I like the way you present the message you anted to convey.

What needs work: This story could really use a loving once over to fix the formatting issues and fix the punctuation mistakes. There are too many to go over each one, but simple things like a period at the end of a sentence would do wonders to keep a reader's attention.
She had to due her brown hair [dye her brown hair]
but of all of that is gone tomorrow [if all of that]
What will people remover me by [remember]
Well of your going to do it [Well, if you're going]
We can make one the spare bedrooms onto an office [one of the spare bedrooms into ]
couple people of the park today [in the park]
trying an failing [and]

Overall Impression: I got the jokes and I got the picture of the setting and people through your writing. This would be a fantastic piece when the typos and punctuation are corrected. I do like what you are saying about flipping a sense of failure into a chance at a new beginning.

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
21
21
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi, Neva:

Title: I was wondering through the women's genre and came upon your story. I like your work and had to take a moment to see what you could do with the Daily Flash.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: I have always liked the things that come out of your pen. It seems you can always write to any prompt, put out a complete story, and know what's important when slashing a story to meet contest word restrictions. For me the first line has to be solid to keep me reading. I was definitely interested to find out what the big rush was.

What needs work: Star Bucks [one word]
Gloria set down beside the woman [Is it set or sat? I think it's sat]
is married the head of maintenance [missing words: to the head of...]

Overall Impression: I like the way you wrapped this up by making sure the philanderer was caught. I like it when poor behavior is rectified.

For what it's worth: If you have a mind to, check the that tenses are correct, [like checked her watch instead of checks]. You are probably more expert than am I on these things, it's just something I noticed that made go "what?".

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
22
22
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi, Kit:

Title: I was moving through the women's genre and had to stop at this story. The title intrigued me and the teaser sealed the deal for a read and review.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: Pacing and tightness are essential for comedies. Yours had it. Usually the first line is what keeps me in the story, but I think in this instance it was more the hard of hearing act that George displayed. The story presented in such a way that I got the purpose, the backstory, the characters, the setting, and that you took into women's and comedy, well--that was gravy. The dialogue was skillfully used to give me an idea of where the story was located.

What needs work: of draws and cupboards [I think you meant drawers.]

Overall Impression: I think your tongue in cheek poking fun at absent minded men is cute. (Maybe that's not the right word, but it's all I could think of in the moment.) Staying true to the point of view and proper tense is appreciated by this reader. I do enjoy your author's voice and the way the thoughts in your head land on the page. Good job.

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
23
23
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Him BKC:

Title and draw: One of the key things I look for when reviewing poetry is the title and teaser. The title made me stop and the teaser made me read.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

Rhyme and structure: There are a few things I look for when rating a poem and one of them is rhythem and structure. You were doing fine with a 6 syllabic count while describing the hold this vixen had on you, and then you went all over the board when you to the incinerating part. Since this was not a rhyming piece, you could have kept to the structure. I don't know if you intended to that, but it worked, I appreciated what it must have taken to put that together.

Imagery: I got the full picture of the impact of this woman whose only emotion seems to be disdain. You paint very clear word pictures of emotions.

Rhyming and Cadence: Although I did not see any real rhyming, this poetic form had an odd cadence that work with the discordant theme you were working with, actual rhythm would not have worked here.

Overall Impression: I am impressed that you filet an emotion and lay it out for us to be moved by it and to judge it. All authors have to have a bit of an ego to be able to do that consistently. I like your author's voice and the way you string words together to describe an emotion.

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
24
24
Review of I Remember Daddy  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi, Neva:

Title: I was browsing the genealogy genre and decided to stop at this story and give it a read and review. I always like the way you put a story together and had to see what you did in this genre.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: I always like the way you present characters and lay out the scenes. The dialogue was believable and shows sibling rivalry pretty well. The rating and the genres selected were appropriate.

What needs work:
if you want to here what happened that night [typo: hear]
you've build up in your mind [typo: built]
started betting him [typo: beating]
Didn't her? [not sure what you meant to say.]
watched Magyn removed a box of groceries [typo: remove]
dropped commas throughout.
Not sure who George is.

Overall Impression: I'm not sure what happened here. Your stories are usually so polished with all the grammar, punctuation and typos fixed. Yet, I loved the way the story laid out. I have a legal background and this sort of highlights how two people have access to the same facts and can witness the same events and come up with two totally different perspectives.

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
25
25
Review of Stars  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

Hi, Jamie:

Title: I was browsing through the romance genre and stopped at this entry. The title always gets the stop and the teaser got the read and review. Stars and a dreamer marry nicely in a romantic story.

I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.

What I liked: Your writing is exceptional. I learned something about point of view in this story. I got to see this person through one person's eyes and instantly liked that character with all the perceived quirks and weirdness. The first line has to be solid to get me to keep reading. Yours made me stop and re-read it. It was very cleverly done.

What needs work: I'm not sure this reads as an E rating. Might want to bump it up to ASR. I am not a fan of other as a genre choice. Emotional and relationship dovetail nicely with romance and get you a wider audience. All the other technicalities like grammar, punctuation and presentation were well done.

Overall Impression: Your writer's voice is quite unique. You know how to arc the story. It paced in accordance with the message that you wanted to convey. It ended strong. Overall, a very strong piece.

My favorite phrase was ?shredding the box to pieces". That alone made me like this person very much.

Thank you for letting me read your work!

Cheri

What does the fox say? WRITE ON
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