| "Game of Thrones"
Title: I was wandering through the cultural genre. Your title made me stop and the teaser drew me in to get the read and review.
I'm Cheri and I'm one of the sly foxes of House Florent.
What I liked: You have the bones to a good story. It seems to be loosely based on the true story of Elizabeth Smart. This idea is a scary one for me, and it takes a lot of guts to take on a story with this level of trauma.
What needs work: You have a kidnap and rape. It is automatically an 18+ rating, not E. If you want to keep it E, you have to have the meet up in a place other than a bar and you have to stop this side of anything nasty.
Overall Impression: This is too big a story for this short a piece. It needs a lot of fill in of the gaps to be a truly great story. The good new is that you have a lot of talent, you just need to take your time and flesh out the story more. When I was a newbie, someone with a kind and generous heart told me to tell a complete story no matter how long it was. In your case I will add that you have to read everything you can on Show,don't tell, and stories on the subject matter of your topic so that you get an idea of what a person thinks and feels in various scenarios.
If I had to guess, I would say you were inspired by a real event, and wrote out a fantastic introduction, got stuck, wrote an inspired one line ending, went back and threw words down to force the intro to work with the ending, but did not want to get into the horror of what you were writing about. I know because I wrote a story with a kidnap and rape and mine was 10,000 words, and it still reads as lacking because I could not jump that gap and get into my character's head to want to experience such a traumatic event.
I hope that helps. Thank you for letting me read your work!
What does the fox say? WRITE ON