Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cheri55422/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen again. Yea, you!
Attention Grabbers: I love angel stories. I did not think you could have a story about death and have an E rating. Silly me. The rating and genres selected are appropriate.
First Impression: I just wanted to read about this delightful little girl who was so sweet and innocent that she can see angels. You have to have purity of heart and intent to see angels, that much I know for truth.
What needs your attention:
Paragraph 4 has an extra line return that is not needed. Other than that, the punctuation and grammar were good. What part I liked best: Adults often have a tendency to poo-poo the statements of children….what they do not see or hear for themselves, they cannot believe. This mother listened to her daughter and did not discount it. That was very touching.
Overall impression: I like this sweet gentle story as two hurting people try to make sense out of something that makes no sense. It looks like you touched a lot of people with this lovely story about transitioning from this world to the next.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen. My name is Cheri, I am one of the sly foxes.
Attention Grabbers: Truthfully, it was the awardicon. It tells me that the story is quite good, unique and near perfect.
First Impression: I was curious on how a western theme could be sci fi as well. From the start I was expecting an action thriller. Thank you for the little surprise to throw that expectation off base.
What needs your attention:
I didn’t see anything that needed attention. All the punctuation and spelling nuances supported the story.
What part I liked best: You kept surprising me. I was into a story and then it switched, and I was rolling with the switch and it switched again. Very clever. All the characters were well-developed and the scenes were laid out in just enough measure to let my imagination fill in the blanks.
Overall impression: You have a unique way of laying out a story. I like your writer’s voice and the way you structure a story. Thank you for sharing your gift with us. This story deserves all five stars for not telegraphing how the story would end and keeping me on my toes from start to finish.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen again. Yea, you!
Attention Grabbers: I needed something that would make me laugh and did not have too much to think about. Fun little story that really happened, had to see what it was all about.
First Impression: Trying to find something that works for French and American must have been a fun learning curve.
What needs your attention: I didn’t see any boo-boos or oh, nos.
What part I liked best: My favorite part was yanking the boy up by the scruff of his neck and hauling him to the sink. It reminded me of my “way” of telling my mom that asparagus makes me sick. She didn’t believe me until it really made me sick. That was the last time she tried to force feed asparagus to an unwilling victim.
Overall impression: The best way to end a busted drama is a good laugh. Congrats on the win. It takes good timing to tell a funny story. You did such a good job to build it up so that we would understand all the hoopla that goes on at your table. Thank you for letting us peek in on your family.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen. My name is Cheri, I am one of the sly foxes.
Attention Grabbers: You picked an interesting title. The instant draw is always the award winner. I cheated. I skipped to the bottom and saw the military explanations. Always love the military tales.
First Impression: I need a pretty decent introductory line to keep my attention. You captured the soldier’s heart in this piece. I hear that all the time in my volunteer work for a soldier’s organization that they wonder sometimes if what they did “over there” made a difference.
What needs your attention: I did not see anything. All the ideas flowed smoothly and made sense.
What part I liked best: Only every single thing.
Overall impression: I met a Vietnam vet a long time ago, and he said the same thing about mother’s boobie trapping themselves and taking their kids out with them. He had dead eyes. The clearest blue eyes with absolutely no light left in them. Going through Murph’s experiences brought that memory back so fast and so clear. Using your writer’s voice and your talent to shed light on this subject is appreciated. You deserve all five stars, your talent shines
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to another Game of Thrones reviews. Yea, you!
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
Let’s face it, Bad Kisser is an awesome title. And the teaser was just a hint of what to expect. Genres and rating are appropriate.
IMAGERY:
I was with it the entire way. It was almost like I was right there going through it, too. You told a beautiful hopeful story and then a very cutting end. I loved that. WHAT I LIKE BEST:
Dang, the word selection was perfect. There was nothing forced or clumsy at any point in this.
My favorite line without a doubt was: traitor’s breath. It spoke volumes.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
This was in perfect cadence and symmetry. All the words fit perfectly in my view.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I see this was published a while ago, I get to be the first to rate and review. The people are missing something awesomely fantastic. This reminds me of a story I heard on the radio. Almost to the letter, she described a wonderful date in her eyes and not by his eyes. And in that case, it too, came down to the kiss and the lie told for whatever reason.
What does the Fox say?????
Cheri and "Game of Thrones"
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen. My name is Cheri, I am one of the sly foxes.
Attention Grabbers: It is such a lovely title….that with an E rating, I was instantly drawn to it. I see that it was written a while ago and has gotten a lot of community attention. That is another draw that you can be proud of.
First Impression: My first thought was to thank you for not picking the obvious genres. This could have gone emotional or romance quite easily, but you went the route less taken. That was wise. These genres work better for your writer’s voice.
Story Structure: I didn’t see any overt errors -- maybe there was an extra line between a paragraph, nothing noticeable. I did not see a story arc, more like a turbulent start rolling to a gentle exit. And that’s okay. It worked beautifully for the story being told.
What part I liked best: You have an amazing writer’s voice. There is a beautiful magical way to your writing that I like very much. You have a new fan.
Overall impression: You stayed true to your premise. This story is unique. I am so glad you did not cave and go for the happily ever after ending. You earned all the stars I am giving.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen, again!
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
The double wide got my attention, the adult rating got my curiosity, and the name Huntersmoon closed the deal. Way up there in the top 3 or 5 on my favorites list, depending on whatever whim I am trailing.
IMAGERY:
Oh, Lord, too funny. I don’t shop at WalMart all that much, but I have seen stuff like that. Don’t even get me started on thongs. Yuckorama. I guess it’s true what they say, you can find just about anything you want at the WalMart.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
I wouldn’t complain even if I saw something a bit off or amiss. BEST PART:
It takes a special talent to be gross and funny at the same time. You had me practically gagging and giggling at the same time. It’s a rare gift you have.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
This should come with a warning not to read it when you are eating or drinking because you will end up spitting up something. You’ve got guts, I will give you that. Good job and thanks for sharing this little treasure with the rest of us.
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen. Remember me? Cheri, I am one of the sly foxes.
Attention Grabbers: I remember you promoting this on the Newsfeed. The draw for me is that I like your writing and also that this was a winning entry for a contest.
First Impression: I used to be like that on planes, too. Not much has changed over time. The second thought was where DOES he get all those ideas that wonder through his head? This would be even funnier if it was based on a true story from you or your family/friends.
What needs your attention: Nothing. It’s perfect. Wouldn’t change a thing.
What part I liked best: Of course it’s the punchline. What good is a comedy bit without a strong end. This would be a good one to share at your holiday events just to break the ice.
Overall impression: This brought back memories of my first plane ride. The pilot got up and to stroll the aisles and greet the passengers. Then we hit turbulence. As soon as he hit my row, I said: “If you are the pilot, who is flying the plane? Get back up there and do your job!” So he did. 15 year olds can spoil a lot of fun for pilots.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen. My name is Cheri, I am one of the sly foxes.
Attention Grabbers: What a clever title and punny name for a detective. Congrats on the win for the contest thingy.
First Impression: Confused. At first, I thought Richard was the one with the potty mouth and then it seemed like it was someone else. I could not immeditately get it straight. It took a sentence or two to figure out how the scene was presenting.
What needs your attention: Commas before pronouns and nouns,
Its for possessive, it’s for it is.
trance like state [s/b trance-like]
What part I liked best: Your turn of phrase to lay out a scene is amazing. Each character was presented true to the direction you wanted them to end up in at the end.
blew into his hands in a warming prayer. [that phrase did the most to tell me as shortly and succinctly that this kid was cold and scared.
Overall impression: Using all the senses really brought this story to wholeness. It arced in the right place and it had an exceptionally strong finish. You have remarkable restraint in waiting for the right time to telegraph what was about to happen.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen. My name is Cheri, I am one of the sly foxes.
Attention Grabbers: It didn’t take much for me to pick a horror genre story with an interesting title. I personally think this is closer to a 13+ rating.
First Impression: I am already a fan so I was expecting a seemingly innocent story with at least one creepy character and a twist at the end.
What needs your attention: The mechanics and the story structure are all on point. The only thing I would change is to bump it up to the correct rating.
What part I liked best: I got the characters right away. And it proved to me once again, that even if you are doing the right thing, no one will give you heed if you are a nag. And that goes with everything. Anytime you overdo something, even if it is true, no one will pay attention because there is already that existing “there they go again” conversation. You did not telegraph the end, and I like that. Usually, with a name like Mr. Bones, European background, tall and gaunt, I think vampire. Surprised me, you did, you did.
Overall impression: I was a little sad to see the main character killed off. Not surprising, just a little sad. I am already a fan of your work, thank you for sharing your gift. Congrats on the Award!
Welcome to another Game of Thrones reviews. Yea! You
Attention Grabbers: Of course the title and teaser are the best draw. Your genre are appropriate, although you probably could have gotten by with an E rating.
First Impression: I was in a state of abject curiosity the whole way through. I kind of got there was an animal involved, but I was thinking along the lines of mind reading humans. I am so typical.
What needs your attention: There were no distraction in the mechanics or the telling of this story. It did not affect the overall quality of the story, I am just putting it out there that sometimes smells trigger memories or actions and that might have been a fun thing to toss in there is whether a dog reacts to smells the same as his human counterparts.
What part I liked best: I like this dog’s logic – he should be allowed to listen to private conversations to learn important things. That’s priceless. I love it!
Overall impression: I love your writing and your writer’s voice. You have a new fan. All of the core competencies are addressed in your story. And it is a joy to see it done so effortlessly. Gave you full credit because you deserve it. Love the little twist at the end.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen. My name is Cheri, I am one of the sly foxes.
Attention Grabbers: The first thing that caught my attention was the title and teaser. I am a sucker for a good romance tale and thought this one would suit that desire. I am not sure how dark and romance work together, but coupled with an amped up rating, I look forward to a good read.
First Impression: Honestly, as I moved through the story, I hoped Bryan would throw the chick off the mountain. Isn’t that terrible? It is funny how we each define strength and power in another, isn’t it?
What needs your attention: There was one section where you missed a spacing for a paragraph or maybe a break where there should not have been. The punctuation and grammar are clean.
What part I liked best: You kept your characters true to the profile you created. I could tell who Bryan was through Deidre’s eyes. And I got Deidre every time she said, “Okay, he knows…” Despite each of them having obvious flaws, there is something in each of them that the reader can find empathy with. Kudos for that.
Overall impression: Such a well-developed story. It arced in the right place you stayed true to your premise, you ended strong, the characters had depth … This story should be submitted to a decent fantasy-type magazine. You deserve every single star I am giving you, this story is that good.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen. My name is Cheri, I am one of the sly foxes.
Title: The title being switched up from the tried and true is an eye catcher. It at least gets the reader to stop the scroll.
First Impression: This mystery presents in a very clearly. Had to keep reading, quickly – because I had to find out why. And when you capitalized Hunger, my curiosity was piqued.
What needs your attention: Just a few missed punctuations, but not enough to notice. From what I could see, the story arced in the right place, you had an honest ending, and the characters were well developed. I could not find fault with the core competencies.
What part I liked best: I liked the completeness you brought to your story. By that I mean, you covered why the transition phase thoroughly. Moving from being sick at the sight of blood to actually caving to the Hunger was brilliantly done.
Overall impression: I usually don’t choose to read horror stories because they are pretty grizzly. I enjoyed this read because it did not have the gore, proving that you can tell a vampire story without going nuts.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to another Game of Thrones reviews. My name is Cheri, I am one of the sly foxes.
Title: This is an interesting title, but I don’t get the genres selected. I thought nature and possibly environment. I don’t get the animal or friendship. I trust that you know the reasons for those selections. First Impression: I am drawn to the almost poetic approach in your writings -- very fluid and floral in styling. The transitions from scene to scene is natural and seamless.
What needs your attention: I don’t know if it was intentional, but it was a little off-putting that you seemed have a bunch of different stylings all mixed together. Like you started out in generalities, then switched to you’s and then switched to I’s. But not so much that I abandoned the story.
What part I liked best: The line about the grass standing like soldiers on alert and being knocked over by the last blast of winter. We’ve had times like that in the place where I live and it is quite irritating. I am so glad you found the words to describe it so eloquently.
Overall impression: You have a new fan.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen. My name is Cheri, I am one of the sly foxes.
Title: I am drawn to mystery detective stories. Can’t write them to save my life, but it’s my favorite genre by far.
Plot/Storyline: You know it’s a good story. You don’t need me to tell you what you already know. I DEVOURED every word. The pacing was spot on. The characterization and the scenes were smooth and tight.
What needs your attention: Nothing. Your punctuation and grammar were tight. I didn’t think you could do a horror story with a 13+ rating, but you did it and it is perfect.
What part I liked best: It may sound strange, but I like the way the brain kicks in and senses are heightened when the body is exhausted and it only takes a hint of adrenaline to leave the exhaustion behind. You took me on a fear soaked exploration of what’s next.
Overall impression: I never understand why people do things themselves rather than ask the police for help … or a psychic. You have a new fan. I really like the way you lay out a story and the pictures that you weave through my imagination.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to another Game of Thrones reviews. My name is Cheri, I am one of the sly foxes.
Title: The title is an eye grabber. I almost overlooked it because the teaser did not live up to the title.
First Impression: I liked the way the story presented and the way you turn a phrase. I like it when I can see a snapshot in time and know exactly what is going on and how everything is supposed to look.
What needs your attention: I don’t see any obvious boo boos or typos. When writing a story like this, the punctuation and grammar has to be tight, and yours was.
What part I liked best: Even though this was written a long time ago, it still has relevance. Not much has changed over time. I’m still waiting for the world to sort itself out. I’m still waiting for people to hear what is said and not something they make up in their head.
Overall impression: When I see ribbons and awards, I am expecting a fantastic story. You packed a lot of punch in a short story. Good job. Congratulations on your win.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Welcome to the Game of Thrones reviews. You are chosen. My name is Cheri, I am one of the sly foxes.
Title: I chose this story not because of the title, but because of the cat icon and because it promised to be a story solely from a cat’s POV.
First Impression: I am a history buff myself. I was a bit thrown off by the reference to Krakow. I knew you had to do that to save the “surprise” for the end.
What needs your attention: I can’t think of anything other than this war zone is similar to an elderly person being able to hunt and run with the same alacrity as a young person. It is good that you created a cat with a brain and intuition. It does not detract from the story, it just put a question mark in my head when it didn’t need to be there.
What part I liked best: You used your gift of writing to show that humans and animals have this innate desire to do whatever has to be done to survive. I like that. Even though the idea was dark, I appreciated that you took on the challenge of suggesting the idea of fertilizer and medicine being the outcome for the hateful acts done by the Nazis. At least that’s the way it landed for me.
Overall impression: I was expecting a fantastic piece deserving of an award. Thank you for delivering on that mark of excellence.
Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
You write such beautiful stories for these contests. I can never find anything to correct or find fault with. I know I should give you something more than a high five, but it is not needed.
Thank you for again honoring our fallen heroes.
Dang, you made me cry again.
Blessings,
Cheri
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Hello, and happy account anniversary. You are chosen as part of the WdC Power Reviewers Raid.
First thing of note is that I do love the way you put words together. Just a bit jealous of the way you are able to put the scenes together and have the characters come alive before my eyes.
The story kept and held my attention all the way through. Your story arc, and character development are spot on and exceptionally done.
There were just a few things in the "polished" category that I would recommend you look at....you don't have to because it is your story .... just some things that stopped me when reading this ...
I would let my ears go straining through the thin walls to hear the great secrets that where being told without my presence. [s/b were being told]
The disembodied whisper of my older brother floating down to me to quit shaking the bunk beds. [fragment….it’s missing something ... or is that the intent?]
Exclamations like Oh should have some kind of punctuation to set it off.
The punctuation is not the way I would do it. As long as it does not distract from the story, I am okay with it.
say your sorry. [I think this should be either you’re sorry or your I’m sorry.]
I only had to look up a few words in your well-formed vocabulary. I so appreciate your author’s voice, word choice and the way you weave your story together.
I am not an expert on fugue, and cannot tell you how to write a story, but such a strange word twice in a story … I don’t know. You are gifted with words, maybe you can switch it up for one of them.
On a personal note, thank you for acknowledging the arrogance of youth and the mistakes that are made. Since this is a biography, I do hope your hopes were realized. Sometimes it takes a bit longer than 17 for the other half to want the same thing.
Good luck. You are an exceptional writer. Normally, I knock off a half star when the punctuation is not perfect, but I can't. This story tugged at the heartstrings and I am compelled to honor the story with full credit.
Cheri
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Hi, Happy Account Anniversary and welcome to the WdC Power Reviewer Spring Raid. I chose you!
First of all, I love this story. The relationship between the grandmother and grandson is awesome. So good to know that there are interesting ways to teach the kids and to know that they get the message.
The story was well told and almost flawless. I saw this line and did not get it. Gramma laughed, and agreed, and whispered in his hear ... It could read that only he could hear or in his ear, just seemed two thoughts were running at the same time and I did not know which one you wanted to run with.
Rating and genre were appropriate. No problems at all with grammar or punctuation. Well done. Congratulations on the contest win. You earned it.
Cheri
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Hi. Welcome to the WdC Power Reviewers Spring Raid.
This is a cute little story. I grew up in a rural environment much like the one in this story. It is pretty darn close to the self-help mentality of a small rural town.
I did see one thing that made me scratch my head. Edward raised his shotgun level to the Luther's chest. [Was calling him the Luther intentional? I use "the ____ " when describing someone so full of themselves it's disgusting. If that was the intent, it worked.]
I enjoyed your humor in this piece. It gave me a chuckle.
Ratings and genre are appropriate. All the standards to make the piece fun to read were there. Good job.
Hi.
I found your story in the Nature genre and decided to include it in the WdC Spring Power review raid.
By the look of the highlighted words, this must have been a contest entry of some sort. I like the direction the story moved in and the idea you were trying to convey. It just needs a little polish.
To improve this piece, I recommend correcting the possessives to be plural. [i.e. Day's s/b Days, Pansy's s/b Pansies, and so on.] Also there are some obvious typos [like "Finely" s/b "Finally" and honsty s/b honest.]
If you have the time, try to look at keeping every thing in the same tense. [For instance: He stopped to smell the Lavender. Checks on the Dahlia sprouts. The some what wild Daisy's that his sister loves. This would read better as: He stopped to smell the Lavender, check the Dahlia sprouts and the somewhat wild Daisies that his sister loved.]
Your story has a sweet touch to it and just needs a little more tweaking to have the memory scene be a seamless inclusion in this tranquil summer scene that you are describing.
Cheri
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Hello. I am sure that you have been the recipient of many reviews as part of the WdC Power Review Spring Raid.
I am not over 60 but I am a fan of old movies and know the gold stars in the windows. I honor the deployed and my heart was aching as I read this piece -- I was so with the mom or wife. Nice little twist to take the edge off.
I did not see any typos or boo boos. The rating and genre are appropriate. I don't see anything that is glaringly off. Well done.
Hi, Angus. I found your story in the mystery genre thingy. You don't know how to do bad. Even your "bad" is polished.
Bumping off a trick or treater is bad form. I shall give you your 1/2 star. If the contest is over and you you want the honest rating, give me a shout out.
Cheri
~~Image #4000 Sharing Restricted~~
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cheri55422/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.30 seconds at 5:51am on Apr 25, 2024 via server web2.
| (4.5)
| (3.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
