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867 Public Reviews Given
867 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of Seaside Suite  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Just scooting by to acknowledge your gift. I found this quite by accident by checking out the Writer's Cramp. I applaud the beauty of your writing. You took totally disjointed prompts and weaved them into a beautiful poetic piece.

I usually do not read or review poetry. When I do, you know that the piece had to be steller. This piece deserves more than the Writer's Cramp, it deserves a quill award.
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Review of Gray House  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello. Saw your work highlighted in the Short Stories newsletter. Congratulations on the nod from the editor.

You tell a remarkable story. Very polished. No mistakes at all. And the story was written in a manner that I could see what was going on in the first half of the story. Truthfully, I struggled a little with the second half because I did not understand the movie references. Despite that, the writing was so well done, that I could stick with it to the end. Which is a good thing because that is how I saw that you used the scenery to stitch the two ideas together.

It is an interesting concept and well told.
You have a new fan.
Cheri
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128
Review of Why I Fight  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Found your story in the newsletter. I thank your grandfather for his service. I thank your family for the sacrifices made.
The story has a lot of room for expansion if your granddad has any more stories to tell. I have never been in combat, but even I can tell there is a lot unsaid about what he was thinking and what he did. Thanks for sharing your family's story.
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129
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like your easy writing style.
Change the Sara to Lisa
Everyone in the story [I think you meant store.]
Love happy endings. Love should always be so easy and steadfast, through any trial.

I have a problem with the timeline. I did not immediately get that you were saying 9 months after March. I don't know if it is worth tweaking if I am the only one who tripped up.
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Review of Sophie's Father  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, you are one of my favorite authors. I found this little gem in the newsletter. There is nothing that I would change.
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131
Review of Silent Witness  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Saw your review request in the HUB. What can I say? This is a very powerful story. When you write about this subject, the punctuation and grammar have to be tight.

The story was laid out so that there could be no questions, and everything is wrapped up with a powerful and believable ending.

I can't see anything that I would change or that leaves a question mark over my head.

I look forward to reading more of your work.

Cheri
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132
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, Vincent, you are brilliant. My favorite character likes mysteries that don't involve detectives and police. I love it!

I did not think you could stitch three crazy items together so effortlessly, but you did. And I appreciate that you took the time to write with clean punctuation and paid attention to ever the smallest of details.

I love steampunk. I can't write it myself, but truly appreciate those that can.

Thank you for making my day.
Cheri
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133
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Brother Joel. Found this in the newsletter. So dang funny. It must have been a hoot in your house. Poor teacher.

Found only an errant ; [I got the impression; she didn't believe that I was as good at making costumes as I had claimed to be.] Take it out, it is not needed.
You use ; where I would prefer to see a : (and that falls in the who cares category.)

Got the scenes, the characters and the drama. Loved your little tale of the Christmas thingy. Thanks for sharing.
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134
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: E | (5.0)
My favorite is Platoon. love the newsletter.
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135
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi. Found your little gem in the newsletter. I was quite taken by it. I like the way you lay out the story so that I can see what each is doing. You kept the story from one point of view, which helps.

I did not see any obvious misses in the character or plot development. You told a complete story, and yet one that can be expanded into a larger piece if you choose to run in that direction. Here are a few things that need a second look:

"Make sure that's shut off a night, will you? {Is night the correct word?}
Libby was letting out loud {I don't understand what you meant.}

The thing I like best in your writing is that you cover all five senses. Have fun with your writing. You have a certain flavor in your writing that I like.

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136
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello there. Caught your self promo on my newsfeed. I'm a fan and like pretty much everything you write.

I can't complain about anything in the story. I liked the visions that played out in my head and I liked the way the players came to life. Just one question....you wrote

Cody hugged himself [who's Cody?]

That's all.

Cheri
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137
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, Jim: Found this little gem in my newsfeed, I guess that's because I am a fan of your writing.

This is a wonderful story. It had all the juice needed to keep my attention and just enough ebb to not overwhelm the senses.

I like the way you tell a complete story. I can not see any oopsies in character development or scene layout. The characters had realistic responses and attitude. I don't do boats or deep water, so you can tell it anyway you want and I would not know if it was realistic or not. I did see a couple of things that look like oopsies ... see what you think...

immediately knew [looks like an extra tab]
that far away port. [looks like a missing word]

Loved your story. The oopsies are not enough to affect your rating. You deserve all five...Later,
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Review of Imprints  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello. Welcome to a review as part of the Fall Review Raid.

First off, You have a handle on this dialogue only. I could follow it quite easily. I see that this was written quite a long time ago. I have not checked to see if you made it into a novel or have written serials, but it is a fantastic story idea. I enjoyed this immensely. Despite being dialogue only, you were able to stick some descriptives in and to develop some depth to your characters, the plot and scenes. I definitely would love to see more about Ann and Dan.

cheri
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Review of Spill It  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I saw this in the newsletter and had to give it a read. You have a gift for telling a funny story, that much is for sure. I can't think of anything to change. I am now curious as to what new items you have added to the do not touch list.

Congrats on the spotlight in the newsletter. It is well deserved.

I will probably get GP for this review, so I will pass them on to you in advance. Thank you for putting a smile on my face and brightening my morning.

Cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is simply awesome. Thank you for doing this. I am donating GP for the cause....

Cheri
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141
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Pipette. Found your little treasure in the comedy newsletter. This story is hilarious. I got the whole fun time gone wrong vibe. When you do comedy pieces, it has to be tight. Thank God, yours was.

Everything was great, you just had one line I did not get. The other night I was serving during Gladys when a man ordered 3 margaritas ... Maybe it's not important that I don't get it. I just missed a beat for a second.

Overall impression: This would be just as great if you did it as a bit for a stand up comedy thing. It is quite funny.

Cheri
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142
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey, Vincent. Caught your shout out in my newsfeed and just had to read this little gem about my most favorite character to date. Guess what? This is Power Raid weekend to boot. Whoot.

I don't know steampunk enough to tell you what needs improvement. I think you should send a "pay me" invoice to Spartacus for interrupting your breakfast. That would be so funny. Is Steampunk allowed to be funny? Maybe Spartacus would find the ironic in it.

Anyway, just a few possible oopsies,
A low-pitched howl sounded from the mist. It seemed to surround us, and finally begain to trail off into what I can only describe as a wet-sounding hiss. [s/b began]
It also verfies once again that the Lance is not lost, and that's good for us [did you mean 'verifies'?]

Always love the Spartacus. You always get the best ratings from me with the Spartacus. That's not quite true. It helps that you are a fantastic writer and can create a character that has such a wide arc in character/personality/stuff like that.
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143
Review of Hugh Dunnit  
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, saw your note in the newsfeed. I'm a fan so had to check it out. Love your birthday edition for the site.

This put a smile on my face and made me laugh. This kept my interest from start to finish. I can always tell your stamp on a piece. That's a good thing as far as author's signatures go.

Couple oopsies:
they tackled and handcuffed Huff. Going through his wallet, they pulled out his ID.
[Did you mean to call him Huff?]
:You live at 612 Baker Street?"
[i think you meant "You]

Favorite part: I loved the repartee between Hugh and Monique. That was cute.
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, saw your story in the newsletter. Second place? Only? I thought it read like the winner.

The title was solid and synced with the prompt.
The main character was adorable. I know you probably can't figure that out, but that's the way he played to my personality. And the jumper was an itch in a hard-to-reach location that is driving you nuts.
Story Arc and Scene development were so spot on. I don't know what you could have done to improve them. Maybe it was because no elevators go straight to the roof. They usually stop one below and you have to take keyed entry and stairs to get the rest of the way.
Love your author's voice and the way you lay out the story.
I usually have a favorite line, but in this case it's a favorite character trait. This negotiator, I don't know the word, but I think we've all had those times where we meet one fool too many.
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Review of That Last Breath  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, G.B. I found this brilliant story in the Authors newsletter. It is quite painful to write experience stories like this. I know because I did, too. I lost a sister and mother to cancer. My sister died in hospice like you describe, not on life support, just a constant morphine drip. My mother died quietly at home. Both were in the quiet hours of morning just as your story said.

I could feel the different and varied levels of emotion that each family member or friend must have felt. Heck, I went through it so I know all glares exchanged because people were talking too loud or whatever improper thing was done during the vigil. I got the setting quite clearly and felt I was right there in the room standing vigil.

You had my attention from front to back. If there were any errors, I did not care or did not notice.

Very well done. Thank you for sharing your gift.
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Review of Jo-Jo the Clown  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
So I found this in the newsfeed, although it was written awhile back.
I normally would not read clown stories, but clowns and horror stories are a nice combo I could not resist.
To actually feel empathy for a serial killer is quite the feat, and yet you did it. Just a hint of pity for the clown and all of his victims.
The scenes incorporate all of the senses so that it in makes some sort of twisted logic.
It helps that you nailed down the story in terms of punctuation and grammar. When you have a horror story at this level of graphics, you do not need distractions.
I liked the pacing and the way the story unfolded. I needed the intro to put all the puzzle pieces in the right spot. Thank you for taking that time to lay that all out.
And I see that the horror continues at the end so that story arc has a jumping off point if you choose to novelize this story. I'm glad Jo Jo only has a sniffer for the mean ones.
I can't see anything to change, improve or fix.
Excellent work.
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Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like your entries. They always make me think. And more than one has a tidbit of useful information.
In the meantime, choose happiness.
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148
Review of Ten Thirty  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
There is nothing I would change about this piece. It is well written, delivering an abbreviated character and plot due to a limited word count.

I just think something as graphic as this should be 18+, you talking about a serial murderer and a slicing a kid's throat for crying out loud. And I know that the story calls for this level of graphics, the rating should be in line with that. But that's my opinion, maybe the moderators think it's quite okay.

If you won this competition, maybe you can add a tag at the end as to what the prompt was. Just a thought that drifted across my brain.
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Review of Slushies  
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You had it from beginning to end. Beautiful, beautiful story. There is not one thing to change or needed improvement. (Other than I want to see the sequel!)

I am not going to ruin your record. This is a five star story for Cheri.
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150
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, found your work in the Authors newsletter. I understand your request to be how to make the character successful.

To me, the character would work better if the merged entities were of the same sex, or one was unisex. This constant internal conflict takes away from the real purpose of having a merged being. This idea was tried in Deep Space Nine and in that Lilly Tomlin and Steve Martin movie. I am suggesting that you choose. If you want a dual sexed character, it is going to be more comical than dramatic. If you have one of the beings unisex, it has a fighting chance of going for that dark sci-fi vibe that you seek. With this internal conflict constantly having these two at odds with each other, what opportunities are missed, how are missions compromised?

In this version, you just told me that some kind of choosing had taken place and it really does not lend to my understanding of what that looked like. How does that merging affect each one's understanding of how this body will be used and the purposes that it will be used?

You have an interesting concept. If you choose to run with the male/female merge, there must be some level of compromise to make this union work, and neither one is capable of backing down for the common good, at least not at this juncture.

I hope my comments make some level of sense for you
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