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Hello, Welcome fellow Game of Throner to the Power Raid. Congratulations, you are among the chosen.
I only chose this story because it won an award so I knew it had to be good. The teaser promised trouble would soon be upon this young fellow. Getting down to it in the first paragraph was unexpected.
I got the feeling of panic in the running scenes. I just could not tell what started the run. All I could tell is that he was scared. If that sense of fleeing the unknown was your intent, you nailed it. I don’t think I have seen this many descriptions of running or hunting. They are both quite accurately and descriptively written.
I was not expecting Hunter to have any possessions since you said he buried his trade goods. That part left a question mark over my head.
The styling of the writing lends itself to taking the reader to a distant place of fantasy. It keeps the reader solidly in this mystical time and place. Thank you for paying attention to the grammar and punctuation. The ratings and genre selections were appropriate.
Thank you for sharing your gift.
Hello. I found your story in the Short Stories newsletter from Last Month. I was in the Game of Thrones and ignored all my newsletters until now. I saw you wrote this a while ago. I have seen your work before and am always impressed with the thoughts that run through your head and onto "paper".
Your attention to detail and the little things like punctuation in grammar is appreciated.
Your main character evokes some level of empathy ... and curiosity. I can't figure him out. Maybe that's a good thing. I only got a peek at a select few of those in the crowd and local law enforcement through the eyes of the criminal. That was interesting.
Overall, I like this slow motion survey of what might go through a person's head who is facing a death sentence. The pacing of the story had the cadence of a slow methodical drumbeat. You never broke from your the big picture in delivering this story, and you had plenty of opportunity to do a break away and take it in a totally different direction.
Definitely a new fan.
Thanks for sharing your gift. You deserve every one of the stars.
Congratulations on your Noticing Newbies Award. The playing field must have been strong, because this story is fantastic. Thank you for sharing your gift. I can't think of anything I would change.
I appreciate that you stay true to the call of the addiction. In the end, they always choose the addiction over the people in their life or over any sense of love or compassion that used to exist.
I will probably get some GPs for these few words. I will share them with the artist because you are that good and deserve them.
Hello Joy, Welcome to the Spoil a Member part of the Game of Thrones.
1. Title, Teaser/Concept – Found this title in your mystery folder and it grabbed my interest. The misdirection in the concept made me what to find out what happened next. I figured an award meant it had to be good. I see this was written a long time ago.
2. Characters – The only character I got a good look at was the detective. Showing how they have to turn off the attractions and that the puzzle is the focus or the drive is the way most detectives are.
3. Scene execution – All of this was very good for the minimalistic needs of a short story.
4. Technicalities: Punctuation is not like I would do, but within standard ranges. Genre and rating are accurate. If you left a cliffhanger, this would be the perfect length for one of those mystery sections in one of those women’s magazines. They would love the tickles of romantic interest part as well.
Favorite Line: My heart has lost its music like a violin out of tune. [This sounds so poetic, almost out of character for the rest of the story. I think that’s why I like it so much … because it does stand out from the rest of the piece.]
Thank you for sharing.
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, Charlie. Are you up for another review of your poetry as part of the Game of Thrones Raid? I bet the attention gives you the puffed up chest.
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
So, let’s look at the title and teaser. The title is the draw and the teaser get the reader to actually commit to reading it. I am curious on how an emotional poem about mental illness can be E rated.
IMAGERY:
I can see why this won an award. Personalizing this poem gets an empathic response, forcing us to watch this back and forth internal tussle between admitting a shortcoming or faking it.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
If there was any rhyming or rhythm, it would have been by accident. This subject matter would have been totally screwed up if you put a rhythm or rhyme to it. I just don’t think you can do justice to a complex subject like this one and try to be rhythmic at the same time. It’s almost like a demand that there has to be a stutter steps in there as the decisions and choices are being created and assumed. I will say that each line had a complete thought, which help center the reader on what you were trying to convey.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
This had such a powerful delivery. Down to the last line. My favorite line was: No one will go down with you. Probably because it is more true than any of us want to admit.
Hello, Me again to give you another review for the Game of Thrones Raid. Whoot! This challenge game that you were part of sounds like a fun little writing activity.
1. Title, Teaser/Concept – Your title is a nice draw for this reader. I have done dialogue only and it is a challenge to relay the scene through spoken word cues, more so if you have more than one person in the scene.
2. Characters – I got a good vibe from these characters. They talk like they have been together for a long time and can complete each other’s thoughts. I get a peek at a daring 7-year old son through the eyes of the parents. I like the way you capture the relationship between these two with the banter that went on between them.
3. Scene execution – This was a clever way to tie the prompt in with the challenge. This really is the way people can look at “the same thing” and really do take “that long” to figure out that they are communicating, but not Meeting the minds.
5. Technicalities: punctuation is different than what I do, but not a deal breaker. I am not a fan of “other” as a genre. Rating is appropriate. This would be a good one for the “family” or “comedy” categories.
6. Overall Impression: This is a cute little funny piece about miscommunication. I say funny because it is obvious to me that their son was not hurt or the one with the live ammo, may have even been the instigator.
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, Me again with another review of poetry from your portfolio as part of the Game of Thrones Raid.
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
My first thought is: Are you nuts? Tetractys? I can barely form a complete though given a word count minimum of 300 words and you get to do a complete thought in 20 syllables? This should be good. To start off, it helps that you picked a title that everyone (or should I say adult?) can relate to. Like I said before I ‘m not a fan of “other” as a genre, but can only think of “writing” or “arts” as alternatives, mainly because these are my go-to catch-all for difficult-to-categorized pieces. Pretty easy to hit the E rating when syllables are at a premium.
IMAGERY:
Thank you for not going mystical in honor of Euclid. I, for one, think sleep is underrated. Who would not take a nap if they got the chance? This reminds me of that country song: Don’t Blink.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
I wasn’t expecting rhyme or rhythm. You hit the assignment requirements….all 20 syllables are there in the proper format, with a complete thought to boot.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
This was quite good. Thank you for sharing this new type of poetry.
Cheri
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, Are you up for another review of your poetry as part of the Game of Thrones Raid?
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF: So This little Nonet looks to be part of a class of some sort. With that said, I don’t like “other” as a genre choice. This would be a cute little piece for the food/cooking genre. Another catch all for miscellaneous pieces would be the “writing” genre.
IMAGERY:
I have seen Nonet before, but still like the little explanation at the end to describe the assignment. So putting together an everyday/ordinary experience in artistic format must have been quite fun. The little explanatory at the end to show you the real value of couponing is adorable.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
You fit all of the requirements in and picked and unusual topic and somehow by gosh or by golly you made it fun.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I found this piece enjoyable. I am always amazed when a writer can take an otherwise ordinary day and create something with it. I mean how many people do you know (not including foodies and moms) who like to discuss the value of couponing and the value of time? I mean in the same thought. I mean Lawyers can value time, but not couponing.
Cheri
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, another review for the Game of Thrones Raid. Are you sick of the praises and high fives? Didn’t think so. It feels good to be recognized for your talent.
1. Title, Teaser and Concept –The title and teaser are perfect for the story you laid out. I am a sucker for a good romance. I am so glad you took the concept in a direction other than vampire.
2. Characters – It’s nice to see older couples connecting as in this story. Given the genre, I wasn’t expecting “typical” characters. These characters are likeable and a bit eccentric. I even got a good picture of the security guard.
3. Scene execution – This is your strong suit. It’s hard to keep the word count less than a thousand and keep scene execution at the detailed level. You managed to tell what needed to be told and let us figure out the rest.
4. Technicalities: Everything was up to your usual high standards, no mistakes that I saw. Genre and rating are appropriate.
I saw this in the romance newsletter! Getting two highlights in newsletters is quite the accomplishment.
Favorite Lines, I'll have to locate her using my non-existent super-sleuth skills. [That is so funny. I like the stuff that comes rolling off your fingertips.]
"Game of Thrones"
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Hello, Me again with another review for the Game of Thrones Raid. I see this one won an award and that it is a crime thriller. This should be good.
1. Title, Teaser/Concept – The title has to be related to the story you are telling and it helps when the teaser gives a nod to the concept that you want to present.
2. Characters – Keeping the personalization of the characters was essential to keep you from jumping heads. Having one center character and seeing everyone from that perspective was essential to the plot. I liked viewing Mike through Rob’s eyes.
3. Story Arc – Perfect bell curve story arc. The foundation part was necessary, but somewhat irritating. I am not sure why, maybe I wasn’t getting “enough” of whatever that thing is that I can’t describe, but know it when it’s not there. I liked the way it ended. Once you commit to stupid, it can only end badly.
4. Scene execution – When you got to the part of the story you wanted to tell, you took off like a scared bunny and delivered graphic scenes that were clear and tight.
5. Technicalities: All the technical things like grammar, punctuation, genre and rating were accurate. You won the award, so my pithy comments probably do not mean anything.
6. Writing voice – Your writing style reminds me in a weird way of Alfred Hitchcock. He liked to tell scary stories, but they always had to end with a nod to the moral compass that each of us has. We all know the difference between right and wrong and we use it to true up whatever crapola is floating our way.
"Game of Thrones"
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Hello, Me again with another review for the Game of Thrones Raid. Congratulations on your Day 4 win. That contest sounds so challenging.
1. Title, Teaser and Concept – When you are crafting a story for the Horror/Scary genre, you have to have a title that draws that audience. I am curious at how to make a horror story 13+ rated. Looking forward to a fabulous tale about Friday the 13th.
2. Characters – I so got the arrogance fading of the main character. This genre gives you leave to create characters out of ordinary things. I appreciate that you gave “life” to walls, wind and trees.
3. Story Arc – With a limited word count, you had to start building the tension early and keep elevating throughout. Ending with a cliffhanger really works for scary stories.
4. Scene execution: This is your strong suit. I could see all the action and scenes play out so clearly.
5. Technicalities: Would not change a thing. And you really did keep it spooky and within CRS guidelines for 13 +. Most excellent execution.
6. Writing voice – I am a new fan of your author stylings. I can’t put my finger on it, but I know your work when I see it.
Favorite Line: We resent your ability to escape by using your brain, which should be pickled. [I don’t know why but I found this quite funny. I laugh inappropriately in scary movies.]
Thank you for sharing your artistry. I have so enjoyed all the stories I have reviewed for you.
"Game of Thrones"
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Hello, Me again with another review for the Game of Thrones Raid.
1. Title, Teaser and Concept – Okay, the title is a good one. The teaser has me curious. The first thing I did was sneak to the bottom to see what the heck the challenge was all about. That one would drive me nuts.
2. Characters – I don’t know how you did it, this is so cleverly done. I love this character.
3. Story Arc – Perfect story arc. You built the foundation and the tension so that there was a believable conflict and then slid out with a strong finish. The pacing kept me engaged in the total story trying to figure out what direction you would go.
4. Scene execution – Seeing scenes unfold through the eyes of the clothing was a weird experience for me. Loved what you did with this.
5. Technicalities: grammar is quite good. The punctuation and formatting is different than what I would use, and who really cares? The genre and rating are appropriate.
6. Writing voice – You have a very low key comedic writing style. It works well.
Overall Impression: You captured the love/hate relationship between the favorite and the self perfectly.
Thank you for sharing. I love the way you present the ideas that are flashing through your head.
"Game of Thrones"
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Hello, Welcome a review as part of the Game of Thrones Raid. Congratulations, you are among the chosen.
1. Title, Teaser and Concept : The title is promising. I see it won an award so I know it must be good. It’s a given that a well told true story are always the best.
2. Characters – Since there is only one character, I have to get all of you through your story. I see determined, confused, a little sad, stoic (handles pain well) and disciplined.
3. Story Arc – and Scene execution – I don’t know if there can be either of these two in a documentary such as this. You let us take a look at the daily routine and the stuff you have to deal with, so if that is scene and story, you nailed it.
4. Technicalities: grammar and punctuation are perfect. I have never reviewed self-help before so this is a treat for me. The rating is appropriate. It would have been nice to know the contest and prompt that got you the award. Congratulations on your award.
5. Writing voice – Since this was one of your first pieces and written a while back, it is hard to detect your writer’s voice. At the 3 year mark, I could tell that there was a little bit of acceptance and positivity replacing the confusion and sadness in this story.
6. Personal Rant Inspired by a Line in a Story: but the doctor still wanted to try the chemotherapy pills. [I am so sick of doctors thinking chemotherapy is the answer to all illness. Chemo is cancer fighting cancer (or the disease of the day) and it just kills the strong healthy cells. If someone could tell me how fighting a serious ailment with weak and old cells works, I will give the Liar’s Cup, for the most outrageous lie that people believe. There, I’m done now. Thank you.]
"Game of Thrones"
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urprise, Welcome to the Game of Thrones Raid surprise a member review. Congratulations, on your second place win. I am now expecting something magnificent.
1. Title, Teaser and Concept : Title is catchy, and the teaser matched it nicely. I don’t know how the title fits, but I like it. I’m assuming the teaser relates to the contest prompt.
2. Characters: So happy you developed a woman with heart and strength. I even get the tertiary characters through the eyes of this strong woman. I am so thankful that you included a character who gave it all for this country. That was beautifully done even if we only got to see him briefly through the eyes of this courageous woman.
3. Story Arc: This story was lovingly told. No rushing, just took your time to lay it out so that we could get the day-in-the-life vibe.
4. Scene execution: My favorite scene was the tired yet knowing laugh with the Mr. Mize. It was a good set up for the reveal at the near end.
5. Technicalities: No dings or dangs, everthing was quite perfect.
6. Writing voice: I admire your author’s voice. The genre does not matter, you make everything work from styling to technicalities.
7. Favorite Lines:
It was her job. [You don’t know how that one sentence drives a majority of women to do what they must. Understanding that the first job is family, the second job is the everything else to take care of that family: that sentence captures that drive in its simplest terms.]
"Game of Thrones"
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Surprise. Me again with a surprise review as part of the Game of Thrones. I am glad you picked this one for the challenge. It is quite fabulous.
1. Title, Teaser and Concept:
Seems you like the Latin. This is the second Latin title you have chosen. With a teaser that this is about a friend, I am happy that you gave it an E rating.
2. Characters: I thought I knew who the characters were, but the bombshell at the end, blew my understandings into the stratosphere.
3. Story Arc: This is the fantastic story arc that keeps the story moving upward and then dropped like a rock. That was a way cool story arc.
4. Scene execution: Sorry, I did not see much. You focused mainly on the character and the message. This reminds me an awful lot of that song: Cat’s In The Cradle, you know?
5. Technicalities: nothing stuck out as being off.
I am not surprised to see the philosophy / religion genres. Good choice.
6. Writing voice: I have always liked your in-the-face presentations. I have been a fan for a while, I think you know that.
Overall Impression: I love most of your stories, especially the ones with a message and those that are inspirational.
Cheri
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, I chose your item for a Game of Thrones Review.
1. Title, Teaser and Concept: To be honest I only selected this because it won an award, so I knew it would be good. I don’t get the teaser. I do not like “other” as a genre. Since this is in your romance file, that would be a good genre selection. JMO
2. Characters: I am not an expert, but this is a very good portrayal of 18th century characters. The dialogue seems to be gender appropriate.
3. Scene execution: the story played out in logical order. Good explanations of how the Oxford Education system. I appreciate using the language of the time to bring the scenes alive.
4. Technicalities: Just a couple boo boos.
she could not even regret the that. [extra word]
has spend the last decade [spent]
so strange to her hear nickname [extra word or missing word]
missed a stray period or comma here and there, not enough to effect the read.
5. Writing voice: I expected a straight-forward, focused and clear voice, with a bow to honoring the time period or genre you are writing in.
I liked this very much. Thank you for sharing your gift.
Cheri
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, I chose your poetry as part of the Game of Thrones.
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
I stopped at this item mainly because it won an award. The title has a pull to it that I like. From the title, I did not need a genre to tell me that it would be faith-based. From E-rated I knew I would be able to read it without blushing.
IMAGERY:
I understand this to be a poetry comparing normal to what you face. Yet, I have learned over the years, that normal is a state of being, not a state of body. You seem to have figured that out early and live into the future of your own creation.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
I wasn’t paying attention. I just know what I like and what touches me. And this one did just that. I am sure it got the award because there were no mistakes to get in the way of a powerful piece.
FAVORITE LINE:
I am as NORMAL as God wanted me to be. [Just because I don’t do “normal”. We all are as normal was we choose to be.]
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
This is a delightful and inspiring piece. Thank you for sharing your gift.
Cheri
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, Me again, taking a trip through your port to find some poetry to review as part of the Game of Thrones Raid. Found one of your new pieces. I like your artistic stylings, so am looking forward to a powerful piece.
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
I chose this title because I know your work and want to see what you have to say about faith. The teaser, rating, genre are within the range of what I expect in any work dealing with faith and/or philosophy.
IMAGERY:
This statement of your convictions in kindness, compassion, faith, and love is beautifully done. I see that you would not back down from any challenge, because you need trials and adversity to build your armor.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
I truly think that couplets and nonets are the hardest of the poetic forms. Getting my thoughts down in a short story is easy compared to trying to find a rhyme and meter to match up over more than ten lines.
FAVORITE LINE:
Clearly revealed are God’s true ways [And they really are. Even when we are not in an easy situation, God is always with us.]
Thank you for sharing!
Cheri
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, Me again to review a piece of poetry from your port as part of the Game of Thrones Raid.
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
Title and teaser are well crafted. It makes the novice in poetry want to give it a read. Not exactly sure how you can have an E rating with a “dark” genre. I totally get the “Emotional” and “Philosophy” genre choices. Your talent sings even in the constraints of an E rating.
IMAGERY:
The picture painted with this poetic styling was so clear and clean. I agree that a life without purpose has no hope and lives in the land of gray nothingness. That’s how I interpreted it anyway. This poem really did hit the mark of making the journey from darkness into light.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
The rhymes were in perfect cadence, all the words carefully chosen in syllabic content and form. You did not have to drift off the truth in your work to keep everything landing on the beat.
FAVORITE LINE:
Across a lost and damaged soul, [When the line is delivered with this much strength and imagery, I was all in. You had my attention from the first line to the last bow.]
Cheri
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, I again chose your poetry as part of the Game of Thrones Raid. This one has been around for a while and recently modified. I am looking forward to your new edits. I hope the edits were not just the little tattling on yourself at the end.
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
Title, sounds like an old 80’s song that I love. That with the teaser, genre and rating promising interesting things, I am already singing “One Night in Bangkok.”
If there were any typos or stuff like that, I did not notice them.
IMAGERY:
I think Carrie Underwood stole your poem. Did you at least get royalties? I mean, right down to the Vegas and not being able to remember your new last name. It would be super cool if this was based on real events.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
I am sorry. I wasn’t paying attention to rhyme and rhythm since it was supposed to be free verse. That’s a good thing. But I read it like a song. It’s good to see a poem in the comedy genre.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
I love almost everything you write. It’s nice to see you switching it up now and again to make poetry fun.
Cheri
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, It’s me again, choosing to review another of your poems as part of the Game of Thrones Raid. This was written a long time ago, and it’s appropriate that I just found it on Father’s Day.
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
Title and teaser are appropriate. I know right away that your father was very special to you. Rating and genre are appropriate. The tribute poems are calling to me today. Thank you for the explanatory at the end. It may not have been needed, but it is helpful.
IMAGERY:
I got the image of your father being someone who loves all people and demands the very best effort from all who learn from him. That he keeps fighting for one more day with his family is a tribute of its own unspoken kind.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
This was a different form of poetry for me. It held my interest and my sentiment to the end.
FAVORITE LINE:
because I have all my faith in you [I loved this line because it spoke of that special bond that is so sweet between a father and daddy’s girl.]
Thank you for sharing your gift.
Cheri
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, Me again with another review of your poetry as part of the Game of Thrones Raid.
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
These are my thoughts on things that generate the interest, to stop the scrolling, if you will. This is a lovely title, and from the teasers, I can tell this will probably make me cry. Genre and rating are appropriate.
IMAGERY:
I see this was written a while ago. It’s easy to tell the bond that developed, not so much how the bond was broken. You captured the snapshot in time. Perfection is not needed or necessary when you are talking about this type of topic.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
I was warned that rhyme and meter had not place in this poetry. I was not looking for it, so was not too concerned when it did not show up.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
This one brought back memories and tears over the loss of a friend I thought would have my back to my last days. I don’t know what lesson I was supposed to learn, but life is better for having had that person in it, even if for a short time.
Cheri
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, me again with another gift of a review as part of the Game of Thrones Raid. I see this piece was written a while ago, you have grown in depth and artistry since this was written.
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
Catchy title. It is the first draw for this piece.
I am amazed when writers can take something as simple as a wind chime, couple it with a time of day and an activity and come up with something creative.
It is clear that this is an E rated poem. But “other” as a genre is a turn off. Maybe “music” or “inspirational” or “emotional” would be a good fit.
IMAGERY:
I, too, like to burrow under layers of down comforters to stave off the winter air. I don’t like the wind chimes, though. They do not last in the frigid cold and the winds have them making more of a clamor than a chime.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
This piece is too short to have any poetic problems with it. You said what you had to say, and it was enough.
OVERALL IMPRESSION:
This brought back some good memories for me. Put a smile on my face…and it lingers.
Thank you for sharing.
Cheri
"Game of Thrones"
Hello, Me again, with another poetic review as part of the Game of Thrones Raid.
INTEREST GENERATING STUFF:
Just looking at the title and teaser, I would not know this piece was about your journey on Writing.Com and all of its incarnations. It is an elusive topic and kudos for taking it on.
I would use “Personal” or “writing.com” as a genre choice, rather than “other”.
TECHNICALITIES: found a couple typos:
we stll have questions--don't know it all, [still]
we worked our buts off [did you mean butts?]
IMAGERY:
You give this reader too much credit. I do not understand the acronyms in your verse. I do get that at some point a goal was reached and now the mentee is the mentor.
RHYMING & RHYTHM:
The 4/2 stanza and rhyming pattern work for what you were trying to say. The rhythm was not interrupted when you had to choose words that presented odd rhyming challenges.
FAVORITE LINE:
I always try to be what I want to receive; [I don’t know why I like this so much. It just touched that part of me that strives to always do my best.]
Thank you for sharing your gift and offering your insights to the newbies.
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