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867 Public Reviews Given
867 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Revelation  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this little gem in the HUB. I can see that you are probably a newbie. This is a fantastic story. When everything works, I have a tendency to turn off the editing button. I did not see anything askew in the flow, the dialogue, or the characters. A simple turn of phrase like sitting on the porch and the cars driving by, let me know what setting I was supposed to conger up in my head.

The best part of your work is that everything seemed believable, almost as if you had taken inspiration from a real life something.

Simple things like rubbing the prosthetic, the IED, and the running away comments let me know the soul of the characters.

Ratings and genre are appropriate. If they allow a 4th, military would be a good fit as well.

The only thing I found askew was there is a six year age difference, not five. I personally don't mind the age difference, because you really nailed the difference in thinking between a 20 something and a high school kid, the difference in thinking between a person who has already made most of their life choices, and someone who has most of their life choices to look forward to.

Thank you so much for sharing your gift. You earned a new fan.

WDC power award
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, found this little treasure in the comedy newsletter. You had me laughing so hard. When I was in college, I had to take tax class because "I could earn extra dollars during tax season." The only thing I learned is that I would get sued if I did anybody's taxes other than my own.

It is a good thing that I could turn off the editing button. I figured you were already published, my comments probably do not mean anything. Thank you for having everything spot on perfect and inviting us into your world through this snapshot in time.

Favorite Line: "Yes, and hyperlinks come from neurotic, flying pigs." Still trying to stifle the giggles.

I guess the old adage -- you get what you pay for -- really does apply.

Thank you for sharing and making me smile on this otherwise Holy Terror of a day.

Cheri
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Review of The Sleigh Ride  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with 30-Day Bloggers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
As part of the competitor’s review in the 30-day blogging challenge, I chose your sleigh ride story to review. I chose it because I am a sucker for beautiful romances and it looked like you were quite talented in that area. I see you wrote this a while ago, but it is really good and I hope you get more reviews on it. These are just my opinions and you can do with them what you will.

I am glad you took the time to write a complete story. I am studying the core competency of characters, and you really took the time to develop even the minor players so well. I love that.
There is so much detail in your writing, it was so easy to let my mind create a picture that is complete and wonderful.
This is a strong well-paced story that held my interest all the way through.
When a piece is so well done, it is really hard to do anything more than rave on about how great it is. Let's just say I am jealous of your artistry.

Rating and genre seems to be appropriate. Nothing that would make little kids make funny faces or ask inappropriate questions.

Now for the technical things: Just a few things I noticed. (Your words in front and my comments in brackets)
bringing through the clouds of her thoughts. [did you mean breaking through the clouds?]
You live on a farm house [on a farm or in a farmhouse]
She wished she couldn've found the words [could have]
but Andrew had hung up one him [on him]
she had turned of the CD [off]
The apartment was spotless, yet she finding anything that needed to be cleaned or straightened. [looks like a word is missing.]
apart of my life [a part?]
On June 12 of the following that one [looks like a word is missing]
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello again. found your story in the HUB. You should put this in the comedy genre. You are so funny. Always enjoy reading your stories. I was laughing the whole way through.

I always like the way you deliver a story. The characters are quite good. Nice swift pace on the plot. You managed to deliver a setting in such a short story, that is quite good. I really did not see any errors. The one oddity (using USD instead of GBP) was addressed in a simple sentence. No question marks over this reader's head. Very well done on delivering an excellent story.

Thanks for sharing.

I'll see you at the beach in the ethersphere.

Later,
Cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Jim, who did you tick off? One star? I think you bumped into someone who does not understand the rating system.

I don't review Poetry very much because as long as it rhymes and does not get discordant, I like it. I can't write decent poetry to save my life, so appreciate those that can do it well. I don't even know what to look for when reviewing, that's how much I don't know.

With that caveat, I will say there is one thing that left a question mark over my head. The whole first verse sounds weird in that I don't get what "everyone was dark" refers to. Then, I noted that some of the rhyming patterns in the first two verses sound a little forced to my untrained eye. But neither one was enough to slash the whole thing.

Hope that helps. It is your piece and you have to stay true to your muse.

Thanks for sharing.
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again, Dr. Bob. I turned the editing button off and just enjoyed the story. I see this was written a while ago. It is quite good. There are a few typos, but it is such a beautiful story.

What I like best is that this kid may have come from a harsh beginning, but he won in the end and did not resort to anything evil to get it. I think you said this was based on a true story, that makes it even better.

Thank you for taking the time to paint the picture. It felt like I was standing on a tropical island and i could get a flavor of the people, visitors and layout so clearly.

Very well done. Thank you for sharing.

WDC power award
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Review of Tears Unseen  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I found this little treasure in the emotional genre. I am not a poet and cannot review from that perspective.

I write limited poem reviews because they have to be at a very high level in order to capture my attention and want to read them. Your title and teaser caught my attention, your writing kept it.

Truly, all I look for in a poem is cadence and whether it captures an emotion. And this one did. I send e-hugs because the pain experienced is beautifully expressed. Not a happy poem, but you did not let the pain overtake your expression.

I don't know how you got away with a 13+ rating when it seems like it is talking about slicing wrists, or seems to. That aside, it is a beautifully written poem, thank you for sharing. The genre ratings are spot on. I like that you set off some of the stanzas in blood red. It worked to get the point across.

As always, these are just my opinions and should not influence your voice as a poet.

Click to go to the WDC Power ReviewersWDC power award
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, I found this little gem in the friendship genre. I do not write poetry so I am not the best judge of whether to rate it as poetry or prose. All I know is that it is quite good and that I would not change it.

I selected this poem to review based on the title and your teaser.

When reading poetry, all I look for is cadence and whether the word selection and placement strike a chord in me. The wording and cadence took me back to a more Victorian and innocent time. It is your gift and your talent to lay out the poem in a beautiful and charming way.

Quite well done. Thank you for sharing.

Click to go to the WDC Power ReviewersWDC power award
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Review of Summer of The Rat  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello! I found your story in the Emotional Genre....Your teaser and title caught my attention and prompted me to attempt to give it a decent review.

What a tremendous tale! It was so good, I forgot to turn the editing button on. This is so well done -- I can see the kids and the layout of the town so clearly. I can see the vibe of the town's people and the arrogance of the town council. My brother found my grandmother when she died and his reaction was exactly like that of the boys -- run to the parents.

There were no obvious oopsies or oh no's in the punctuation and grammar. It helps to be spot on in that area so that there are no distractions for the reader. I cannot pick out a favorite line, but my favorite theme is that the father loved and trusted his kids and acted fearlessly to do what he could to protect them. Small town life is so vivid in this story. We really do look for excitement in every crevice and then when we find it, we have to tell the tale so often until the next excitement grabs our interest, and we really do get bored of the telling really fast, don't we?

My overall impression: I have a limited list of favorite authors and you are on that list. Wow! Simply wow!. Thanks for sharing.

On a more personal note ... Since this is biographical, I will treat it as a truthful account -- I thank your father for his service to your country and your family for the sacrifices in the waiting for his safe return.

Looking forward to more of you work.
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, I found this in the emotional genre section. Of course the title got me right off. The award was the second incentive to attempt to give it a decent review.

I was right there in an imaginary trance devouring the chocolates right along with the lady. I would have skipped the dark chocolate but that's just me. I can still savor another person's delight.

The punctuation and grammar was spot on. The word choice was exceptional. This award was well deserved. I don't know if the story arose from a picture prompt or the picture found after the story, but adding the picture was super smart. It captured my curiosity on what was in that box.

I see that this was written a while ago. You should be proud that your work stands the test of time. Kudos.

Thank you for sharing. Looking forward to more.

image:1920974}WDC power award
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found your story in the relationship genre section. I choose this one to review because of the teaser and the title. Could do without the red lettering because i have old eyes. Does it work to get you noticed?

First off, I appreciate the military and all the sacrifices that have to made to make relationships work. Young love is always the strongest, and most impulsive. If this is based on real events, I hope the kids stayed together through it all.

You have a unique writer's voice. Without destroying your voice, I think these things can be addressed without altering the course of the story.
door she, talked to us and took [can take the comma out]
living in the their home [take out the]
to short to go to Vietnam [too short]

The grammar and punctuation are not what I would do, but then the story would go off center if you changed it. I think that's part of the reason why i liked it so much. It really works to show two teenagers trying to figure it out. Times have sure changed, I like the way you showcased that in your story.

Overall this was an excellent work capturing the way teenagers in the 60s behaved, talked, you know? Like that.

Thank you for sharing.

Click to go to the WDC Power ReviewersWDC power award
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Review of THE DATING GAME  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
found your story in the genre section. It was the first one that caught my eye that was not a poem. Yea, you.

These are just my impressions, use them if they work for you and ignore them if they don't.

I know people who are in the dating game after exiting a not working marriage and being alone for a long time. This hesitancy and nervousness is exactly what it is like.

Keeping the setting vague allows for the story to be any coffee shop, anywhere at anytime. It kept the focus on the drift that was going on with the main character's reminiscing and checking out the new patrons.

When the story is compelling I turn off the editing button. Although you do not punctuate the way I would, it is still acceptable. I did notice one typo...
I started to think about Steve, were did it all go wrong, [where did it all go wrong?]

The next story you post, please do this: highlight the whole thing, look for the icon that says sss and then select 4 or greater. This small print is hard to read. I normally skip stories with small print, but I was intrigued by the teaser and wanted to see where it would go. Making a romance/love story with a comedic subplot is not an easy task. I enjoyed what you did with this twist on the romance genre.

Thank you for sharing your art.
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Review of Triskaidekaphobia  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
How can you do that? This poetry stuff comes so easy for some. Liked your little ditty to the song that was playing in my head.

Good luck in your contest thingy. Don't taken any wooden nickles.

Later,Cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I found your story in the romance newsletter. You don't need me to tell you this is a good story, just know that it is. Other than putting punctuation differently than I would, there is really nothing that I would change structurally.

Only one little technical suggestion that you might want to consider -- help me sort out what is self talk and what is not, maybe put the self talk in italics to set it apart a little. Or you can tell me to mind my own business. It's all choice.

So off I go to other tasks. Looking forward to more of your work.

Very good job...
Cheri
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Review of The Barber Shop  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oh, that's so sad. Spend your life trying to find your place in the world and there is no place. Living your life with stuff you hate, and only for people that don't treat you well, being laughed at. So sad. Glad the main character found a moment's peace on the earth, even if it was only a moment.

I like your writing very much. I like the way you present the characters, the setting. I like the way you took the time to make sure the punctuation and grammar was perfect.

Would like to have a bigger font for my old eyes.

I am a new fan of yours. Very good job. Looking forward to more of your work.

Cheri
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Review of Duck  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Saw your piece in the HUB and thought I'd try to give a decent review.

Even though I despise drug dealers, and don't want to like your story for that reason, I found my attention held for the entire piece -- every line, every word.

I got each character and wanted to hate on both of them, but found a bit to like in each character that you have. Not an easy task, but you set that down quite well. I got the setting and the tie in and applaud you for nailing it.

rating and drama are spot on. I have old eyes, would have appreciated a larger font.

I think the place will burn down from the duck being in the fryer too long so Li won't have to worry about police. JMO I like clilffhangers where you get to wonder what happens next.

Overall: I like your work immensely. If they had a sinister story contest, this one would be a good one. Maybe it was and you did win.

Thank you so much for sharing. Looking forward to more stuff. I am a new fan for sure.

Cheri
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Review of Writing.Com 101  
for entry "The Review Mixer" 
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
channeling some shiny GPs back to encourage people to review, and for no other reason
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Review of The Talent Pond  
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Just dropping by to drop off some GPs
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Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Just contributing some shiny GPs because I like the stories.
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Review of The Storm  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I saw your piece on the HUB. I am not a poetry buff and maybe am not a good judge of this. If a layman's opinion is what you want, I can give you that. I prefer poetry that has rhyme and meter, since that is not what yours is about all I can do is give my opinion on content.

The title would not have drawn me to your piece. I am only here because you asked for honest opinions in your request for reviews. Genre and ratings are appropriate.

I get that you are the tree. But unless this tree is on the ocean, it has no way of knowing what a ship on the ocean looks like.
I know why you used the senses, but I do not have a frame of reference to know how the tree has a mouth or eyes. For instance you say the tree screamed. I don't have a frame of reference for that. You say, Missed by inches. How could the tree tell that?

These are just my layman's observations. I hope it helps to see things through my simple eyes.

You are the artist, you can use these suggestions or toss them, it's all choice.
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this little gem in one of the newsletters. I was laughing the whole way through. It is so good I did not have to turn on the editing button. I see it was written a while ago, thank you for sharing your lessons learned.
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You sure can tell a story. I am getting the idea that the only way to stay in the word count limits of these flash fiction things is through dialogue and fast pacing. Nice little twist at the very end.

Looking forward to more of the stuff that sifts through your brain and onto paper.

Later,
Cheri
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Review of A Winter Morning  
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: E | (5.0)
So happy to see Spartacus made it to grandson type age. He is by far my favorite. And the rake has a soft side to boot. Who knew?

I always like what you write. I have the editing button off unless i see something outrageously out of sorts.

Another fantastic job. Always a fan
Cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I found your work as part of the Wodehouse challenge. I normally do not review in this genre, so forgive me if I do not “get” it.

Starting out with positives: You have this fantastic ability to lay out the characters and story in clean unadulterated lines. The story was woven together cleanly and I could follow it most of the time. You have an interesting turn of phrase that kept me interested in where the story was going.

Despite this being a strong story, I turned on the editing button for a brief bit at the following things:
What do you think your [you are = you’re] Just a pet peeve I have…
Your awake.” [you are = you’re] Same pet peeve I have…
about drinkin’. [forgot close quotes] sorry, editing button is overlooking a lot, just not this.
your kinda okay [hint: my pet peeve]
But if your not back I can’t send the troopers [pet peeve]

Sometimes you indent paragraphs and sometimes not, if that is artist signature, leave it == if not, fix it. You do not punctuate the way I would == drop commas all over the place. It does not detract from the story, just interrupts the flow a little.

I personally think this is a little more graphic than 18+, but then this has been around for a long time and I guess smarter people than me are okay with it.

Overall: Strong start, strong finish, and lots of interesting stuff in between. Excellent work.

WDC power award
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Review of Assignment 2  
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
You know I always like your writing and the direction your stories play out.

I like the character descriptions and the way you lay out the plot. I usually do not question the artist's word choice or punctuation unless it is quite obvious. Here are just a couple items that stopped the flow of the story and you may want to consider addressing in your own unique way.

The smell of his cologne lingered in his nose. [her nose]
She slid her hands up her sides along the same path his warm, firm, hands. [missing word?]
and attempts to seduce her [did you mean attempt to be plural?]
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