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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chimpy121
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80 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Possession  
Review by chimpy121
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Wow! Great story! Your hook really rocked. I also like the idea of incorporating differing "conspiracy" theories (i.e. aliens and demons) into one element.

You need to watch out for your commas. For example:

He shored up his leaking courage, and then staying close to the wall, edged his way inside.

The comma should be after "then" instead of after "courage." This happens a couple of times in the story.

Other than that--a great read!!!!!!! Keep it up!
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Review of Fall Foliage  
Review by chimpy121
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked this piece. It made me long to live in an area that actually has seasonal changes--Florida doesn't.

Something about your writing style bugged me, however. You seem to skip over words such as "of" and "the" on occasion. Its more of a conversational style--which if that was what you were going for worked. But it was a little too... informal.

Just something to keep an eye on in case.

Take care!
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Howdy! I've been in Florida most of my life and you hit the nail on the head with your descriptions. Very nice stuff. I'm particularly fond of

grey weathered boards
a missing step
swamp ambience


I actually hang out in a bar in Mount Dora that is pretty close to that... The beer's always warm.

Good job and take care.

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Review of L'aura del Campo  
Review by chimpy121
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Holy crap!

You have an incredible blog!!!!!! Its gonna take me weeks to go through this!

I'm humbled, to say the least...
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Review of Greasy  
Review by chimpy121
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Pretty creepy tale! Nice job on conveying vivid images. The whole puppy thing took my by surprise and was suitably repulsive...LOL.

Take care!
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Howdy! Interesting poll question. It sort of surprised me that a majority (almost half!) of the respondents agree with me.

That says something about today's climate concerning these kinds of issues.

And that's a good sign.

Good work!

Take care.
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Howdy! This is a nice little story, well-written and entertaining.

I was quite surprised by the happy ending (given the time of year and all)--it caught me off guard.

I didn't see any typos and such. Good luck in the Best of Three poll!

Thanks for a fun read!
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Howdy! I found this quite interesting and well-written. Your form is excellent--far better than I could do (I'm definitely not a poet). The imagery is very strong and confident. I could see much of what was going on--and with a work of this nature, that's quite impressive.

However, I must confess to getting a bit confused toward the end, particularly with the last stanza. I wasn't sure who the woman was... Her identity eluded me. It could be just me, but it was a bit unclear--even with the strong description.

Good job, overall! Keep it up!
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Review of Grab The Harpoon!  
Review by chimpy121
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is pretty funny, while still pointing out some important aspects of the writer/reader relationship.

I must confess to being completely confused at first.

And.

Sentence fragments.

Rock.

Good work!
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Howdy! This is a powerful piece of writing that succeeds in being thought-provoking as well as intense.

Your descriptive talents are quite impressive. Good job!

Here's a couple of little things that I noticed:

*Bullet* Sarah, get the children and take them to the cellar! Did you get a hold of Herr Wendell?” Josef shouted! I'd ditch the "!" after shouted

*Bullet* It did not take long for a knock to come to the door…but that was good! Ooooookay.... I'm one of those writers who thinks that exclamation points should be kept to a minimum and be used primarily in dialogue. You've built the tension well enough without needing a "!" at the end.

*Bullet* You use both "Mein Gott" and "My God". Pick one and stick with it.

*Bullet* What if Josef had never returned from the war…? What if the straps that held Adolf were empty…? What if diamonds never sparkled and children never laughed? I'm not sure this is necessary--it's sort'a redundant in that it's almost the entire idea of the story in a nutshell... Kind of like putting your pitch in the middle of your text. Make sense?

By the way: If you've not read it already, you should check out Secret Germany: Stauffenberg and the Mystical Crusade Against Hitler by Michael Baigent and Richard Leigh. It's an interesting read...

Hope this helps!

Take care.
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Review of Petey, Oh Petey  
Review by chimpy121
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is good satire. I couldn't help but laugh... there's some funny stuff in here. I particularly like how Petey heals through punching and the throw away line about who specifically should be punished for not following his ideals.

My only complaint is a small one--the very last line has double quotes. Perhaps move "Ow." to its own line...

Other than that, great job!

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Review of Caffeine  
Review by chimpy121
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I once did a triple espresso--after forgetting I had recently had two Mountain Dews.

It took two days to get all my nerve endings back in my body...

Good poll!

chimpy121
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Review of Star Wars Names  
Review by chimpy121
Rated: E | (4.0)
Howdy!

This is quite a good word search! It not only pulls from the Star Wars movies, but also from the Expanded Universe of the novels.

Nice job!

One question though... who is Bant?

Take care.

chimpy121
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: E | (3.5)
Ahhh... the scene you describe would be nice. Your wording is precise and not cluttered. It is very easy to see the setting.

Your descriptions are very pleasant and soothing--almost dream-like. This would fit nicely as a dream sequence in a larger work.

And that's sort'a my problem here. This is a nice scene. And it works very well as just that.

But it's ultimately not fulfilling because it is not put into a context involving character, plot, crisis, etc.

I rated this at 3.5 stars for one reason: You have a skill here--a definite skill. Utilize this ability to describe scenes in something more complex. That way it would thoroughly engage the reader.

Keep up the good work!

chimpy121
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is great! New contests, even more ways to meet other writers!

Happy Birthday Writing.Com!!!

If only there wasn't a hurricane heading directly toward me, I'd be able to have more fun here this week. Instead, I get to pack up and drive four hours southwest... Grrrrrrrr....

chimpy121
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: E | (4.5)
Dare I say it? This is quite an inspired work. It has a gentle tone set by nearly pitch perfect writing.

I found no typos, though one little thing nagged me slightly: When the muse "thinks" and you put the thought in italics. I was thrown off slightly because the line is embedded in a paragraph; perhaps start a new paragraph with the thought--ya know... like speech.

Keep up the great work!

chimpy121
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: E | (4.5)
LOL! I HATE those little things. Tinky Winky can bite my *#@&! It would be great to strand them on Jurassic Park... whoa... what a great short film that would make...

GREAT poll. It was difficult to choose between a few of them... I think all kids should be raised on Bugs Bunny's explosions, anvils, and wit instead of... those THINGS...
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is really good! I particularly like this passage:

He wants his mind back,
but with a laugh he tells me,
the demons pay their rent.


I may ask you for permission to use that passage in the front matter of a novel I'm working on--it fits the tone of the main character perfectly! If I ever finish the thing, that is... LOL.

No typos or other problems evident. This is quite a good piece.

Take care and keep up the good work!

chimpy121
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: E | (4.0)
LOL--interesting poll topic. There are a few reasons I picked Hobbits over Fairies and Pixies:

1. I love to cook and I love to eat. As Hobbits dine roughly eight to twelve times per day (and enjoy a good local brew now and then), I'd be right at home.

2. Fairies and Pixies can be mean. Particularly the Fey. I don't want to accidentally accept a gift then find myself enslaved for all eternity.

3. Sure, Fairies can look pretty and cause all sorts of acid flashback sparkly lights--but can they destroy the One Ring?

Thanks for a fun topic!
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Egad, I think everybody's had a day like this... Even though I don't have kids, I watched my little niece proceed to rip pages out of an 1890 edition of Browning's poetry that she somehow got her hands on--starting with the lithograph...

Nicely written! I particularly enjoyed the last line--it made me chuckle.

No typos that I could see, and your prose is nice and sharp.

Keep up the good work!

chimpy121
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Review by chimpy121
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Egad! The ratio of answers on this poll is quite disturbing... I thought I was the only one...

Great topic!

Take care!
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Review of Rate Yourself!  
Review by chimpy121
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poll showed me something I was sort of aware of... that I lack confidence. I could not give my self 4 stars, even though my stories have been getting some great reviews and feedback.

Maybe I need to eat more spinach, get involved in Dianetics, and stop living like Bukowski... LOL.

Good poll! Take care.

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Review of Walls of Panic  
Review by chimpy121
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a very powerful piece. I've felt this before... a long time ago. Thank God I've gotten a bit more calm with age and experience...

I didn't find any typos, and the prose is quite succinct and determined. This is a very good work. My one complaint would come with the use of the word "lunacy." That's just a little too direct. It's like the narrator fully understands the nature of his/her problem.

Other than that--kudos on a job well done!

Take care.
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Review of Acid Tongued  
Review by chimpy121
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is funny as hell! Really bitter, really biting--scathing, in fact. And pretty dead on. I've been doing film/video work for seventeen years now, and I've seen all sorts of stuff. Scary how, with just a bit of over the top commentary, you've nailed some of the things I've seen.

Good writing; no typos that I could see. Just great satire/social commentary.

If you've not read it before, pick up the first collection of Warren Ellis's Transmetropolitan--it's a series of graphic novels published by Vertigo Comics. You'd dig it.

Take care and keep up the good work!
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Review of Dragonfly Effect  
Review by chimpy121
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm not usually one for rhyming poetry--but this was great. Your wording is succinct and balanced. What surprised me the most was that the characters actually had LIFE{/c:} in such a small space.

Another thing that I liked was the use of Chaos Theory/Syncronicity in the piece. I'm a big fan of the theory that unrelated events impact each other--and this is a good example. What does a dragonfly have to do with winning a lottery ticket and saving a marriage?

Good job! Keep writing!
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