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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chrisdo
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26 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of What I Fear  
Review by Christianna
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I love how you can tell the speaker is getting older with each stanza. Child, teen, young adult, adult, senior then death. We all have fears, many the same ones you listed. Good job.


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Review of Enough  
Review by Christianna
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Is this a true story? If so, I'm sorry for how your dad treated you. If not, then you have brilliantly written this tale. Though the man lived until I was middle school or high school age, I never met my mother's biological father. He and my grandmother divorced when my mom was fairly young and my grandmother married three more times in her lifetime. She divorced the second and fourth, but the third died when my mom was 18. He was the man my mom called Daddy. He's the one she considered being her father. Her 'real' father would have had trouble picking her out of a line up. So though I had a close relationship with my dad, I know from my mom how you felt. I don't know how many times my biological grandfather married. I know it was several. My mom has several half siblings and only talks to one of them. If this is a true story, your father missed out more than you. I say that because you are a special person, someone who can create feelings with words. No offense, but he doesn't sound like a very good person at all.


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Review by Christianna
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great story, but I did find a few grammar and punctuation errors, though. In the first paragraph, 'Their Mama and Dad and of course, Fluffy the hamster.' is just a sentence fragment. In the 10th paragraph, where Fireman Joe talks about checking the puppies out, you left out the quotation mark after 'answered Fireman Joe,'. In the 12th paragraph, where they give Bailey her name, Captain Jack's answer probably should start a new paragraph and you left a quotation mark out there, too. You could also start a new paragraph when Mia picks up Bailey. Despite the errors, I quite enjoyed this story. Thank you for sharing it.


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Review by Christianna
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am not adopted nor do I know anyone who has been, at least to my knowledge. That being said, I agree with you about this. I understand about closed adoptions and such, but I believe that the child has a right to know, when they are old enough. In some cases of adoption, the parents have died and there is no one to care for the child. In those cases, I believe that the authorities should get as much information about the parents as possible. In cases like yours, I believe that the parents, or at least the mother, should fill out a form giving the child the kind of information you have been searching for. Some people who give up their children don't want the child to contact them later, which I think would be sad for the child, but a form like I am speaking of could give the child that information as well. Mothers who have refused to name the father of their children might not want to list them even here, but the form would be for the child's eyes only.

Other than the remarks above, I only have one thing to add. In the third sentence of the last paragraph, shouldn't the first word be 'Where'?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by Christianna
Rated: E | (5.0)
I know how this feels. I've worked at fast food and retail and those are such thankless jobs. People get angry with you for things that aren't your fault. You feel like no one appreciates the job you do. And this applies to people who answer phones, too. My husband answers calls from angry people all the time. They seem to blame the person on the other end of the phone for things that are sometimes the fault of the person who is angry. He works for CVS and people have actually told him that if they have bad side effects from not getting their medications, they would sue him personally. And you wouldn't believe how many people don't read the fine print on their insurance policies. I wish more people would be patient with those in the industries that deal with the public.


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Review by Christianna
Rated: E | (5.0)
Once upon a time there was a powerful black stallion, tall and handsome. Everyday, this stallion would lead his herd to the river to get something to drink. One day, they arrived at the river to find a hungry mountain lion. The mountain lion decided that it wanted to eat a foal for lunch. Because of that, the stallion had to fight off the mountain lion. Until finally, the strong stallion beat the mountain lion and it ran off, never to challenge the horse again.


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7
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Review of The River  
Review by Christianna
Rated: E | (5.0)
Holy crap! Unless I'm very much mistaken, they killed and cremated some because they had bullied their child. I will say that I can understand how they felt, at least from a different point of view. I was bullied as a child and if you've read
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then I think you will figure out the hidden meaning behind it. As a victim of bullying, I sometimes wish I could get a little revenge on those who tormented me as well. I liked this story very much.


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8
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Review by Christianna
Rated: E | (4.0)
Not sure exactly what is meant by this poem, but I did see some things that could be changed. In the first stanza, is there any reason why the second half of the last line couldn't be a line of its own? Not a critical change, just something to look at. The only other thing I saw to comment on was the last line. Is that supposed to be 'Follow"? Other than that, the poem seems fine. Keep up the good work.


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Review by Christianna
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fun little story, though I kinda wonder what kind of dog it is. Given the viciousness, though, I'm betting on a Chihuahua. I do wonder why the police officer was on the bus, though. The ending was amazing, though, with her not only not training the dog to do that being unable to make the dog release.
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Review of The Low Teen's  
Review by Christianna
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow. That is powerful. I want to read more. I did notice some punctuation errors, though. In the last line, you need a quote mark after again. Also, when Sister Patricia is talking to the girls, you have unnecessary quotes between fit and Now. Because the part that start with Now is still being said by the same person, they should be in the same quote. If you were trying to add a pause in the quote, you could put something like -Sister Patricia took a deep breath, hoping the girls would answer her questions- between the quote ending in fit and the one starting with now. Also, I saw a grammar error. about to happen instead of too.


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11
11
Review of Abduction  
for entry "Letters And Whispers
Review by Christianna
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This section of the story is fairly well written. You did a very good job of keeping the Malfoys' personalities intact, something that isn't easy when borrowing characters from another writer. I did find a small spelling error in the 5th paragraph. You put odinary instead of ordinary. Other than that, excellent job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review by Christianna
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I very much enjoyed this Madlib. I will say I was rather surprised that the first item on the list didn't show up until the very end of the story, but with this format, it is another way to twist the story. As for the story itself, it was well thought out and followed the standard format of the official Madlibs I've done.
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