This is definitely a story that makes me smile. It i a true happy ending. It was extrememly informative to read. I really did not know that all of that went into a kidney transplant since I know three people that have had one. it is a true miracle that we have this gift to give now. Everyone should sign their donor card.
This is a great piece of writing. the flow and style of the writing work very well. The dialogue seems to be very natural and realistic. The setting of the story is very natural and very well developed. it is very well put together in general. I really cant find anything wrong with it at all
You just echoed really what alot of us feel at one time or another. i do see the humor in it and you are right about. We all really do need to see the humor in our problems and especially in our sorrows. Your humor is very clear and I do see it. You handled it wonderfully. You should be proud.
this is an extremely informative piece of writing. It actually helped me clarify my questions on google's capabilities. I learned a few things that I needed to actually. it was a very clear, concise and informative piece to read. with the exception of the few minor errors it's a good piece
I really do love this piece and I am not a huge fan of poetry. I especially love the image of death as a beautiful woman. I find that passage to be very true. You really brought your theme across very strongly. The fow and rhythm work very well as does the pattern that you used. I look forward to reading more.
I really like this poem. The rhythm you used in it really added to the overall feel of it. It does rhyme well also. The only problem that I do see that is really minor is the spelling errors in a couple of places whether they were just typos or spelling errors. Otherwise this is a very strong piece
In this poem, you clearly illustrate what we have to do to take a chance. It's the risks that we all take that makes us human. The rhythm pattern and the rhyme sceme work very well and add to the overall strength of this poem. It is a great piece of work in general that really cannot be improved on.
You are correct in the statement that you make in this piece. Pride is an entity created by the way that we are raised, but that it is that pride that does bring about any changes. Selfishness is the one thing that is key in all of this. Selfishness is destructive. It damages everything it touches
I like this very much. It is an unusual way to say happy holidays, but you did bring up a very good point. We as a society have forgotten how to share with our fellow man. Society as a rule is extremely selfish. We work to get what we want then we are afraid to let it go. You have given me food for thought
This poem is utter perfection. The rhythm pattern is perfect. The statement you are trying to make is crystal clear. It in general is a wonderful poem worthy of someone with a great talent. This really sound like a prayer that you would find in a church. You should be very proud
You can see in this poem the true meaning of being an artist whether it be a writer or anything else. You want and need the responses of your peers and readers. The only change I might make is to smooth the rhythm of the first section a little. The first couple of lines are a little rough. Otherwise it is a very good poem
You have a very hard situation to deal with. You have a Brady Bunch like family. I commend you for realizing that you need help because that is the first step in the road to recovery. I do not where to send you for help that I wish I could give you myself. All I can really say is pray and hope that things get better
This poem illustrates either the dangerous actions of a person who cuts themselves or a suicide attempt. You can feel your fear for her as you read it. Her actions have hurt everyone around her. Your pain is very real in this poem and I truly do hope that you were able to get through to her.
This piece makes a great statement. I think we all have questions today about our wants, needs and desires especially when it comes to sex. We all have the need but we question it as either a need or a want. You have captured the answer to that question very effectively. You should be proud
This piece sounds exactly like a thirteen year old girl who has serious issues with her body. The dialogue she has with herself is very believable and lifelike. I would recommend expanding it to a longer piece. It has great potential to develop into something that could really male a statement about a teen's view of body image
I really love it. You must have really been stabbed in the back when you wrote this. I think we all have experienced that feeling at one time or another. The rhythm of the poem is wonderful and the pattern that you put in with the mentioning of being stabbed in the back is exceptional. Keep up the good work
As another Everest enthusiast, I love this poem. it is truly a beautiful poem to honor Rob Hall, Scott Fischer, and all the others that died during that fateful time. Everest has always been a place that calls to me without any real understanding. I really think this piece is a work of art
I love this piece. You really captured a way to explain to a child how Santa delivers all his gifts around the world. It is ingenius. I truly applaud you on the way you explained Santa's trip. I think we would all be happier if we could prove that Santa really existed.
this is a great poem. The imagery that it provides is wonderful. You can feel the angels protecting you in the stanza with the rockets exploding around you. You can feel the pain of the person dying in your arms. The vividness of the imagery is really what makes the poem. You shouldn't change a thing.
This is an extremely strong piece. The use of the dream imagery to further the story was an extremely nice touch. I also think that the statements at the beginning and the end of the story to the reader help to accentuate the amount of terror that the reader should feel. Keep up the good work
This poems how love really can be a wish and a curse. It can cure and kill everything that we feel. As humans we want to trust. We need to trust and yet we always feel that the significant other in our lives has some kind of motive
This poem is a great start and does show a lot of potential. The one thing that I feel does need some work is the rhythm pattern. In certain places it is as if the rhythm pattern seems to disappear then go back together. This poem does have the potential to improve and is all in all a good start
I can see metaphorically how this poem illustrates love. Its about the love that we seek out outside ourselves that we all long to find. We fly to it and that love makes us see the world in a completely different way, but at the end we all end up flying free and alone thankful for what we have experienced
I really like it. It very accurately illustrates both sides of love and how badly it feels when you are betrayed by the one that you love. The hurt and the pain is a palpable feeling as within each stanza both sides are balanced against each other. You can really sympathize with the hollowness and the hurt that we all feel when betrayed
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