well, desdimona
i disagree, i think u ARE a poet
and i absolutely love the opening line here-- youve got me 'on the hook', but i never get the payoff i'm waiting for
i find an absolutely captivating rhythmic sense here, and (unusually, for me) i'm gonna reformulate the line breaks, to accentuate that (forgive me for being soo presumptuous) not discussing content yet, just rhythm, controled by (your) linebreaks
The snow is gone
It's time to move on
On, on and away
Further and further [each day?]
Running and running [Run, and running,]
Fly, flying, flee this trap [Fly, flying, freely, fleeing this trap?]
Fly, fly away
Over hills mountains valleys
To a different world [To some different world?]
Wing, wing away
Carried, buoyed,
Lifted by wind
Pursued by mediocrity
A spot [To a spot?]
Quiet and barren
Sit [To sit,?]
Sit and think
Think of Nothingness
Think of blankness [Think, blankness]
Think of Insanity [Think, think, of, insanity?]
Quiet [Think quiet]
Empty [Think, empty]
Towering bare faced rocks,
Surround
Dirt Mother Earth
Pebbles Dust
Stretch, languish
Lie in the dirt
Listen to the Silence
Of my own mind
Listen to the Silence
Of the rocks and dirt
Absorb the sun
Wait here forever
While the mind rots
And blanks [And think, in the blanks?]
And the quiet speaks
And I am one
Alone
Dirt sun rock
Impassive around me
While I [While I go]
Slowly/Go Insane [Go, slowly, go insane]
Then fly away
To another world [To that other world]
*stuff in brackets [ ] r possible variations
please forgive me, i dont usually presume to rewrite somebody's whole poem, but i feel the power here!
so dont take me the wrong way (i wouldnt have used my energy if i didnt value the piece), just possible thoughts
keep writing (feel free to give my stuff a look and ur thoughts)
peace
christo
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