Good advice, and a good subject. If you let the people that touch your life hurt you, some will. Holding on to anger is not healthy, and is a waste of time.
Your use of commas is excessive. Shorter sentences are in order here. Your sentence "It holds us back and don't let us truly move on with life". The word don't is improper and should have been (doesn't).
Try to read your work out loud listening as you do for mistakes and meanings. There are more mistakes in this piece, try reading it out loud while listening to it's sound. See if you can find the mistakes as you read.
Good poem, good subject. I enjoyed the piece. I only have one question in regard to line four. Just a world so slightly shifted "when at last it made to leave". Somehow there seems to be something missing. Again I enjoyed the poem.
Good poem, good subject. Yes, seek wisdom and hopefully "Learn".
In the third line you write: "The Lord hands and judgement has come to America". Did you mean to write "The Lord hands" Also the word Judgment is miss spelled. These mistakes would have shown up in a proof reading. Other than that good job.
Your poem is an observation of what you are seeing. Some of your descriptions are too busy. First line Instead of "cars travel across the causeway" Try simplifying it a bit. (Cars traveling the causeway) Third line: "As I stride down the sidewalk" Try: (As I walk down the path)Fourth line: "I see the water slam it self against the concrete wall" TRY:(I see the water crashing into the concrete wall) Try to write the way most people talk. Simplify. Always read your poem out loud, listening to the way it sounds. Don't be afraid to change a word or a line. Arrange your poem into four of five line stanzas.
Your poem left me wanting, wanting to understand your piece. It reads like you left out the most important part of the story. Now that we know that Josh was an alcoholic, what demons attacked Jacob.
Good piece. I love peter he always seemed to bite off a little more than he could chew. In this day and age it is imperative that we keep our eyes on Jesus as life is full of opportunities to fall into sin.
Good poem. Well written this poem touches the heart, but it seems like there is more to be had if you thought about it a little more. Its your poem to do with as you please.
Good poem and a good subject. You have a great start here, but it looks like this poem could be more than it is. There is a small correction or two that is needed also.
writer Chuck
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