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1,621 Public Reviews Given
1,644 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I think my style is pretty honest. Though I try to find the good in everything, I give accurate ratings that express my opinion of a piece. Whether good or bad, you hopefully will understand my ratings by the end of the review. I give ratings that reflect the quality of the writing with 3 stars meaning "average". I only give 5 stars for items that I genuinely love or items that are more about effort than quality (i.e. folders, contests, forums, blogs, etc).
I'm good at...
Finding the most concise way to rewrite, tweaking structure and format, locating plot holes. Poetry reviews are my specialty. Quality-focused rather than meaning-focused.
Favorite Genres
Free Verse, Scifi, Horror
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Fantasy, Historical
Favorite Item Types
Anything with a short format suits me fine, as I adore short fiction (writing, reading, and reviewing). Book, static item... doesn't matter.
Least Favorite Item Types
Ummm.. Interactives & Campfires.
I will not review...
I generally don't do novel/script reviews unless I know the person. Short work is what I have time for and what I most enjoy.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of City Life  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC, D. Thomas Quinn ! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

You have some interesting ideas here... some good imagery... some interesting word choice. It's a good start.

*Burstp**Burstr*Hook*Bursto**Burstv*
In my reviews, I like to focus a bit on the opening line(s) of a poem. Sometimes, people forget that a good hook is as important for a poem as it is for a story. It might be more important, in fact. Given the length of a poem, the intro (that hook) is a considerable percentage of the piece as a whole. It needs to be both functional and interesting to serve its purposes.

The meaning in the first few lines is a bit muddy but become clear by the third line. I'd consider reorganizing. Also, cut some of the unnecessary phrasing (both in the intro and throughout). "Night time or day? / The electric sunshine / confuses the populous". Some proper punctuation would be useful throughout as well. Here, it reads as a cop out for having to deal with your sentence structures (that often don't quite work).

The ending didn't really interest me much. It's somewhat forgettable, given the lack of interesting word choice.

*Burstp**Burstr*Language / Word Choice*Bursto**Burstv*

You may want to cut down on some of these unneeded prepositions. It's sort of a cheap way to continue a sentence structure. Of this, of that, to this, in there, of, of, of, to, to. It's a bit much.

"Of greed and embezzlement
Of young mothers desperate
To hang on to the life of late
To walk among the balustrade
Of buildings in the labyrinth"

of, of, to, on, to, of, to, in -- that is way too many little prepositions for five short lines. It becomes tedious sounding.

"Of greed and embezzlement
and young mothers desperately
clinging to the life of late
or walking beneath the balustrade
of the skyscraper labyrinth"

This is a bit more varied... it makes for a much more interesting read. Note the change from "among" to "beneath" in line 4 too... balustrade generally is higher (balconies, overpasses, etc). Walking among them sounds like walking in the air.

Anyway, the repetitions of the prepositions drastically decrease the power of your important words. It gets monotonous. Change it up a bit for better flow and a more engaging read. It will help a whole lot.

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

I'll leave you with that. It's enough to digest. I can see great promise in your writing, which isn't something I say to many people. You have a way with words... it's just a matter of polishing them so that the important words can shine (rather than the endless stream of "of" and "to" and "in" and "with" being the stars of the show).

*Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr* A warm welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr*


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77
77
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Welcome to WDC, Smickity ! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

Well, people patent truly bizarre things, so I figured this would be an amusing break from the usual stories and poems. *Wink*

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

I appreciate that you made your own categories here so that it's not just random stuff. People can go to what interests them. This can also be something of a resource for writing stories, especially scifi. It wouldn't be the first time a weird invention or discovery sparked a scifi story, that's for sure. And of course, the list leans more toward science-related patents than the typical weird stuff like patenting a PBJ or something.


*Burstp**Burstr*Language / Word Choice*Bursto**Burstv*

Some of these are inherently weird. A system for artificial telepathy? That's odd on its own. Some of them, though, are only interesting if you actually click through to read what they are. It might be good to describe some of them a bit more.

This is particularly true for the nervous system manipulation list. Is it really weird to monitor the nervous system? To use electricity to manipulate the nervous system? Some of them don't seem strange at all to me, based on what you said about them. Just saying.

The audience at this point seems like only those interested in science... those who will understand why an 'electric dipole spacecraft' is a weird patent. Gotta wonder if some of these are just... patents on theories. Crazy is right.

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

Anyway, I think this is a pretty cool list. Some interesting stuff. Some stuff that would require me reading the links themselves. As a reference, this is probably going to be interesting or useful for hard scifi writers and no one else (until you get to the odd bonus stuff at the end). If you're cool with that, then I'm cool with that. *Wink*

*Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr* A warm welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr*


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78
78
Review of Stardust  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Welcome to WDC, Arlan ! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

Space and poetry... that's enough for me. There are endless interesting things that can be connected here.

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

The topic is honestly my favorite part. And "we are the substance of substances" is well put.

*Burstp**Burstr*Hook*Bursto**Burstv*
In my reviews, I like to focus a bit on the opening line(s) of a poem. Sometimes, people forget that a good hook is as important for a poem as it is for a story. It might be more important, in fact. Given the length of a poem, the intro (that hook) is a considerable percentage of the piece as a whole. It needs to be both functional and interesting to serve its purposes.

Well, this isn't actually a prose poem, as it is lacking in poetry technique. I'm not talking about the line breaks but the word choice, rhythm, sentence structures, etc. They do not add up to a poem here. Prose poetry is a unique balance that just isn't hitting the mark here.

The first line is interesting. It kept me reading. The last line isn't as strong as the second to last, which is sort of a let down. It's the middle that gets muddy. You basically say the same thing over and over. Rather than reinforcing the concept, it just feels repetitive.

*Burstp**Burstr*Language / Word Choice*Bursto**Burstv*

Academic. That's the best way to describe it. Where is the emotive words? There really are very very few here. "Raw". That's the only emotive word, really. Also, you rely heavily on "to be" verbs, which are boring and tend to not be very engaging to read. We are X. We are Y. We are Z.

Basically, you're using your flashy words in the wrong places. Rather than bulky adjectives and adverbs, try some interesting action verbs.

*Burstp**Burstr*Flow / Rhythm*Bursto**Burstv*

There is no poetic flow here until the very end. It is essentially prose rather than a prose poem, as previously mentioned.

*Burstp**Burstr*Imagery*Bursto**Burstv*

Not much imagery either. Pretty much none. This is a strange choice when discussing space, which provides some of the most vibrant imagery of the natural world.


*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

This is very bare bones. You have a concept and pound it into the ground, basically. There is little progression from beginning to end. I'd consider reevaluating with the idea of adding something unique, surprising, or... interesting. It's a decent starting point, given its rough draft state.

*Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr* A warm welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr*


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79
79
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Welcome to WDC, Jackie Snax ! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

The title is unique. I rarely see anything eye-catching in a title, so it's exciting.

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

Solid writing. I assume this is supposed to be polished and done, if you are using it to hook people into visiting your blog. In that regard, it could be better.

*Burstp**Burstr*Beginning & End*Bursto**Burstv*
I think that the beginning and ending are super important for a story because they determine whether someone will keep reading and whether they will be satisfied with what they read. I like to focus a bit of my reviews on these two areas.

The first paragraph... not exactly a new scifi concept. Pretty far from it. So what is special about YOUR story? Tell us that first, not the generic setup.

The final pitch is decent, though it doesn't interest me personally. The writing is fair. I would use complete sentences without the halting (and incorrectly used) em dashes.

*Burstp**Burstr*Language*Bursto**Burstv*

This type of hook requires concise writing. "Pillars of electric light, perfectly contained communities protected from the rising tides and violence below." -- far far better. First, the endless commas broke this up into a barely functional sentence. "perfectly contained" implies "complete". Do you need to tell us that the ground is below the towers? Ummm... no.

Simplify your syntax and watch for the unneeded commas.

*Burstp**Burstr*Language*Bursto**Burstv*

You know what literary agents want in a query (aside from the obvious genre/word count)? Character. Who is the protagonist? What does he/she want? What stands in his/her way? How do they decide to resolve it?

That's it. That's a hook. It tells us enough about the basic plot and the main character so that we can get interested. World building is rarely a hook. This here is setting and vague characters. Who is the actual protagonist? Does she have a name? Tell us that. Skip the unoriginal dystopian setup or include it in the second paragraph as part of the conflict for the main character.

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

That's about all I have for you here. If you want to be persuasive, this is a decent start. It just isn't there yet.

*Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr* A warm welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr*


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80
80
Review of Where The Dead Go  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Welcome to WDC, Epic Fail ! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

The title seemed interesting. The description made me wary though.

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

You have moments of very interesting word choice and phrasing. Some... poetic moments, I guess you could say.

*Burstp**Burstr*Beginning & End*Bursto**Burstv*
I think that the beginning and ending are super important for a story because they determine whether someone will keep reading and whether they will be satisfied with what they read. I like to focus a bit of my reviews on these two areas.

A black hole doesn't let you drift in space. That's sort of the point... it sucks in everything around it. So, that seemed to be at odds to me. Focus on that black hole and make the intro cohesive. Say, "the black hole consumed me, as I consumed the emptiness"... that type of link would help. But lazily drifting in space seems very far removed from the black hole you mentioned in the first line.

The dialogue ending can be super effective, but it isn't here. We know she's behind the door several paragraphs before that ("open the door!"). So...?

*Burstp**Burstr*Plot*Bursto**Burstv*

There is a bit too much self-reflection for me to get into what's happening. Every five seconds it's "I feel this".

I kinda wanted to play
I broke down in grief
I froze in panic
This just couldn't be right
I didn't feel as much dread
I stared in awe

I promise, we do not need to know every single feeling and thought in the narrator's head. It's exhausting. It pulls us out of what little action is happening here. I get that it's dream inspired, but man... it's not that entertaining to just tell us what they feel every second. First, because if she's being introspective, there is no action happening. Second, it's telling not showing.

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

This reads like a stream of consciousness piece written for you rather than an audience. That is very common for a first draft, seemingly, and there is nothing wrong with the occasional self-indulgent piece of writing. But it could use some work. I think you have a way with words, so now you need to harness them and make them work for you. It takes practice, but I think you have the ability to do it... some underlying talent (and no, I don't say that to everyone).


*Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr* A warm welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr*


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81
81
Review of The Black Cat  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC, YankeeRuze ! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

I like to review newbies, and I'm a poetry person. So, perfect! It's also nice to see a light/happy sort of poem now and then. This seemed like it would be one.

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

You have some good word choice in here... strong words and images.

*Burstp**Burstr*Hook*Bursto**Burstv*
In my reviews, I like to focus a bit on the opening line(s) of a poem. Sometimes, people forget that a good hook is as important for a poem as it is for a story. It might be more important, in fact. Given the length of a poem, the intro (that hook) is a considerable percentage of the piece as a whole. It needs to be both functional and interesting to serve its purposes.

The intro sets up the narrative pretty well. It's a bit overly wordy with the adjectives and adverbs, but it does its job.

"He'll bring us a gift when the morning comes" - "He'll bring morning gifts". See the difference that makes? The meaning is fine here, but the wording is a bit loose and overly complicated. That is true throughout.

The mention of Halloween at the end threw me. There was no mention of a time period before this. Night and day... that's it. So the very specific month/day was jarring. I'd cut the 'witches, ghosts, and goblins' down to just two, by the way. No point in taking so much emphasis away from the cat.

*Burstp**Burstr*Language / Word Choice*Bursto**Burstv*

This needs tightening... desperately. The strong words are in there, but they're buried under fluff. One example is that of the above "morning gift" line. Here is another:

"From running through the sprinkler or the predawn rain" - "From sprinkler or predawn rain"

That says it all. We understand how he gets wet. That's all that's needed for your meaning to be clear.

*Burstp**Burstr*Flow / Rhythm*Bursto**Burstv*

The flow gets very wonky throughout. In part, it's the dramatically different line lengths and complicated phrasing. Taking care of the language issue is the first step in fixing the flow as well.

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

Overall, I think this is a cute piece that has some legitimately strong ideas and word choice, but it needs cleaning. It's clearly a first draft, and there's nothing wrong with that. You have to start somewhere.

*Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr* A warm welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr*


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82
82
Review of The Sea  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

I enjoy poetry and decided to shoot you a review. I don't mean to dishearten you... there is promise. Poetry just takes effort and practice, so this review might help show you a few things to keep in mind when writing your next piece. If you have any questions about it, feel free to ask.

I think the relationship between the narrator and the ocean could be interesting. There are moments in here where I could see the potential.

*Burstp**Burstr*Hook*Bursto**Burstv*
In my reviews, I like to focus a bit on the opening line(s) of a poem. Sometimes, people forget that a good hook is as important for a poem as it is for a story. It might be more important, in fact. Given the length of a poem, the intro (that hook) is a considerable percentage of the piece as a whole. It needs to be both functional and interesting to serve its purposes.

First... what's full light? Does the moon ever cast partial light? Note that you didn't say 'full moon's light' which is an actual thing. I quite like the waves forcing the retreat though. It's a good idea and a much much stronger image that the first line, which paints a rather boring picture. Nighttime... moon... ocean. Nothing new there.

So the first line is not a hook, but the second interests me enough to keep going. And... I'd stop at stanza 2 if this wasn't for a review. I'll explain why in a bit.

As for the final stanzas... they didn't do anything for me. First, you randomly throw in some archaic language with "thee". There wasn't even any hint that this was actually traditional until that moment (i.e. there is no meter and no archaic language in, say, stanza one through seven). And then you return to super modern "So now". This doesn't work at all. My advice: Think about what you want to say... what's the message in simple terms? Now, highlight that in one stanza. I wait/ocean waits. Why? What is the relationship here?

*Burstp**Burstr*Language / Word Choice*Bursto**Burstv*

The third stanza means... what? You relax because of what's pace? The water? That isn't what it actually says. You talk about the water's weight. Weight can't have a pace? Muddy meaning there.

In general here, this could use some tightening and polish. It's wordier than needed. Example:

"The sea was bright by moon's full light" = "moonlit sea"

That's it. Don't tell me it's bright... it's night time. I can figure out what that looks like. Tell me something interesting.

Part of the reason for the overly long phrasing (aside from making the rhymes work) is your choice of verbs. The boring "does" and "was" and "see" are not engaging and also sometimes lead to longer structures. Say...

"precious cargo it does keep" vs "it keeps precious cargo" -- too much of the former makes this piece a chore to read. The twisted syntax for the sake of the rhyme can be pretty painful as well, particularly in the last stanza.

"What wonders does the ocean hold" = "The ocean holds wonders"
"How much I would give to be down there" = "I desire a dive" or "I envy the fish their view" or... honestly, something interesting AND more concise. But note the active verbs: desire/envy. That is much more engaging than "I would give to be".

In general, carefully choose every word you use. Remove bulk like "just" and excessively long phrasing like that "would give to be". Simplify.


*Burstp**Burstr*Consistency*Bursto**Burstv*

There are times when the order of your stanzas detracts from the poem's progress. The second stanza is a perfect example. Are you moving back and forth with the water, or is this just a random description? It reads as the latter to me, which adds nothing to the narrative. I'd cut it, myself.


*Burstp**Burstr*Technical*Bursto**Burstv*

"What wonders does the ocean hold / Enveloped in its watery fold" - This says the water envelopes the ocean. The placement of "wonders" matter here, as "enveloped in..." refers to wonders. To be saying that the wonders are enveloped:

'Enveloped in its water fold / such wonders does the ocean hold"

That is the easiest fix. Notice that the 'enveloped' bit is closer to 'wonders' than 'ocean' now. It can't be confused.

*Burstp**Burstr*One Thing to Work On?*Bursto**Burstv*
What one thing will make the biggest difference for this piece?


*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

This reads like a very rough first draft. Nothing wrong with that! Keep on, love. It will only get better. Whether you revise this piece or just move on to the next and pay closer attention to your word choice and syntax and so forth. *Smile*


*Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr* A warm welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr*


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83
83
Review of The LGBT Contest  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ah... I knew there was another contest that you took over. Here it is! *Smile* I'm glad that people are willing to do that (and that owners are willing to give them away rather than hang onto them while someone else does all the work).

So...

Honestly, I'm glad that you're keeping this contest going. *Heart* I think LGBT should definitely have a presence in WDC, if for no other reason than inclusivity. I do believe that I have entered once... and just once. I have some LGBT poems here and there, but it isn't one of my frequent genres. So often, it relates to romance or erotica, neither of which I read or write.

Final Thoughts

That said though... I'm glad that it exists. *Heart* Also love Sapph's logo. Beautiful, is it not?


*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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84
84
Review of A Romance Contest  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ah... I remember this contest.

So...

I only vaguely recall who started it now, but I do remember it. *Laugh* I'm sure you run it periodically and that it hasn't simply disappeared, but you know... things like that don't really click with me. I might have seen it two days ago and not really noticed. Romance... I generally glance right over anything that says "romance". *Ha*

Final Thoughts

Decided to give the forum a peak. You have an excellent co-judge too. I worked with him for a long while on the Newbies ONLY before both of us got stir crazy with the absence of Sisco. *Laugh* Anyway, hope you get lots of entries in the next round!


*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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85
85
Review of My first attempt  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Last one! *Laugh*

So...

First, it warms my heart to see a folder for first drafts! So many people seem to believe that their work is perfect just because they wrote it. No editing. No revision except to fix a typo perhaps. It's an odd way to go about things. Every newly written item is a first draft, which hopefully (if it's worth the effort to the author) will lead to other drafts.

Final Thoughts

Anyway, I like the whole purpose here. I often just hide my drafts in the same item, which you might find helpful for poetry (it tends to increase the size of stories, which people look at to see if they want to read). Just use the {hide}Copy/Pasted 1st Draft{/hide} tags. It's that easy. You will see the other drafts when you edit the item but no one else will... they'll only see the latest.

That's it! Happy 3 years! *Heart* Don't be a stranger!


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86
86
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Almost done! *Smile*

So...

I don't know where people get all these bazillion sigs they seem to have! *Laugh* Don't get me wrong... I've seen collections so big that they had 3 folders! Easily over 100 sigs. Even here, you have many times more than I do! I ummm... think I've used 3, maybe 4, ever. And on my account I have just a few as well.

Not counting review sigs, of course. I've had quite a few of those, obviously. *Laugh*

Final Thoughts

Anyway, some pretty stuff in here. Some really cute sigs... and I liked seeing the Newbies Academy Showcase in there. *Smile* That was a very long time ago, lady! Again, three years... that's insane.

*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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87
87
Review of Poems  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
And another one. *Laugh*

So...

Alright, so this isn't in your main port, but another poetry folder? That's hard to resist for me. *Laugh* The difference between these pieces and the other pieces isn't super clear to me. I guess if these were just inspired by whatever and the others inspired by prompts for contests or something? *Think*

Final Thoughts

Anyway, I don't necessarily understand why these poems are kept separate (my own poetry is a jumbled mess, after all), but I don't really need to know either. So long as YOU can find what you're looking for, that is what matters, I'd say. *Ha*


*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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88
88
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ah! Here we go. I remembered you writing poetry. Like, that is the only thing I knew for sure you wrote. But then I saw essays and stories and thought perhaps I was mistaken. *Laugh*

So...

Now, I imagine that I've read a fair number of these. I judged a bazillion poetry contests, so you know... it happens. Plus, if I remember you as a poet, then clearly I read some poetry in your port. *Laugh*

Final Thoughts

Again, there is some great variety here. Lots of genres and inspirations and so forth. And they are all rated quite high, so I can only assume that you have been honing your craft over the years. As it should be. *Heart*

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89
89
Review of Short Stories  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I do believe that I'm going to just cruise through all of your starless folders and make your port look pretty. *Laugh* Fair warning.

So...

This folder is pretty packed full of stuff! Lookit that. 18 stories. I don't know how many total stories I have on my account that are like... real stories rather than prose poetry, but I imagine it's less than 18. *Laugh*

Final Thoughts

More than anything, it looks like you have some great variety in here. Lots of different genres and lengths. Looks like they have been pretty well received as well, which is always nice. I don't know how long it has been since I read your work, but perhaps I should come back and take a look sometime.

*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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90
90
Review of Essays  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile* I cannot believe that it has been 3 years already! *Shock* Anyway, we used to talk all the time and each got busy with other things, but when I saw your name on the anniversary list, I decided to come give you a mini port raid... just for kicks.

Some things I Like:

In general, I like reviewing folders for anniversaries. They always deserve 5-stars because of the effort of what's inside... so it's a happy little review instead of a useful 3-star review for writing. Know what I mean? Seems more gift-like. *Laugh*

You have more essays/nonfiction than I do for sure. Though maybe mine is just mostly tucked away in my blog. That and I have to write serious nonfiction constantly as a research assistant and grad student now, and before that, as a freelance writer of many years. I'm here for fun. *Wink*

Observations & Suggestions:

Anyway, it looks like your nonfic has been very well received. *Thumbsup* Seems to be worth pursuing to me, love!


*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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91
91
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
And another...

*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

Dark. War. Horror. Three of my favorite genres. *Wink* A vampire, huh? Not usually a vamp lover, but it could be pretty interesting.

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

I like that you give character info and some background info in the body of the folder. That's convenient. Only people who come to the folder item itself will see it, but it's sort of a cool easter egg. *Thumbsup*

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

I'm getting the distinct feeling that you wrote lots of this stuff before joining WDC. *Laugh* I've met some prolific writers, but it you wrote ALL of this in the last week or so, then you are at a whole other level. *Ha*


*Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr* A warm welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr*


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92
92
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello again! *Laugh*

*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

So, I noticed that you have a whole bunch of folders and stuff with no reviews or ratings. I'm going to go ahead and rate/review all of them. Your port will be full of purple stars and look that much fuller. *Smile*

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

I see a scifi story! *StarStruck* I do adore scifi, especially short stories. Looks like it has been well received too. 4 stars... that's a solid "Good" in my world. Nicely done!

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

Again, at the rate you're going, you'll have this folder packed by the end of the year. *Laugh*


*Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr* A warm welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr*


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93
93
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi tYpO/T.Boilerman ! Long time no speak! I know you're busy with sermons and whatnot, but I'm working on a challenge and figured I might as well come poke around your port, since it has been quite a while.


*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

First, I like to review folders. No one ever thinks to review them, and it's really just... port decorations. *Laugh* I also like to balance my reviews... about half critiques (that have the full range of ratings and very few 5-stars) and half happy fluff reviews (all 5-stars) for things that are about the effort not quality... like folders! *Wink*

This one had no ratings. So obviously that got my initial attention. That was followed quickly by "Woah... a whole folder for sea stories?!" That is very specific. It actually reminds me of my grandfather. Being from Maine, I grew up listening to him tell stories about fishermen and whatnot. "Buying the Wind" comes to mind, an old Mainer legend. But I digress. *Laugh*

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

Honestly, the existence of the folder is my favorite part. *Laugh* It's not quite the same as the old sea legends that came to mind (though the aforementioned grandfather... also a Navy man). Still though, it's just a cool sort of collection to have.

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

Looks like people have enjoyed what you have in here. Quite a few ratings... all above average. *Smile* I also read "Sea Story Defined" -- indeed, a tall tale told by sailors, fishermen, and the like. In my case, I always think of fishermen first (a term which includes lobstermen, by the way). For a good one, seriously... look up Buying the Wind. It always makes me smile just to think of it. Such a classic. *Heart* Anyway, hope you're doing well, love! Give me a shout sometime when you're stealthing around on here. *Wink*


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94
94
Review of In Her Memory  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Sssssh! I'm not really here. ! I'm working on a challenge and needs to do a whole slew of reviews. I saw you on the list and decided to poke around in your port. Not sure if I've ever reviewed you or not, so why not?

*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

Somehow, poetry that doesn't accept ratings always catches my eye. Often, those are the personal ones... the ones people don't have any intention of changing. I like to see why that is. In this case, it's obvious in the title and description. *Heart* I should probably do the same to my poems that are on similar topics. I know that I wrote several for my grandmother, and I don't think I'll change them based on any review.

At first, I wasn't going to review this because, honestly, sometimes these things bring up the grief all over again. But other times, it's sort of nice to revisit a tribute and think of our passed loved ones. I hope this review finds you in the latter category... with a smile not a tear.

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

Weird to have a "favorite part" here, but you know... *Facepalm* This looks like a therapeutic type of remembrance piece. It's good to get it out there. I know writing has helped me with similar situations too. I see that you waited a while before writing it too... probably necessary and for the best, really. Besides, it allowed you to mark the anniversary with something positive.

I imagine that this will resonate with people. Especially the last line. I sometimes wish I believed in that 'eternity'... seems to be a comforting thought. *Heart*

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

Anyway, I just thought I'd leave a quick review for this piece because these types of poems are obviously important to us, and when the view count goes up on mine, I sometimes wonder who read it. In this case, it was me. *Wink* A fine tribute, love. *Heart*



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95
95
Review of The Junk Room  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey blue jellybaby ! I'm working on a challenge for Power Reviewers and need to review a bunch of members. I chose you because I haven't seen you around in a long time. Looks like both of us have been a bit... not here lately? *Laugh* Hope all is well with you, love.

*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

You probably are aware of this, as I think I've invaded your port before, but I like to review folders/forums/activities/etc... the weird stuff no one ever bothers to rate or review. Basically, they're just happy little 5-star reviews because... folders are about the effort not the quality of the content. At least, that seems reasonable to me.

*Burstp**Burstr*Why?*Bursto**Burstv*

Why this folder? Well, not only is it the first starless folder I saw in your port, but it's the "kitchen sink" folder... the one filled with random junk? Everyone who has been on WDC for a few years has one. The home of the miscellaneous stuff that we never delete but don't necessarily NEED? I know mine is bursting at the seams. *Facepalm* I like to see what people have in theirs. This is the third I've reviewed so far today... the 'junk drawer' folders. No one ever reviews folders in general, and that is especially true for ones that say "random/junk/assorted/misc" and so forth. *Laugh*

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

Well, this one doesn't have as much junk as mine... though I do believe that there is some hidden and/or locked stuff in here. All I can see right now is a sig folder. We all have one of those too, and where else would you put it? *Ha* Keep on collecting random junk, love.

And seriously, I do hope all is okay in your corner of the world. If it's not, well... I'm thinking of you, love. Give me a shout sometime! *Heart*

*Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr* A warm welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr*


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96
96
Review of Fun bits of Fancy  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey eyestar~* ! Long time no speak... it's been what? 5 whole hours? *Wink* I'm working on "Power's 10th Anniversary Party - Closed" , and since there are 5 Sr. Captains with 5 reviews needed, I figured it would be a good idea to review each of you once.


*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

I was actually going to review "Eyestar Views" , since you used it for Pursue the Horizon. I enjoyed your entries, so I figured that would be a nice 5-star happy review to send your way.

But then I saw your starless Misc folder. *Laugh* I just reviewed ummm... Lornda's Misc folder I think it was. I dunno. I like digging through people's "kitchen drawer" folders. Everything but the kitchen sink... some long-forgotten junk mixed with community activities and other odds and ends. It needs some stars... unlike the Pursue the Horizon book, which has 18 reviews/ratings and an avg of 5. You know... I go where needed.

Besides, I like to review folders/contests/forums/etc. You know. The types of items that no one ever bothers to review. Folders seem to go the longest without reviews. I've caught some that have been around for well over 10 years with no ratings. They just look sad. Misc folders get even less love than most. My own is testament to that!

Miscellaneous  (18+)
Community, cNotes, Images, Novels, Misc
#1745126 by Cinn


No reviews since 2011. *Laugh* It happens. Can't say that it's much of a bother either really, but still... it's nice to get a quickie review and rating on these things!

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

Overall, it was just a fun dig. You have lots of the same types of junk I have in mine. You know... that random quiz/crossword/poll/image/signature/etc... the weird stuff. Funny that you have folders within this folder that DO have reviews. Mine might too. Weird how that works.

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

Anyway, have some purple stars on me! They make a port a bit prettier, and besides... it's a lot of effort collecting this much junk. I speak, of course, from experience. *Rolling*

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97
97
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
Hey Maryann - House Martell ! I'm working on "Power's 10th Anniversary Party - Closed" , and so... I'm reviewing a bunch of you Power Reviewer people. *Wink*


*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

Well, I was scrolling along and saw a low-rated folder. Those always catch my eye because I have a one-star poetry book myself full of intentionally terrible stuff. So, I decided to give it a peek.

And the reason for choosing this one? Ender Wiggins, man. *Laugh* With a name like "Ender", you can generally assume that it's about THE Ender. Gotta say, as soon as I saw 'buggers', I knew that I wasn't going to just close this and move on. *Ha*

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

By far, the rhythm of the poem is amazingly bad. Like... it's not even the difference between poetry and fiction. It's actually AWKWARD. That takes skill. *Facepalm* There are a few lines in the middle there that are almost physically painful. *Rolling* Well done!

Oh, and a close second for the zombies eating Petra. *Laugh* Bean as bait is also pretty amusing... little guy that he is. And hullo... he has a food name!

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

Man, truly amazing bad poetry here, love. I always find myself slipping into phrasing that still flows, even if it's terrible content. It's hard to intentionally have bad rhythm I think, and you totally nailed it.

The topic is amusing to me, obviously. But it's also sort of a "wtf is happening here" sort of narrative. Zombie buggers... that turn the hegemony soldiers into bloodier zombies? *Confused* K. I'm going to stop thinking about it before I get a headache. *Laugh* Improvements? Well, this is old as dirt by now, so I doubt any will be forth-coming... but the word "hegemony" could be worked in there and could be incredibly awkward and disruptive for the flow. Just saying. *Wink*


*Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr* A warm welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr*


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98
98
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey April Desiree-I'm back! ! Long time no speak, lady! I'm working on "Power's 10th Anniversary Party - Closed"  and saw you on the list. This book was in your highlighted items, so why not give it a peek? You know I love poetry.

*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

Well, it's poetry? Sort of a no-brainer, especially since I know perfectly well that you're into reading poetry. I always expect good things when that is the case.

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

Poetry collections! I love poetry collections. As you know, I have several books stuffed full of poetry myself, and even though I don't write in traditional forms often, I do have a few haiku kicking around. I miss the contest you wrote them for... I never did manage to finish that challenge! Seems far easier than it really is. I know the work involved in making this collection, in short.

*Burstp**Burstr*Style / Tone*Bursto**Burstv*

I read several pieces. "Sizzling Concrete", "Hidden Daisies", and "Mosquito Bites". Seems like there is some room for minor revision... a few bulky prepositional phrases and whatnot that could be smoother. But still, they hit the haiku vibe and form well. It is such a streamlined sort of form that every word has heightened importance, as you know. So while there may be a bit of room to play with some phrasing, they are very good drafts. I expected as much. You're probably better with the form than I am (also not shocking).

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

For me, this is a quick and easy 5-star review. I'm reviewing the entire book, not just one poem. Books deserve 5-stars for the effort, regardless of each individual piece's quality. Perhaps one day I'll come through and give some proper reviews for all of these. *Laugh* Imagine that! Anyway, don't be a stranger, love! *Heart*

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99
99
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Welcome to WDC, Marlow Rivers ! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!

*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*

A shattered glass tree is an interesting image. I also love free verse, and after poking through a few other items, I figured this would be free verse. *Wink*

*Burstp**Burstr*Favorite Aspects*Bursto**Burstv*

You have some good lines here and there. The best of the bunch is definitely "shattered genetic junk pile".

*Burstp**Burstr*Hook*Bursto**Burstv*
In my reviews, I like to focus a bit on the opening line(s) of a poem. Sometimes, people forget that a good hook is as important for a poem as it is for a story. It might be more important, in fact. Given the length of a poem, the intro (that hook) is a considerable percentage of the piece as a whole. It needs to be both functional and interesting to serve its purposes.

The opening is a bit ho-hum for me. Especially that "Now". You already gave a call to action, so the "now" detracts from it. The following "with gutted fist" is also awkward, as fists don't have guts to be gutted? It creates a very odd visual but doesn't make much sense, particularly without any context given prior.

The final statement is a bit odd as well. "We rip / and / we shred / around the tree" conjures happy images of Christmas for me, which doesn't fit the tone here. There is a disconnect between the first half of the piece and the second half with the wreaths/eating/etc. Cool idea, really... but it doesn't quite gel.

*Burstp**Burstr*Language / Word Choice*Bursto**Burstv*

In addition to the "gutted fist", there are some other oddities. "Desolate" as an exclamation is strange. First, without a sentence to guide them, readers have to stop and think about whether this is an adjective or a verb. That's not ideal. Second, the word's meaning makes it a strange choice for excitement, if you know what I mean.

There aren't many specifics here to ground your metaphors. Who is "they"... the glass smiths. Who is "you"? By the time we get to "we", there is some semblance of an idea as to who is involved, but there isn't for the "they" and "you" in the beginning.

There is more dull language here than expressive language, honestly. There are long areas with no interesting word choice at all (like the last 9 lines, for instance). There are also some added details that don't serve much purpose. "On the wooden floor"? What purpose does that serve for the reader? Do we need to know that it's wooden? The idea of a tree being glass and the floor being wood... interesting juxtaposition... but it isn't set up yet. The title sets it up, but the stanza talks about a mirror. There is no connection between a mirror and a wooden floor, which makes it read as an extraneous detail.

*Burstp**Burstr*Consistency*Bursto**Burstv*

I very much dislike the capitalization of each new line in free verse poetry. It's a modern writing style with an archaic throwback to traditional poetry. But here, you only do that sometimes. There isn't any consistency in the capitalization throughout. I suggest using sentence case throughout.

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

Overall, I like what this piece could be, but I'm not a big fan of what it currently is. It's an interesting draft that definitely needs some TLC to become a functional poem. It's a good start though, so I do hope you revise.


*Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr* A warm welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon"  *Burstgr* *Burstgr* *Burstgr*


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100
100
Review of Hush  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi w0lfbane ! I'm here to judge "Invalid Item"  and thought it would be nice to shoot reviews out to people who entered. Multiple submissions were allowed, but I'm just reviewing each person once. *Wink* And... the review is for the revision rather than the overall quality of the piece. Fitting, no?


*Burstp**Burstr*What Caught My Eye*Bursto**Burstv*
I can see where you would have had some harsh criticism of that first one. It's not really a sonnet? Sort of... inspired by sonnets but not a sonnet? The revision is much more sonnet-like as far as the line lengths go.

My favorite part really is just the tone. It's light and modern and amusing, which is unusual for one of the old forms. People tend to take themselves very VERY seriously when they sit down to write a sonnet.

*Burstp**Burstr*Effect*Bursto**Burstv*

Some food for thought... In future revisions, you may want to work on the meter. Right now, it isn't metered but, seemingly, syllable counted? That is a fine way to go about learning a form, but meter is a different animal. Sonnets also aren't usually in separate quatrains, but lumped together in one mass. And Spenserian sonnets are also usually three quatrains with no breaks, followed by a break and the final couple-- so form-wise, at a glance, I was not expecting a Spenserian sonnet. That's a much easier fix that what you've already done! This does tell a story and has a bit of a volta if I squint, but those subtle shifts from quatrain to quatrain are hard to pull of if you're telling a story.

There is still room for improvement from line to line too. That second line is a good example of one that lacks... flair. Being a little more specific/descriptive about what those "certain things" are could help set the tone. Are they frivolous? Half-baked? Oh-so important? There's some wiggle room in there to play around if you feel like it.

So, in short, it is still not 100% classic sonnet form, but it is a dramatic move in the right direction. The rewrites work better most of the time (especially the subtle changes to the "drank too much" line. I am actually pretty impressed with the work you have put into it thus far. It's a good "role model" type of revision... people should be willing to tamper with their darlings. The results are often much improved. *Heart* And for the record, I've written one sonnet in my life, and it was terrible. I know the rules and can pull off some of the techniques (including meter), but it's just... hard. *Laugh* You did well with it in my view.


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