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1,621 Public Reviews Given
1,644 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I think my style is pretty honest. Though I try to find the good in everything, I give accurate ratings that express my opinion of a piece. Whether good or bad, you hopefully will understand my ratings by the end of the review. I give ratings that reflect the quality of the writing with 3 stars meaning "average". I only give 5 stars for items that I genuinely love or items that are more about effort than quality (i.e. folders, contests, forums, blogs, etc).
I'm good at...
Finding the most concise way to rewrite, tweaking structure and format, locating plot holes. Poetry reviews are my specialty. Quality-focused rather than meaning-focused.
Favorite Genres
Free Verse, Scifi, Horror
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Fantasy, Historical
Favorite Item Types
Anything with a short format suits me fine, as I adore short fiction (writing, reading, and reviewing). Book, static item... doesn't matter.
Least Favorite Item Types
Ummm.. Interactives & Campfires.
I will not review...
I generally don't do novel/script reviews unless I know the person. Short work is what I have time for and what I most enjoy.
Public Reviews
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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Is this contest really from just two years ago? I thought it was much much older than that. I couldn't say why that is... but it seems like it has actually been around forever. *Laugh*

I like the idea of this contest. Can't say that I have ever entered, mostly just because I very rarely enter contests. I always mean to do it... but then I don't do it. I actually could enter this one I suppose. I prefer contests that accept old pieces so that I have time to revise at my leisure and whatnot. I'm positive that I have some dreams based on nightmares and things that would fit the current prompt too. *Facepalm*

Anyway, I'll think about it. You know me... I always have about a zillion things going on at any given time. So... things are always falling through the cracks. Usually, contest entries are one of those things. Still though, I'll try to get an entry in because I always appreciate it when contests let you post older items. *Heart*


*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, love! *Smile* I have a handful of Anniversary Reviews to do before the month ends. Six of them, to be exact! I like to do mini-port raids for friends on their anniversaries... just to give out happy little 5-star reviews for folders and things that don't get many reviews. You never know when someone will come along and give something a one-star review out of no where (Newbies who have no idea why a contest/activity/folder/etc doesn't read like a story or something? It happens frequently).

So anyway, I just happened to see you on the anniversaries list. Might as well shoot some reviews your way. You're quite a WDC veteran (13 years? Whew!), and we've been chatting for the past several days. Seems fitting.

I hope that your new (and first) custom MB turns out as lovely as it sounds. I love the inspiration for it as well, of course. Cheers! Onto the next review!


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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Flowerw* This is a review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


Alright, love! I figured that I probably wouldn't end up nominating another item of yours for the Quills because I've nominated you multiple times now and all of that, but I said that I would read your piece... so I did.

And I changed my mind. I'm going to nominate this as well. First, I think that the short nonfiction category was one of the "needed" nominations. Second, it is easy to read despite the academic tone. Third, it is actually quite an intriguing story that you seem to have researched quite a bit, whether by interview or other means.

It also has a fair bit of storytelling flair, which is not super easy in an academic paper. For instance, beginning the story with the war and leaving his mother behind... and never seeing her again. That is a very story way to go about it. It's a proper hook.

There are lots of other details throughout that add to the intrigue too. The robbers, slinking around to keep from getting caught, and the insight into Buddhism are all things that will keep people reading. The writing is solid, save a few errant commas and odd bits of syntax... nothing major. Basically, it is just a nicely done piece.

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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flowerw* This is a review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


Oh yeah... I remember this cNote shop from when you first opened it. In fact, I was waiting for my ethics class to start when I looked through the cNotes. *Laugh* I remember it clear as day for some reason.

I think that these are really cute. The fact that you made them all, drawing them and animating them yourself, shows far more thought and care than many cNote shops. If mine deserves to be nominated for the quills just for original photographs and poetry, than yours deserves to be there too for ingenuity and original artwork. Bam! Consider it done, my dear.

And why did I decide to review it your shop? Well, there are two reasons. First, I was going to review some of your stuff tomorrow anyway for Minja's spotlight review thing. I only started today, so I intended to do fun little reviews for folders/forums/etc anyway... just to give ratings to things with no ratings.

Second, this shop deserves 5 stars for effort and overall cuteness. One more 5-star review will get you there. Happy to oblige. *Wink* On a side note here, I especially like the "feel better" and "Hi!" notes. Very cute. I think I might have even sent one of these at some point... though you'd have to check your log. My memory is fuzzy on anything that I may have done during the last two semesters of school. *Facepalm* So yeah... awesome shop! Cheers, love! I'll send you two more reviews tomorrow!



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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Flowerw* This is a review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


Okay, love... w in the f. *Rolling* The fact that you need a whole folder for Twitter and Facebook scrnshots just cracks me up. I actually just wandered in here and started looking through a bunch of them (and cackling a fair bit too... as will happen after multiple glasses of wine), and it occurred to me that I was supposed to be reviewing stuff. Lightbulb... review one of the more ridiculous collections I've seen. Sounds easy enough.

The PBJ one caught my attention. Yes... done that. Who hasn't done that? And that first does of Ambien might well have contributed to the lack of burning desire to make an actual sandwich too. Just saying.

Likewise, the hashtag (#academyaward2014) for Sharkhorsenado cracked me up far more than it should have. *Facepalm*

The fact that you saved these things here for posterity is just... so Norb. I can't even. *Laugh* And yet... I keep reading them. I think that I might have read them all. Like... literally all of them. Apparently, I am very easily amused. Either that or you are just super amusing. Likely a combination of the two. *Wink* Anyway, that concludes the tipsy reviewing... and not a moment too soon. I'm sick of trying to fix typos. Cheers! *Glass2*

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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Flowerw* This is a review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


Alright... this is not probably the most helpful or interesting thing to review. Pictures and all of that stuff that inevitably gather in people's ports and die there. I have one myself. Well, technically, I have one folder with a whole bunch of subfolders to contain and sort all of my weird and totally random tidbits. Because, you know, it's not enough to just have a Misc folder... it was absolutely required for me to have a "Misc of Misc" folder too, for all those tidbits that were too random to even fit with all the other levels of random.

Strange that I recognize anything in your port's kitchen drawer here, but I do. *Laugh* "Norb's Shop"... that is part of Minja's fundraiser thing right? I saw that earlier today while messing about... or maybe yesterday. Oh, and is that 30DBC MB new or something? I swear that I never noticed it on the MB shop page before... then BAM it's just in this fundraiser. *Laugh* I might have to buy myself one of those.

Okay, so the "all the blogs" folder is also one that I've been to before, so clearly I've looked through here before (but not in my most recent visits). I can't believe that you have filled a bunch of blogs... even if "filled" just meant creating a new one, which as I recall was the case at least once. No?

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Review of standalone  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Flowerw* This is a review from "Invalid Item"  *Flowerw*


Alright, Mr. Norberino... I decided on a whim to do Minja's review thing this month. Because I'm crazy or something (but of course, that was determined a long long time ago I think). So, I feel like reviewing, but I'm also ummm... let's just say not at all sober. *Laugh* That sort of limits the options for what I can really review. Heavy analysis and all of that? Not so much. Reviewing someone easily offended? Also not so much.

Then I landed on the perfect thing! You have like a zillion folders packed full of poetry and amazing Norb-like musings that I feel very confident giving my seal of approval. So... done deal.

I was actually just digging through all of these folders a week or so ago. I did read a few of these, but tonight, "The Day the Stars Became Round" caught my eye. Awesome title, bro. I also really love the content too. "Liquor soaked, sleeping pill-choked" ...sounds like something I would have written at various points. *Wink* I really dig the whole thing. I envy your ability to toss rhymes around all willy nilly too. I'm miserably bad at that. Once in a while, one creeps into my poetry, but more often than not, it just... doesn't. You also play with rhythms in an even more blatant way than I do. Like, that seems to be a common part of your writing style. I dig it. It reminds me of beat poets, and who the heck doesn't love a good beatnik?

I've got to say that I'm pretty intrigued about reading the early Writer's Cramp entries too. You mentioned them a few times, so my interest is piqued enough to come give them a look at some point soon. So anyway, what I've read here has been good! Off to poke around some more!

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Review of Poetry  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ooooh... I decided to come poke around your port, and I see that you have folders now. I'm not sure if I've ever read and reviewed you before or if we've just talked about whatever random stuff. I swear... my memory is disappearing on me, and I'm NOT old. *Laugh*

Anyway, I'll have to come back and read some stuff. Poetry and horror? A man after my own heart. That is as far as I've gotten for actually perusing. And since these are new folders, none of them have ratings. I might as well give you a few quick reviews with pretty purple stars. If not, they might sit there with no ratings for a long time. Not many people take the time to review them.

So... this folder only has three poems in it, but considering that you have been here for one month, I'd say that is a whole lot. I think I was here for like 4 months or something before I even needed a folder for anything? *Wink*



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209
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Two things instantly became clear when I started poking through this folder. First, I'm pretty sure that I've only read one of these. Literally... one of them. I guess there might be one hiding as I scroll past or something, but in my initial scan, I only caught one that I am sure that I read. I'll have to come back and read a bunch of them at some point.

Second, the ratings in here are much sketchier. That makes sense. Contest entries... *Facepalm* We all write them, and more often than not, we never think about them again. We might give them a quick revision, fix a typo, whatever... but prompted stuff isn't usually what really grabs us as writers. They're not necessarily cherished pieces of writing with care and polish and all the hoopla. So considering all of that, I would guess that even a quick write for you is pretty solid. You have a whole lot of solid ratings in here, after all.

And yeah... I'll come back and poke around next month when I'm ready to do some "real" reviews for actual writing. *Wink* Well... if you want anyway. Not everyone likes super honest feedback-- and I'm super honest. I'll let you decide on that I guess. *Laugh*



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Review of Dark Poetry  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey, Jen! *Heart* I have a bunch more newbie reviews to give this month, so I decided to peruse your port. Generally, I usually write around 15-20 long and in-depth reviews every month, and about 15-20 more that are just happy fluff reviews for folders/groups/forums... all the types of items that no one ever bothers to review. I can barely believe that you're still a newbie (weird? yeah... super weird), but you are... so BAM you're it! I checked my reviews and realized that I've only ever reviewed you once, so prepare for a mini-port raid! I think I have ummm 7 reviews to do? So unless I get bored, you're about to get 7 reviews. *Wink*

I see that someone already reviewed this folder once. That's pretty impressive really. Some of mine sat for years and years before getting a review (one of the reasons I do this). Normally, I'd move on and review something unreviewed, but this is dark poetry. Come on now... like I can pass a poetry folder and NOT review it? Pfft! *Rolling*

This is a pretty large collection, love. Especially for only being here a few months. Lots of 4+ ratings and awardicons floating around in here too, so clearly you're getting readers. I believe that I've read a few of them myself, but regardless, the folder deserves 5 stars for effort! *Heart*


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Review of Heart O Gram  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Highlighted item? Might as well give it a look, right? *Laugh* I'll have to come back here if I decide to send cute little valentines to friends this year. Apparently, this shop makes its way to the limelight around this season every year? Never seen it before I don't think, but you know... it's here right now!

Seems like more people would want to promote their seasonal cNote shops somehow. People probably make them and then forget them. I know that I haven't touched my one and only cNote shop since I made it (except to send one now and then I guess).

Anyway, using just an image in the "body" of the shop is a good call. It's totally sufficient. The cNotes themselves are really cute. The actual sentiment runs from normal everyday valentines to a bit more sappy... so something for everyone really. It's not a full shop, but it doesn't really need to be. A few different cards that will fit for anyone who wants to send one? Good enough for sure.


*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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Review of Bear Cave  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, love! Just wanted to pop in and say Happy Belated Anniversary! I usually try to do a few mini-raids for non-static items that don't get many reviews for people's anniversaries. Given all you do on WDC (quietly too), I think that you could use a little bit of pampering.

So, I noticed that this folder is pretty new, but it had me scratching my head for a second. I was SURE the bear hugs were way older than 2015! *Laugh* Yeah... I'm not going crazy after all. *Wink*

Anyway, since this folder accepts ratings, I figured that someone might as well rate it. It contains a very sweet sort of activity along with images and cNotes to go along with it. There's nothing to not like here. *Heart*



*Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv* Happy WDC Anniversary from "Anniversary Reviews"  *Confettig* *Giftv* *Confettiv*

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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day, love! I'm working on some tasks for "The Challenge"  and figured that I might as well do some anniversary reviews. When I saw your name on the list, I knew just where to go to review a contest! *Wink*

I believe that I entered this contest once. For a story contest, that is pretty amazing since I very rarely write stories. I do believe that it had something to do with the fact that you accept older stories. I actually wish that more contests here accepted entries written not expressly for the contest. It seems like such an obvious choice for non-prompt contests, but it is rare even when there seems to be no good reason. *Facepalm* In the end, it helps to differentiate your contest.

If I ever write another twisted tale, I'm sure that I'll enter it. *Heart* I'm always happy to participate in the old classic contests that have been kicking around since long before I joined. Almost nine years now? What's that in WDC years? A hundred? More? *Rolling* Anyway, here's to many more years of twists and turns! *Glass*


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Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, inkwell ! *Smile* I am one of the judges for the December 2015 round of "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" ! After reading the entries, I like to offer some feedback, but please note that I am only one judge and that this is not a comparison of your work to other entries. This is for your benefit and is not an explanation of how you stacked up against the competition.

What Caught My Eye

Honestly, the opening two lines are pretty dull compared to the rest of your phrasing. I think that you could come up with a better hook, love. It serves its purpose but has no wow factor.

That said, I really like some of your descriptions and imagery.

Style / Tone

This is akin to prose poetry. It is certainly prose, but it is not a story. There is no "plot". The piece is expressive and interesting to read, but for a story contest, I think it misses the mark.

The narration seems energetic at first but fades out to a dull at the strangest time. When you talk about the destructive force of nature, that seems like an odd time to make the tone mellow.

Language

"The feeling of exhilaration as you glide through the snow" -- why are you talking about "you" here? You say that 'boarding is my life'... so the narrator should probably continue talking about him/herself. You do the same thing later on. What's with all the "you"s? This is particularly notable in this line:

"You have seen things many people have never seen before. This comforted me" -- Why would someone else seeing things have any effect on you? It takes the punch out of what could be a powerful line.

"Humans don't glide, they destroy." -- This seemed to come out of nowhere to me. It changes the tone of the piece. Sometimes a short and harsh sentence following a long sentence about a pretty topic can be effective. Here, it just takes the piece from positive to negative.

"snowflake glides sown" -- third repetition of "glide". This time, it doesn't make for a fitting image either. 'Glide' implies friction... something moving over or against something else. The image of snow "gliding down" seems awkward to me.

Effect

I think that, despite some technical difficulties, this could be a lovely little vignette. I tend to write a whole lot of vignettes myself when not writing poetry. As for the contest, a vignette is not a "story". No great tragedy. You have something worth playing with here.


Good luck and please consider entering again! *Thumbsup*


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Review of Descent  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello, Chris24 ! *Smile* I am one of the judges for the December 2015 round of "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" ! After reading the entries, I like to offer some feedback, but please note that I am only one judge and that this is not a comparison of your work to other entries. This is for your benefit and is not an explanation of how you stacked up against the competition.

What Caught My Eye

Generally, I look for a strong opening line for stories (and for poetry too, actually). A strong hook will ensure that readers will be interested enough to continue. If you can't get an audience to read the first paragraph, the story wont get read, right?

Here, the opening line seems a little "ho hum" to me. Mentally, I kept trying to insert an "it" in there too. "He meant [it] to be the first". Not sure why that is, but I thought I'd mention it. The second line also isn't very hook-like, though it does provide some setting and tell the reader what the story is likely to be about.

Favorite Aspects

The whole sci-fi twist was a very nice touch. I think that it is quite original as well! At least, I cannot imagine any of the other entries taking this route. As a scifi fan, I 100% approve.

Plot

Well, this is where it gets a bit sticky. I adore a twist ending! That Twilight Zone scifi 'it's actually aliens' vibe is strong here. But sadly, it was boring for a bit too long. The "normal" part of the story was just... not interesting. Of course, I grew up near a ski resort... there is nothing exotic or crazy for me about snowboarding. It was sort of a fact of life. That is how this piece reads to me... just a description of everyday life with a cute twist at the end.

Character(s)

Ray is relatively engaging. I never came to care about him either way, so his fate at the end didn't matter to me. For this story of ending, you don't want readers to love him so much that they'll feel manipulated at the end, but caring a little bit might have been good.

Effect

Some revision could do this piece some good. The end is really the highlight here. If you decide to revise, you might want to think of ways to make the first four-fifths of the story into something more than the intro to a punchline.


Good luck and please consider entering again! *Thumbsup*


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Review of Slippery Slope  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello! *Smile* I am one of the judges for the December 2015 round of "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" ! After reading the entries, I like to offer some feedback, but please note that I am only one judge and that this is not a comparison of your work to other entries. This is for your benefit and is not an explanation of how you stacked up against the competition.

Intro

It occurred to me immediately that I haven't read your work before. I know that we have chatted before about something or other, but I would have recognized the writing style had I read it on a previous occasion. Very solid writing.

The only thing that seemed amiss to me was "a nice run down the slopes" because "nice" is a dull adjective and you already packed each line full of adjectives.

On another note, there have been quite a few stories now that talked about the sun shining down on new snow, a clear crisp day perfect for snowboarding. It is adequate, but it is becoming more and more clear that it isn't unique. Even if it was uncommon among the entries, is it a strong enough hook to keep people reading? Doubtful.

It is especially clear that the opening lines are weak when compared to the action/panic of the following lines. THAT is a hook.

Plot

The plot is a very original take on the prompt, if not an original take on a thriller. *Wink* Still, it was a very enjoyable little story, and the narrator was well-characterized enough to seem like more of a person and less of a caricature.

The pacing is pretty solid on this one, which is necessary for a thriller. The dialogue helped keep it cruising along, but there was still a bit too much dialogue at times. After a while, dialogue ends up feeling like someone just relating a story... it pulls a reader out of it and makes them aware that they are just reading rather than participating.

Effect

Overall, I think the piece works pretty well. It kept me engaged for the most part. Your writing itself is quite solid, which is very helpful. You have a solid grasp on grammar and fundamental writing techniques. The plot itself didn't strike me as something I've never read before, but it is definitely not something that I have read from this prompt. It was wise choosing a genre and rolling with it.


Good luck and please consider entering again! *Thumbsup*


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Review of Goodbye 2015  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

I was just looking for some stuff to review, and on a whim, I decided to look through all of the most recently modified static items. Usually, I stick with the newest poetry, but I guess I was in the mood to review something a little out of the ordinary. I suppose that writing a letter to 2015 is pretty... out of the ordinary? Of course, I saw a few of them, but you know... I wanted to review a friend. Besides, I need to do a few more newbie reviews before the month is over. *Laugh*

Things I Like

The news about your daughter's engagement is so sweet... I remember when you first posted that in the newsfeed. If I didn't say so at the time (I sometimes don't reply when on my phone), I am so happy for both of you... and for your new daughter-in-law to be as well. *Heart*

And graduating with a CNA license too? You must be very proud of her. So many amazing things happening for her all at once!

I like that the final two paragraphs are, basically, a quick "See ya... glad you're gone!" and then thanking 2015 for making you stronger. It's a pretty lovely and sentimental way to wrap up what may have been a difficult write.

Suggestions & Comments

From a structure/organization standpoint, you begin by saying that it has been a difficult year... and then immediately talk about the good things without any transition. I thought that was a little odd. I can understand not wanting to start out with tragedy, but some sort of transition might have made it smoother.

I would have liked to have read some of the lessons... both good and bad... that you learned in 2015. Specifics are what make letters interesting.

I guess that's about it! This reads like a cross between a pen-pal letter and a blog entry. Pretty unique prompt, really. I'm not sure that I would have been able to think of much to say to a year! You did well with it... good luck in the contest, love.


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Review of The Octopus  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

I was looking through a page of items written by people who are new to WDC, and the title caught my eye. The description made it clear the sort of metaphor you were working with-- octopuses are pretty adaptable, after all. The length was also short enough so that I assumed it would be poetry (I mostly read poetry).

Favorite Aspects

I love the whole idea here. It is an interesting metaphor. Or rather, it would be a metaphor if you did not blatantly tell us that it "symbolizes" this and that.

Style / Tone

In general, I think that this piece would be much stronger if you removed phrasing like "symbolizes"-- make the connection and let the reader find it for him/herself.

There are also multiple disconnects here:

The octopus symbolizes everything under the sun... except love. Which makes the "That is the purpose of love" statement seem completely out of the blue.

The imagery is very disconnected. Stars and galaxies... and the ocean? Instead of being "one tiny glimmer"... why isn't it one lone grain of sand? One speck of plankton in a vast sea? Currently, it just doesn't mesh.

The connection to the octopus is also very shaky. Metamorphosis is complete, huh? The language sounds like butterflies rather than a camouflaging octopus. Make the connection stronger. Making it a direct comparison would help connect the dots for the reader.

Effect

I think that there is some originality here and some solid ideas floating around. However, it doesn't gel at the moment. There are also some miscellaneous writing oddities (like a lack of variety in your sentence structure-- An octopus this. An octopus that. It does this.). It also could use a once over just for typos and grammar ("ine" = "one"). In short, there is some work to be done on this piece, but I think that it could be very good if you revise.


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219
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (1.5)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


Language / Word Choice

The repetition in this poem is not effective. It is actually a bit on the irksome side.

is falling / am falling
there is no / there is no / there is no
just lay in bed / just lay in bed
nothing / nothing
there is no / there is no
I am / I am
is falling / is falling

That is just... not ideal. Repeating a statement only holds power when the phrase is powerful in the first place, and these are not. "I am" is not a wow moment. See what I'm saying? Repetition is also only effective if used sparingly. Here, most of the poem is framed with tedious repetition of dull phrases like "there is no". It makes reading the piece feel monotonous-- like I have read it all before.

And on the topic of having read it before, there are very few lines here that seem entirely original to me. "The only escape is / into the darkness" is a phrase that I have heard before. It is a common idea. The same could be said for most of the lines in the poem. What makes this personal to you? What images and phrases are uniquely yours?

On a side note here, "The only escape is" directly contrasts the notion that "There is no escape when you're in constant pain".

Technical / Grammar / Syntax

Do you ever just
Lay in bed

It should be "lie". The verb "to lay" means to set something down. It implies an object. That is why you only ever see people say "Lay yourself down" with 'yourself' as an object. You wouldn't say "I lay down" but "I lie down". "Lay in Bed?" also should be "lie".

Effect

Overall, I think that there might be some emotion in here underneath all of the repetition. Being emotive is important for poetry, and it is great that you can tap into that. The phrasing and technique need some work, but that is what WDC is for. Don't give up! You'll definitely improve if you remain open to feedback. *Heart*


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220
220
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


What Caught My Eye

I was just looking through a page of items written by people knew to WDC, and yours was the second on the list. It was also the first that seemed small enough to be a poem, and I read mostly poetry.

Favorite Aspects

You have a really quirky, personal way of phrasing. My favorite lines is the second line in the first stanza. Nicely done. I also love the first line of the second stanza. If all of your lines were as strong as these, this poem would be a stellar write.

Language / Word Choice

At times, the lines are pretty dull. "We stay in, the cold outside can stay away", for instance, is not very effective. First, it is two sentences stuck together with a comma (I promise that this will irk those of us who appreciate proper grammar). Second, the first sentence ends with an unneeded preposition... sentences ending with prepositions are frowned upon, and it just is not needed here. Third, "We stay" and "The cold can stay" is awkward.

There are other areas like this. Sloppy is the word I would use for it. Another example:

Repetition that does not feel purposeful or necessary just drags down the piece...

They look at the light, they no longer see the sky.
That light so bright, is replaced by florescent energy saving bulbs.

Now, I love the quirkiness here. Amazing stuff. However, the lines aren't very effective in their current state. Minimize the repetition and reorder the lines so that they make sense. Example:

They no longer see the sky. They look at the light
so bright, replaced by florescent energy-saving bulbs.

OR

They no longer see the sky. They look at the light so
bright and replaced by florescent energy-saving bulbs.

OR

They no longer see the sky, looking at the light
so bright, replaced by...

OR any number of simple edits. Connect the "light" with the "light"-- and use the sky as a preface. It makes more sense to begin the thought with the sky and end with fluorescent bulbs. It's very clever, but the formatting could use some work to let it really shine (no pun intended).

This sort of thing is rampant here... it needs revision pretty desperately, but there are glimmers of total brilliance in here (again, no pun intended).

Technical / Grammar / Syntax

When you revise this, please fix the grammar issues. It would make the read SO much smoother. While you're at it, add a space after your commas! "lcd,led,plasma" = "LCD, LED, plasma" (yes... please capitalize those abbreviations as well).

These missing spaces and improper caps make the poem feel like a very very rough draft. A few more:

"energy-saving" is a compound adjective and needs to be hyphenated.

"ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL" does not need to be in caps. There are a zillion ways to make text stand out in a poem, and this is the weakest of them. Some other options:

Offset the line:

So when the question is posed.
         All for one and one for all.

Space it:

And while all is said and done...
So when the question is posed

All for one and one for all.

Italicize it or break it or do anything but those caps.

While I'm at it... where is the question here? If "All for one and one for all" is the question, add a question mark and change the period after "posed" to a colon (:). Again, grammar matters if you want people to know what you're trying to say.

Effect

Honestly, I think that this could be an amazing poem. I don't tell just anyone that there are brilliant moments in a piece... and there are some here. It is just a very rough first draft right now. I think it is worth the effort to clean it up though.


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Review of Light and Dark  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Welcome to WDC! *Smile* I hope you enjoy your time here!


Language / Word Choice

Some of your phrasing here sounds nice, but the meaning is... questionable. For instance:

Part of the light,
faint around me;
Like a halo shadowing me;

Light shadows you? That makes no sense. It wouldn't shadow you but create a shadow you. If you mean "shadow" as in "follow", I think that the word choice is poor. The distinction between light and dark (and all references to either) should be very purposeful.

There are also a fair number of lines in here that sound generic to me, beginning with the very first: "Darkness and desecration". I've heard it before. Probably hundreds of times. It sounds like heavy metal lyrics 101. It is not the only culprit either. I would go through the poem and make sure that every single word and line is there for a distinct reason and has something uniquely YOURS in it. "Trembling in the darkness" is not original... "I do not exist" is a very old bit of philosophy... "I live" as compared to existing is also not original either. I am sure that you have something personal to say... so make it personal to you. It will be more engaging for the reader as well.

Watch out for that archaic word arrangement as well. "I care not" and "Do you not hear" sound pretty forced.


Technical / Grammar / Syntax

All of those semi-colons in the beginning? None of them are used correctly.

And then you[:]
Part of the light,
Faint around me
Like a halo shadowing me,
the only light within me.

Not loving the repeats of "me me me", by the way... but this is punctuated correctly. Punctuation matters, as it determines how people read each line and the relationship between the lines. Something to watch for.

Effect

Well, I think that your work shows promise, but a considerable portion of the poem seemed like the same-old thing to me. I've heard it before. There is also a haphazard quality to your word choice. It lacks deliberateness. I think that you may have an ear for rhythm and poetic phrasing... you just need to focus it. *Smile*


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222
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (1.0)
First slippery bit of SPAM for the season, and I just had to give it a look. For a first attempt, it seems that you understand exactly what's going on. This is as cringe-worthy as it is funny!

I wonder what hooves would think of all that cow 'milk farm battle' business. This was my first thought, actually. *Facepalm*

Seriously though, it's a fun and messy romp. Gotta love those "What happened last night?" stories! *Laugh*

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Review of Recent Poetry  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
More poetry! I should probably make more of an effort to organize my work for the readers. Genres are obviously more appealing than years, but I think that I only write in a couple genres, really. And if I organized mine by genre, I'd never be able to find anything! *Laugh* I know that my stuff was written around 2013 or 2015 or whatever... but I don't know if it was horror or emotional or what.

I love war poetry. It moves me like no other! Siegfried Sassoon is one of my favorite poets... I've been poet-crushing on him hard for the past several years. I should try to find my way back to this folder on a day when I have lots of time to peruse.


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224
224
Review of Poetry  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy WDC B-Day! *Smile* I have like... 11 reviews to write in the next 25 minutes? I'm pretty sure that it is not going to happen. But you know... I'm a glutton for punishment! Nothing like writing an 8 page paper and then giving 19 reviews in one hour, right? Might as well give it a shot.

So... prepare for a mini port raid! We'll see how far I get. Forgive me if I skip all the pretty colors and such, since I'm strapped for time at the moment. *Wink* Your port is like... endless! I barely know where to begin. I open a folder and BOOM! 15 more folders. You are all kinds of prolific, girl. This should be fun. *Wink*


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225
225
Review of Poetry  
Review by Cinn
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I love your directory here... collections and such. I did that for my 2014 folder (poetry subfolder), but it never occurred to me to do it with the poetry folder itself. Seems like a tall order for someone who writes mostly poetry, but I adore the idea! I might steal it from you. Just making a directory for 2015 will be a pain in the... I've written some 250 poems or something? Ugh.

Anyway, I will definitely be back to poke through this one. You know me... major poetry enthusiast. Have I reviewed you before? It's very possible, but I review so much poetry (and so much newbie poetry, specifically) that I couldn't say for sure. At any rate, keep going! You're filling this one up pretty fast from the look of things.


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