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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/condorsfan
Review Requests: ON
9 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Sentinel  
Review by Pam Sears
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Congratulations. 2nd place has been awarded to you for your excellent use of imagery with only 200 words to play with! Thank you for participating in my contest!
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Review by Pam Sears
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This was very interesting. May I suggest an addendum? You mentioned holistic treatment to aid in pain but only give medical treatments. As a massage therapist, I think the most MARvelous aid to medical treatment can be massage therapy. There are various types for various people, although massage is contraindicated for some problems and checking with a dr. is *always* best.
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Review of Thor's Hammer  
Review by Pam Sears
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A very interesting story. It seems to be a mix of the old Norse gods sagas, the Kennedy assasination and Mutant-X. You do need to be careful of your use of verbs, adverbs and adjectives. In the 1st section you say Asgoth "treaded" through the snow...a better usage would be "he trod" or perhaps "he struggled". You also have him standing in the cave at a crouch because of the low ceiling. Instead, you should tell us his height nearer the beginning (even in comparison to something else nearby) and have him stooping to fit inside the cave.
Your descriptions and adjectives get better as you go on, but a few more details would be good. For instance, what made him choose to trust this old man of the mountain, what gives away Vol as a traitor? For that matter, what more can you tell us about the Chancellor?
All in all, an interesting premise and a good start to a story with potential. Keep polishing *Smile*
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Review by Pam Sears
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh, my! I'm having a serious fit of the giggles (my apologies to the Bard, also!) and my profound respect to someone who can so aptly twist Shakespear's style to fit this generation. :)
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