Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/countrymom/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/7
A well written, truly emotional, heartfelt write - and I am one of the ones who didn't realize or know the depth of your pain, or about the disease that has robbed this dear child of a childhood. Your continued prayers to God are sometimes the only thing that keeps you going, able to care for your child. What a brave little fighter SHE IS, and what a brave woman YOU ARE! God bless and keep you both, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Countrymom
The You You Were - is a well written, thought-provoking free verse poem, which I read with interest and appreciation. You certainly have a talent - The poem made me think about the me who was and how i've changed (hopefully for the better) over the years!
This is a keeper - THANK YOU FOR SHARING!
Write on!
Countrymom
A well written poem, emotional, sad. It flows smoothly, and was a pleasure to read. It speaks of someone who has stayed with the relationship when others may have given up and searched for the kind of love that endures with happiness - a worthy goal -
Keep up the good work and write on!
Countrymom
A very well written story and tribute to your sister! It flows well, I see no errors or any way that it could be improved upon! Memories are the best thing - as long as we remember, they will always live in our hearts! Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece! It is a keeper!
Write on!
Countrymom
YES! This is a beautifully written poem, and one that you should consider entering in the Honoring Our Veterans Contest! Let me know if you need help in posting an entry! I may not have read your writing before, but I'm marking it a a favorite and will return to read more - THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE - and for the rememberances of DOG TAGS! I still have mine -
God bless!
Countrymom
CONGRATULATIONS, LOU! You have done well in getting a third book out - and all the book signings you've done! I will buy this book from Publish America as soon as I can!
I have one of your books and love it, I know this will be no different - it is great work and I am proud of you for all you have accomplished as a writer!
Have to go to the link and check out the cover!
God bless!
C-Mom
An excellent write! There is only one line that I would change, in Verse #8 - It reads "All of them had overcome save to save the others life" - my suggestion is to change it to "all of them had overcome the fear to save the others life" By taking out the first "save'" and replacing it with "the fear" - an easy edit, if you wish. Other than that, the poem flows smoothly, is original, and I appreciate your words. I take it this was Viet Nam, and that you were indeed a soldier there. I would welcome you to Our Veterans Group if you care to join! I've heard some of the stories of the men who came back and how they were treated,
I hope and pray that never happens to a serviceman or woman again! The men that fought in the jungles and have the courage to go on are truly heroes. Thank you for your entry in the Honoring Our Veterans Contest. I'll be reviewing all entries when the contest closes, but this ranks high in my book! THANK YOU for your service!
Countrymom
This reads as a very sad story - I cannot imagine, although being the last of nine children, I wonder sometimes if I was really "wanted" - but there was caring, hope and laughter in the early years - This I wish for YOU! People - especially parents - sometimes think that we don't feel slighted, perhaps not even meaning to. Have you ever told them how you feel?
They might be surprised...
It is good to write out your feelings, and to share it with your writing.com FAMILY!
Write on!
Countrymom
What a well written, beautiful story! Thank you so much for sharing! It was a really enjoyable read - I see no errors, no way it could be improved upon and urge you to write on! Welcome to WDC - and I hope to read more of your writing soon -
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year - with all the memories of HOME!
God bless!
Countrymom
That was defintely from the heart - the words strike a truth well spoken. I am more used to the traditional poetry where there are four lines to a verse, rhyming, but this is so intense that it hits the soul as I read it. You have the rhyming down pat, I'm just wondering if it would work by shortening the lines - for instance,
"We'll roll back the clouds and throw back the days, we'll dance
on the hills and in the meadows, we'll sing with voices raised
No war, no tears. All is calmed, living without fears. Oh for such a day
as that, with lifted hands, I sing 'May God be praised'"
Just a suggestion, but I think it's easier to read that way. Let me know what you think -
My humble opinon only, but one that would bring you to a 5-star rating ! I love the words you've written amd I'm marking it a favorite to come back to again! WRITE ON!
Thank you for the beautiful Christmas memories - you've awakened my own special memories of Christmases past, the earliest memory being getting only an orange in my stocking...gifts were out of the question in the 1940-era on a country farm. I enjoyed reading your story, it flows well and I see no errors or room for improvement! You have some wonderful memories and I think it is a blessing that we can remember - and enjoy once again, sitting in front of a lighted tree and just savoring the moment. Very well done, a pleasure to read! Write on!
Countrymom
A heart-wrenching story, all the more so in the truth in it. This is a well-written story of an unimaginable event and the strength of a family's love and support for each other. It's something that no one can imagine happening to their child, yet there is that element of loss and pain expressed that brings the reader into the tragic part of life. To survive an ordeal like this takes the heart of any one who reads this, and compels me to say - it is well worth the reading, and to hold close your family members - for only God can get you through it. I sit here wishing it was fiction.
Countrymom, with tears.
What a wonderful story! One that I can relate to - and cherish the memories of all the Thanksgivings past - times have changed and now I've been invited to my own daughter's home for Thanksgiving. The only downfall is that its a 50-mile drive
Your story is well writen, flows along smoothly and I see no errors or any way that it could be improved upon! I will be reviewing all entries before the contest closes on the 25th, but it certainly looks like a winner to me! It was a pleasure to read and thank you for the smiles! WRITE ON!
Countrymom
This has the makings of a good story but it needs a little work. The paragraph with the description of the other students - what they are wearing, etc., would be easier to follow if the descriptions didn't interrupt the story. It might be helpful to simply leave the descriptions out - The "cliff-hanger" last paragraph leaves one wondering who and what is giving her the message - has a bit of suspense that could be continued.
These are suggestions only, and not meant to discourage you - I urge you to go in and read it, perhaps do some editing and adding to it. I would love to read and rate this again once you have done a revision. I hope that your time on writing.com will prove to be a source of entertainment, learning and relaxation - for Heaven's sake, WRITE ON! AND WELCOME -
Best wishes to you, - Countrymom
Alzheimer disease is the most tragic. Your story touched my heart and brings back the memories of my own sister, who passed away in April this year, who taught school for 40+ years. The stages your mother went through are basically the same as we experienced. It is heartbreaking. It is devastating. You have written with love and compassion, well done. The ending question - and your title - says it all, We can only love the person who used to be, and remember, as you have done here, the good times.
Write on, it helps to write out the pain - and this may help others who are going through the same experience. God bless and keep you -
Countrymom
Another outstanding article. Thank you for sharing - and caring! Once again, I would welcome you to OUR VETERANS - to share this -
Look forward to more of your writing, and will mark you as a favorite author.
I hope you enjoy your stay at Writing.com - it's been a lifesaver for me -
Take care - and thank you once again!
Countrymom
Thank you for sharing this. Well written, a bit shocking but one that happens in the real world where veterans come home and try to deal with everything they have experienced.
I've interviewed enough veterans to know that the pain doesn't go away. They are "expected" to come back and lead productive lives - some have - and some are torn mentally beyond repair. It's something that needs to be written. You did an excellent job with it.
All the best to you -
Countrymom
You've done a bit of fixing, and I appreciate your time -
All in all, I read and smile, it's such a funny rhyme!
I am glad you entered the contest, it's really a hoot,
and in the winner's circle, I'm sure I'll see your boot
Good work! Write on!
Countrymom
A heartfelt story which brings the truth of loss and the senseless death from drunk driving -
Very well written, your pain speaks volumes. It is a story that should be read by everyone who may have to face the same experience.
Take care
Countrymom
The preface needs a few commas here and there, example - "It was dark, the shadows intimidating.", "I froze, my heart melted." You also need to use spell-check "irresistable" - Not meaning to discourage you, as a few changes would improve and bring the reader into the story. Now if you change this to a "book" instead of a "static item" - you could add chapters without going over your item limit for a free membership.
I don't remember how many items you can post on a free membership, but it's at least five.
The Book feature will enable you to write more of this story - One suggestion is to go and read some of the others who have posted items as "book" -
You have the makings of a good beginning here, and I will come back to your portfolio with hope that you have added more to this. Never give in and never give up! I wish you all the best and hope to see more of your writing!
Countrymom
Simply one of the most beautiful poems I have read ever - Thank you for sharing the heartfelt writing - so very true, deeply felt, and marked a favorite - The poem flows well, I see no errors, and I read again with deep respect - this is one parents everywhere can relate to - It's one I wish I had written! WELL DONE! Keep up the good work and write on!
Countrymom
A very good free verse (non-ryhming) poem, showing much emotion. Life certainly is not easy sometimes, you've expressed that well. My favorite line - "Coming together only as I'm falling apart" - I think everyone has been there and experienced these feelings. I hope that you find the faith you will need to see you through the hard times.
Don't fade away on us here at Writing.Com - it's a great site to visit, to write and to read others. The feedback is always good - I'm still learning!
Keep up the good work and write on!
All the best to you -
Countrymom
A dance with emotions - a good write, you could expand on it a bit but it says all it needs to in a short verse. I will check your portfolio and see what else you've written By the way, you won't be "friendless" long here at Writing.Com - there are some great people who will boost you up and keep you smiling!
Keep up the good work and write on!
Countrymom
This is a wonderful write - and reminds me of all the things I "used to do" before life happened and things of youth were forgotten - Original, flows well, and I encourage you to write on! I really enjoyed this poem!
All the best to you!
Countrymom
What an enjoyable, humorous read! Thank you for sharing - I am sure you will do well in Monty's Traditional Poetry Contest as the rhyming is perfect, and the story it weaves is an original take on "The Wizard Of Oz"" - a family favorite with a twist! I see originality, humor and a great write! Keep up the good work!
Countrymom
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