Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/countrymom/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9
Excellent write - your love and respect for your soldier husband - and all soldiers - shines through!
You should enter that in my Honoring Our Veterans Contest!
Take care, God bless!
Countrymom
If this is a true story - GOD BLESS YOU! It would be really funny if it wasn't so true about moving into a "dream home" and having things go so bad - reminds me of the movie "THE MONEY PIT" -
A very good write, and hope that things get better for these new parents, and their home! If this is all imaginary (who could imagine anything like this!) you are to be commended for originality!
Keep up the good work and write on!
Countrymom
I love the last two verses, but the first verse makes me reach for a dictionary -
I enjoyed reading it but the first verse kind of throws it off for me.
All in all, love is really "something like that" -
Keep up the good work and write on!
Countrymom
Now that's a scary dream - Very well written, I was first "hooked" by the title, which drew me in to read, and the content of the poem kept me there...
I'm marking this one a favorite. You're right, there is a deeper meaning there and usually dreams leave us wondering.
Keep up the good work and WRITE ON!
Countrymom
Truly a wonderful poem for your father - I was also at my father's crossing over, it is something you never forget -
I like the way you have remembered his stregth, and as being "umstoppable" - These are the memories we need to hold on to.
I am not surprised that you received an Awardicon on this - WELL DESERVED!
Keep up the good work and write on!
Countrymom
A beautiful tribute to your cousin. Emotional, and heartfelt!
A couple of suggestions - I'd make the first lines in the second and last verses a bit shorter, and in the last verse, instead of "shined", I'd use "shone".
Suggestion for the long line in the next to last verse:
"Standing there, it hurt me to know that I never really knew him..."
The last verse suggestions:
"Saying our final goodbyes at the cemetery,
a dove was released in his honor - I watched it fly,
taking his soul to Heaven where he now rests.
The sun shone down on all of us that he blessed.
Brian, goodbye, I will meet you someday when I learn how to fly."
There are suggestions only; everyone has their own style of writing. Keep up the good work and write on!
Countrymom
You could really make a great poem out of this if you seperate your sentences - four lines to a verse, and keep them rhyming - or not, cause that's called "free verse" (doesn't have to rhyme) -
I like the thoughts here, keep up the good work and write on! I've always found that by reading others, I can improve upon my own writing. It's also fun to try different genres. SO - HAVE FUN AT WRITING.COM - hope to hear from you again!
Best wishes -
Countrymom
A beautiful tribute - well written, heartfelt - thank you for sharing this with us. It brings me to tears, we have lost so many young men and women - each family must share the same grief you have so perfectly expressed here.
It helps to write out the pain. It helps to cry.
You have honored his memory, in a way that will touch many others.
God bless -
Countrymom
Very original and fun contest, opening the doors to short story and poetry writers alike! I have to work on one - in the meantime, here are some gps for FUTURE CONTESTS!
Keep up the good work here at Writing.com!
(Contests are a great way to meet the authors!)
Countrymom
Shannon, this is much better, but you still need to use punctuation and spellcheck. Again, paragraphs would help the reader. This is a great tribute to your fellow-firefighter and I understand the feelings in this story. I dispatched for 17 years, part-time, and have great admiration for those who put their lives on the line. I know just how dangerous a job this is - and the courage it takes -
Write on!
Countrymom
Needs some work: punctuation, try using "and" instead of "n", and using "spellcheck" would show up any mis-spelled words. Would read better if you use paragraphs - but the subject is great and I congratulate you on a honorable and essential profession! If you type "firefighter" in the search box you could read what others have written about firefighting. Remember, it took you a long hard road to become a firefighter, and it takes a lot of courage and learning to become a really good writer. Don't give up - WRITE ON!
Countrymom
Needs some work, but the subject matter is great - Being a firefighter is one of the toughest jobs there are, and their bravery stands true in this world where sometimes bad things happen to good people.
I would encourage you to write on, and enjoy your stay at writing.com. When I joined a few years back, I found that by reading other members writing I was helped to improve my own.
Best wishes to you!
Countrymom
I love the contst you've created! Well done, not a long waiting period to see if you've won or not
and easy rules with great prizes! Keep up the good work!
I have to mark this one a favorite!
Countrymom10
I love the sentiment in the poem! Needs work on rhyming, it may help to read other entries - but never give up you've got the idea, and with a little fixin' here and there, you've got a good start! Thanks for entering the Senior Center Forum's Traditional Poetry Contest and good luck!
Countrymom
An excellent write, yet the last verse has two lines that don't rhyme - maybe
"The past seven years, His voice I have heard;
finally understanding and hearing His Word!"
Just a suggestion - The rest flows well, and is very inspirational!
Good luck in the Traditional Poetry Contest at the Senior Center Forum!
Countrymom
Excellent poem, full of heartfelt emotion and meaning!
Thank you for entering it in the Senior Center Forum Contest, and I wish you much good luck! You are right, children can change the way we look at life, and while I used to look at things as "black and white" I found that there is a LOT of gray - The path our children follow is their own, as we chose our own path, so they must also. We can only love them for who they are, and keep the door open -
God bless -
Countrymom
A well-written free-verse poem, full of imagry and meaning. Your writing has given me a lot to look forward to when I see an entry from you...I am always sure of a good read! This will be a hard one to beat -
good luck in Spidey's contest! I'm marking you as a favorite author - there are no suggestions for improvement here - you've said it all -
Countrymom
An excellent write - and enjoyed very much! I also look back, at the good times and the bad, knowing that even this pain will pass and the sun will shine again.
That's life - is true - and I recall the words "into each life some rain must fall" as I remember that it is the rain that brings change and growth.
Good luck in the contest and write on! There are no suggestions for improvement here, you are right on track!
Countrymom
This is an awesome write, Harry - and a pleasure to read! You have once more created a work of art, one that speaks to the truth of man's existence...
Anyone who hasn't read your work before should take the time to look into your portfolio and learn from a master!
Wishing you much good luck in the Senior Center Forum's Traditional Poetry Contest!
Countrymom
I really like this one - how well you have captured the feelings - the emotion!
Keep up the good work with your writing, and best of luck to you at Writing.com - a great place to be!
Take care
Countrymom
Great poem! I could relate to that very well - the splashing in puddles, the joy of a gentle rain -
Nobody ever told me I had to grow old...just UP!
Good luck in this contest, and Write On!
Countrymom
Want to say "Been there, done that" - Great use of the prompt word, and you create a vivid picture of someone driving on a lonely road, listening to the radio, and remembering...
Original, a really good write! Congratulations on winning 2nd place in Spidey's Contest!
Keep up the good work!
Countrymom
That's it! I'm marking you a Favorite Author, and I'll be back. I saw that flag too, and yes, it makes me feel better knowing its still there -
Take care, God bless!
Countrymom
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/countrymom/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.59 seconds at 8:23pm on Apr 18, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
