I'm not sure if i'm supposed to review the actual lyrics or the explination of why the lyrics were written. As this was the requested link, I'll discuss it.
I'm touched by the explination of the reson behind the lyrics and I hope that the song touches many people.
I would suggest adding a blank line between paragraphs, as that will make it eaiser to read.
This is very well written. It flows smoothly from start to finish. However I'm bothered by the fact that every sentence ends with a comma. In the first 4 lines for example, you have:
Like petals pressed between the pages,
butterflies stuck on pins,
like old gum lurking 'neath the desktop,
cold secrets held within,
In reality however, those are 2 different thoughts and for me, it would be much better if the second and 4th sentences ended with a period.
The first two stanzas work real well. The last one is awkward however and the meter's off. I think the problem comes with the 3rd line in that stanza, it's a bit long and doesn't match the rythm of the rest of the poem. Instead of
Perfectly written. A very nice tribute to your faithful friend and companion.
The only problem I have with this is that the photo is too dark for me to clearly see the details of the dog. That may just be my monitor however.
The emotions in this are exactly correct. Slightly bitter sweet. Not too much, no drowning sorrow. Not too distant. Just enough to allow me to connect with you and yet not get swept away. For a piece such as this, being swept away would be too hard and painful. It wouldn't allow me to enjoy the dog.
Over all, a perfect example of writing. Excellent job.
This is wonderful. A marvelous fairy tale spun of pure gold.
I'm exceedingly tired of the same old dragon story retold and it is refreshing to find one that is so new and different. You've done a fantastic job on this.
Favorite line:
I found the dragon by a wide pool of water the color of sapphire and underneath a limestone sky.
Oh I love this! I would love to read some of Salty's sea stories...to read more about him and about Sarah. A nice little glimpse of something that begs to have vast reams written about it. I hope this is a sketch for a novel or at least several long stories.
This is not bad, but it's very hard for me to read text in the lighter colors. I had to highlight the lines in order to read the words.
It's a cute twist on Frosty. It does have some technical problems however. One line is much longer than the others and I found myself mentaly removing words in order to make it scan with the rest of the poems.
ROFLROFLROFL Oh this is GOOD!!! Excellent job on this and I love that O'Henry twist to the ending! You've outdone yourself on this one.
An absolutely perfect piece of artwork in words. The only negative coment I have is that the 'conflict of intrest' thought. some how I can't see tony actualy thinking that after reading the very end. Seems a bit out of character...all things considered.
I like this. It paints a nice soft image in my mind of the night and gets the point of the poem across well.
It would be eaiser for me to read if there were breaks between the lines, seperating the thoughts, which is why I didn't give it a 5 star rating. It's very nice however and I enjoyed it.
Wow. Excellent piece of writing. It paints a very clear image. I love the way you've woven the two different scenes together and the fact that while you didn't state clearly what happened, it's very evident to the reader what it must have been.
Overall a marvelous story. Write more like this. Lots more.
I'm confused. This started out well, though I'm bother that a man who has driven to a cabin in the mountain for years, and who knows that it snows, would be foolish enough to try the trip without checking the weather forcast and without taking tire chains with him. I could see someone that has no experience with mountains and cold weather making that mistake, but not someone who's been driving up there for years.
My confusion sets in after the car crash. I can't tell if i'm watching the man hallucinate, or if he's remembering various things from his past or just what. each small section reads fine, but I can't put the whole story together and have it make sense to me.
I can't stop crying. I can't see the screen well enough to give this the review it deserves. Very well written. Thought provoking and heart wrenching as well. I have no idea if there were mistakes in this or not, I couldn't see the words. I was so caught in the grip of this tale that all I could do was watch the action unfold.
wow! This is intense. Very well written and connecting with both characters was very easy. I'm not left with any questions about the action that has happened, but I would very much like to see a second chapter on this, perhaps one with an unexpected twist worked in. This would be a very good script for a twilight zone episode.
Excellent job on this. Very well written. The point comes across very clearly. Without being told too many details, we're able to see exactly what is happening now as well as what happened in the past.
Writing something as short as this piece is requires that every word count. You've done that perfectly. Write more like this.
Wow. How very touching and so incredibly well written. I am sitting here, my own eyes tearing up just from watching the picture you've painted with words. What a very potent tale and I'm very glad you decided to share it with us. I wonder who he was.
This is great. The story flows very well, the action is believable, even with a Tiger that comes out of no where without any explination why and the characters come across as real people.
I enjoyed reading this very much. The only thing I'd suggest adding is an image of some sort perhaps.
Absolutely beautiful. You've done a wonderful job on the imagery in this. It also does a very good job of describing the contest picture. I don't think I've ever thought of a mountain as being a throne of anything, much less ice and snow, but that works well for this.
Interesting twist on the theme. It's very well written and the main character is easy to see.
I think this would work better if it were longer. Several chapters perhaps instead of a short story. There's too much background I don't know and I'm left with more questions than answers after reading it.
One of the main questions I'd really like an answer to is where these creatures are physicaly located. A second question I'd like an answer to is why they do this to themselves. Some background concerning their motivations would be helpful as well as some history of their race.
What a moving piece you've written. Very well executed. This brought tears to my eyes and gave me back memories of my own grandfather. Thank you. This was very nice to read, flowed well and if there are any gramatical errors in it, I never noticed them. I was too caught up in the story. Excellent job.
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