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179 Public Reviews Given
226 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
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Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hats off to you, Lee Lawson. You've put an excellent entry forward. Original and entertaining. I can almost see a compilation of stories involving Mr Tesla's janitor and all of his misadventures at the hands of his employer. If you don't take first with this yarn, you will at least have given a gallant attempt. I'm glad I read it.....please, write on!

KC


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Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)

Carol St.Ann , you hit on some very nice talking points with this one. It is touching that you and your friend could connect so personally over such a remote and impersonal medium. Seemingly opposites DO attract. You describe two very different approaches to writing...I must confess that, as a writer, I would come down in your camp. As one who tends to scribble profound but nonsensical snippets, sketches and half-ideas, to cobble together a story from a myriad of sources and experiences, and to find that your plot, however carefully crafted is subject to the fancies of the characters you are trying to portray. I like to think of it as a sort of evolution, set in motion by an author and yet somewhat beyond their control, hopefully for the betterment of the tale. In some ways, I do not envy your friend, as it is quite the ride to not be absolutely at the helm when diving into your writing. On the other hand, it would be kind of nice to know where you are trying to go with something, achieve that something and walk away satisfied that you have accomplished your goal. Or am I being presumptuous? Perhaps, like every artist, she is never truly happy with the final product and finds that it is forever in need of a nip or a tuck. Such is the torture of creativity. It is an ever-changing objective being pursued by the fluid inconstancy of a human mind. Anyway, I hope you are happy with how this item turned out. It is a piece that makes you think after you thought you were finished. Appreciate the headache...Write on.


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Review of Jingle Jangle  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Hey, stuckintime. LOVED this! Very cool and very creepy. I can feel the fear, the tension of the main character as he sits and sweats out this perennial encounter. Goosebumps as that thing tries its best to get him to turn around and engage it. It prods, it pesters, it baits and terrorizes our young hero, ultimately to no avail. He has steeled himself for the horrific and inevitable encounter by fixating on a wall. That bare white wall serves as the perfect conduit for him to relive the nightmare that now finds he and his tormentor reunited. The creepiness is intensified by the revelation that it will happen again and again as it has for years. I must say, stuck, that Colin has been wise to do what he has always done and resist facing his ghoulish visitor. It seems to want pretty badly that he confront him, but also powerless to force him to do so. Inevitably, it must retreat to whatever hell from whence it came and then there is peace again. Three hundred and sixty four days of certain life in exchange for one of absolute terror every year seems a fair exchange given the (unknown) alternative. This is fantastic stuff and I thank you for sharing it. Definately going into my "static items favorites" folder. Write on.


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Review of The Garden  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey, Joe Nelson . Perusing your port as part of your PDG gift pack I stumbled across this little gem. Excellent work. Especially effective for me were the haunting visuals beamed to Nova-Eight from which Adam learns of Event-Zero's passing. The premise for this tale is very good, I tend to like depressing sci-fi fare. Not that you left it at that...In cooking, it is taught (bear with me, this WILL come full circle) that an exceptional meal is one that includes a balance of flavors in appropriate proportions--salty and sweet, pungent and sublime...Writing is no different, and you counter the depressive atmosphere in the beginning of this piece with the introduction of some promise for the future (not accidentally invoking the biblical origins of the main characters' names). Nice.

Suggestions? I think that the lengthy intro preceeding the story isn't necessary. There is no information in it that cannot be injected throughout the tale itself to slowly make your readers aware of the circumstances which led our heroes to where they are. I'll also take the opportunity to suggest to you something that has been suggested to me on many occasions and I wasn't sure until recently exactly what was meant. Your writing, like mine, is very linear. We tell stories. Folks have told me that I need to show a story. For instance, instead of writing that a character "felt awkward", try to describe him doing something that demonstrates he is feeling awkward. Another cure for linear: After you have written your first draft (and, like me, I see that you don't often revisit something after you've posted it) go back over it and move the paragraphs around like pieces of a rubik's cube, shifting their order to achieve a more interesting take on the same story you've just completed. You'll be surprised how many ways a story can come together.

Anyway, I thought this item was a very entertaining read. Very well done. I look forward to finishing looking over your port as you have an interesting imagination. If you have the chance (or the inclination) I would appreciate your looking over my own port (Kyle Curcio ). It would interest me to get your take on some of the stuff that's there. Write on, Joe/Leon!




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Review of My Woundrous City  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey, Liam .

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item. It is my pleasure to read and review your entry for this week.

The first thing that grabbed me about this piece was the exceptional rythym and flow. It keeps the reader plodding along and smiling all the while (It does me, anyway). The simple, fairy tale-like storytelling also serves this item well, not relying on fancy literary devices or nebulous emotional concepts to describe what amounts to a restating of the age old addage: "Those who would give up their freedoms for security deserve neither." Intentional or not, your poem is quite reflective of the times we live in today.

On your edits: they are good improvements for the most part and show you've done some reflection on the item. Specifically, your choosing to swap "...An occasional rogue..." for "...All the thieves and the rogues..." lends more of an urgency to the townsfolk having to build a wall to thwart them. Also, your reworking of the final sentiment I think lends more weight to the idea you are trying to present. Its poetic "with a bit of a tear" and the alliterative "...caravans haven't been here for a year" work much better from an enjoyment standpoint. The first part of the final stanza, though, feels a little awkward. Not sure why. Could it be that you switch tenses from one sentence to the next? Maybe a word or two too many? It is the one part where the flow of the piece stumbled a bit for me. Maybe you want to revisit it, maybe not...perhaps you can roll the end of the previous stanza right on into the beginning of the final one:

To protect our fair city by building a wall

that was thicker and higher than any had been,
the portals so sturdy thieves couldn't get in.


Just a thought, Liam. I love the premise and I love the poem. Excellent job.




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If you get the chance, look over this similar item..."Invalid Item




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Review of Red Destiny  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey, Farooq. You explore an interesting topic in this piece, summed up quite completely with the very first sentence. I'm impressed with how quickly you were able to set up this entire scenario. With three brief paragraphs you've staged all necessary backstory, allowing yourself to float freely in and out of Sayali's mind and back and forth between present, past and future. Nice. There is even a sort of classic "play" feel in the intruder's monologue when he first comes on the scene and reveals his intentions. In addition, you capably describe the roller coaster of emotions that course through our heroine as she lies bleeding upon the floor. One can't help but feel that a great wrong has been done here at the hands of an angry and impatient young perpetrator. Well done. I must say that I love that the very end is left up in the air as far as Sayali's survival of the ordeal. Whether this was intentional or not, it is my impression. I always love an open ending.

That said, I would be remiss not to mention a few things that distracted me as I read:

"...she found herself staring into the dark eyes of a stranger. He was in his early twenties and his head was covered in a hood." It seemed odd to me that the intruder be described so thoroughly after it is said his face is obscured by a hood..."There was rough stubble on his chin...A dark scar on his cheek gave him a menacing look."

Also as the story progresses, the wound inflicted, the intruder's reaction was puzzling. At first, I thought that he had come to scare her and was thrown by things escalating to the point they did (from a cruel prank to an actual murder), but then he stuck around, which brought me to assume that he had it in his mind to rape Sayali before killing her (which might have been an addition to his original plan). You can see my confusion. Was the statement "Sheesh! What a lady! Guess you had to do that. I wanted a little fun and you had to go spoil it all." meant to villify the young man further?

Finally, there were some minor grammatic and typographic errors (the Sheesh statement above for example, which I've taken the liberty to correct, sorry) : ) which can be remedied by simply running a spellcheck, no harm, no foul.

To wrap it up, Farooq, I think you have a pretty entertaining yarn here. It is clear you are a sympathetic writer and can involve yourself in your characters' emotions. This is a skill that will add enormous depth to your future endeavours. Thank you for sharing and write on.






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Review of TEARS OF WAR  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Dannoden: Thank you for sharing this grisly, sad and beautiful item. Though the subject is an ugly one, you lend it beauty with your heartfelt empathy for the men involved. Your descriptions indicate that you put yourself on the scene in your mind as you wrote it. I have often thought about how horrific it would be to fight in a battle in the days before soldiers could feel somewhat removed from what they were involved in. In days when you came physically against your opponent, saw his eyes, were extreme witness to the damage you might inflict upon him. One on one, there was no great equalizer, you were stronger than him or you were not. In the tumult of the melee, however, in the mass of those attacking one another, you could be struck at any time and from any side. Truly, involvement in battle was a toss of the dice!

Favorite lines: "Bones are crushed beneath chariot wheels/ And no man thinks on what the other feels"--for details cited here which indicate that you thought in great detail what would be happening as the battle raged.

"But one thing most men do not see/ Is the battle's hero sinking to one knee/ Aghast at all the death he sees/ And crying like a babe."--The stanza drives the point of the item home effectively as the bravest and strongest surviving warrior is revealed to be no less human than the people lying around him groaning and in pieces. It alludes to the fact that perhaps there is no true victor and that the "sages" mentioned in the sixth stanza do not solely exist away from the front. Thank you, dannoden, for a somber look at an unfortunate human condition. Write on.




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Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Shai: I really don't know where to begin. There is so much in this to comment on. The intriguing metaphors, the stark contrasts described between two aspects of being and feeling human, the unblinking narrative that says that the author is probably anything but shy, as his namesake would suggest...The creativity exhibited here is quite impressive. There is a certain amount of disjointedness throughout which I find adds to the effectiveness of the poem, since the author flings his observations far and wide, but never really loses his focus on what he is trying to describe. We're bounced, as readers, from the inside of his head to the coffee shop, to the "zombie" apocolypse and out into the universe only to be deposited in bed again with Mr. Shai and his significant. I'd have to rewrite the poem here to include all of the impressive literary tools that appear along the way: "We're all linked anyways/ Like keys on a piano/ That god sometimes plays..." "I just flex/ And reach out my muscular heart/ So you can feel/ Me missing you/ (Thank you, I do work it out...)" "...we can stitch together/ Our hopes and dreams/ And run our finger/ Along their seams" "I'll just bend over backward/ For them and you.../ Even though/ I know/ So many more positions/ For connecting to people" --Wonderful!

If I were pressed to mention anything that could use improvement, I might suggest that the title could put many potential readers off. It doesn't do justice to the incredible observations the author offers. Then again, it may just keep this item exclusive, a treat for those lovers of the english language who can and will see beyond impressions at a glance. Congratulations, Shai, on a beautiful and nebulous exposition of your perspective.





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Review of Heaven's Gates  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Aloha, Caerberu. I was just digesting your contemplative "Heaven's Gates. Some questions for the ages (a la, If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it...) in such a short format. It got me thinking which, I imagine, it was designed to do. Here's what I came up with: No in both cases. I would argue that it would be the ACT of murder that would be the deciding factor and not so much the memories of the perpetrator or his or her prior circumstance. Their victim or victims would still be dead. Not true, of course, if by "erasing...memories" you mean starting them over from scratch and without having perpetrated the crime in the first place. Anyway, I enjoyed your exploration of the thought. A brief and entertaining piece. Write on.



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Review of Underworld  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very entertaining item, Anne Light. You construct a curious world that, it would appear, anything could happen. I thought that the subtle revelation that our Mr. Quaintick was consorting with rats was very nice. It was only natural to assume at that point that he, too, was a rat until the end where he apparently and quite comfortably "enlarged" himself and rode the bus home. What, then, is Mr. Quaintick? Is his name a hint as it was for his two clients, Mr. Rhet and Sr. Kokroche? I found no hints there, so I can only hope to figure that one out by reading more episodes. Nice hook.

I did enjoy the presentation of this piece, reminiscent of Doyle's Sherlock Holmes style. Again something that created airs of a complex setting, one nearly impossible to pinpoint as far as historical timeframe since he also took a bus home. I imagine working in this kind of environment gives you near absolute freedom when constructing a chapter. I've always liked these cross-genre type stories. They allow for maximum creativity. I must confess that I also have always loved things that smartly personify animals and use the method to tell an intriguing tale (Watership Down, Animal Farm, Incognito Mosquito, Basil of Baker Street and The Secret of NIMH to name a few).

Thank you, Anne Light, for a wonderful mash-up of time and setting and character, and thank you for sharing. Write on.









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Review of Augie  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)


Ali, you have written quite a vivid tale here. A yarn that does a fine job keeping the reader's interest. Mine, anyway. And judging by the number of reviews you've gotten and the fact that it has maintained a five star rating throughout, quite a few others. I'll tell you why I think that is:

First, the subject is one that will be of interest to people for as long as people come with hearts. You have appealed to a broad audience.

Next, your mindful choice of words. It is indicative of a thoughtful writer- one not just going through the motions. You had an idea (or took one, in this case), led the reader through a simple progression including colorful descriptions of the action (i.e: "The little boy wove his fingers through the chain link fence..."; "...perfectly playful..."; "...a large...tree trunk encrusted with emerald moss."), not to mention the couple of times you waylayed the audience by switching instantly from cutsie puppy story to brutal reality (i.e: "What the woman didn't tell the boy was that the bodies of Augie's brothers and sisters had been found, too.") A very effective device...and chilling us with an eerie truth had we not been along for the whole ride: "Augie told me." Nice.

A suggestion, if I may. I'll have to pour over your port to get a better feel for your style, but as wonderfully simple as this piece is, such a linear approach doesn't always work as well. Try taking paragraphs you've written and switching them either partially or entirely around the page like a rubik's cube. Take a sentiment from the middle of the story and try it out as the beginning. It may surprise you what kind of an angle you can get or how your own perspective may change. One typo: Fourth paragraph, "...might fly right off his neck."

Great job, Ali. I enjoyed this very much. Thanks for sharing.





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Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Funny, WitchMas, how we always seem to long for the holidays only to have them finally come. How much we can forget in just eleven short months. You describe the imperfections of the season quite humorously. From taking pains to choose a perfect tree only to degrade it with shabby ornamentation and items that would best be kept shut away in dusty corners of attics and basements, to what is increasingly becoming the crux of this "leisure" time: Getting sozzled in order to enjoy it. Even if you don't tend to drink to excess, there is something endlessly entertaining about a balding cherub with bulb shoved in it's posterior.

Thank you, WM, for making light of a season that starts to force itself upon us earlier and earlier with each subsequent year. That said, may we also look forward to this time next year, for if nothing else, it is an oppurtunity to break from all of the minutae and at least have an instance to test our perceptions of a family ideal. The joy is in the attempt (and more so in the distant recollection of that attempt).

I applaud you for an enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing.




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Review of The Letter  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Montovani, if this item is not truly written from the depths of a grief-stricken soul, then it passes not just for a work of art, but an incredible example of the author's empathy. You demonstrate that something so ordinary as a letter is transformed, dependent upon its reader, from a piece of folded paper to a shrine. The loving imagery that you wring from this message is impressive. Every fold, every indentation from the author's pen is a statement, an illustration from a sorely missed long-ago. Then, true to life it would seem, and in spite of being harbored in a stalwart iron box, this artifact is wrested from you, its new owner oblivious to the value of what he has taken. "I wish I could meet this thief and let him know how wealthy he has become". Many authors labor to put such a powerful statement to paper.

Two things that I should like to mention further: One, I rather like the absence of punctuation. It allows the reader to float with you on your reverie, unfettered. In this instance I do not find it a distraction.

Secondly, and for no reason that I can site, I am bothered by the line "I felt as if I had lost you all over again". Perhaps it feels cliche', as true as it may be, but in a work as lovely as this one, I would hope that there would be another way to express the thought.

Funny thing, Montovani. I only just noticed that it rhymed. To me this is one more reason to tell you what a wonderful job you have done with this. I was so distracted by the emotion that I could care less that it rhymed. Hats off to you for a thoroughly entertaining read.
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Review of Mind Control  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey, Hyperiongate. Excellent take on the prompt. Of course there is no better enhancement for mind control than threat of death. And if that should fail, one (particularly an evil scientist) should never forget that it is much easier to invoke telekinesis, particularly on all things inanimate. I applaud you on your piece, Hyperion, and at the same time I curse you for entering. I thought I might have had this one wrapped up...good job and write on.
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Review of Frozen Chicken  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey, Richard Dates. Kudos on a very entertaining piece. Very short. In less than twenty words you have conveyed a great deal. I see philosophy, irony, inquisitiveness and of course, dark humor. Imagine something as humdrum and ordinary as a frozen chicken holding such a depth of content. If only he or she could appreciate their contribution to this piece. I particularly like your suggestion that the poultry in question is lucky to be minus it's head, a source of so many (arguably, all of) the things that may trouble it/us. Thank you for giving me a whole new take on my next meal. Chicken can be beneficial in so many ways...


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Review of Depressed Hamster  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Demon King: Author. Rising Star. Preservationist.

Very entertaining and original. Who knows where Laura Parsons might be today, but I think you have done her (and us) a great service by archiving this work here. I can actually see a mockumentary of a guy's (your) search for a girl he knew in school in order to remind her of her long forgotten poem and to tell her the impact her work had on his life.

In all seriousness, though, the piece has a lot of merit. Just the contrast of the severity of depression with the ridiculousness of a hamster on a plastic wheel regretting that "...There are no hamster pills, or little hamster guns." There is a nice poetic device used in the final stanza with the idea of this hamster trotting inside his wheel and talking about never ending cycles. Finally, the entire work is a cry for readers to understand the plight of the domestic hamster and the isolation they might feel.

You've done well here, Demon. Thank you for sharing.




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Review of Impaler  
Review by Kyle Curcio
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Love it, love it, love it. Highly entertaining. Again you demonstrate your penchant for dialogue. You are able to take a disturbing and gore-ridden subject matter and lend a legitimacy to it with your treatment of the subject... even throwing in an air of classic literature for good measure. The item is well written and keeps your reader interested in spite of the natural repulsion they might feel at what is happening. It is clear you think very visually when you write, as much of it is told as if you are describing a scene from a movie. Keep up the good work. This was a treat.
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Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Well done, B&S Mom. My hat's off to you for a very creepy and intriguing short story. It takes me back to the days of "Tales From the Crypt" or even "The Twilight Zone". I confess that I kind of saw the end coming and I think you might be able to spring the twist on readers a little better by ditching "...but a thought occurred to me." and Katie's prodding Sam before she exacts her revenge. I think these two things elude too quickly to what Katie is planning and dilute the wonderful twist to some degree. I find the hardest part of penning anything like this is to provide enough distraction for the reader while leaving them open to be blindsided by the ending. The beauty of a genre such as horror is that you are not entirely obliged to try and explain everything. People are somewhat forgiving about this, I think. I'm not disparaging your imaginative short. I found it quite enjoyable and I thank you for sharing. Write on.
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Review of No Way, José  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Here it is, Shannon. Your review. I don't recall seeing this one when I scanned your port, but I saw the "first place" claim and got real curious, seeing how I had considered entering this very contest. I'm glad I didn't. You've spun a very entertaining tale here (kind of like a Seth Green short), humorous throughout and well deserving of the prize. The only weaknesses that I find (if one can call them that) is that it never is really explained why Pilar invited our poor "hero" in the first place. It is suggested that she might be one of those girls who gets off on being dueled over, but it is left in the air. If that is the case, then she certainly could have picked a better contender. Also, unless it was her intention to incense Jose' by having this poor sap show up in a "mexican" costume, I'm not sure why she would have mentioned the traditional garb at all. Apart from those points, I can offer no suggestions for improving the story. I really enjoyed it and I'll keep an eye out for new stuff you put out there. Thank you for sharing.
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Review of The End of Summer  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful, powerful and sad. The piece read as smooth as silk before it turned your heart inside out at the end. I hope that Lois was fictional, but if she wasn't, it sounds like she had an enviable life. Excellent imagery and natural writing talent ushered this reader flawlessly through an excellent tale. Thank you for sharing.
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Review of The Birthday  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good stuff, J Gordon Bennett. Entertaining and realistic. Our hero still has the dilemma of outshining his ex, but the revenge part is certainly taken care of. Some minor punctucation issues (commas: "...Hey Kitten," "Hey Daddy,"...) might serve to distract a reader from a longer or less interesting tale, but I think you've done a terrific job with the prompt. Congrats on a well deserved win.
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Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey, BScholl. This is great! The ending sure took me by surprise, and I thought that I was good at sniffing out a twist. It is interesting to note how just about every character transitioned from good to bad or from bad to good in just three hundred words (i.e. the corpse from unfortunate victim to repentant victimizer, the captain of a rescue ship to a soulless brigand). Excellent work. I hope that I am not being too forward in congratulating you in advance on your win. Thank you for sharing.
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Review of The Coming Storm  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey, Peppermint. I really like the imagery that I get out of this one. The plainish prose really helps it feel more like a story than a poem. I find that folks go overboard sometimes with what they think a poem should sound like and they can lose you by trying to make it so flowery. This item is refreshing. My only suggestion would be to include the image that you were describing (provided it wasn't excluded for a particular reason). I think your work does a good job drawing from it and may help a reader to be absorbed into your words.
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Review of Wings and Roots  
Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very heartfelt piece, I can tell. The rythm and flow is beautiful, as is the content. Any child would be very lucky to be the on the receiving end of this wish.
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Review by Kyle Curcio
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Cool story, Danzig. A little creepy how flip the lead is in moving on, but he gets his in the end. Unexpected and entertaining. I think you may have this one wrapped up. Congrats in advance. Write on.

KC
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